I told him that I was happily married and that I was not interested. This was hard for him to understand, so he persisted and asked me if I wanted to know who it was. I said "no" and then, I politely asked him to tell the woman that I was committed to my wife, and that I was not interested in breaking that commitment.

Faithful and True

I really didn't give this opportunity much thought, partly because I have a great wife, and partly because I made a vow to be faithful to her and I intend to keep it. 

Many of us start out with this vow, but our resolve often weakens as time passes. As a society, we are constantly bombarded with sexual images, which in turn, stimulate our sexual desire. We can find a sexual innuendo in almost every setting. Is it any wonder that so many of us fall to our natural instincts?

Sadly, those who maintain a standard of infidelity rarely find the happiness they seek. They eventually discover that variety does not equal fulfillment. In fact, they discover that the more they try to please their sexual desires with others, the more they need to keep trying to please it. This is because it is a desire that can never be fulfilled by simply doing the act. Our minds, as soon as we do it, begin to tell us that we need to do it again, and again and again. 

In my work, I often speak with those who have suffered the pain of either being unfaithful, or of being with an unfaithful spouse. They are amazing witnesses of the fact that the momentary pleasure that comes from having sex is never worth the lasting pain that comes from breaking the trust of a spouse.

Restoring Trust

We live in a confusing time. On the one hand, we expect fidelity in our relationships, but on the other hand we feel pulled by the message of "nobody will know". 

Perhaps you find yourself as either a purveyor of, or a victim of infidelity. You may be desperately wanting to trust or to restore trust, but you are wondering if you can ever do that again. I have vicariously felt this challenge through the missteps of friends and family. I know it is a difficult thing, but it can be done. How? That is the question many face.

I will be honest, it is not an easy path to follow. It will require you to learn something about forgiveness. Whether you did it, or had it done to you, you are going to learn how to forgive, and the first person you must forgive is yourself. I know that sounds odd if you are the victim of infidelity, but it truly is where it starts. Once you have forgiven yourself, you are then capable of forgiving others.

The next step is to re-establish your commitment to each other. You will be tested again, so it is important that you speak with each other and agree on how you will behave when the time of testing returns. Clear and open communication will prevent you from moving forward. 

Communication Is The Key

As soon as I arrived home, I told Stacy about the invitation I had on the way to the airport. I told her that I rejected the offer, and that I wanted her to be aware of the offer so we could talk about any and all future offers. Neither one of us wanted me to behave in an unfaithful way so we worked together to make sure I did not. Because I was honest with her about the invitation, and the momentary desire to accept that came with the invitation, the trust between us grew. We know we are both human and we know these types of opportunities require us to work together. We cannot face these challenges secretly, we must bring them out in the open as soon as possible. Communication is the key to finding the way out.

If you find yourself on one side of this chasm then it is time to make a choice. You must decide if you want to stay and love, or leave and love. Any other choice will only bring more sadness and despair to your life. You cannot stay and hate or leave and hate and live a happy life. Love is the only way you can begin to open the fonts of healing. It is what makes communicating through this problem possible.

You are not required to stay, but you are required to love. If you are wondering what to do, perhaps these questions will help:

What do I really want to happen?

Can I forgive myself and my spouse?

What can I do to make things better?

I should be perfectly clear that if you are a victim of infidelity, you have a right to be angry and a right to move on. I am not advocating for you to stay. I simply want you to see that if you are moving on, you will be best served if you move on with love in your heart. Love will accelerate the healing process. When I say love, I am not speaking of a romantic love, I am speaking of the love that comes for another when we recognize that they are a human being. Any other approach will leave you feeling the sting and licking your wounds for a very long time. The pain felt by both sides is real. The lack of trust is real. They can only be satisfied by love.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Making The Moments Matter

Our busyness, kept our focus on each event. We were constantly engaged in planning and executing. It was a constant struggle just to keep up, Consequently, we did not have time to stop and smell the roses. There just didn't seem to be time for that.

This approach kept us moving forward, but it prevented us from being in the moment and fully enjoying all of the work that we did to get there. 

Fortunately, something clicked during the weekend of our daughter's wedding. We realized that this was a day that we had anticipated since Christina's birth. The day before the wedding, Stacy and I took a moment to reflect on Christina's life. We also considered the work we had done to get her to this point, and the many contributions that others made to help us raise our daughter and prepare for this day.

We knew that we had a lot of work to do to prepare for this event, but we also saw how important it was to be in that moment. We decided to look up from our labor and enjoy its fruit. We committed to each other that we would love the day, no matter what happened with our plans. 

Event Planning

Shortly after our conversation, I began to consider the work involved in planning an event. All efforts are purposely focused on creating an experience. Sadly, the event often overrules the moment. We want to make sure we have enough cups and napkins and if it appears we are running short, it is easy to get caught up in solving that problem instead of just being there.

As a result, we miss many of the magic moments that define a happy life. We are there, but not really there. Our mind is somewhere else and special moments are often missed. The pause we took helped us recalibrate and realign our efforts to our purpose. Thankfully, our brief conversation woke us up and helped us to live in that moment.

Are you celebrating the moment?

What do you do to shift your focus from the event to the moment?

What moments are happening right now that are worth celebrating?

Living in the moment can feel very difficult to do. Our responsibilities often get in the way. The key is to briefly let go so that we can experience the joy of our work. This may seem like an impossibility, but it gets easier as we engage.

Consider your driving habits. When you first began driving a car, you most likely clutched the steering wheel with all of your energy. Now, you are probably able to talk on the phone, take notes, eat a hamburger and pick your nose, while driving with your knee. Your comfort in the vehicle, is what allows you to do all that.

My invitation to you, is for you to become that comfortable in life. I want you to realize that you can do many things at one time, and that it is ok to let go of those many things every once in a while so that you can enjoy the moment. I am certain that you will be able to keep yourself moving forward. Don't miss the moment – wake up and seize it!

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Big Transition

There was a moment, when I realized what it means to give the bride away. It actually felt very real to me. A lot of different thoughts flooded my mind as I let go of my precious and beloved daughter. I found myself pondering the circle of life and for a brief moment, I was blessed with a vivid vision of what the future me will look like. I enjoyed that moment, but felt the sadness that naturally comes when relationships change.

My thoughts led me to consider the Tibetan Monks who create the Mandala Sand Paintings. They painstakingly lay into place millions of sand particles over a period of months and years to form a beautiful work of art. 

The monks begin the work by visualizing what they want the painting to be. Then they draw an outline on a wooden platform and begin to lay the colored sand grains into place. The paintings often include ancient spiritual symbols and family genealogies. The purpose of their work is to re-consecrate the earth and its inhabitants. The monks believe that by drawing attention to the purposes of life, it will help us regain a focus on what really matters.

Giving My Daughter Away

Traditionally the sand paintings are destroyed shortly after their completion. This is done as a metaphor of the impermanence of life. 

It was this part of the Tibetan Monk story that captured my attention. In many ways, I felt as if Stacy and I had built an amazing work of art, only to give her away. I know, that this is the order of things, but knowing, did not take away the momentary sting of letting go.

Letting go is like that. It requires us to move forward with faith, hoping that something better will be manifested. I know that I have not lost my daughter. I know that we will enjoy many more magic moments before our time on earth together is over. But. I also know that our relationship will now change.

She is an adult and is now sharing her life with another adult. It is no longer my role to place the beautiful grains of sand in her life. She and Mike are now responsible for creating their own mosaic of life. 

The Circle of Life

A friend asked me how I felt on the day after the wedding. I told him that I feel too young to have a married daughter. He said that he also thought I was too young. I realized that the exit door is opening – I am still in the middle of my time, but it will soon be over.

I spent a few moments taking inventory and realigning my life with what really matters. Life, as we know it, ends. Nobody gets out of here alive. Our life's work will be blown away, like the sands of the Tibetan mandalas, as soon as it is complete. Knowing this, helps me make sure that I am totally and completely enjoying the placement of each grain of sand. I'm not wasting any time on putting pieces in place that do not bring me joy. I hope you will join me in doing the same.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I am suing for a couple of rule changes, and the right to be a professional baseball player. My inability to hit a fastball, or throw a wicked curveball has prevented me from making millions of dollars, and I don't think that is fair. I want, what Manny Ramirez has, an opportunity to provide for my family in the most comfortable way.

Change of Rule

I only want two rules changed. I doubt they will impact the game very much, but these changes will create more opportunities for individuals like me to make the team. 

First, I want all batters to be blind folded. This will eliminate the advantage of one pitcher's natural talent over the rest of us. Second, I want to eliminate foul territory and make everything inside the stadium fair ground. 

Like I said, I doubt these rules will change the game that much. Scoring is pretty low now as it is, so the blind folds will even out the "everything's fair"  rule change. I am certain, that if these rules were enforced, I could be a major leaguer.

This is 2010

Purists, will say that these rule changes will destroy the game. They should consider the fact that these rules will be a welcome update to a game that is now outdated and losing fans. This change will bring new fans the sport, while having very little impact on current fans. The game is old fashioned and we need to make it better. We should not accept the old rules, just because they have always been there. It is time to move this game into the 21st Century.

It's Not Fair

I have tried since I was a boy to be a major leaguer. My lack of talent has always prevented me from being signed by a team. It is not my fault that I was born this way. I have done everything I can to play by the rules but the rules, clearly favor individuals who were born with baseball skills. That is not fair.

Some individuals have had the nerve to suggest that I could still be involved in the sport, by working as a groundskeeper, a coach or manager, in the marketing department, as part of the administrative staff, or even as an executive. One person even told me that if I worked very hard, I might even be able to buy a team. I can't believe they would be so insensitive to suggest these options. 

My dream is to be a major league ball player. I am not interested in any of those other roles. I demand justice and justice must be served. It is not my fault that I was born without the talent to play the sport. I want to play. Why should the ones born with talent be the ones making the easy money. I want some of that too. 

For The Good of The Game

Traditionalists will argue that these rule amendments will change the institution of baseball, and that the sport will not survive if we allow this to happen.

What do they know? I say that more damage is being done to the game by the heroes in the game that we currently worship. They are the ones that have used steroids to increase their natural advantage. They are the ones that bet on the sport. They are the ones that only try their hardest in a contract year and then loaf the rest of the time. What impact does that have on the game? 

In the long run, I don't really care if it ruins the game, in fact, I think that if I am not allowed on the field than nobody else should be either. I want equal protection under the law to be able to realize my dream of being a super star baseball player. Nobody should be denying me that right.

Conditions are Ripe

I will file my suit in Los Angeles, because fan support of baseball is a bit apathetic in LA right now. I mean, 22 years have passed since we last won a championship. This is a Laker town and nobody cares about a losing baseball team with M.I.A. owners. My rule change would make all of the teams more evenly matched too, and we might get a championship here in our city. That would be good for everyone.

Some of the veteran and former baseball players are supporting my legal action. They say, that they made it on talent, and they still think it should be that way, but they often wonder why they were born with their talent and they feel a little guilty to have made so much money and fame because of something they came upon naturally. They think a guy like me should have a chance too, so they are on board. They won't change their mind on how important it is to have talent, but they want to support me.

Some of the current players are also with me. They say that they are bored with the game and that only the most talented make the most money. The can see how this will level the playing field and they want in on the action.

I've Made Up My Mind

I am certain that many people will think that I am ruining the game. That is why I am making this a legal matter. The courts are there to protect me against the majority mob. I have a dream to play baseball, and I think it is only fair that I get to fulfill that dream.

The problem is that most people do not even understand how our legal system works. They think the when the majority rules that's how it should be. Luckily our Founding Fathers were smarter than Major League Baseball. They knew that a talented majority could make it impossible for an untalented minority, thereby keeping us out of the game. That's why they created a system of checks and balances to avoid that situation. Those who would oppose this legal action are not only condemning our Founding Fathers, but are promoting "mob rule" as a way to dictate who or who does not get to be a superstar baseball player. Baseball is America's game, do they not comprehend how completely un-American that is?

You are free to join me on this action. You are also free to oppose me. That is what makes this country great. I am always amazed at how irrational disagreement can be. I am sure there will be many of you who send me hate mail, and even threaten me, but I don't care. I am willing to stand for my rights. I hope I get a judge who will help me hit a home run.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Family Puzzle

We have a backyard pool that we put in about 15 years ago. It still looks pretty good, but some of the tile has fallen off. One of my tasks was to make sure that it got fixed. About 45 tiles had come unglued, so I spent a couple of hours figuring out where to put each one and then began attaching them back in place.

As I installed each tile, I thought about all of the memories in our backyard pool. I remember our very first swim as if it happened yesterday. We had only three kids at the time and as we played in our Jacuzzi, Christina, who was only five years old said, "now we can spend even more time together as a family". 

We have grown since then, and our family continues to change. My tile project helped me to see things as they really are; our greatest joys come from the time we spend with our family. The definition of family changes as we grow. 30 years ago, it was defined by my role as a son and a brother. Now it is defined as a husband and a father. I suppose, I will always occupy all of those roles, but each one takes on more of a focus at different times in our life. Someday, I will add Grandpa, and Great Grandpa to the list of family roles that belong to me. 

This week, my family will gather, one-by-one, to watch my daughter enter into a covenant marriage. They are not coming to see our beautiful home or to taste the wonderful food that we will offer. They are coming to witness the union of two people who are covenanting before God, angels and earthly witnesses that they will be true and faithful to each other.

The Road Ahead

The other day, Mike, my new son-in-law, told me that he had spent a sleepless night thinking about Christina. He told me how much he loved her and how thankful he was to be receiving her as his wife. We spoke for a moment about his current feelings and then we reflected on the state of marriage in the world today.

I reminded him that many people enter into marriages today with the exact same feelings, and they think that they will always feel that way, but for some reason lose that loving feeling. At one time, our society accepted the words "until death do you part", as words that defined the marriage commitment. Now, marriage has become a temporary phase of life. Many are entering into marriage with the thought that if it doesn't work out, they can always get a divorce.

Mike and I then spoke about a much bigger picture. When he marries Christina, he will enter into a covenant that we believe, through their faithfulness to each other, will extend throughout time and all eternity. I asked him, if he would love Christina 500 billion years from now. He of course said yes.

His love for Christina, will not be measured by what he feels today. Instead, it will be measured by how he grows that love, how he honors that love, and how much he makes that love the center of his life. Anything short of that, will make the love that he feels for her today temporary.

Our Period of Waiting Is Over

Tomorrow, the union of Mike and Christina begins. It is an exciting time. They have prepared themselves for this moment. They will now give themselves to each other. Their efforts will now be combined. They will give up many of their individual pursuits for collective goals.

Our family is changing again. We are saying good-bye to some roles and responsibilities and hello to some new ones. It will take some time to adjust, but those adjustments will happen, and we will enjoy the process.

Stacy and I have long looked forward to this day. We have taught our children about the importance of family. Our lives are a testimony of those beliefs and values in action. Our children understand that our greatest successes are found right here at home, and not out in the world. They know that a missing piece in our family is much more significant than a missing piece of tile in the pool. They know that what is about to happen for Mike and Christina is not about the party, the guest list and the gifts. They understand that it about entering into a sacred covenant to be one.

We feel a great sense of satisfaction to know that our daughter learned that message and that she is now forming her own family. She is the first, so we are thankful that she is setting an example for those that will follow. Families are forever. There is a new one forming this week. How incredibly awesome is that!

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Piling On

Here is just a sample of what I am talking about. Yesterday, while I was working in Los Angeles, I got a flat tire. While fixing the tire, my son Jacob called to tell me that his car had overheated and that he was stuck on the side of the road. He was on his way to pick up our daughter Sarah, who had got sick at school and had waited in the medical office for two hours while the school tried to get a hold of us.

Jacob was worried about calling me because he had mistakenly backed into a friends car on Friday night and caused about $500.00 worth of damage with what he describes as a nudge. I laughed as I listened to his voice mail – "Dad, this is Jacob. There is something wrong with the car, and I did not run into anything."

When I finally got a hold of him, he asked a very interesting question. He said, "Dad, we are busy with some good things right now, why are we facing so many challenges too?"

Grin and Bear It

I was grateful for this teaching moment. I explained to Jacob that bad things happen to everybody, and that bad things never happen in a convenient moment. I then went a little deeper. I told him that our trials serve as defining moments. The way we respond to them defines the level of happiness we enjoy in our life.

You and I have at least two choices when we are faced with trials. We can hang our heads and ask, "why is this happening to me?" or, we can lift our heads, smile and say, "I can't wait to figure out the answer to this problem?"

Jacob wondered aloud, "our finances our tight right now as we prepare for Christina's wedding. I know we don't have any money to fix cars, how will we do it?" I was thankful to be able to say, "I don't know how we will do it, but I know we will. A way will open up. It always does."

Walking in Faith

The confidence I displayed as I spoke to Jacob was not contrived, nor was it discovered yesterday. It was built in the face of many different challenges. It was fostered by moving forward in the midst of uncertain circumstances. 

When we walk in faith, it appears to those who are watching that we are not afraid or worried about anything. That is a misperception. The fact is that fear and worry both reside inside a confident individual, we just don't allow them to be the dominating emotions. We acknowledge that they are there and that they won't help us move forward and so we leave them alone.

Murphy's Law, applies to everyone of us. Bad things happen. Nobody is free from that reality. The difference maker is simply the choices we make when we are confronted by our trials. We can choose to move forward, or we can choose to cry, "whoa is me".

What do you normally choose?

How do you motivate yourself to move forward?

Last night, Stacy and I sat and reflected on the events of the day. I played the various voice mail messages detailing the report of each challenge, and we laughed at the severity of the situations. We knew those messages spelled trouble – but we were somehow able to feel thankful that we would be able to survive them. Together, we took inventory of all of the things for which we feel gratitude. Amazingly, even our trials made that list. Sure, we would love to live life without them, but we realized that that, would be no life at all.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Ouch

Several years ago we purchased some land in the desert with hopes of one day building a new home for our family. The land included a very old and small home that was pretty dilapidated. Over the years, we have remodeled this home and we occasionally rent it out. 

The water pressure there is very light. To counter this problem, we installed a water tank and pump to increase the pressure. The home was vacant last winter and the pipes to the pump froze and cracked. We have a new tenant moving in this week and it finally became necessary to fix the leak.

To begin the project, I cut the pipes, moved the tank out of the water closet, and unbolted the pump motor from the top of the tank. I then got busy with some of the other preparations. In the midst of all the work, I needed to move the tank from where I had originally placed it. Without much thought, I began to push it out of the way. The motor, though unbolted, was still on top of the tank. When I moved the tank, the motor, which weighs about 50 pounds, fell and landed squarely on top of my left foot. 

I saw stars. I only thought that happened with a hit on the head, but I actually saw stars. The pain was incredible and I was certain that I had broken my foot. Fortunately, it only resulted in a large, purple and black bruise. 

It Hurts

I did a stupid thing. I unbolted a 50 pound motor and left it balancing on top of a water tank four feet off the ground. My foot paid the price and now I am limping around. The pain will be with me for a while and it hurts. Sometimes we let the pain be more significant than the lessons that come from the pain. This happens when we dwell on the stupid thing we did to cause the pain. 

When we experience pain, we have at least two choices. We can beat ourself up for being so stupid, or we can learn from the experience and resolve to be more careful in the future. I choose the latter. The pain serves as a reminder and as an inhibitor from doing more stupid things. In this sense I am grateful for the pain, and I see it as a learning experience.

Letting Go!

One of the essential components of pain is that it hurts. It wouldn't be pain if it didn't. Some, embrace their pain and hold on to it like it is the only thing they have. Others view it as a temporary inconvenience and move on as quickly as they can.

We must not hold on to our pain, that will only make it hurt worse. Instead, we must move on and carry on with our life. Moving forward minimizes the pain and puts us in position to learn from its source.

Are you holding on to your pain?

What will have to happen for you to let it go?

How long will you wait to do it?

Only two days have passed since I smashed my foot. I am amazed at how well it is doing. I am not focused on the pain. Instead, I am moving forward with my life. I must do things a little differently right now, but I am confident that very soon I will return to normal activities. My confidence comes from my ability to let go of the pain. I invite you to do the same.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

As I went through the different scenarios in my brain, about how I would behave if this were my last day, I realized how fortunate I am to have this thought, and how important it is to act on the thoughts that entered my mind. 

As I thought about some of the aspirations that I still want to pursue, I began to laugh. My laughter was a result of the joy I felt in considering my life. Stacy wanted to know why I was laughing, and I told her that we had won the lottery. She began to laugh too, because she knew that I was dreaming again.

Life is Long

Too many times, we hear the phrase, "life is short". Looking back, that certainly seems to be true, but as we move forward through the trials of life, it can also feel very long. I think it is too long to be engaged in things that cause us, or others to suffer. 

I don't know how much time I have left, but I know I am going to fill each day with activities that bring joy to my life and to the lives of others. I don't want to waste any time in discouragement while there are so many shining moments to embrace. I choose to stand in the light.

What if today were your last day?

How would you spend your time?

Who would you spend it with?

You will most likely rise with the sun tomorrow, but just in case, don't you think you should spend at least part of today, doing the things that will bring you and others joy? The world is waiting. What will your contribution be?

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Beginning

As I watched her walk out the door today, my memories of the first day of school flashed through my mind. I remembered the good and the bad came. I felt the excitement and anticipation to go back, along with the unwillingness to put an end to summer.

My memories of my school years quickly moved to other "starts" that I have experienced throughout my life. I realized that all of those "first day of school experiences" prepared me for the many other "first day" experiences I have faced in my life. 

The "firsts" of starting a new job, living in a new city, beginning life as a husband and then later as a father are all days that I remember and cherish. They are the experiences that brought my dreams to life. Each beginning brought some anxious moments and some remarkable moments. I am grateful for all of those new beginnings.

Leaning Forward

As I have aged, I have noticed that I must now manufacture beginnings. There are very few required "firsts" that are left for me to experience. If I want to do something new, I must make it happen.

I enjoy creating a "new me" each and every day, so I am always looking for new ways to stretch myself. Today was one of those days. I actually got behind a microphone and hosted my own radio program. At times, it was scary, but for the most part, I felt very natural. My producer told me that he did not believe it was my first time. I hope the audience thought so too. The opportunity to begin this new experience was something that I created. I asked the right questions, at the right time and the show was booked. I am happy to be taking things to a new level.

When was the last time you started something new?

What aspirations do you have that are yet to be fulfilled?

What will it take to make it happen?

It is easy to sit around as we age and reason that there are no mountains left to climb, or that there are no mountains left that we can climb. I believe we can always learn, and that we can always create new beginnings. I dare you to join me in this belief and set a new standard for yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Life Is Busy

We were a busy family and I know our friends and family members were busy too. Sometimes they would travel great distances just to be together for a couple of hours. To them, visiting was a priority.

Now, I often wonder how they found the time to visit so often. My life is full. Every moment seems scheduled and so I tell myself that I rarely have time to sit and visit. Lately, I have noticed, that no one else seems to have time to visit either. Our lives are consumed by the demands of work and life. 

We are blessed to live in a time that enjoys so many wonderful technological advancements. All of these tools of technology were designed to give us more time, yet they seem to suck the time away from us. Many of us now connect with our friends through only a few brief lines of text. The advances in social media certainly make it possible to stay in touch, but they do not compare to the enjoyment that comes from a face-to-face meeting.

What Stands In The Way?

I recently spent some time examining my use of technology. I discovered that television shows and website browsing are activities in which I regularly engage during the times in which I could be visiting. I realized that my parents and their friends did not have access to these distractions and so, despite their busy schedules, they had time to visit. 

Their visits filled them up and created enduring relationships. The visits I have online seem to bother me. They don't fill me up, they just serve as creative distractions that allow me to avoid authentic communication. They give me the sense of open communication but leave me without the ability to grow relationships of lasting trust. At best, online communication is a shallow form of checking in. I think the majority of us long for something much deeper.

When was the last time you evaluated how you spend your time?

Do you take time to visit in your living room or on the front porch with your family and friends?

Are you forming relationships that are more than just bits of text on the screen?

I met a man the other day who cautiously admitted that he does not use a computer. I could tell that he was embarrassed by this admission and that he was worried I might think he was out of touch with the times. I actually found myself admiring his commitment.

I do not suggest that we should follow his example and eliminate the use of computers, but I do believe we need to spend a bit more of our time social networking the old fashion way;  face-to-face in a comfortable chair with all electronic distractions set into silent mode. This is how trust is fostered and relationships are built. I hope to join you in a quiet place soon.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

A Time of Famine

In the record my Jewish friends call the Tanakh and my Christian friends call the Old Testament, we learn about the prophet Elijah, and his mission to bring those who were practicing idolatry back to practicing a belief in their God. 

The leader of that time period, king Ahab, felt that he was unable to control the people when they worshipped God, so he created many ways to convince the people that they were the gods and that the material things a successful society could offer, were the only blessings they needed. As a result, the people began to forget about spiritual things and began to focus on gaining the material things of this world. 

As they shifted their focus to their own strength, a period of famines began. At first, the famine they experienced was that of hearing and doing the will of God, but eventually they experienced a second famine which resulted in all of their material possessions becoming valueless. This temporal famine affected the believers and non-believers. In other words, even those who continued to rely upon God suffered the consequences of the devaluation. 

Sound Familiar?

During this famine, God did not protect the believers from the economic hardships. They experienced the sting of the times too. This caused many of them to forsake their beliefs. They wondered how God could let them suffer when they were doing all the right things.

Others remained faithful, and though they lived in a time of poverty, God blessed them with peace in their lives, and the ability to get by. Even Elijah the Prophet suffered the consequences of the famine, but he was blessed to be fed by ravens during those challenging times.

Standing In Faith

Today, we find ourselves in scarce times. Some say it is a result of poor financial management, others say it is just a cyclical event that happens every few years, and others say it is a result of our collective wickedness. Whatever the case my be, the consequences are affecting nearly every household.

I believe in God, and I understand that our belief in Him must be tested. During times like these, many will turn away from Him, and many will turn toward Him. Those that turn toward Him, will not always have their burdens removed, but He will make them bearable. 

Being fed by ravens is not generally thought to be abundant living, but the nourishment received is enough and that is usually all we really need. 

Which way are you looking?

Do you recognize the ravens in your life?

Have you expressed your thanks for the simple things of life?

I have been fed by ravens during this time of trouble. I admit, that at times I have wanted more, but I have always felt grateful for that which I have received. In my moments of want, I have a heard a still small voice whisper to me – "Be still and know that I Am God". These wonderful words always bring peace to my soul, even in the most challenging moments. Every time I wonder where the next meal will come from, a raven appears. I am thankful for this sweet truth. For me, it is what makes life so good!

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Building Trust

Please allow me to state the obvious. Trust requires complete openness. Despite the simplicity of this statement, many of us withhold believing that it is not good to expose our true feelings until trust is built. For some reason, we think that we must hold back in the beginning so that we can build trust.

In reality, the opposite actually occurs. When we hold back, the person we are dealing with perceives that we are holding back, and begins to feel suspicious. It happens this way because once we see that someone is holding something back, we wonder what else they might be trying to hide. When we feel this way, our ability to trust is eroded.

It is true, that openness leaves us vulnerable, but when we are vulnerable, we are able to determine very quickly who we can and cannot trust. I have noticed, that it generally does not hurt very bad when somebody we hardly know violates are trust, but the closer someone gets, the more it hurts when trust is broken. Trusting from the beginning allows us to identify those that would hurt us before they get too close.

Step Forward With Confidence

I know that some of us are afraid of being open with others because we think that if they see us as we really are, they may not want to be around us. This way of thinking limits our ability to truly be known, and keeps us in a state of false pretense. By that I mean that it keeps us pretending to be something that we really are not. Sooner or later, our flaws will be exposed and others will feel as if their trust was violated by our attempt to cover it up.

Character always reveals itself over time. If we want to be trustworthy, then we must trust from the very beginning. I am not suggesting that we attempt to expose all of our flaws in every new relationship. Instead, I am inviting you to consider the levels of trust you are extending in your various relationships, and then determine if you are extending the proper amount. Here are some questions that will help in your evaluation. 

Are you honoring each relationship with the amount of trust it deserves?

Are you willing to be open and to share the real you?

Do you think trust is given? Or must it be earned?

I am happy to be a trusting person. I have experienced the violation of trust many times. It hurt each time it happened, but I am thankful that I decided to continue trusting others. I know it is a complex issue, and sometimes it takes me a moment to remember that my preference is to trust, but when I trust others, I enjoy life.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

 760-559-3548

Back In The Saddle Again 

Today, I feel rested and ready to jump back in to the game of life. As I sat down to plan my week, I realized that I am in the midst of some very significant commitments. Several of these projects are set to kick-off over the course of the next two weeks and I am not ready. 

A part of me feels very worried. The weight of these responsibilities is heavy and there is a lot riding on their successful completion. My immediate desire is to ride off in multiple directions with the hope of getting as much as I possibly can get done on each project. I know this strategy will not work so I am tempering this desire with focused planning.

The Busy Life

Sometimes when we are busy, we feel the urge to move quickly. Because there are only so many hours in the day, we believe that moving fast will help us accomplish more. Unfortunately, many of us have come to know for our selves, that speed is usually not the best solution. The truth is, it often leads to more pressure and stress and a lot of mistakes. 

The key is to align our actions with our purpose. This ensures that we are always moving in the right direction. Movement in the right direction, even in the most stressful of times, is always more valuable that moving quickly. We have all experienced the thrill of going no where fast. It is in those moments when we long to be on the right path.

Busy work is often necessary, but we must make sure that our busy efforts will actually lead us to the results we want. If it won't, then we need to find out what will, or we will begin to feel overwhelmed and out of balance. 

Moving Forward

Forward progress, gives us a sense of satisfaction. It helps us feel good about the work we are doing and renews our energy. 

Are you making progress on your meaningful goals?

Do you appreciate the progress you are making?

When was the last time you slowed down so that you could make sure that you were moving in the right direction?

We are in charge of creating our own legacy. We will leave one, whether we focus on it or not. Planning, helps me understand the ramifications of each and every move i make. When I plan, I move with purpose, when I fail to plan, I become subject to the random pulls of the universe. Whenever I feel busy, I remind myself that there will always be enough time to accomplish the things that matter most. Then I spend a few minutes reconnecting with what really matters. It may seem like a delay in the heat of things, but it always saves me time. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Family Ties

This week, I have been in the mountains with my original family. By that, I mean my mother, my uncles and aunts, and my brothers and sisters. Our children are with us, but they are not the focus of this event. Instead, we are focusing on the people that brought us all together – our ancestors. 

It is fun to be together. The memories of the good old days are constantly on our minds. However, the common purpose that brings us together is not strong enough to overcome our individual differences and perspectives. This is made evident by the story telling that is going on. I have heard many different versions of the same story. Each witness learned different things or understood different intentions. 

The Same Difference

Many of the same events shaped our growth and development, but the level of diversity that is found within our own family amazes me. The fact that we came from the same background makes it very easy for me to believe that we are the same, and that we see things the same way. I often find this assumption to be very wrong. Sometimes, I am unable to let go of it before a lack of respect is felt, or an offense is taken. Is it any wonder that many of us struggle so much when we are engaged in teaming with people who grew up in very different homes and with different values? 

The work of diversity and inclusion is something very dear to my heart and a driving force of my work. Nevertheless, I find it difficult to put on my working hat when I am with my family. The pull of our similar experiences makes it difficult for me to see each person individually. But when I am able to see things with my eyes open, I discover the most wonderful differences. 

Some of these differences are so surprising that I find myself wondering how they are possible. These are the ones that are difficult to accept. Thankfully, I have learned that acceptance is not what most of us want. Instead, we hunger for understanding.

A More Perfect Union

Once, we feel understood, our need to be accepted is significantly diminished. This is because the most passive forms of acceptance come from external sources. True acceptance comes from within. It cannot be given; it must be felt internally.

Understanding on the other hand requires an active effort. It only comes when we allow ourselves to see what someone else is seeing. To gain it, we must open our mind and suspend our own judgments and assumptions. It does not require acceptance, it simply requires us to see the other. It is enough to be seen, and once we are seen we begin to accept our self. Understanding leads to self-awareness, which leads to acceptance.

When we understand each other, we are able to produce amazing results. Understanding provides the freedom to contribute our differences for the good of the whole in a way that acceptance never can. Understanding allows me to be different instead of forcing me to become the same. It provides a greater sense of value, which leads to me becoming and sharing my best.

Is your goal to accept, or understand others?

What can you do to be a better listener?

Are you willing to see people as they are instead of as you think they should be?

There is no escaping diversity. It is found in even the most similar groups. This is a fact for which we should feel an immense amount of gratitude. After all, if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We are in Nephi, Utah, our home away from home. It feels so good to be here. I enjoy the simple and relaxing pace of life, which fosters a natural relief from the cares of my world. I don't feel the way I feel here, anywhere else. Simply put, I feel free.

The First Breath

We arrived Saturday evening. When I stepped out of the car a powerful image came to my mind. The only way I can describe it, is to say that I felt as if I were coming up for air. Let me explain.

I like to swim, and when I am in our pool, I often swim several lengths under water. I always begin with a goal in mind, hoping to set a new record for underwater swimming. As I make the turn for the last lap, I am almost always out of air. I push on, knowing that I can surface whenever I want. Sometimes, before I reach the top, my eyes feel like they are going to bulge out. When I finally surface, that first breath is magical. It fills my lungs with the oxygen I need and life quickly returns to my oxygen-deprived body.

That is what it felt like when I arrived here in Nephi. My first breath out of the car was a cleansing breath. It filled me with a quiet calm feeling. I immediately felt oxygen returning to my tired body and soul. I knew I needed it, I just didn't know how badly.

A Place To Repose

I am thankful for this special place. Every time I come here, I feel refreshed and renewed. It is great to have a place like this to escape from the cares of the world.

Where do you go when you need to get away?

How long has it been since you came up for air?

This year, we will only spend a week here in Nephi. It feels like such a short moment, but I am sure it will be enough. Life has already returned to my being in so many different ways. Life is good!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

I See Me

This morning, during a meditative moment, I pondered some instructions on how to live a balanced and happy life. I saw a few gaps in my own personal behavior and began to contemplate how I might grow beyond these personal stoppers.

As I thought about each item, the faces of the people I described at the beginning of this post entered my mind. I saw that the things that are bothering me about them are actually things that are bothering me about me. My behavior, in many ways parallels their behavior. The circumstances are different, but the actions are very similar.

As I allowed myself to dig deeper, I began to see an even bigger sin. The image of the "judgmental" me stood before my eyes and I witnessed the pain that I am causing others. Instead of comforting them while they were in need of comfort, I judged them. My words did not condemn them, but my silent actions added to their sorrow.

Convicted, I sat marveling at how easy it is to project my own sins upon others. The rancor I feel at their behavior is actually a release from my own disappointment. Judging and condemning someone else for some reason, makes me feel free from my own fault. They become the worst side of me, and I somehow eliminate my own guilt.

Moving Forward

The purpose of my life is to help others become their best. There is work for me to do so that I may fulfill that vision. The growth opportunity now standing before me is one of letting go. I constantly say that life is not about what we do, it is about what we do about what we do. My behavior has been inconsistent with that belief. I have held on to the past, instead of allowing the people in my life the freedom and opportunity to move forward. This grip on what happened, will continually prevent me from moving forward. These questions helped me refocus my efforts.

What do I really want for my friends?

Am I comforting them in the moments when they need comfort?

In what way can I support them now?

Am I willing to forgive myself and move forward?

I finished my morning meditation knowing that some of the judgement remained with me. I know that awareness is only the beginning and that I have work to do now to let go. As I let go of some these feelings, my own imperfections stare me in the face. It is easy to feel angry with myself, and guilty for behaving in such a way. These feelings don't last long because I willingly forgive myself and consciously decide to be better. As I look at the previous me, I feel grateful for the lessons learned. The sun is shining and I can see a glimpse of the future me. This gives me the hope and the faith I need to move my feet. See you on path.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Many of my childhood heroes were sports stars. Growing up in LA, I wore T-shirts with the faces of Steve Garvey, Ron Cey, Steve Yeager, Magic Johnson, Kurt Rambis, Roman Gabriel, Pat Hayden, Marcus Allen and Kareem Abdul Jabbar. These were the people who contributed so much to our local teams. I also remember hating Reggie Jackson, Lou Pinella, Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and nearly every other member of the Yankees, Red Sox and the Notre Dame football team. 

I admired these men for their ability to play the game. They were stars in our community, and they worked hard to be solid citizens and to protect their image. They were very careful with how they talked about their individual greatness. They were confident but humble about their super star status. We saw them make mistakes and they did their best to apologize for their human failures and move on. They did their best to obey the law and to stay out of trouble. They played for the team and always remembered that the name on the front of their jersey was much more important then the name on the back.

Super EGOS

Today, that way of thinking is long gone. Our sports heroes seem to be more interested in grabbing attention, on and off the field, then they are in winning championships. Tonight, Lebron James, will be the feature of a one hour special on ESPN. The purpose of the special is to announce which team will now be blessed with his ability. I admit that his announcement is news worthy, and I am actually excited about the prospect of James, Wade, Bosh trio in Miami, but I am confused about why this announcement will take an hour, and even more confused as to why many people will be watching. 

I am stunned at King James' willingness to treat his search for a new team like a reality TV show. Can you imagine Magic Johnson, Larry Bird or Michael Jordan doing that? What is even more surprising is the fact that he has yet to win anything, but he walks around like he is the greatest of all time. Muhammed Ali was known to tout his greatness, but he backed it up. Lebron hasn't done that yet. He is a great player, but he have the resume of a champion, nor does he act like one. How long will our fascination last? What will his legacy be if he is unable to win with his new crew? 

It is obvious that he needs to be noticed, and he is not alone. Even many of the lesser skilled players are demanding the media focus. Their desire to be noticed seems to be greater than their desire to win. The search for popularity is not confined to our sports figures. It spills over into every industry we know. 

Our Search

It would be easy for me to end this post now. I could sit in my easy chair and think about the flaws of our public leaders without ever shining the light inward, but my musings mean very little to me, without a moment of reflection. 

I too, would like to be more popular. I work hard every day to produce excellence, and in my opinion, not enough people in the world know who I am. The majority of my time is spent producing a valuable service, but some of it is spent figuring out how to get the message out. I want a bigger audience than I currently have, and I believe it is acceptable to search for that audience. I even use the media to help me build that audience. 

The bother that I feel with this summer's free agency reality show is that the attention is being focused on the wrong thing. It seems our super stars want so desperately to be liked, that they have forgotten what it is that makes us like them. I loved my sports heroes as a youth, because they were champions. That didn't mean that they always won, but it meant that they always acted like it. I loved my political leaders because they did their best to do the right thing with the most minimal amount of impact on our daily lives. I was loyal to the brands I used because they produced good products and services. They understood that their popularity depended on their ability to bring us value. What happened?

We are experiencing a great famine in the land. It is a leadership famine and it is widespread. The answer is for each of us to remember that when we bring value, we will be popular. We won't have to blow our own horn, because others will be doing it for us. 

What value are you contributing in your circle of influence?

Are your efforts producing positive results?

Our society needs you to be your best. We will push the "like button" more often, when you add value to our lives. We don't want gimmicks or drama, we want to be enriched by what you have to offer. Are you willing to deliver?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Creative Avoidance

When I waste these moments, either sleeping or engaging in activities that are unaligned with my purpose, the rest of the day follows suit. Things just don't flow like they should and I end up wandering around in a bit of stupor trying to catch up. My search for replacement moments that will allow me to connect with my "best self" is rarely, if ever fulfilled.

My greatest disconnects happen during the summer months. It is during this time that I experience the biggest conflict between the demands of my personal and professional life. When my children are in school, they are also getting up early and going to bed early, but when they are on summer break, they stay up late and sleep in.

When I stay on course with my "early to bed and early to arise" way of living I spend fewer moments with them. It is sometimes difficult to balance the value of getting up early with my value of spending family time together. Over the years, I have become free within these competing interests and found ways to manage the dissonance.

My Key

My game begins early. My chances for a productive and successful day are magnified when I get up early. I know this because I have experimented with my schedule. I do my best to organize my life so that I am aligned with this awareness and I allow myself the luxury of breaking away when other interests would be better served. The key is that I know when I am most productive and I do my best to be awake and in motion during those times.

Do you know when you are most productive?

Are you maximizing those moments?

What strategies to you use to make sure nobody interrupts you doing that time?

Early works for me. It may not for you, and there should be no pressure to follow what works for others. If you want to be your best, then you must know when you are most likely to be at your best. Those who learn to live during those moments are able to succeed in during the times when they don't have their best stuff. They choose to organize their day in ways that allow them to live in the the rhythm of their best. Are you doing the same?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I was staying in a Hilton Hotel, and while I was arranging my things, I discovered a little book called Be My Guest - The Autobiography of Conrad Hilton. I opened the book and was immediately captivated by this unusual story of success.

A Man of Faith

At the time, the only thing I knew about the Hilton family, was that they had a famous heir who was traipsing around the world in a spoiled and erotic frenzy. I assumed that the she came from a long line of excessive living and believed that she accurately represented her roots.

Conrad's story painted a much different picture. He was a man of faith. His mother taught him that prayer was the best investment that he would ever make and so he began nearly every day at his place of worship on his knees in prayer.

He credited the power of prayer to have saved him from the pains of economic turmoil. He said it brought peace in his life. Conrad did not keep his belief in prayer to himself. He spoke about it everywhere he went. His efforts led to the initiation of our National Day of Prayer. He was a very powerful leader, and he was not alone in his belief in prayer, as many other powerful leaders of his time, including many of our government officials, regularly espoused the power of prayer.

What Happened?

Today, just a mere 30 years after Conrad Hilton's death, most business people see prayer as an absurd habit and not a behavior worth developing. I know only a few leaders who consider it an important use of time. I have written about it before, and received emails stating that I am foolish to write about such a topic and that doing so will lead to an erosion of my reader base. Some have gone so far to suggest that praying is a lot like believing in Santa Claus and that it is something only a child would believe in doing.

I wonder what happened? How have we moved so far in so short a time? How is it possible, that only 30 years ago, some of our greatest leaders were speaking of prayer and its power in their lives without any fear of being called childish or foolish.

We Need To Pray

Conrad Hilton's story influenced me. His was not an easy journey. He nearly lost everything during the Great Depression, but he remained faithful to his belief in prayer and eventually rebuilt his empire. My mother taught me to pray too. It was a difficult habit to learn and I admit feeling the pressure from those who scorn its practice, but I stuck with it until I learned to view it as one of the most important investments I make each day. I am grateful for Conrad's willingness to extol this virtue. I love learning from successful people who have the integrity to share their keys to success.

What are your thoughts about prayer?

Is it an investment you regularly make?

Have you experienced its power in your life?

Many believe prayer is a passive process, but it is much more than that. I view it as an active conversation that continues throughout the day. I also learned that the answers to our prayers do not always come in the way we hoped they would come. Generally speaking, we must be willing to submit our will to the will of God. That is a hard thing to do, because it requires faith. In way, the critics of prayer are right – it does require child like faith.

I pray with the attitude that everything depends upon God, and then I get up and begin to move my feet as if everything depends upon me. As I am working, I listen for the guiding responses that always come. It is not always easy to align myself with those messages, but I have learned that it is worth it. The times when I decided to do it my way, are the times when I have suffered the most. I am grateful for my understanding of the power of prayer. I dare you to make it one of your most important daily investments.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Unfounded Fears

My running routes take me through the rocks, grass and undeveloped desert, which are all perfect dwelling places for the mojave green and diamond back rattlesnake. The intense morning heat, made me believe that I might run into one of these slithering creatures at every step. My fear quickly fatigued me, and made the run more difficult than normal. I never got into a rhythm, because I was on the look out for danger. Interestingly enough, I never saw a single reptile despite my heightened state of alert.

Nevertheless, this fear continued to drain my energy and I stopped to walk several times to catch my breath. I just couldn't shake the thought from my mind. As I pressed forward, I began to think of the different fears we often face in life and their impact on our ability to be productive. 

As I pondered this phenomenon, I realized that we often blow our fears, and their ability to dam our progress, out of proportion. This doesn't mean that they are not real, it simply means that we place too much emphasis on their ability to impede our progress. They may represent very real dangers, and we definitely want to have a plan in place to act when their reality is finally manifested, but we do not need to spend our days expecting certain doom at any moment. When we do that, we drain the energy we have for life and become a slave to our own imagination.

The Way Out

Fears are overcome by preparation. In our planning moments, we must consider the things that frighten us, and prepare for their unlikely occurrence. I often prepare for the worst, and though it rarely ever happens, I am ready when it does. This keeps me anchored in a proactive state, and prevents me from moving into a reactive frenzy.

Do you have fears that are draining your energy?

What is your plan to deal with them?

There are many things we can do to overcome our rational and irrational fears. Sometimes, like on my run this morning, the anxiety caused by our fears can overcome us. We must be ready to stay the course. If you are prepared, you shall not fear.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548