Building Endurance

I am fairly confident right now, that on any given day, I could decide to run a marathon without any additional preparation or advanced warning. 

I can do this, because of the consistency that I mentioned above. But I wasn't always in this good of shape. In fact, when I began running, a little more than ten years ago, I could barely run to the end of my street, which is only about 150 yards. 

To get to where I am at now, I had to train. I didn't even begin by running. When I first started, all I did was walk. I charted a course that was about a mile and made it a point to walk it three or four times a week. I remember it being difficult for me to do. I walked up a hill by my home and then back down it and I was tired before I got to the top of the hill. There were many times that I cut through a vacant lot without ever making it to the top. It was hard for me to do, but I stuck with it.

At first, it was hard for me to even imagine running. It seemed like too much work and I didn't know I would enjoy it. I remember the first day I ran my route, instead of walking it. I felt so alive. I was surprised I could do it and my confidence was boosted. I decided to create a new route and things just kept building from there.

Pretty soon, I was regularly running routes that were 10, 15 and even 20 miles long. I began to feel energized instead of tired during the day. Even at the end of most runs, I felt like I could go farther.

Surprising Benefits

The physical benefits were amazing, but they did not compare to the emotional and mental benefits, nor are they enough to keep me running. 

I now run without thinking about running. I run without feeling pain and without feeling challenged. I just run. It is so much more than physical, in fact, I hardly ever realize that it is a physical activity.

My run time is a time of meditation. It is the alone time that I use to think and make sense of everything that is going on around me. I see things more clearly when I am running than at any other time. I truly see it as a time of personal inspiration and revelation.

Our Biggest Challenge

You may be thinking. "that sounds good for you Andrew, but I am not a runner and I have no interest in becoming one." That is ok, because I am not really talking about running, I am talking about building endurance. 

I love this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do – not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased.

His words help me articulate that the benefit of endurance is that we become more capable of doing the things that we need to do in order to stay fit and active. Our biggest challenge may very well be that of enduring to the end. The end of what? The end of our mortal lives.

There may come in time in my life when I am unable to do any of the things that I currently do for enjoyment. This thought does not frighten me because I understand what it means to endure. It means that we find a way to make it, even when we are tired, and even when what we normally do doesn't work any more. The key is to constantly persist at making forward progress.

What are you doing to learn the lessons of endurance in your life?

What challenges are forcing you to discover new pathways to success?

How can you increase your ability to stick with a difficult task that is good for you?

I am certain that when we spend our time doing the things that foster opportunities for us to become our best, we build reserves of strength that make it possible for us to not just endure, but also to enjoy life with a smile on our face. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I know exactly how he feels, because he is expecting me to help him. I am feeling the same types of thoughts and emotions and the pressure of living up to his expectations. Fortunately, I understand that when it is time to grow, it is normal to feel nervous about what we must do and who we must become to make it happen.

Making It Happen

I believe that one of the most challenging things is to walk into a room with the responsibility of leading. It is truly a sobering and humbling feeling. The pressure, when perhaps half of the team is secretly hoping for your failure, and the other half is hoping for something better than they have ever had before, is intense.

For me, it is difficult to maintain a belief  that I can actually train a "President" or another "Senior Leader", to become better than they already are or than they have ever been before. I can’t tell you how many times, the thought, "what makes you think you can do this?" has gone through my mind. 

Fortunately, I am a firm believer that we invent are reality and that we have the power to perceive things any way we want. It take a good imagination and a view of what “may be” to move toward something bigger than who we really are. I could spend my time believing that I will never be qualified to train President’s of organizations and that would most likely, become my reality. Instead, I believe I can and that gives me the courage to show up and act accordingly. 

Stepping In To Certainty

The big question is, "How do we do that on a consistent basis?" And the answer is to press forward. The only thing that can really stop our forward progress is fear. It is natural to feel that fear, but we must overcome it. The only thing we can do to overcome it is to step forward. The first few steps may feel like steps into insanity, but little by little, we will begin to feel certain. 

A funny thing is that the fear will always be there, no matter how many steps we take. Before each major step, we will doubt, for just a brief moment, whether or not we can take the next one. That is the interesting thing about our successes. They don’t take this fear away from us, we just get better at pushing though it. This is what gives us certainty. It is not that our fear disappears, we just know what waits for us on the other side of it.

Moving Your Dream Forward

I am imagining that you are a lot like me and my new client, and that you are also staring in the face of a new opportunity. It is probably very different than the one I am describing in this post, but I am pretty sure one exists. The very thought of it makes you nervous. You want to move forward, but you are not yet sure how you will.

What are the obstacles that you see? What do you need to make them irrelevant? 

Who do you need to become to embrace this new opportunity? What experiences from your past can you draw upon to give you the courage to move forward?

One of the most exciting times in life is when we find ourselves standing on the edge of opportunity. It’s kind of like standing on a rock and getting ready to jump in a lake. When we stand on the edge and jump, we feel the energy and the joy of the experience. But if we stand on the edge and wait, the knots and tension in our stomach often become more than we can bear. Have no fear, the water’s fine!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Much of the work that we are doing together is focused on helping him communicate more effectively. It is easy to see the difference. Not only is he feeling good about his improvement, but his team is also reporting growth in this area. The president of the organization is also noticing this modification and is beginning to talk with John about some new responsibilities. It is exciting and fun to share these triumphs with him.

I Did That On Purpose

During our conversation, John told me about a recent experience he had with his team. His organization, like so many others, is facing some significant challenges which are strongly related to the current economic conditions. His team is much smaller now than it was before and they are expected to do a lot more work, even though they have fewer people.

Some of the team members are feeling the stress and often comment about the difficult work load. John has done his best to be understanding with the team, but he is getting tired of them using this challenge as a reason to complain about everything that is going wrong. 

His team was given a rather urgent assignment that needed to be completed without affecting the time tables for the other work that they are doing. The team thought it was impossible and began complaining immediately. He listened for a moment, but then decided it was time to get very vocal about this situation. He said he felt like he was on sinking ship and nobody on board was willing to do anything to help save their own lives.

As he listened to the complaints, he felt a desire to start yelling orders. He had not raised his voice with his team for nearly six months. He did not want to go back to being who he was, but he realized that this moment called for something more drastic. He decided to raise his voice. He called the situation what it was – a necessary process the organization needed to accomplish in order to stay in business. He said that he knew that they did not have enough people to do everything, but that did not change the fact that they needed to get this done. He said he was tired of the team reciting "too few people" every time they were asked to do something. He said that they should all be thankful to have a job and that they should be willing to do what it takes to keep it. He told them it was time to start asking "how can we do this?" instead of just saying, "this can’t be done." He said all of this in a yell, but he said it was a different kind of yell than the one he used before. This time he was in control of it. He could tell that he did what he did on purpose and with purpose. 

New and Improved Results

John told me that as soon as he said what he wanted to say, he left the team to itself. He returned to his office worrying that he had just destroyed a years worth of work in less than a minute’s time. Even though he felt like he did the right thing, he was worried that the team would say, "there goes John again – let’s just ignore him."

Nobody did that, in fact the opposite occurred. Many of the team members came by his office to thank him for what he did. They said he helped them put things in the right perspective and that they were ready to go to work. I am not suggesting that everybody suddenly felt good about the situation or about John’s outburst, but they respected what he said and recognized the truth in it. They could see that they needed to change the way they were looking at things so that the team could continue to be effective during these challenging time. The elevated tone punctuated the circumstances and made the message more powerful. It would have been difficult to accomplish this outcome if he whispered that change was needed.

What Do You Think?

I spent some time finding out how John felt about what he did. He said that he thought that this particular behavior fit very well with those circumstances. He liked that he did it on purpose and that he didn’t just fly off into a rage.

Do you think there are times when it is appropriate to direct our raised voices at those we lead? Is it possible to do it without offending others?

How do you communicate urgency to the people around you? What do leaders you respect do when they urgently need all hands to be on deck and at full attention?  

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I was away from the main events and my children were unaware I was listening. They were engaged in their natural dialogue. Sooner or later, each conversation included the phrase, "stop doing that!" Some said it with a whinny voice, others said it rather "matter-of-factly" and sometimes it was even said with some humor. 

I had a parental moment. I asked myself, "why do all of their conversations include that statement?" As I pondered this question, I reflected upon the many conversations that I have with my children that also include this phrase. I was surprised to discover that I say it a lot, and concluded that they learned it from me. 

It Is Easy To Correct

I allowed myself to think a little deeper, which made me realize that not only is this phrase spoken frequently in the home, but it is also uttered quite often in the office. In fact, one of the most common questions I am asked by my clients is, "how can I tell "so and so" to stop doing that?"

We are actually very competent in telling people to stop doing the things that we don’t want them to do. Most of us, like myself and my children, have heard it and done it since we were very young. But being good at saying it, does not guarantee that we will get the results we want. In fact, there appears to be a converse relationship between the frequency of saying "stop doing that" and the behavior of the person to whom the statement is directed. By this I mean that the more often we tell someone to stop doing something, the more likely they are to continue doing it. Our focus on it increases their focus on it, which in turn, increases the likelihood that it will either continue or stop, only temporarily, until we are out of sight. 

I think we all intuitively understand this concept, but for some reason, we fear that if we stop telling people what they should stop doing, they will continue to do the things that are holding them back, and/or making our lives miserable. 

Unconventional Wisdom

It may seem natural, when managing people, to tell them to stop doing the things that are damaging to self, others or the system in which they work, but saying that, hardly ever produces the long term growth and development that we want for our people. The leaders that make the biggest impact in our lives, inspire us to start doing things much more often than they ask us to stop doing things. 

The list of things we should start doing, also includes the things we need to do more often. I enjoy reviewing this list because of its positive focus. When I look at it, I see how I need to behave in order to become the very best me. My thoughts generate action statements that accelerate my growth and development. Everything I do becomes focused on what I need to be doing in order to take myself to the next level. I truly believe that that path of continuous improvement is marked by the milestones of the things we need to start doing more. Any other focus actually will only impede our forward progress and may even cause us to move in reverse.

This is a simple concept to understand, but it is not easy to implement. Most of us find it more difficult to identify the things we should start doing. It actually feels a bit unnatural, because we are so use to identifying what we should stop doing.

This approach also requires us to be creative and to really think about what we want to do. The answers don’t come as easy at first and if we are not careful, we can quickly revert back to thinking about the things we should stop doing. 

Moving Forward

One of the first things I do to get started is to create a list of all of things that I am doing that are producing positive results. I then ask myself the question, "How can I get better at doing those things?" Creating this list, helps me identify the competencies I need to develop and prepares me to think about where the real gains will be made. After a while, I naturally transition my thoughts from competencies to behaviors.  My real growth occurs when I am able to break down the facade of self-deception and see who I need to become. That list is always populated by the behaviors that I need to develop, and that is what will lead me to be my best. Any growth that I have ever experienced on purpose was a direct result of my ability to see things as they really are – that can only be done behind the walls of self-deception. 

How do you figure out what you need to start doing? Do you understand the key ingredients of your success? 

How easy would it be for you to stop telling people what they should stop doing and to begin telling them what they should start doing? What is the biggest challenge that you see in this approach?

I invite you to take a few moments and think about these questions. I want you to pay attention today to your dialogue with others. Notice how often you approach matters from a "stop doing that" focus. Then, see if you can test the "start doing that" approach in some of your conversations. You can be a catalyst for positive growth – I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Today, I will cut it all off and go back to wearing it short again. A part of me is actually looking forward to getting it done. It takes a lot of work to keep it looking right, and it easily moves into random patterns of disarray. I feel like I have had a year of bad hair days. Every where I went, I felt compelled to explain why my hair is so long.

The Face In The Mirror

As I styled it this morning, I realized that I will most likely never grow it this long again. It was one of those moments we all have when we realize we are experiencing something for the last time. Those moments, of course become more frequent as we age. Some pass with little remorse and others are much more difficult to let go of.

My curly hair is part of my identity. Especially when I think of the "young Andrew". This opportunity to grow it long reconnected me with my youth. The way it moves and feels when I shake my head, is something that I never expected to feel again. I will miss that. 

My children all have curly hair. When my hair is short, everyone asks them where they got their beautiful curly hair. I enjoyed hearing people say to them, "your hair is just like your dads!" It connected us. I will miss that too. 

A part of me loves the random pattern of curls and the freedom I feel in not caring how it looks. I admit to shedding more than a few tears at the prospect of cutting it off, and wouldn’t you know it, today I am having a good hair day.

The Road Ahead

It is easy to focus on the "lasts" we are experiencing and descend into a melancholy mood. I am learning, that the endings we face are really marking new beginnings. I think it is normal to allow myself a moment to say goodbye to the "previous me". It gives me a chance to truly celebrate who I am in this moment. The trouble comes when we try to hold on to that moment. To truly move ahead, we must be willing to let go of who we are, so that we may become who we will be.

If I look backward, I feel a sense of loss. When I look forward, I feel a sense of wonder and excitement. The other day, my friend Eddie asked me an interesting question. He wanted to know what I would do if I were given the opportunity to return to my 21 year old self. Would I take that opportunity? I didn’t hesitate. I said that I had no interest in going backward. Then I said something that he said he had never heard before. I told him that I am not interested in going back in time, but the prospect of moving forward was tempting. I am inspired by who I may become in the future and I am tempted to see what that person will look like. I know the future me, will be a better me. I would enjoy gaining a glimpse of what that "me" will look like.

Living In The Now

Thankfully, I am content to live in the now. I am really not interested in going backward or forward. I just want to be the best me right now. Of course, that means that I will constantly straddle the breach between the previous me and the future me. I will continue to feel the loss and the pain of letting go of some things that defined the previous me. I understand that those meaningful moments actually provide me with the opportunities I need to embrace the future me. My joy is in discovering how the future me will be defined.

The core of my authentic self will always be here. If I let it, the future will merely provide opportunities for me to open up and shine more brightly. Today, I celebrate a new beginning. I am stepping forward with confidence. I hope to see you on the road!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I am often included in this process in both active and passive roles. Sometimes we are involved in it for several weeks. Other times it can take months. I am impressed with the level of detail and attention that is given to this process. It is a lot of work. It is always approached in the most professional manner.

What Really Matters?

When I consider the amount of time these leaders spend in carrying out their business planning exercises, I am generally amazed at how little time they spend in life planning exercises. It is difficult for me to understand. It seems to me that the training and hands on experience they receive would make it easily to apply those principles to life. Usually, when I ask about how much time they are spending planning their personal life for the coming year, I am met with a blank stare and the sound of crickets chirping.

In those moments, I always ask the question, "what is most important to you?" The response is usually the same, "my life of course". That answer, usually leads me to ask,  "then why are you willing to leave it up to chance." This is when I usually see the lights turn on and the wheels start spinning.

Because they are so aligned with the importance of planning on a professional level, the correlation between planning and getting what they want is an easy one to make. Once they start thinking this way about their personal life the results are phenomenal.  

Future Growth

We are about to cross the finish line for 2009. There is still time to adjust and reach for the goals you set at the beginning of the year, but this one will quickly be in the rear view mirror. The time for planning next year is right now. Your future deserves your careful thought and attention. The coming year will offer you many opportunities. Your ability to engage is largely dependent on the work you do in the planning process.

As you consider the coming year, I invite you to ponder over these questions. What is your life calling you to become during 2010? How will you make sure that your legacy is the one you purposely planned and not just something that happened on accident? What are the obstacles that may prevent you from reaching your goals in 2010? What is your plan to overcome those obstacles? What will you do to make a difference in 2010? 

I am sure as you consider these questions, you will think of some that will be more specific to your own personal needs. Don’t short change yourself. Start now and take the time you need to really plan your year. Give yourself the gift of planning your personal life with as much purpose and dedication as you plan your professional life. Life is good!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

There is a big difference between doing our best and becoming our best. Life is not about what we do, though that seems to receive the majority of our attention, it is about who we become. What we do provides us with the defining moments in our life – the moments when we must make decisions. Our choices shape us and mold us into who we are.

Doing Your Best

The charge to do our best is something few of us can remember living without. From our earliest days, we are taught that the harder we work, the more capable we will be of providing a life worth living. We are constantly reminded that if we want a nice car, a beautiful house and even a happy family, then we must do our best. Achievement seems to be the road to happiness.

But those who worship the god of achievement soon discover that it is a cold and uncaring god. The rewards that flow from it can only fill us up temporarily. The things we get as a result of our constant doing can never fully fill us up, they only leave us with a feeling that we need more. The pursuit of more and more stuff,  eventually leads each of us to a very similar question; "life seems to be just a constant pursuit of acquiring stuff – is this really all there is?"

Growing Whole

I don’t mean to suggest that achievement is bad, but it can only be a part of what completes us and makes us whole. It plays an essential role in helping each of us establish a solid foundation from which to live our lives. Without it, it truly would be difficult to arrive at a feeling of wholeness. This doesn’t change the fact that by itself, achievement only leads us to an empty existence.  

Growing whole requires so much more than doing our best. The journey to wholeness only begins when we ask ourselves a simple question that has puzzled even the brightest philosophical minds. The question to which I refer is "who am I?" The more we ponder this question, the more we begin to recognize and understand our true identity. The answers we receive do not represent our current reality. Instead, they actually provide us with a vivid picture of  the person we may become. This vision helps us identify our purpose which then leads us to the discovery of our individual legacy. 

This picture of our true potential, reveals to us a newfound awareness of who we must become in order to experience wholeness. For the first time, we see things as they really are and we begin to see ourselves for who we may become. This clarity instills within us a willingness to develop the behaviors and characteristics we need to manifest our authentic self. We spend each day fulfilling this vision through activities that complete us and make us whole. 

Permission To Shine

Once our identity is no longer masked by our achievements, others begin to see us for who we really are. They see a light in our eyes that identifies us as one who is comfortable with being authentic and whole. Our certainty, attracts those who are seeking similar light and they begin to add their light to ours.

As we become one, the natural feelings of jealousy and competition are eroded from our minds. This provides the permission each of us needs to become our best, which in turn leads to an overwhelming sense of wholeness.

My invitation to you today is to ponder that great existential question – "who am I?" I want you to see what I am so inadequately describing in this post. My words are not sufficient to say what I really know – they can only provide a glimpse into what it really means to grow whole and complete. To catch the full vision, you must do the work I am describing. That is how you will grow whole.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

They may be right, but I am challenged by this approach. It makes me feel negative and hopeless. I know there are problems, and that we need to fix them, but I can’t help but think about the concept that so many smart people call the "self-fulfilling prophecy." If we continue to focus on the problems, won’t we eventually create more problems?

Appreciative Inquiry

David Cooperrider developed a methodology for system wide renewal that is commonly known as Appreciative Inquiry. In its broadest focus, Appreciative Inquiry (AI) is focused on discovering that which gives life. The goal is to discover what it is that makes an individual, an organization, and even the world alive. Where does the sustaining energy come from? How can that energy be used to create even more life?

One of the basic tenants of Appreciative Inquiry is that in every system, there is something that is working.A conscious choice can be made by those affected by the system to either study what is working or what is not working. The results we get, depend upon what we are studying. If we study what is working, we get more of that. If we study what is not working, well – you get the picture. 

We Are Problem Solvers

Most of us, at one point or another in our careers, received training on how to solve problems. We were taught a basic 4 step process. 1) Identify and understand the problem. 2) Create an action plan. 3) Put the plan in action and solve the problem. 4) Look for more problems to solve.

Since we naturally like to solve problems this seems like a pretty good system. But what is it doing to us as individuals and as a society? Since we are always focusing on problems, we keep discovering more problems. We find problems with the solutions we find to solve problems. There are problems everywhere. We will never run out. How does a focus on this ‘Problem Solving" approach affect our ability to hope for a brighter future? 

Vacation From My Problems 

I am filled with "Optimistic Tendencies". I like to see the good. I like to see what is working. When I am able to do that, I live a much better life. The problems don’t go away. They will always be there, but instead of spending my time in the spiral of identifying problems and how I can minimize them, I choose to spend my time discovering what is bringing positive energy and how I can do more of that. I like living my life this way. It makes me feel more engaged with what is going on around me. It helps me see what I can do to raise the bar and make things better. 

I understand, that there is a place for problem solving. It works very well in a crisis, but thankfully, I don’t live my life in a constant crisis. So why would I want to use the method that works best in a crisis when everything is flowing along smoothly. Some would say that it would help me avoid future crises, but I think those crises will be better avoided by doing what I do best and leaving the rest for somebody else. 

Where Is Your Focus?

What is the focus in your life? Are your moments of self-reflection riddled with thoughts of your personal inadequacies? Or do you see your amazing talents? When you think about your organization or your work team, are you plagued by what is going wrong? Or do you see the value your organization brings to the world and the individual strengths each team member possesses? 

Your answers to these questions, most likely define the levels of peace and harmony that you enjoy in your life? Changing your focus is not as difficult as it may seem. All you really have to do is look toward what you want and begin moving in that direction. There is enough sunshine for every one of us. I am going out for a walk!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Each member of Sarah’s class had their own book and they were following along as the teach read to them. The teacher got to a certain point and said, "I can’t read the next part to you. You will have to read it yourself." Then she gave the class a few moments to read the next part of the book.

Stacy was in the room and the teacher explained to the children that she could not read it, because the text was of a prayer that the Ingall’s family offered for their safety when they arrived to their new home. 

What Do We Really Want To Teach?

I understand the teacher’s and the school’s caution. Still, I can’t help but wonder about the impact of this action. As a society, we often appear to be obsessed with learning to accept everyone for who they are, but when it comes right down to it, we are afraid to discuss the things that make us different. What do you think this action taught the children in my daughter’s class? 

A recent Newsweek article titled See Baby Discriminate powerfully discusses the issue of racism and how it forms at early ages. The article states that current research indicates that in homes where racial issues are discussed, children are less likely to develop racist tendencies, whereas in homes where the topic is avoided the children learn that the topic is taboo and infer from that, that there is something wrong with those people who are not of a similar skin tone.  

In other words, if we really want to break down the fears that come from differences, we need to talk about them. The more we avoid them, the more they divide us. The recipe for success is to talk openly and naturally about the differences without getting uptight. When that happens we can break down the walls that divide us. That does not mean we abandon our beliefs and values, it just means that we don’t try to impose them on others. We can share them, and we can allow others the same opportunity. When we learn about others, our convictions will either be strengthened or weakened. That is not a bad thing because it helps us grow, and it helps us know each other.

I See You!

Yesterday my friend Paul and I went to downtown Los Angeles to visit the Garment District. As many of you know, I am a Mormon. Paul is Gay. There we were, in the car together, walking the streets of LA together and enjoying each other. How did it happen? I mean, how was it possible for two people (who represent two groups that are normally thought to oppose each other) to get along so well together? We avoided the topics that divide us right? Wrong. Our conversations touched on all of the things that differentiate us and we did it with respect. I did not feel threatened by Paul, and I don’t think he felt threatened by me. We just spent the day being together.

Neither one of us spent any time trying to convert the other, and neither one of us walked away with a change of values. That didn’t matter. We happily acknowledged our differences and agreed that it was OK to be different. I have constantly said that if we were all the same, then there would be no need for all of us. If we really want to celebrate our differences then we must be free to talk about them. 

I love the work that I do, because it allows me to see people for who they really are, and I am always focused on helping people become who they really want to become. My job is not to tell them what I want them to be, or who somebody else thinks they should be. It is to help them discover who they want to be. I often find myself supporting clients to become someone that I would not want to become. I do not speak of integrity issues, I speak of behavioral issues. Some desire lifestyles that are not appealing to me. I am thankful that I can work on myself when it is time to work on myself and that I do not feel the need to project who I am on those I work with. That approach always makes it possible for me to really be who I am, without any fear. Consequently, I enjoy some of the most amazing personal and professional relationships. 

That is why I write these posts. I want to model who I really am. I want you to see me as I really am without any masks or disguises. My hope is that by doing this, you will be encouraged to be the real you. I believe that being the real me is the only real way that I can know peace in my life. I want the same for you.

Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept It!

My invitation to you is for you to look for opportunities to allow the space for people to open up to you and so they can be their real self. I promise you that if you do so, you will experience some uncomfortable moments. I want you to lean into that discomfort. Just listen with an open mind and heart. It will be difficult, but you will grow. Through these types of experiences, you will learn to see the similarities that we all possess. You will see that despite our differences we are really all the same. There will always be differences. We will always need a vote to settle things, but that is what makes life great. Our differences actually provide us opportunities to become who we really want to become. How could we do that, if we never knew any opposition. We could not do it without diversity. It just wouldn’t be possible. I for one, wouldn’t want it any other way. Would you?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I recently invited all of my virtual connections to come and see me perform the role of Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Tommy received the invitation and decided to contact me. He wanted to know if I would be willing to be interviewed so he could write an article about the upcoming performance for Canyon News, an online publication dedicated to delivering the news without a political slant or agenda. They are especially focused on printing positive stories and have vowed to never printing anything that is demeaning to another human being. 

My Lucky Break

One of my favorite lines that I sing in the play is that "anyone from anywhere can make it if they get a lucky break." I see Tommy’s request as one of the many lucky breaks that bless my life. 

Canyon News serves the greater area of Beverly Hills and Tommy normally writes about famous people and what is going on in their lives. He told me that he likes to interview people who have something going on in their lives. He said he especially likes to "write about people who should be famous, people who are actually doing positive things." That is why he chose me so that he could live according to his mission, which is to "promote positive people".

The Power of Prayer

The most amazing thing happened the day before I received Tommy’s request. My friend Eddie made a commitment to me. He told me that he is going to pray everyday that I will be successful in bringing my business ideas and dreams to the world. He said that he is going to pray that people would begin to recognize the positive things that I am doing so that I can get my message out. He said, "I am going to pray that you and your work will become famous. Of course I was thankful for this declaration and that I knew it would help me, but I must admit, I did not expect it to yield immediate results.

Imagine my surprise when Tommy, a complete stranger to Eddy used nearly the exact same words that Eddy used just the day before. I was even more surprised when I found that Tommy’s articles regularly draw the attention of over 4 million readers each week. I was stunned. I sent a note to Eddy telling him thanks and to keep praying for me. He assured me that he would and said, "this is only the beginning."

Spiritual Exercises

I often use this forum to talk about the power of developing spiritual intelligence. Prayer is one of the exercises that helps us develop spiritual strength. It is an active exercise that requires faith. If we want the blessings of God, then we must approach him in prayer. It is a sign of those who believe in him. Many of us, never have been taught to pray. We don’t know how to do it, so we don’t do it. I think that is sad, because it really is not that difficult. All we really have to do is talk to God. It is tempting to only ask for the things that we stand in need of, but the most meaningful prayers also include thanking God for the many things we receive that truly bless our lives.

Do you pray? Do you know how to talk with God? If not, are you willing to give it a shot? The only rule is that you must be willing to understand that God answers prayers according to His will. I am a witness that He answers every pray, but he doesn’t answer yes every time. The answers to our prayers may not always be the way we imagined or hoped them to be, but I am certain that He will answer them in the way that we need it most. I know this, because I have experienced this tender mercy in my own life. Prayer works.

Perhaps the topic of prayer is uncomfortable for some of you. I understand. It is not my intent to make you feel uncomfortable, I simply desire to share with you something that is special to me, something that I believe is one of the best parts of me. I believe that by doing so, it makes it possible for us to develop an intimate relationship with each other. You don’t have to agree with me to be my friend, but if you really want to know me, this is a big par of who I am. Don’t worry if you have other ideas or thoughts, I love you just the way you are. And I truly believe that if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We played “Ruthless Uno” last night around the Thanksgiving
table. Our bellies were full, the house was warm and the cards were flying. The
noise level was at an all time high. The arguing was minimal; the fun was
incredible. Everybody was involved in some way. I fell in love again with life
and my family.

Being here together in this beautiful fall season is
bringing additional awareness to me about the seasons of life. I love where I
am at in life. As we sat at the Uno Table, I thought about each of our journeys
as we play The Game of Life. The Game and the Table served as a great reminder.

Sarah, our
8-year-old daughter joined us at the Uno table for the first time. She wasn’t
as quick as the rest of us and had to struggle to keep up, but she did her
best. It was fun to watch her. Some of our older children complained at her
slowness and said she was making it impossible for them to win. She was happy
to be at the table with us.

Carolyn, my Mother-in-law (older than she wants me to disclose but old enough to be Stay's mother)
was at the table too. She had never played Uno before, let alone Ruthless Uno. She
did not know the rules of the Game. It was hard for her to keep up too. The
fast pace of the game challenged her to be quick. It was fun to watch her mind
work as she tried to figure out what was going on. The pace was sometimes more
than she could handle, but her experience kept her in the Game. We never
explained the rules to her. She just played the Game.

My older children (Christina – 18, Jacob – 16, Joseph – 14
and John -12) seemed to know all the tricks. They were confident. They thought
they could navigate the game without any problems. They learned the hard way
that there were still some rules that they did not know about, and that they
sometimes were playing the Game wrong. It was hard for them to admit it, but
they did not know everything. There were lessons to be learned. Some were
harder than others.

Stacy and I (42 and 41) did our best to maintain our
parental advantage. Some of our children are still afraid of hitting us with a
draw card. They were a little timid at first and then realized that it was just
part of the Game. We know the rules well because we have been in the Game
longer than them and we invented the rules we play with our friends the Van Dykes.
There are few surprises for us with the rules, but we have learned that the
Game is always different and we must not expect it to ever be the same as the
previous Game. We also know that one bad hand is just a momentary set back and
that a new one will be dealt soon so we must learn to avoid making the same
mistakes as we play our next hand. As a result we have learned how to minimize
the risk of being caught with high point cards in our hand if the Game ends
suddenly.

On the side lines Rebekah and Leah were anxious to be
involved. At three and two years old they are not quite ready to play the Game.
They did a good job running interference. The noise they generated was a
different kind of noise generated by the Game. It didn’t seem to bother the
older kids – in fact I am not sure they even heard it, but Stacy had to play
the Game at times with a crying child on her lap and I sometimes had one at my
side poking me and asking me for something.

Grandpa (69) was also on the Sidelines. He got in for one hand
while Stacy was doing something for one of the little girls, but for the most
part he sat and watched the Game. I am not sure how he handled the noise. We
were too busy to notice. The Game consumed us. Our personal involvement made it
impossible for us to pay much attention to him and what he was doing. I am sure
he was busy, but I really can’t tell you even where he was. Sometimes I was
aware that he was nearby, but other times he was out of my view and so out of
my mind. I had to focus on the Game so I could not allow myself to focus much
on him.

Life happened last night was we played Ruthless Uno. Each of
us in our different places in the Seasons of Life played our part. We came
together and could not escape the roles. We each had to play the cards we were
dealt. This sometimes worked to our advantage and other times to our
disadvantage. Because it was Ruthless Uno we were all working for our own
individual agenda. Each of us had the goal of winning the Game. There was no
way that we all could win, so we did our best to make the others lose. Since it
was just a Game, we felt comfortable inflicting pain (making someone draw 16
cards – or laughing as they hunted for the color needed to continue on in the
Game) on those we loved the most. We told ourselves it was just part of the
Game. We laughed and argued and laughed some more as each hand ended with a
different winner. In the end we had fun, together at the Ruthless Uno table.
The meaning I am making for the Game is just something I noticed along the way.
It may just be me, but I think it was interesting to relate it to the real Game
of Life. Sometimes life can be ruthless and we may not know all the rules and
it may seem like everybody is ganging up on us so that they can accomplish
their own agenda. All we have to do is just keep pushing the play button and we
will realize that life is good.

You ain’t seen nothin yet!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

athorn@telioscorp.com

So why does conflict get such a bad rap.  Most likely, it is because the common meaning is “a competitive or opposing action of incompatibles.” This is generally what we think of when we think about or experience conflict.

The interesting thing however is that we could not learn without conflict.  Learning occurs when we are presented with something that we have never experienced before.  It is almost impossible to discover something that doesn’t challenge our existing beliefs.  Avoiding this challenge prevents us from learning something new.  It is true that not all things are worth learning, but the price of being ignorant is a lot higher than being informed.  This is valid whether we accept or reject the new idea.  If we accept it we experience a new opportunity, if we reject it we have knowledge that can protect us or serve us later, if we change our mind.

Conflict can also serve as a great way to vent our frustrations.  In this sense, conflict is very similar to having a sliver in your finger.  Having a sliver can be painful.  If you do nothing about the sliver it sometimes, after a couple of days will work its own way out of your body.  This can help you avoid the pain of removing the sliver with a needle and tweezers.  Unfortunately, slivers usually cause infection and pus to build up, and before you can get it out you will experience more pain than you would have, had you just removed it in the first place.

Dealing with conflict is the same.  In our society, conflict is a bad word, so rather than face it we let it fester, hoping that it will work its own way out.  This very rarely happens.  The conflict does fester and build up and affects our ability to work with the people or circumstances that generate the conflict.  We let it sit there until one day the pus oozes out.  Actually, when we get to this point it is usually more like a volcano.  Our pent up emotions come out in full force.  Because we have stored so much conflict, mass destruction occurs.  We say or do things that we never would have said if we had just dealt with what was troubling us in the beginning.

Nothing happens easy. There is always opposition in every thing we do.  Without it there would be no growth.  Conflict causes growth.  If we reveal our conflict at appropriate times and receive the conflict of others as ways in which we can learn more about their needs and what motivates them we can grow in ways previously un-thought of.

What is necessary then for conflict to be productive instead of destructive?  Plain and simple, there is only one ingredient; trust.  If we trust those that we are dealing with, then we will accept their expressions of conflict as gifts.  We will recognize that they are only giving us the information that is important to them to meet their needs.  We will also give our conflict in non-defensive ways.  By doing this we will have a chance to resolve the conflict, which also means to learn new ideas. 

When you really think about it, the biggest fear that comes from conflict is that we will have to change because we are wrong.  Avoiding conflict is a defense mechanism that protects us from being wrong.  This avoidance impedes our progress.  We are stuck with our limitations and unable to be free. 

How does freedom relate to expressing conflict?  Bound by a set of uncertainties and lack of trust we give up our right to say how we are feeling.  We leave others the right to interpret our lack of conflict.  They leave the meeting thinking, my ideas are accepted, we leave the meeting thinking I can’t believe someone could really think that way.  Then we are stuck with the result of having to live with those ideas.  Our freedom is gone.  We were free to say no I don’t agree, and work out a better solution or gain more insight into where the thought patterns are leading.  A win-win solution occurs because we have let our feelings be known.  I know it doesn’t always work this way, but at least we can leave knowing that we expressed our feelings and if truly necessary we can object to the new ideas and move on.  This takes us back to trust.  If we trust our abilities, and ourselves then we will be willing to express our opinions and receive those of others.

It is up to each of us to decide how we will receive conflict.  We can view it as a learning experience or an opposing incompatible action.  We decide its impact.