This coming Tuesday will mark the 8th anniversary of my Father’s death. I was just 35 years old when he died and he was only 65. I remember thinking that he was way too young to be leaving this life.
His death ushered in a new era in my life. Up until that point, I thought I was invincible. I went through life winning at everything I tried and I truly believed that I was in total control of what was happening to me.
His death shocked me. It wasn’t just that he was gone, I also understood that I was next in line. For the first time I saw my own mortality. I knew that I was going to die. I looked at my children and tried to imagine them without a father. I looked at my life and asked myself if I was really doing the things I wanted to do and if the things I was doing would actually make a difference. My answer, was a resounding "no" on both accounts.
Decision Point
This reality check set in motion a significant period of growth in my life. I decided to change my life and my career. At the time, I was the president of successful commercial finance company. I never really intended to end up in that role, but the natural circumstances, and those that I created resulted in it becoming my chosen profession. I wasn’t happy with what I was doing. I knew that my life purpose was not aligned with that work. It was something I knew for a long time, but I was afraid to do anything about it.
The lifestyle that my success in that role provided, made it difficult to walk away. I enjoyed my life, but I often felt like helping people incur debt was a waste of my time and talents. I wanted to help people become liberated, not encumbered. I wanted to discover the "authentic me" and I wanted to help others find their "authentic self".
I decided to rid myself of the obligations associated with my business. I really did let it all go. At first, I worried that everyone would think I failed and had to go out of business. Eventually, I came to realize that it really didn’t matter what anyone else thought. I was shedding a weight that was keeping me from reaching my potential and it felt good. I felt really happy.
When my friends found out what I was doing, they thought I was crazy. They couldn’t understand how I could let go of such a profitable venture. They wondered if my family and I would survive the loss. I have never looked back, and I can honestly say that I am being who I want to be and doing what I want to do. Many of my friends now say that they wish they had the courage that I had so that they could reinvent themselves too.
Life is Long – Life is Short
Sometimes we tell ourselves that we need to do what we are doing, even though we hate it. For some reason we think our survival depends on it. Of course this is not true. We are fortunate enough to be able to invent whatever existence we want to invent. We can be whoever we want to be and do whatever we want to do. There will always be consequences, some good, and some not so good, but each of us truly is free to do whatever we want to do.
Life can feel very long and boring when we are living someone else’s dream. If we live according to our passion, it passes by as if it were a dream. I realize that living the dream often requires us to sacrifice something. It may mean that we make less money but when we are happy, we can never miss what we do not have.
This Is Your Life!
My friend Richard Leider believes that we would all be wise to regularly check in on the purpose and meaning making side of our life, to ensure that it remains healthy. As we age, we easily accept the importance of submitting ourselves to physical and financial check-ups, but for some reason, it is easy for us to neglect the follow-up we need to make sure we are living a meaningful life.
Richard suggests we pause each year on our birthday and reflect on the following statements to see if we are living on purpose
- I work at what I love to do.
- My daily choices are driven by a strong sense of purpose.
- There is a clear alignment between what I say my priorities are, and how I spend my time.
- I invest in making a difference in the lives of others.
- I know what I would like to be remembered for.
I also invite you to ask yourself the following questions. Am I getting what I want out of life? Am I looking for ways to make my aspirations and dreams a reality? Do I know who I want to be when I grow whole?
If there is any doubt in your responses or any inconsistencies that you feel when you review these statements then it is most likely time for you to consider what commitments you are willing to make to get your self back on track. One of the most beautiful things about this life is that we can start over at any moment. It is all invented by us. We are not bound by our previous action.
My dad often quoted a bit of anonymous wisdom, I know he was not the first to utter this wonderful piece of prose, but to me, it belongs to him:
Yesterday is a canceled check. Tomorrow is a credit. Today is the only ready cash you have. Spend it wisely.
Don’t allow yourself to willingly give your time away to pursuits that bring little joy or meaning. Instead, focus your energy on the things that matter most.
Live Today! Love Today!
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