I enjoyed every minute of that challenge. Marshall’s levels of awareness are intensely high. Helping him, meant that I needed to finely tune my focus toward his needs. I learned very quickly that he was the expert on him and if I wanted to help him, I was going to have to get him to tell me what he wanted and how he wanted to be helped.

There was no room for my ego. I could not rely on my previous successes. To truly help him, I had to live each moment from the same intense level of awareness. I had to let go of me so that I could help him create a better him.

Symbiotic Relationships

This did not mean that I could not be myself, it simply meant that all of my efforts needed to be focused on him. The only agenda I could embrace was his.

This relationship forced me to learn in many new ways. My knowledge, skills, and abilities were tested nearly everyday as I worked to give him what he needed. One key learning was that I had to be willing to learn from him. I could not expect that the learning would be one way. As a result, I often told him that I was fairly certain that I was learning more from him, than he was from me. He regularly assured me that this was not the case and publicly and privately valued my work.

Our work together honed my skills and fostered my ability to be direct and involved, without losing sight of what really mattered in the lives of my clients.

Gratitude

Recently, Marshall Goldsmith was named winner of the 2011 Thinkers50 Leadership Award, which is sponsored by The Harvard Business Review. This award designated him as the World’s Most Influential Thinker.

Less than a week after Marshall received this award, I received a note of gratitude stating, “Dear Andrew, the support you gave me, helped make this possible”. Then, remembering our previous conversations and honoring our mutual commitment to learning, he stated, “I think I have learned more from you, than you have learned from me”.

None of this was necessary, but through this action Marshall reminded me of how important it is to show gratitude. I am especially touched by this message at this time of year. This is the time and season when we pause and remember the things and the people who contribute to our well being. It is the time when we pause to say thanks, but thanks is really not enough.

Next level gratitude requires us to clearly state the impact of the other by specifically acknowledging how they have contributed to our success. I am grateful for Marshall’s example of being willing to do that, even 5 years after our work together concluded. I can’t tell you how valued that simple act made me feel. When was the last time you reached to those who have supported you and thanked them for their many contributions? I encourage you to do that today.

Thank you Marshall Goldsmith – This kind act suggests that I continue to learn more from you. I rejoice in your success and I look forward to celebrating it with you soon.

Life is Good!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

There is no doubt about it. What he did changed my life. I was an Apple Macintosh user when being an Apple Macintosh user wasn't cool. I bought Apple stock when it was $13.56 a share. Thankfully I am still holding it. I got my first iPod nearly a year before I ever heard anybody else talk about it. I am writing this on my MacBook Pro. My iPhone is in my pocket, and my iPad is within reach. These things changed my life and definitely make life more convenient, but did they make my life more meaningful?

The answer to that question is a definite no. What Steve did changed what I do, but it did not change who I am. As I examine his life, I am learning many lessons that I think can help me live a more meaningful life, but these are things that were largely hidden while he was alive. Sadly, much of what I am discovering as I read his biography speak more about how not to live a meaningful life then about how to live a meaningful life. I am not sure how Steve would feel about this statement, because I think he was generally confused about what mattered most: the market or the people. In my mind, there is no confusion. The quantity of what we do, can never compare to the quality of who we become. 

By Saying this, I do not mean to imply that he was a bad man. I think he was a good man who just got a little to busy, though, like most of us sometimes do. The busyness and the business of life prevented him, for much of his life, from focusing on what really mattered. His biography makes it pretty clear that he knew this about himself. Unfortunately, this self-awareness did not change how he lived for most of his life. This should not surprise us, Many of us see the same thing, yet we continue to focus on the things that matter least. There is a worldly pressure to do so.

The Motivating Force of Mortality

In 2003, Steve was diagnosed with a rare, somewhat treatable, form of pancreatic cancer. One great quality that he demonstrated from that point on was his extreme faith. His faith was not particularly spiritual, as he stated that the existence of God was only 50-50. He simply believed that he would survive the impact of this disease. He told us several times that he was cured. Reports indicate that he believed he would beat it, right up until the day he died.

Yet somewhere inside, he lived with the knowledge that his time was short. It is reported that he looked in the mirror everyday so that he could ask himself one simple question: "If today was my last day, would I do the things that I am about to do?" The question is revealing because of what he did with his time. The tech contributions he made after his diagnosis are the ones that define his legacy and the post-mordem advances that we are told are yet to be released will bless the world we live in for years to come. 

There is evidence to suggest that he valued his life more after he learned of the disease that eventually killed him. He is quoted as having said that his increased awareness of his own mortality motivated and focused him. Perhaps the clearest picture of what he valued comes to us from the commencement address he delivered at Stanford University in 2005. On that occasion he shared three simple lessons from his life. 

The lessons Steve shared at that time were all learned through his personal heartache, humiliation and close calls. Remarkably, this how we learn many things. Life has a way of presenting us with some event, person, death, idea, or relationship that challenges us beyond our capabilities. These things often lead us to the very edge of our own private resources. Sooner or later, no matter how much success we have enjoyed, we all "lose" at something. Through these losses, we learn that there is a larger journey; something bigger than what we produce.

For Our Greater Good

My question is this: Is a crisis necessary to motivate us to make meaning? 

I thought about this from a long time and I am convinced that the answer is no. In fact, I have done more than think about this. I have dedicated my life and my work to meaning making experiences. I found that the meaning that comes from understanding in moments of joy is much more powerful than the meaning that comes from the moments of crisis. I also learned that when I take the time to make the meaning during the good times the crises I experience seem more bearable. The strength I gain from this approach is remarkable. This is why I so often say, "Life is Good!" It really is.

So why don't we do it? Because thinking about the big picture, (who we want to be?), requires us to think big, while living into the results questions, (what do I want to do?), just requires us to do.

René Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." Thinking is not enough, as Steve's most famous campaign taught us, we must "Think Different". The big picture requires us to push the pause button, at least every once in a while, so that we can reflect and examine our life. This helps us become clear about what we want.

When the "Who am I?" question is well defined, the "What should I do?" questions are easily answered . That is how meaning is created. That is how we live into purpose. That is how we become whole and authentic. 

Goodbye Steve. We learned so much from you. I hope the most important lesson we learn is that no one gets out alive. If we could only learn to understand that one simple lesson, I am sure we allow our own mortality to motivate us to live a more meaningful life.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I marveled at his ability to see his own place in the circle of life at such a young age. His statement has stuck with me for many years and came back to me again as we recently said goodbye. He is now off to serve a mission in Concepción Chile for the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints. Some 26 years ago, I said goodbye to my own family to serve a similar mission in Maracaibo Venezuela. It is now his turn.

A Sacrifie of Self

He left just a week and half ago and will not be back for two years. Our contact with him will be very limited. Saying goodbye, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that he made this choice, but that doesn't make me miss him any less.

His final week at home was spent packing his bags and packing up the things he would ultimately leave behind for the next two years. It was difficult to watch him decide what to do with so many of his childhood treasures. He spent a lot of time sorting and resorting the few things he wanted to make sure were available to him when he returns. 

A missionary leaves everything behind. On the day of his departure, he handed us his iPad and his cell phone. Then he deactivated his Facebook account. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these items. He willingly left them behind so that he could focus all of his energy on serving the Lord. He even gave up his name and will be known simply as Elder Thorn. This was difficult for me to watch, but because it was once my turn I understood. I know that what he is about to gain is worth so much more than what he just let go.

Finding Joy

The pursuit of happiness is common to all of us. We look everywhere for it. Unfortunately, this search often results in the development of some very selfish behaviors. Over the years, I have known many who have come to realize that there must be something more than the ways of the world. They look to find a better life. They look to find their better self.

Elder Thorn is doing that now, and he is about to learn one of Jesus' greatest lessons. He taught – "For whosoever will save his life shall lose: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it". My beloved son is now about to find himself. Through his efforts, he will realize that self-denial is an accelerated path to self-discovery. 

Yes, he will find happiness, but more importantly, he will find joy. So many people have wondered how Stacy and I can let our son go. They want to know how we will survive with only one brief email a week for the next two years. We will survive because we know our son is nobly dedicating himself to a cause that is much bigger than his individual desires. He will benefit in so many ways. He will learn things that are never learned in college. He will learn to lead others as he will be blessed with leadership opportunities that are rarely available to those so young. He will learn to boldly walk in the world and to take care of himself. He leaves a boy, and will return a man filled with joy.

Until We Meet Again

Goodbye Jacob. We will miss you. The noise in our home is not as rich without you here, but we are already feeling the blessings of your service. Thankfully, there is an image of you emblazoned upon my mind. As you walked out the door, you paused at the piano and played a few short notes. I had never heard the song before, and I cannot recall its melody. Instead, I can only see you sitting there and blessing us one last time with your beautiful music.

Now, the people of Concepción Chile get to hear your music and see your smile. Give it to them freely and share it openly. As you stand on the banks of the stream of missionary service remember: Now it is your turn. Don't waste a moment.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

How much time did you spend this week reflecting about what is going on around you and planning your life?

What are you afraid of? Is your fear keeping you from acting courageously?

Do you know why you get up in the morning? Is your purpose clearly defined?

I ask you to consider these questions because they are directly related with the responses gathered from a one question survey of older adults (+ 75). The question is a simple one – "If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?"

I think the answer to this question is pertinent to all of us, but especially to those of us who still have the greater portion of the second half of their life to live. Are you as interested as I am in the responses? Do you think the responses can help you make a course correction if needed?

Trick Questions

Your answers to the questions I asked you to consider at the beginning of this post are very important. That is because the questions are closely correlated with the top three answers the seniors gave in the one questions survey. They said that if they could live their life over, they would do the following:

1. Spend more time reflecting on life.
   
2. Act more courageously.
3. Clarify earlier in their life their individual purpose.

Take a look again at your answers. Are you satisfied with your responses? Are you spending enough time in these areas to help you make meaning out of your life? It is your life to live and I affirm that now, is the most valuable resource you have. Use it wisely.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

What Happened?

One of the great things about a New Year resolutions is that we rarely feel guilty about it when we fail to keep them. I am all for not feeling guilt, but I think we owe ourselves the gift of continually resolving to do better. 

The problem with most resolutions is that they are poorly considered. Most of us spend very little time figuring out what we want to do. Like me, you may have even seen some made in a drunken stupor on New Year's Eve. Heck, you may have even made some that way. Is it any wonder they a broken in short order. 

Making Them Count

Despite their reputation for being quickly dismissed, I believe it is very important to regularly make and keep "new you" resolutions. Did you catch that? I said regularly, not just annually; and I also said "new you" and not New Year.

So how do we make them count? First, we must take the time to clearly define our purpose in life. This is a difficult task, and one that most healthy people avoid. For some strange reason, we leave that work unfinished until we face a crisis. Then our purpose becomes very important. I don't want to wait for a crisis to define my purpose in life, do you?

Until our purpose is clearly stated, our resolutions will be difficult to keep. This is because we won't really know what we want and so we will allow ourselves to set resolutions that really don't matter to us. If it doesn't matter to us, we won't do if for very long. Each resolution we set must be clearly aligned with our purpose. When we do that, we find it very easy to engage in, and even fulfill our "New You" resolutions.

Another tool that will help us to stay resolved is the development of key indicators. Many of us understand this, and do it very effectively in our businesses, but for some reason, only a few of us do it effectively in our personal lives.

How can we expect to succeed if we don't know what success looks like? Key indicators help us to insure we are on the right track. They also help us measure our progress. When the right indicators are developed, we become free to make adjustments and to evaluate our progress.

Happy New You!

It's not too late. Some of my resolutions for 2011 are still being formed. I am not the least bit worried about that. I know that when I take the time to get them right, I am much more likely to see them to completion. I also understand that my resolutions live with me. That means that they are refined and redefined at various times throughout the year. 

What do I want?'

How will I get it?

What will it cost me?

When will I start?

These are some of the questions I ask myself when I am serious about setting new resolutions. Before you start, you may want to consider a check-up on your purpose. It is easier than you think. Just start by asking yourself who you want to become. Then let your self dream. Just find the space and time to capture the thoughts in your head. Empty them without fear of judgment. Get them all out. I find it most useful to hand write it. I like the feel of the flow of my hand when it synchronizes with my brain. Typing it out works well too. The important thing is just to move, for every movement you make, as long as it is aligned with your purpose, brings you closer to realizing your goals.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

These questions are the result of my brainstorming what I want in 2011. I just turned my hands loose and started letting them flow from me without thinking. Some questions led to other questions, but there really was no thought in the order, or restraint on my part. I just let them flow from me.

Reflection

About three quarters of the way through I noticed that I was not proposing any "why" questions. As this fact bubbled out of my subconscious and into my conscious thought I asked myself, "why not"? I determined that it was because the "why" questions do not empower me to be my best. They do not help me in any way. 

What questions are you asking yourself?

How will they help you become your best?

I am not seeking for life's answers. Instead, I am living in the question.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Why Can't Every Day Be Like Christmas?

This year I decided to start the season early. I broke out the Christmas music and movies on November 1st. I was determined to really enjoy the spirit of the season and spent my time in the car listening to Christmas music and my time in front of the television watching Christmas movies. I was amazed at how connected I felt to the spirt of Christmas. I went through each day with a smile on my face and felt very little of the normal pressures you would think a father of seven children would feel.

I am a fan of both aspects of the season. I love the sacred opportunity to celebrate Jesus' birth and I love the visions of the gifts Santa Claus will bring. To me, Jesus gave us all a great gift. It is wonderful for me to be the "real" Santa and to emulate His great gift to mankind by giving great gifts to "my kind". The commercialization of Christmas actually provides me an opportunity to be "Christ like" with my giving. 

I stand all amaze at the love Jesus offers me and I love to see the wonder in the faces of my small children as they consider the magic that Santa offers on Christmas morn. Because my focus is on the birth of a Savior the giving of gifts seem like part of the story. 

I Want A Magic Carpet

As Christmas approaches, I love to ask my children what they want for Christmas. Each year, we receive some marvelous requests. It is fun for Stacy and me to make it all happen. We love the time together in the stores looking for just the right thing.

This year, Leah, our youngest child (4), held fast to a fantastic request. Each time we asked her what she wanted, she resolutely replied "a magic carpet". My first inner response was – "I am sorry, you won't be getting one of those". The more she requested it, the more I realized that she really wanted it. I had to find a way to make it happen.

During one of our shopping excursions, we wandered into the rug section. There, in front of us was a magic carpet. It was a beautiful gold and silver rug. There is no other way to describe it than to say that it looked magical. We knew we had our rug.

The Spirit of Christmas is Here For All

Finding the rug was the easy part, making it fly would be another story. Several days before Christmas I began talking about imagination and how important it is in our lives. I wanted the children to think about creating the impossible in their own lives. I wanted them to wonder how imagination works. It was my hope that they would all make the connection that a magic carpet is powered by imagination. I hoped even Leah would get the message and be content to imagine flying on her beautiful rug. 

Christmas morning finally arrived and the first gift Leah opened was her magic carpet. She let out a scream letting us know that she had received her magic carpet and immediately began to lay it out on the floor. As she sat down on her rug, our other children spontaneously, without prompting from us, gathered around Leah, each taking a hold of the carpet. They lifted her up and began to fly her around the room. The magic of imagination filled the air and the smile on Leah's face is one that I will never forget.

We Lift Each Other Up

It was a wonderful display of love and I was reminded of the story in the New Testament of the paralyzed man. He wanted to see Jesus so He could heal him, but he was too sick and feeble to move through the line. The sick man's friends arrived and lifted him up. They tore the roof off of the house where Jesus was at, and lowered him down to be healed. Jesus, touched by the display of love from the man's friends said, "your sins are forgiven you." He gave him the greatest gift, but the people were appalled and wondered how it was that Jesus could forgive sins. Jesus, perceiving their concern looked at the man and said "arise, take up thy bed and walk", and the man walked. He wanted to show the people that it was just as easy to heal spiritual problems as it was to heal physical problems. He could do both and so He did.

Leah's magic carpet ride reminded me of this story because her siblings lifted her up and gave her the transportation she needed to receive a great gift. I have often wondered who would lower me down when I need it and now I know. 

How are you regarding the great gifts you receive?

The thoughts expressed in this column are allowing me the opportunity to share with you what I value most.

How connected are you what you value most? 

Are you willing to share it with others without requiring conversion?

Each of us live a life of value. Sometimes what we value is different than what others value. This does not mean that we should forget those values. Instead we should remember them and share them. I feel most connected with you when I can be who I am without worrying if you will still like me. I am a Christian man and I believe in Christ.

Merry Christmas!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Mental Capacity

Yesterday, as I ran up one of the tougher hills, I lost my concentration. My mental capacity gave out and I could not make it to the top. I was on a hill that I have successfully ran many times, but that did not matter. For whatever reason, I became disengaged from my mental escape and my ability to continue was thwarted.

I stopped briefly, hoping that I could regain my edge, but I could not get it back. I was a long way from home and my mind had decided that my run was over. I struggled to make it back to begin the day.

The challenges that I faced during my run, carried over into the rest of my mood. I did not feel physically tired, or discouraged, I just felt flat. My intensity was not there and I simply wanted to rest and do nothing.

Not Me!

Of course, I felt like I was too busy to rest and do nothing so I labored throughout the day to stick with it. That was nearly impossible to do. My focus was in another sphere and I was not interested in moving forward. All I needed to do was to stop and reflect and allow myself a moment to rest from the cares and challenges of the day. But I pushed on anyway.

The result? The day was one of the most unproductive days I have had in a long time. I was unable to get it together. The time I spent was wasted. I had to redo nearly everything I did several times over. Finally the day was over, but I had nothing to show for it.

Seeing The Signs

I knew on the run that it was going to be this kind of day. I could have walked home and then gone to some peaceful place to reflect, plan and heal. The signs were all there. Instead of seeing them and listening to them, I pressed on and reaped little, if any, reward.

Are you in tune enough with your being to know when it is time to take the mental breaks you need?

Are you willing to give yourself the permission you need to do it?

What value do you gain when you do?

When I came home from work, I took a brief rest. Then I went out and did some physical labor – the kind that made me really have to use my body and forget my head. It was a great break, and the exact opposite of the escape I normally enjoy when I get out to do physical exercise. This time the benefit was an escape from my mind, and that is exactly what I needed.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Life and Leadership In Harmony

I agreed to pursue the opportunity and carefully began to develop my strategic plan for winning the bid. The more people I spoke with, the more I understood that this would be a very good opportunity, but it probably wasn't a fit for me.

It was easy for me to see that the demands of the role would require me to abandon much of the work that I have developed over the past ten years. The benefit would be the stability associated with it, but the more I considered it the more I could see that it would require too much of me. 

It was true, that this opportunity would provide me with work close to home that would allow me to be more involved in the lives of my children, but it didn't seem like it would fulfill my career aspirations. The fit was not there, so I passed on the opportunity. It was a difficult decision, but I know it was the right one for me and the organization. I felt great harmony as I notified the organization of my intent to not pursue.

The Enemy of The Good

The decision became much easier, when I sat down to evaluate the opportunity. It was then, that I was able to set aside the emotion, and the goodness of the opportunity so that I could consider my values. I didn't take me long to see where it was aligned, and where it was not. Once I saw that, I was able to move forward without worry, regret or remorse.

As I sat thinking, I was reminded of a phrase my friend Eddie Peterson often says – "The enemy of the great, is the very good." This opportunity was in fact very good, but it seemed like it would place conditions on my ability to be great. I feel a terrific energy behind the work that I do, and I am certain that my hard work is about to pay off. Each day, I become more focused. This very good opportunity would have answered some of my short term needs, but it most likely would have hindered many of my long term goals.

When we are clear about what we want, we are able to say no to good things that might actually become distractions. The very things that may prevent us from rising to the next level are often very tempting to pursue. It is hard to say no to them because they are good, but if we want to become our best, we must be clear enough to let them go.

What good is standing in your way of becoming your best?

Are you willing to trust your vision and let if go?

What can you do today to ensure that your vision is seared into your conscious and unconscious efforts?

I am sure that this will not be the last time that I will need to make a choice between the good and the great. I know that greatness comes to those who are willing to go for it. That is where I find myself today – standing on the edge of greatness and taking the leap of faith that is required to reach for something more. See you at the top!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Filter

The summer rehabilitation begins with the addition of chemicals and steady filtering. Swimming pools use a cleaning system that pumps water through a filter and back into the pool. The filter traps the impurities from the water and allows the treated water to move back into the pool. The dirt and grime from the pool stays in the filter, but the filter eventually gets clogged with all the dirt and then it must be cleaned.

When the filter is dirty, the cleaning system does not work as efficiently. It actually must work harder to pump the water through it and so it loses its ability clean it in a timely manner. If the filter is not cleaned, it doesn't really matter how long you run the pump. It simply does not work. If you want a clean pool, you must have a clean filtration system.

Under normal operating conditions, the filter must be cleaned three or four times a year. Because we let the pool get so dirty over the winter, we are cleaning it daily. It is amazing to see how quickly it becomes clogged. Our pump is running 24 hours a day right now. The only time we turn it off is when we are cleaning the filter. The water, despite nearly a week of filtering, still looks unpleasant, but we are making progress.

What We Take In

Yesterday, as I was cleaning the filter, I though about my own filtering system. Today, we need to be much more vigilant then we needed to be 20 years ago. Then, we had policies and guidelines in place that filtered information for us. Today the internet and the relaxation of broadcasting standards means that we really operate most of the time without any other filter than our own.

I like the freedom that we have, but I understand the cost too. Our pool of information is corrupt and dirty. but that fact is not the real problem. The problem is that many of us are not maintaining our own reservoirs. We allow anything and everything to jump into it and the filth that now comes so easily into our lives is clogging our personal filters. They are struggling to keep up, but they are not doing the job. 

The use of pornography is at an all time high, and it is now as popular or more popular among women as it is men. We can barely escape its influence. It is in the popular shows, and now it is even in most commercials. 

Its impact is corrupting our leaders in politics, entertainment, athletics and business. None of them seem to be happy when we discover that they are caught in this trap. Each of them fight to get back what they had, a clean bill of living. Of course, this is not the only influence that is sullying our living pools, but it is one of the major ones. For many of us, it is time to clean the filter, and it will need to be cleansed many times before we can eliminate all of the filth from the information pool. 

Raise the Bar

From the windows of our home, we barely noticed the dirt in the pool. It wasn't until we had a couple of warm days that it began to really look bad. If we had turned on our filter system a week earlier, and added some chemicals, it would have become crystal clear much more quickly. I am often amazed at how much energy we spend thinking and worrying about our water supplies and how little we spend thinking and worrying about our information supplies. 

My invitation for you today is to look inward and begin to clean up. Yes, it is much more difficult to escape the dirt today, so I dare you to be different. I dare you to step out of the normal world and into a cleaner way of living. I know it won't be easy, but you can do it. It will make you a better leader, and a better person.

Is your filter on?

Are you maintaining it regularly so that you can keep your reservoirs clean?

Are you will do what it takes to only allow clean water in?

I believe that when we strive to live by pure and virtuous principles we are more likely to be happy. These filters provide the safety we need to really enjoy life. None of my children were willing to jump into the dirty pool. We must not be willing to live in a dirty world either.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Measuring Your Growth

Every April and October, we take time in our home to measure the physical growth our children have experienced. Each child lines up against our pantry door and we place a mark that captures their current height. It is fun to see how much taller each one has become over the course of only six months. So far, no one has reached their peak and we are able to measure growth over each period, but we understand that eventually their physical growth will stop.

Fortunately, our personal growth and development never have to reach a peak. We can continue to grow throughout our lives. If we stay focused on becoming our best, we can consistently reach for, and arrive at, new heights.

Measuring this type of growth requires a different tool. We cannot use a tape measure or a scale. It also requires a different method for setting goals.  

BECOME Goals

Many of us have learned how to set SMART goals. This formula is an excellent tool for project management, but I don't think they work as well for personal growth initiatives. 

Growth and development are always focused on becoming. They are a process that is constantly in motion. I have been experimenting with a new model and came up with what I call The BECOME Formula™. This formula is more conducive to setting behavioral based goals, and staying engaged in the process. I find it to be fully capable of influencing our personal development. Here it is:

B – Believe that you can become better. 

E – Envision your success. Clearly define the development you want. Dream big.

C – Collect feedback from others. Make sure your efforts are delivering the results you want. 

O – Overcome the fear of being great. Believe in you and let go of any negative feelings.

M – Measure the cost of success. Know what commitments it will take and be willing to do them.

E – Everyday, be willing to do something that will move you closer to your goals. 

I have used this formula now for over two years and it works. It helps me to stay focused on becoming instead of achieving. That is the biggest difference between the SMART Goal formula and The BECOME Formula™ - It helps me stay engaged in the development that I really want in my life.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

These relationships seem to lead more often to friendships that are truly capable of lifting and supporting each other. We don't go around trying to tear each other down. The competition we feel is healthy. It doesn't matter if our agendas are similar or contrary. Because we respect each other, we are able to stand up and cheer each other on. 

Toxic Friends

Sadly, not all relationships are like this. Some friends are toxic. I have invested in many friendships that I knew would never become healthy friendships. I held to a belief that if I loved enough, the other person would learn to love me too. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. I have learned the hard way, on more than one occasion, that it really is easier to end these relationships than it is to hang on to them and hope that they will somehow mature. 

Of course there is pain associated with ending a toxic relationship, but it is a lot less than that associated with maintaining one. I find it interesting that these types of friends spend most of their time belittling and tearing the other down, then strongly protest when an attempt is made to end the relationship. I always wonder, "why do they want to be my friend? They don't support me or value me." I don't understand all the reasons behind it, but I know that toxic friends hate being cut off. 

Time To Clean Up

I am ending several relationships like this right now. Some of these people have been my friend for a long time. Some are very close to me, but I am tired of the abuse that is required to be their friend. I am certain, that I am not the ideal friend for these people either, so I am hopeful that we can make a clean break without a lot of drama.

I feel like I can love and support these people better by stepping away. I think even the best of friendships eventually reach a point where separate paths become more desirable, so I am ending these relationships with the thought in mind that it is time to go our separate ways.

I feel a little guilt for doing this, but I know that it is for the best. I know that I need to let these relationships go, because they are occupying too much of my time, and taking too much of my energy. I need to make room for the many wonderful relationships that are waiting to take me to the next level. 

I am saying goodbye while I still hold some form of goodwill toward the other. This will allow me to fondly remember the good times we may have shared. If I wait much longer, I am sure there will be a blow-up. I choose to avoid that, by simply saying farewell.

Moving On

Some will find this hard to understand. Some will be hurt, some will become bitter and others will feel a sense of relief. I hope they will eventually understand that it is just time to move on, and that moving on will create new opportunities for both of us to grow.

When was the last time you took an inventory of your friendships?

Do you know which ones are breathing life into your dreams and which ones are not?

What steps are you willing to take to make room for new healthy relationships?

As I move forward, I am conscious of the lessons I have learned. I recognized early on, that some of these friendships would never develop into healthy relationships, but I allowed them to develop because I needed something or wanted something that I thought I could get. In this way, I added to the toxicity and the drama,and for that, I am sorry.

I am reminded of a quote from Maya Angelou that one of my most precious friends shared with me. She said, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."  I will use that to guide the establishment of my new friendships. I hope you will too.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

A week before opening night, our director invited an outside voice to come and critique our efforts. This man, who is known for his excellence in directing and producing theatrical events, possesses an amazing ability to comment directly without regard for feelings. It is not his intent to hurt any feelings, he just believes that if we hear it from him, we have time to do something about it, but if we hear it from the audience, it is too late. Consequently, he is willing to engage in difficult conversations. 

The Hammer Drops

After our rehearsal, we gathered around as a cast to receive his feedback, which consisted of 26 pages of hand written notes. Each comment was brief and to the point. He did not attempt to sugar coat his remarks. He just presented them to us in a clear and precise way. 

Some of his comments I found to be very useful and others I found to be of little or no value. When he finished, I felt like a great gift had been bestowed upon our cast. I found myself feeling thankful, especially for the three or four pages that pertained specifically to me. 

I admit that some of his comments were harsh and difficult for some of cast members to receive, but I was even thankful for those thoughts. Our director us asked before we sat down to receive the feedback to simply listen to the comments without becoming defensive. He told us that we would most likely hear some things that would sting, but he assured us that he was very happy with our efforts and felt like this feedback could prove to be very helpful to us.

Ready To Receive

I came to the feedback session with a desire to improve my ability to perform in my role. I knew that I could become better, but I had done about all I could do on my own. My director had basically given me all the direction that he could give me too. I wanted this feedback, so I was ready to receive it.

I thought about the openness I felt as I heard some comments that would normally sting. I didn't feel their sting, instead I felt thankful. I contrasted those feelings with the feelings that I had felt in other feedback moments. I must admit, that in other times I have not been so gracious in receiving feedback. I wanted to know what made the difference.

At first, I felt like the difference was the speaker. This was an independent person who really had no interest in our production. I did not feel that his remarks were in any way personal. I just thought he was sharing, from an objective viewpoint, what we could do better. I thought about this for a moment, and then quickly identified some defensive moments when another independent voice was giving feedback, so I knew it wasn't just that.

I thought about many other reasons, but I kept canceling them out with other stories from my past. Finally, I realized that the difference this time was that I was truly open. This openness was not a state of mind, rather it was a feeling that came from my own awareness. I knew that I was doing the best that I could do. I accepted my efforts as good. I believed that I could get better. These feeling allowed me to readily receive the speaker's comments.

Open Up!

Suddenly it dawned on me. I am the only one that can make me feel defensive. If I truly accept myself, and if I learn to listen to myself, then I will come to see feedback in a whole new way. They comments are not meant to be gem or barb, they simply represent the truth from the other's perspective. I am in control. I can either choose to accept and do something about it, or reject and do nothing. It is my choice.

This open feeling does not come from listening to others. It comes from listening to self. There is a comfort and a confidence that comes from learning to hear our own voice. When we do it, we become more aware of what is going on inside us. That awareness gives us the ability to see things as they really are. When we see them, we recognize the need for external feedback and it becomes a helping hand, instead of a destructive fist.

Are you listening to your own voice?

Can you receive the comments of others, without feeling defensive?

What can you do to improve your ability to receive the gift of feedback?

The more aware I become of my own voice, the more capable I am of hearing the voice of others. I am not perfect at this yet, but I am improving. I still become defensive at times, but I am now able to quickly recognize that I became defensive and do something about it. The goal is to hear all forms of feedback without feeling any sense of destructive defense. The only way to do that, is to open up.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Our conversation touched on both the personal and the professional levels. He openly shared his strategies for creating harmony between his life and leadership responsibilities. Time passed quickly, and before I knew it our lunch was over. He didn't linger. He looked at his watch and said, "we need to get back to work", and began collecting his things to leave.

Most 72 year old men, might be leisurely passing through life. My new friend looks like he might be 52, and it is very clear that he is anxiously engaged in happy and well balanced living. It was also very clear that he is an extraordinary leader and that his leadership style is something that he spent a lot of time developing over the course of his career. Even more amazing is the fact that he continues to work at. I enjoyed our time together.

The Winds Of Change

The financial industry is an industry that is constantly changing. During our lunch conversation, I lost track of how many mergers and acquisitions my friend had experienced. He spoke of several in great detail, and others he mentioned as footnotes.

We spent a lot of time talking about a particular merger because the leadership philosophy of the two organizations was radically different. Of course the merger was a failure and ultimately destroyed the trust of many of the organization's customers and clients.

I marveled at the difference in leadership styles, and wondered how anybody could have believed that the two organization's would be a good match.

The organization that was being acquired was led by a man who believed that the number one goal was to make its people better. The acquiring organization was led by a man who believed that it should win at all costs. When the two organizations merged, the acquiring organization's leader was retained, the leader from the acquired organization was dismissed and the rest is history.

Visual Alignment

There may be a place for both of these strategies in different locations, but combining the two was a major blunder. The people from the different cultures never figured out how to co-exist and as a result, the best people from both organizations left, leaving only the mediocre and the challenged behind to build the new company.

This is why most mergers fail. Most of the strategy and vision making sessions are focused on the financial and competitive analysis. Very little time is spent examining the cultures and thinking about how they will merge, or even if they will merge. Those in charge, for some reason believe, that any culture can be blended with another. They just think it takes time, and so they do little to really identify whether or not there is a fit. They somehow think they can worry about that after the two organizations have been brought together. 

There may be a great match between technology, products, customer bases and market share, but none of those matter if the cultures are not aligned. The thriving organization must have a unified culture, or else it will cease to thrive. I am surprised that the more attention is not applied to the people side, usually only token words are spoken and then the people are left to figure it out for themselves.

Your Duty

I am speaking the truth about why organization mergers often fail, but that does not take you off the hook. In fact, what it really does is make you even more responsible for what is going on. You are a leader. Your role is to lead. Sometimes, leaders encounter difficult situations. The good ones get by, the great ones lead the organization and its people to new levels.

You may find yourself in the middle of a difficult merger right now. This is your opportunity to lead. Culture problems are resolved in the middle of the organization. The first thing leaders must do is to bring the new team together. They immediately eliminate all thought and talk of the old ways and rally the people around the new ways. They don't allow people to say, this is how we use to do it over here, or this is how we do it here. They bring people together and discover the new rules.

Are you in the middle of this right now?

What are you doing to bring the organization together?

What is it that will bring life to your new enterprise?

Don't sit on the side lines or bail out. Get involved and make a difference. Good jobs are hard come by right now and good companies are actually made by you. You have a role to play. Are you willing to take your place in leading your organization into its future?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I have worked in the organization for a while, and I know many of the people that were invited. The company used an internet invite, so those of us attending know who will be attending today. We also know who will not be attending, at least some of them. Some people actually hit the decline button and then gave an excuse why they could not make it. Most said, the meeting was either too far away, or that it was happening too early in the morning.

As I reviewed the list of declines, I could not help but notice that the people not coming, are the very people that vociferously complain about the state of the organization. I found it interesting to note that, when given the opportunity to raise their voice in a positive and constructive way, they found the time and location to be inconvenient for them.

Focus On What Is Working

I realize that there are many challenges in today's business environment. It is difficult to keep a job right now, let alone find one. For this reason, I am surprised that more people are not attending today. Those that complain must think that the organization and its leaders have all the answers and that they are deliberately making things rough on everybody else. 

There are actually very few answers right now. Things are changing so rapidly. One day, it feels like recovery. The next day, it feels like things are slipping backward again. Everyday, there are things that are working, and that is where I think our focus should be.

I am thankful that today's meeting will not focus on the problems. Instead, our focus will be on identifying what is working, and then discovering how we can do more of that. These are the meetings that bring energy. This is how we get to the core strengths of the organization and the individuals involved. This is how we learn to connect those strengths and then extend them outward into the world.

We Go Where We Look

The most amazing thing happens to companies who take this approach. They actually create better results. Because they are focused on the positive and doing something to create more of it, they actually do create more positive experiences. Because their people are invited to be involved, they actually feel more engaged and valued by the organization.

Problems don't disappear, they just become less noticeable because the energy of the organization is focused on doing more of what is working. That leaves less time to spend on the problems. The things that are working actually become focused in the problem areas and, lo and behold, the problems resolve. It is a magical approach, and it works.

Which direction is your organization heading?

Are you focused on the problems or the things that are working?

What can you today to bring your strengths in focus?

You will move in the direction you are looking. The classic problem solving methodology taught in most business schools is designed to continually search for problems. Consequently, those who employ it find more and more problems. The funny thing is, finding those problems, rarely leads to the kind of success that the organizations that focus on what is working enjoy. 

It's your choice. Where are you going to look?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

At first, I laughed, but pretty soon I started believing them and then I changed my dream. I didn't think much about it at the time, but now, I can look around and see many friends and acquaintances who are teachers, and they seem to be able to support their families without any problems. 

This evidence reminds me that life is an experience that we create. We are actually free to be whoever we want to be. It is true our choices, and the resulting consequences point us down various paths, but we are free to make new choices every day. Each choice we make, becomes a defining moment. It either propels us forward, or sinks us backward. 

Defining You

One of the most powerful questions we can ever ask ourselves is the question, “Who am I?” Thinking of our many unique qualities as we answer provokes individual awareness in a way few other questions can.

Because of the complexity of the question, many fail to gain the clarity of thought needed to really answer it. Yet this is a question that must be answered if we are to reach for our ultimate success, even our true potential. 

For many, the answer to this question is a synopsis of what they do. This answer, by itself, can never inspire. While it is true that what we do is a part of who we are, the real answer is much deeper than that. I have long looked for a formula that clearly states the components of identity. It is a work in progress, so I share it with you with an invitation to add your thoughts. 

Here goes:

Our Identity is eternal. It has always been there, and it always will be there. For some reason, the birthing experience into this world, creates a cloud over this identity. One of the purposes of this life is to rediscover our identity through the choices placed before us. The task of discovering it, is influenced by our achievements and our failures, but not determined by them. In fact, the more we focus on these two items the more we actually mask our true identity. In order to see things as they really are, we must be willing to put things in order. This requires us to find a sense of harmony between what we do, and who we are. 

Our whole, is made up of the relationships we create, the talents we develop, the energy we generate, and the connection we make with the spiritual nature of our being. Until we learn how to bring these four areas into balance, we will be incapable of understanding the awesome nature of our true identity because it will remain in an immature state. 

When we focus too much energy in any one of the four areas, we move away from what is real and create an illusion of fulfillment. This illusion provides a counterfeit moment that temporarily satisfies our desire to know who we are, but if we continue in that direction our satisfaction wanes and we find ourselves searching again. When these moments disappear we are left in a lost state and must start all over. Authentic awareness only comes when we have balance in the four areas. Nothing else satisfies. 

Who Do You Want To Be?

I was asked to play the role of the Landlord, which is the dark role representing the influence of Satan. I didn't want to do it at first, because I couldn't really imagine myself playing a dark role. My life is focused on seeking the light, so I didn't want to let any darkness into my character. I struggled with the thought of allowing myself to authentically play the role without gaining a new level of understanding of the real darkness that often influences the world in which we live. I didn't want to act out the confusion and hate that I knew would be directed toward One that I love.

I loved the music that I would be singing, so I agreed to do the part. I struggled with getting into character. I just couldn't let myself portray the darkness that was required to make it real. Two days before opening night, I was still refusing to go the distance. Suddenly, a burst of light entered my mind as I was running. I saw an image of the impact of the show if I did not do justice to the part. I realized that if I did not allow myself to get into character, the people watching would not recognize or feel how darkness really feels. They would see it as humorous instead of dangerous. Then, I knew that it was OK for me to let it all out. In that moment, I gave myself permission to portray this evil in such a way that those watching would feel its reality. From that point on, the fear of becoming lost in the darkness departed from my soul.

The show was a success, and many people commented that I was an incredible "bad guy" and that they were sure glad to know that I was on the good side. Many said that I made them feel uncomfortable, and that I successfully captured the darkness of evil. It took a lot energy to get to that point. I was thankful to authentically play that role, but even more thankful that it was behind me.

My Amazing Dreamcoat Experience

My efforts in The Garden, opened the door for an amazing community theater experience. Shortly after, I was cast in the title role of Joseph, in Andrew Lloyd Weber's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

This role seemed much more comfortable for me. I identified with the role and felt like it was a role that I was born to play. I loved the experience and enjoyed singing and dancing in my very own amazing technicolor dreamcoat. It was great to play a light bearing role. 

I had no problem getting into character. The biggest challenge was preparing to be onstage in nothing more than a loin cloth. I was exercising a lot and eating very little. This time, it took very little emotional energy, but every ounce of physical energy that I had to prepare for the part. 

The happiness and disappointment I felt in the show were easy to portray because they reflected many similar experiences that I had faced in my own life. The show was a success. When it was all over, the people spoke of how much they enjoyed my energy and how comfortable I looked on stage. At the end of each rehearsal and show, I felt energetic and ready for more. I truly felt like I was in my element.

The Next Level

Before my run as Joseph was over, I was approached by a new director with a request to play the role of Jesus in the musical production of Godspell. I enjoyed breathing life into the directors dream, but I kindly declined the request.

The director wouldn't take no for an answer. I gave him all my excuses – I believed Godspell was a sacrilegious experience, I didn't want to be involved in something that would make a mockery of the teachings of Jesus, I thought the show was goofy, and I didn't have time. He patiently broke through all of those excuses, which left me with only one – I really didn't think that I could authentically play the role of Jesus. I didn't even know how to approach it – I felt like a hypocrite even trying. He assured me that I could do it, and I eventually listened to the music and decided to play the role.

Interestingly enough, my permission to play this light role came in a similar way that the permission came to play the dark role. I was out running and contemplating the possibility. I just didn't feel like I could do it. I knew there would be people who would say, "who does he think he is?" I knew that I would need to raise myself to a new standard of living and take one more step toward perfection. I worried that I would somehow fail. Suddenly, I heard a voice saying, "Andrew, this your opportunity to prepare the way for me. You don't have to be like me, or carry my weight – I will do it for you. I will breathe the life into you, that will you need to represent me." The message was beautiful and freed me to deeply embrace the role.  

Our show opened last week, and we are now entering the second week of our three week run. I can't adequately describe the experiences that I have had and the emotions I have felt as I have prepared for this role. In the daytime, I still do not feel capable of playing this role, but something happens when we open the show. I am able to raise myself to a new level.

The experience is draining, At the end of each show, I am totally spent. The person who betrays me is someone that I really love, and I feel the emotions over and over again of being betrayed by someone I love. The people in the cast are people that I really love, and the experience of saying goodbye to them moves me to shed very real tears every time we play that scene. The desire to escape is just as real as my willingness to submit my will to the will of my Father. The pain of the crucifixion scenes are intense. Dying and being carried around by those who love me is surreal. Coming back to life and seeing the joy on the faces of loving disciples is exquisite. Words cannot describe the whole experience. I wish you could witness and even see it through my eyes.

There are people who have seen me in all three productions and at the end of this show, they are saying that this is my finest hour. I feel what they mean. 

The Road To Redemption

I share this story with you, because it is not just my story, it is our story. I never thought last April, that over the course of the coming year I would play the roles of Satan, Joseph and Jesus. That is quite a progression. Thankfully I moved in ascending spirals and not in the dreaded downward spiral patterns. 

Naturally, we are all captivated by the energy of this world. The world tells us that we can float without purpose, that we can do whatever feels good, and that there will be no lasting consequences. The world is wrong. 

We must be anxiously engaged in making forward progress. There are things we do today, that seem ok, but tomorrow we will realize that they cause us pain. We must learn how to move forward and leave them behind. That journey is made more difficult, even impossible, when we attempt to do it by ourselves. We need to follow the One who advocates so lovingly for our redemption. The dark ways of the world, no matter how enticing, can only lead us to the cruel cul-de-sacs sin and despair. 

Where are you at in your journey toward the light?

Are you making progress?

What is your next step?

I am thankful for the spiritual intelligence that I posses and the impact that it has in my life. I invite you to develop your own. I love you for who you are and I look forward to watching you grow. As one who has studied and portrayed both light and darkness, please accept my findings. The dark paths of the world bring fear, confusion, worry, despair, frustrations, feelings that we are not good enough and hate. The paths of light bring us peace, understanding, acceptance, happiness, goodness and love. Where do you stand?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Battle Bots

Sometimes I run into people who enjoy it even more than I do. I do my best to avoid taking the bait, but unfortunately, there are times when I feel like being the one to teach them a lesson with their own medicine. This never turns out well, even if I win the argument.

I have noticed that there are some people who enjoy engaging in smack down arguments through their social media networks. I find this behavior to be quite fascinating, even though I don't understand it. To me, the shield of the social network, makes it difficult for trust to be established. It also makes it easy for people to behave in an irresponsible and immature way. A heated discussion, or an argument conducted under these terms is unable to yield a productive outcome.

Rules of Engagement

I don't really understand the rules of engagement for this whole social media experience and arguments are not the only thing about it that confuse me. I also frequently receive some pretty silly and even some pretty intimate requests from people who I barely know at all.

Mafia Wars and Farmville requests come to me from all corners of the world. I don't know what to do with that. Connecting with people in this way seems kind of strange to me. 

Some people in my network want to network, some don't. Some want to promote, some don't. Some claim they are in it to build connections, but do little to build connections. Does anybody really understand it? I know I don't.

Fan Pages Become Like Pages

I don't even think Facebook understands it. They recognize that they have a hold of something big, but their constant tweaking suggests that they are still figuring things out. Take the announcement they made today that they will soon be eliminating Fan Pages in favor of the term like. They said people are resistant to proclaiming themselves fans, but willing to state that they like something. What?

I guess the argument I am making here is that social medial holds a lot of promise, but so far, nobody understands it.. Just today, I posted a comment in a LinkedIn group, of which I am a founding member, and I was told, don't post things about yourself here. Huh? What the heck is a social networking group worth if we can't post information to it that introduces, exposes and promotes our efforts. Anything short of that is just a time wasting activity that allows me to hide behind the screen and pretend to be somebody I am not. 

What Say Ye?

They say that social media will change our lives, but I am waiting to see how. Will it become a productive tool, or just a way to waste time? I know some are making it work and that is what encourages me to continue with this experiment.

How is social media changing your life?

What successes are you seeing from it?

How do you build trust with those new to your social network?

Relationships are important to me. I am willing to continue investing in my social media network. If you are reading and we are not connected, then please send me an invite.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Do you think social media will ever live up to its pro

My natural preference is to be involved in intimate one-on-one or small group meetings. I enjoy those moments. They help me make stronger connections and develop greater amounts of trust. 

Networking Know How

Today, I will spend some time at a networking meeting. I struggle in these settings. I often find it very difficult to walk over and introduce myself to people I don't know. To me, no matter how sincere I feel, these moments feel like insincere moments. I love to feel authentic.

I am thinking a lot about the challenge I face in working the room. I want to overcome it. It seems like the more I tell myself that I do not enjoy these types of events, the less I enjoy them. I know there is more to it than telling myself to enjoy it, so I have been examining my thoughts and feelings.

Leaning In To The Discomfort

These are uncomfortable moments for me, but why should they be. I am strongly connected with my purpose and values. It should be easy for me to introduce myself and to meet people, but for some reason, I struggle.

I am reminded of a phrase my dad always said, "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." Caring about others is how connections are made. I demonstrate caring by listening to others and the introduction is something that requires me to talk rather than listen. My need to hear and connect with others, overrides my need to introduce myself.

Today, I am going to quickly introduce myself and then move into the mode of listener. People like to tell their own story, so I am going to make mine brief and then ask connecting questions. There are stories in the room that I want to hear. The only way I can discover them is to ask the questions.

When I look at the conversations I will have in this light, I feel energized. My uncomfortable feelings disappear and I begin to see how valuable these experiences can be.

Reframing The Pain

Your challenges may be different than mine, and may have nothing to do with networking, but I am sure you can overcome them. Usually, we just need to ask ourselves new and powerful questions. Questioning "why" is often the least effective way of doing this, i.e. "why do I struggle in open networking situations?" When I ask the question this way, I find it difficult to think of anything other than the pain that I feel.

It is much more powerful to ask, "what can I do to feel better in these situations?" Once I ask that question, I begin to unleash my true potential.

What challenges are you facing right now?

What can you do to feel better about those situations?

How can you reframe the circumstances to better utilize your strengths?

There is no escaping the uncomfortable and undesirable things we have to do each day. The only way out, is to create a new way of looking at things. Can you see it?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548