I stare at a blank screen this morning. Not because I can't think of anything to write about, but because I can't think about how to write about what I want to write about. It is not a very difficult subject, I am just having a hard time figuring out how to get into it. It seems easier this morning to talk through it than it does to write about it.
When I was a kid, we sang a song at church. In it, we declared, "I'm so glad when daddy comes home, glad as I can be." I have never forgotten these words or how exciting it was when my Dad came home. I did however, have a difficult time realizing that I am now Dad and my kids are so glad when I come home. I would often arrive home on the phone or lost in some thought or another. This made my homecoming not so exciting. My kids would run up to me and try to tell me something and I would casually greet them and then run off to my special hiding spot to escape for a moment. Or, I would come in with my arms full and they would want a hug and I would say something like, "let me put this away and I will be right back." I would take a while to get back and they would forget that I owed them a hug and we would all miss the moment.
With Stacy, my greetings were only a little different. Just before we got married our Bishop told us to make sure that every time we said goodbye or hello we should kiss each other and tell each other "I love you." We took that message to heart and we literally have done that every time we have left each other or came back together for the past 20+ years. The times we have missed doing this can be counted on one hand.
We are consistent in greeting each other in this way, but the intensity of this greeting is sometimes non-existent. By that I mean that it has become routine. We do it by memory now. I can only speak for myself, for me this greeting is now like breathing. I don't even have to think about doing it. There have been times when Stacy and I have been cross with each other and we have still kissed each other and said "I love you." While I know that we love each other it sometimes seems comical to give a small peck and say this, just because it is our habit. There have also been times when everything has been peachy keen and we just go through the motions without even taking a moment to fully understand why we love each other or to truly express that love in the moment. I guess what I am saying is that it is easy to take these moments for granted without making them special.
I am aware that I owe Stacy and my children so much more. I think it is important to greet each other in a loving and caring way. The way we greet each other sets the tone for how our time together will be. If I truly value and love my sweet wife and my family, then I will make an effort to greet them that way. It shouldn't be that hard. I remember when my son John was just three years old. He would hear the garage door open and run to the door and wait with the biggest smile on his face just to say hello to me. I loved coming home to that and he became known as my "Sunshine Boy" because he brought so much light to my heart. I started thinking about this greeting in order to make my greetings more meaningful. His authentic greeting became my standard.
The first thing that I did is that I made sure that I was not on the telephone when I came in the door. This made a big difference at first, because I actually had to think about hanging up. Until I made this decision I did not realize how often I actually arrived home on the phone. I would say to my client or friend – "I am home now and I have a rule that I must not be on the phone when I arrive, I have to go now." That little change worked wonders. If forced me to focus on my greeting. It gave me the opportunity to be excited about being home and to recognize each of my children. Dealing with the stuff in my hands like luggage or my heavy brief case was a little more difficult, but I learned to leave it all at the door so I could give hugs and kisses all around. Now I get the hugs and attention from my kids and my stuff is what is sometimes forgotten to be put away later.
Greeting my Queen has been a little bit more difficult to change. Figuring out how to raise the bar from a hug and a kiss and saying I love you is a difficult task. The word "you" is a very generic word. It applies to everyone. The first thing I did was to add one small thing to the phrase "I love you." I started saying – "I love you Stacy." I realized that I hardly ever say her name. I call her honey, sweetheart, dear, mom and many other names but I hardly ever call her Stacy. To me, calling her by her name helps me recognize her unique and individual qualities. When I call her by name, it creates a different level of intensity to our greeting. I think she thought it was weird at first, but I knew she loved it when she started saying, "I love you Andrew." Hearing her say my name made me feel special to her. It also turns me on.
I think I owe her the experience of a thoughtful greeting every time I say hello and/or goodbye. My life without her would be nothing. She supports me in a way that makes it possible for me to grow and be my very best. She inspires me. She lifts me to new heights. These feelings cannot be expressed with a routine greeting. It only takes a moment to make it non-routine. It requires thought and action. I cannot adequately describe how wonderful it feels for me to see the face of the woman I adore light up and return a thoughtful greeting. This is a a way for me to make every moment matter. It breaks the routine of being together. We know we love each other, and this is a way to show it all the time.
How do you greet your loved ones? Are you normally in a fog or are your there for them? Think about it today and see what you can do to take your greeting, a very simple and routine moment, to the next level. It will supercharge the energy in the moments that follow. I say moments because we are together for too little time when we compare it with the rest of our day. Make those moments matter.
Life is good!
Andrew Thorn
760-559-3548
athorn@telioscorp.com
