The concept of trust is on my mind right now. I suppose it is because I find myself establishing a lot of new relationships, while at the same time helping several clients restore it in their existing relationships. Without a doubt, it is a very important piece of any healthy relationship.
Building Trust
Please allow me to state the obvious. Trust requires complete openness. Despite the simplicity of this statement, many of us withhold believing that it is not good to expose our true feelings until trust is built. For some reason, we think that we must hold back in the beginning so that we can build trust.
In reality, the opposite actually occurs. When we hold back, the person we are dealing with perceives that we are holding back, and begins to feel suspicious. It happens this way because once we see that someone is holding something back, we wonder what else they might be trying to hide. When we feel this way, our ability to trust is eroded.
It is true, that openness leaves us vulnerable, but when we are vulnerable, we are able to determine very quickly who we can and cannot trust. I have noticed, that it generally does not hurt very bad when somebody we hardly know violates are trust, but the closer someone gets, the more it hurts when trust is broken. Trusting from the beginning allows us to identify those that would hurt us before they get too close.
Step Forward With Confidence
I know that some of us are afraid of being open with others because we think that if they see us as we really are, they may not want to be around us. This way of thinking limits our ability to truly be known, and keeps us in a state of false pretense. By that I mean that it keeps us pretending to be something that we really are not. Sooner or later, our flaws will be exposed and others will feel as if their trust was violated by our attempt to cover it up.
Character always reveals itself over time. If we want to be trustworthy, then we must trust from the very beginning. I am not suggesting that we attempt to expose all of our flaws in every new relationship. Instead, I am inviting you to consider the levels of trust you are extending in your various relationships, and then determine if you are extending the proper amount. Here are some questions that will help in your evaluation.
Are you honoring each relationship with the amount of trust it deserves?
Are you willing to be open and to share the real you?
Do you think trust is given? Or must it be earned?
I am happy to be a trusting person. I have experienced the violation of trust many times. It hurt each time it happened, but I am thankful that I decided to continue trusting others. I know it is a complex issue, and sometimes it takes me a moment to remember that my preference is to trust, but when I trust others, I enjoy life.
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