Andrew Thorn – The Authentic Me
Dr. Andrew Thorn provides behavioral based leadership strategies to individuals who are seeking to bring their personal and professional responsibilities into full harmony. His clients achieve more, become more and experience balanced growth for their own benefit, and for the benefit of the people they lead.
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Treat Me Like A King
A few years back, I was working with a senior leader in a well respected organization. Our focus was on accelerating the growth of his leadership team. We were working together to create better behavior and better leaders. His team was very accomplished and so finding the next level was challenging and fun.
It's Not My Problem
A couple of months into the assignment, my client and I were discussing an issue related to his well being. He was feeling some pressure at home and it was spilling over into work and creating some conflicts. He said he could see that he was lashing out at some of his team members because he could not lash out at home.
In the middle of the conversation, he blurted out - "The problem is my wife. She is doing a lot of things that are challenging our family. She is lazy and is expecting too much out of me. I am the "king" here and in my home, but she doesn't treat me like one. I want her to treat me like a king." It sounds kind of funny to write it down now, but that is exactly what he said.
The look on my face must have been one of disbelief because he immediately asked for my thoughts. I recognized that I was in a precarious situation. Our focus had shifted from the professional to the personal and I knew I had to tread lightly, but I also knew I had to be honest.
The King's Focus
For my first question I asked, "How does a "King" treat his "Queen?" I followed it up with "What is he willing to do for her?" These questions caused him to think and he began to relate the behaviors that you and I have read in all good books about kings. It was hard for him to miss the point as he answered "the king does everything for his queen."
I wasn't totally convinced that he got it, so I countered with, "How are you treating your Queen?" As we discussed his behavior, he quickly realized that he was not acting like a king. We talked about what he could do to rectify the situation and began a plan of action.
The King Within
It wasn't too long before I ran into his wife at one of the company's social functions. She approached me with haste and for a moment I was a little worried. Her first words were, "I don't know what you did to my husband, but please keep doing it." I enquired about what was going on and she said, "He sees me again." We didn't have time to get into all of what that meant, but I understood that he was making good on his goal of treating her like a queen.
After that, in nearly every conversation this man and I had, we spoke about his family and how he could become a better husband and father. The progress he made at home made him happy. His happiness spilled over into work and it wasn't long before his direct reports began to say something similar to what his wife had said, "we don't know what you are doing with our boss, but keep doing it."
The truth is, the only thing I did was ask the right question, but that is a very powerful thing to do. The question caused my client's eyes to open and he saw his own behavior. He did not have to do anything about it, but he chose to grow. He did the work. He developed himself and became the "king" of his home. His kingly side was always there, he just needed to develop it. Once he did, those around him began to treat him like a king.
Are you acting like a "King" or a "Queen"?
Do the people around you know that you value them and that you would do anything for them?
What can you do today that will make them more aware of your willingness to serve and love them?
I realize that love is a funny word to use in a professional sense and that some of you may not be married. That does not exclude you from this lesson. It is true that there are corrupt kings who treat their subjects poorly. You must not behave that way. You must be a noble "king" or "queen" and do your best to serve and love your people. It is the only way they will ever see you at your best.
I ran into my client and his wife at an event the other day. When he and I were alone, I asked him how things were going, and specifically how his wife was treating him. He flashed a big smile and said, "like a king". I couldn't have been more happy for him.
Live Today! Love Today!
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