I enjoyed every minute of that challenge. Marshall’s levels of awareness are intensely high. Helping him, meant that I needed to finely tune my focus toward his needs. I learned very quickly that he was the expert on him and if I wanted to help him, I was going to have to get him to tell me what he wanted and how he wanted to be helped.

There was no room for my ego. I could not rely on my previous successes. To truly help him, I had to live each moment from the same intense level of awareness. I had to let go of me so that I could help him create a better him.

Symbiotic Relationships

This did not mean that I could not be myself, it simply meant that all of my efforts needed to be focused on him. The only agenda I could embrace was his.

This relationship forced me to learn in many new ways. My knowledge, skills, and abilities were tested nearly everyday as I worked to give him what he needed. One key learning was that I had to be willing to learn from him. I could not expect that the learning would be one way. As a result, I often told him that I was fairly certain that I was learning more from him, than he was from me. He regularly assured me that this was not the case and publicly and privately valued my work.

Our work together honed my skills and fostered my ability to be direct and involved, without losing sight of what really mattered in the lives of my clients.

Gratitude

Recently, Marshall Goldsmith was named winner of the 2011 Thinkers50 Leadership Award, which is sponsored by The Harvard Business Review. This award designated him as the World’s Most Influential Thinker.

Less than a week after Marshall received this award, I received a note of gratitude stating, “Dear Andrew, the support you gave me, helped make this possible”. Then, remembering our previous conversations and honoring our mutual commitment to learning, he stated, “I think I have learned more from you, than you have learned from me”.

None of this was necessary, but through this action Marshall reminded me of how important it is to show gratitude. I am especially touched by this message at this time of year. This is the time and season when we pause and remember the things and the people who contribute to our well being. It is the time when we pause to say thanks, but thanks is really not enough.

Next level gratitude requires us to clearly state the impact of the other by specifically acknowledging how they have contributed to our success. I am grateful for Marshall’s example of being willing to do that, even 5 years after our work together concluded. I can’t tell you how valued that simple act made me feel. When was the last time you reached to those who have supported you and thanked them for their many contributions? I encourage you to do that today.

Thank you Marshall Goldsmith – This kind act suggests that I continue to learn more from you. I rejoice in your success and I look forward to celebrating it with you soon.

Life is Good!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

There is no doubt about it. What he did changed my life. I was an Apple Macintosh user when being an Apple Macintosh user wasn't cool. I bought Apple stock when it was $13.56 a share. Thankfully I am still holding it. I got my first iPod nearly a year before I ever heard anybody else talk about it. I am writing this on my MacBook Pro. My iPhone is in my pocket, and my iPad is within reach. These things changed my life and definitely make life more convenient, but did they make my life more meaningful?

The answer to that question is a definite no. What Steve did changed what I do, but it did not change who I am. As I examine his life, I am learning many lessons that I think can help me live a more meaningful life, but these are things that were largely hidden while he was alive. Sadly, much of what I am discovering as I read his biography speak more about how not to live a meaningful life then about how to live a meaningful life. I am not sure how Steve would feel about this statement, because I think he was generally confused about what mattered most: the market or the people. In my mind, there is no confusion. The quantity of what we do, can never compare to the quality of who we become. 

By Saying this, I do not mean to imply that he was a bad man. I think he was a good man who just got a little to busy, though, like most of us sometimes do. The busyness and the business of life prevented him, for much of his life, from focusing on what really mattered. His biography makes it pretty clear that he knew this about himself. Unfortunately, this self-awareness did not change how he lived for most of his life. This should not surprise us, Many of us see the same thing, yet we continue to focus on the things that matter least. There is a worldly pressure to do so.

The Motivating Force of Mortality

In 2003, Steve was diagnosed with a rare, somewhat treatable, form of pancreatic cancer. One great quality that he demonstrated from that point on was his extreme faith. His faith was not particularly spiritual, as he stated that the existence of God was only 50-50. He simply believed that he would survive the impact of this disease. He told us several times that he was cured. Reports indicate that he believed he would beat it, right up until the day he died.

Yet somewhere inside, he lived with the knowledge that his time was short. It is reported that he looked in the mirror everyday so that he could ask himself one simple question: "If today was my last day, would I do the things that I am about to do?" The question is revealing because of what he did with his time. The tech contributions he made after his diagnosis are the ones that define his legacy and the post-mordem advances that we are told are yet to be released will bless the world we live in for years to come. 

There is evidence to suggest that he valued his life more after he learned of the disease that eventually killed him. He is quoted as having said that his increased awareness of his own mortality motivated and focused him. Perhaps the clearest picture of what he valued comes to us from the commencement address he delivered at Stanford University in 2005. On that occasion he shared three simple lessons from his life. 

The lessons Steve shared at that time were all learned through his personal heartache, humiliation and close calls. Remarkably, this how we learn many things. Life has a way of presenting us with some event, person, death, idea, or relationship that challenges us beyond our capabilities. These things often lead us to the very edge of our own private resources. Sooner or later, no matter how much success we have enjoyed, we all "lose" at something. Through these losses, we learn that there is a larger journey; something bigger than what we produce.

For Our Greater Good

My question is this: Is a crisis necessary to motivate us to make meaning? 

I thought about this from a long time and I am convinced that the answer is no. In fact, I have done more than think about this. I have dedicated my life and my work to meaning making experiences. I found that the meaning that comes from understanding in moments of joy is much more powerful than the meaning that comes from the moments of crisis. I also learned that when I take the time to make the meaning during the good times the crises I experience seem more bearable. The strength I gain from this approach is remarkable. This is why I so often say, "Life is Good!" It really is.

So why don't we do it? Because thinking about the big picture, (who we want to be?), requires us to think big, while living into the results questions, (what do I want to do?), just requires us to do.

René Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." Thinking is not enough, as Steve's most famous campaign taught us, we must "Think Different". The big picture requires us to push the pause button, at least every once in a while, so that we can reflect and examine our life. This helps us become clear about what we want.

When the "Who am I?" question is well defined, the "What should I do?" questions are easily answered . That is how meaning is created. That is how we live into purpose. That is how we become whole and authentic. 

Goodbye Steve. We learned so much from you. I hope the most important lesson we learn is that no one gets out alive. If we could only learn to understand that one simple lesson, I am sure we allow our own mortality to motivate us to live a more meaningful life.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I marveled at his ability to see his own place in the circle of life at such a young age. His statement has stuck with me for many years and came back to me again as we recently said goodbye. He is now off to serve a mission in Concepción Chile for the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints. Some 26 years ago, I said goodbye to my own family to serve a similar mission in Maracaibo Venezuela. It is now his turn.

A Sacrifie of Self

He left just a week and half ago and will not be back for two years. Our contact with him will be very limited. Saying goodbye, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that he made this choice, but that doesn't make me miss him any less.

His final week at home was spent packing his bags and packing up the things he would ultimately leave behind for the next two years. It was difficult to watch him decide what to do with so many of his childhood treasures. He spent a lot of time sorting and resorting the few things he wanted to make sure were available to him when he returns. 

A missionary leaves everything behind. On the day of his departure, he handed us his iPad and his cell phone. Then he deactivated his Facebook account. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these items. He willingly left them behind so that he could focus all of his energy on serving the Lord. He even gave up his name and will be known simply as Elder Thorn. This was difficult for me to watch, but because it was once my turn I understood. I know that what he is about to gain is worth so much more than what he just let go.

Finding Joy

The pursuit of happiness is common to all of us. We look everywhere for it. Unfortunately, this search often results in the development of some very selfish behaviors. Over the years, I have known many who have come to realize that there must be something more than the ways of the world. They look to find a better life. They look to find their better self.

Elder Thorn is doing that now, and he is about to learn one of Jesus' greatest lessons. He taught – "For whosoever will save his life shall lose: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it". My beloved son is now about to find himself. Through his efforts, he will realize that self-denial is an accelerated path to self-discovery. 

Yes, he will find happiness, but more importantly, he will find joy. So many people have wondered how Stacy and I can let our son go. They want to know how we will survive with only one brief email a week for the next two years. We will survive because we know our son is nobly dedicating himself to a cause that is much bigger than his individual desires. He will benefit in so many ways. He will learn things that are never learned in college. He will learn to lead others as he will be blessed with leadership opportunities that are rarely available to those so young. He will learn to boldly walk in the world and to take care of himself. He leaves a boy, and will return a man filled with joy.

Until We Meet Again

Goodbye Jacob. We will miss you. The noise in our home is not as rich without you here, but we are already feeling the blessings of your service. Thankfully, there is an image of you emblazoned upon my mind. As you walked out the door, you paused at the piano and played a few short notes. I had never heard the song before, and I cannot recall its melody. Instead, I can only see you sitting there and blessing us one last time with your beautiful music.

Now, the people of Concepción Chile get to hear your music and see your smile. Give it to them freely and share it openly. As you stand on the banks of the stream of missionary service remember: Now it is your turn. Don't waste a moment.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

There Is No Time In Eternity

The purpose of time is often debated. Some of the greatest spiritual and scientific minds believe that time is merely a measuring point in this temporal experience. They propose, that when we leave this realm we free ourselves from the constraints of time. I believe they are correct. Time is only felt in this existence because our entry and exit are marked by birth and death.

The fact that I accept this proposition, does not release me from the reality that time does exist in this sphere, and that I am subject to it. Still, I believe I choose the severity of its impact. In other words, if I focus on what time is doing to me, I become lost. Time then, erodes my memory of my eternal self, making it possible for me to forget my eternal identity. Once these memories are lost, I can no longer function as an eternal being. Instead, I become a slave to the clock. More clearly stated, my energy is drained by the mortal nature of this experience we mistakenly call life. 

Now Is The Measurement of Eternity

My thought process this week led me to the importance of the present moment. In eternity, that is all there is. "Now" is the only way you and I can step back into our eternal nature. A focus on the past often brings us guilt, a focus on the future often steals our energy to reach for our potential. It is not that we can don't learn from the past or that we must avoid looking to the future. I simply declare that these activities often become the dominating drive in our lives and as we dwell on the past and dream of the future we lose the only thing that is real: "NOW".

Our potential can only be reached and expressed in the present moment. The past is done. It can not help us now. We move from the past equipped with the lessons (knowledge) we gained, but that is all. we can not improve that knowledge by looking back, we can only use it now. The future is a dream that we create by engaging right now in the present moment. 

In eternity, there is nothing but "NOW". That is why we must learn to master it under the constraints of time. If we can not learn to master the present moment when the clock is ticking, we will be a useless force in eternity. Our time here will be wasted. We must learn to be about the business of purpose and meaning making in every moment. There is no waste in the righteous use of eternity. The moments do matter, and how we use them matters even more. 

Drink It In!

Right now, I hope you are thinking, "yeah, I get it." But maybe you are wondering why this matters. It matters, because I am certain that you spent most of your moments in the past week pursuing that which matters least. This is not a commentary on you, or how you are using your time, it is merely a commentary on the general nature of human beings. It is easy for us to forget the concepts of eternal worth. When we do, we freely trade them for the value that only time can redeem. Sadly, time is not on our side. Sooner or later, it runs out for all of us. Time cannot keep its promise. Meaningless experiences are always wasted on dead men. 

What are you doing right now?

How is that activity connected to the real you?

If your continue doing it, will fill your desire for purpose and meaning?

These are some of the questions that keep me in the now. When I ask them of myself, I find a greater ability to wake up and live in the moment with purpose and meaning. Life is now! Are you with me?

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

How much time did you spend this week reflecting about what is going on around you and planning your life?

What are you afraid of? Is your fear keeping you from acting courageously?

Do you know why you get up in the morning? Is your purpose clearly defined?

I ask you to consider these questions because they are directly related with the responses gathered from a one question survey of older adults (+ 75). The question is a simple one – "If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?"

I think the answer to this question is pertinent to all of us, but especially to those of us who still have the greater portion of the second half of their life to live. Are you as interested as I am in the responses? Do you think the responses can help you make a course correction if needed?

Trick Questions

Your answers to the questions I asked you to consider at the beginning of this post are very important. That is because the questions are closely correlated with the top three answers the seniors gave in the one questions survey. They said that if they could live their life over, they would do the following:

1. Spend more time reflecting on life.
   
2. Act more courageously.
3. Clarify earlier in their life their individual purpose.

Take a look again at your answers. Are you satisfied with your responses? Are you spending enough time in these areas to help you make meaning out of your life? It is your life to live and I affirm that now, is the most valuable resource you have. Use it wisely.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We go through life with one regular thought in mind; "right now, I am willing to sacrifice my time and my focus on what is before me, because I know that when I finish this task, life won't be so crazy and I will then have the time to sit and focus on purpose and meaning."

The problem is, that day generally never comes. On purpose, we sacrifice our lives to the things that matter least. Most of us never wake up until it is too late.

I say most of us, because there are some fortunate individuals who face a crisis early. What? Did I just say they were fortunate enough to face a crisis? Yes I did. These are people who early in their adult lives either watched a loved one pass on, suffered their own health crisis, experienced a divorce, lost a job or faced significant financial difficulties. As a result they found a desire within them to focus on purpose. They saw that the things we all think are so important are really not that important, and they grew.

Most Of Us Never Face a Major Crisis

Sadly, this doesn't happen for most of us. We may experience part of the pains mentioned above, but they don't filter deep enough into our souls for us to stop and consider them a crisis. We think it is just the way life is. Even more sad is the life that some individuals live without facing any crisis at all. They just go through life with very few challenges to stretch or try them. Truth be told, these are generally very successful people. Their successes make it even easier for them to avoid the work needed to identify purpose and create meaning. 

As a result, the thought of thinking about purpose or meaning is inconsequential. Why would they do that when everything is going well. There is enough light to see, so they can't see that it would be better if it were brighter. The lack of crisis often prevents them from really living a life on purpose until it is too late.

That Nagging Feeling

This does prevent them from feeling the pains that come from growing old. As they age, they begin to see that the trade-offs are not really giving them the ROI that they imagined receiving. They feel the pain, but they also feel unable to do something about it. I mean, what does a 50 year old man do in an economy like this, if he is unsatisfied and unfulfilled with his current circumstances. Most just turn away and from the big questions and say, "I am too old for that!"

Some questions can only be answered by you. These are questions that no one else, not even God can answer. You have to spend the time answering them for yourself. Living in these questions helps you create purpose and meaning. It helps you to see what steps you can take to be happier and what the cost will be of taking those steps. 

I am speaking about some pretty big questions. Questions like; "What do you want?" and "Why are you afraid?" These questions scare us so we ignore them, hoping they will go away. They never go away until we face them. Avoiding them feeds them and they stay with us and haunt us. They are difficult questions to answer, but they must be answered if we are to live a life of purpose and meaning. 

Where Are You?

Are you afraid of these questions, or are you asking them regularly? If you are asking them, what are you doing with your answers? 

A happy life requires you to not only ask these questions, but to also do something about them. These two activities combined represent the beginning of the pathway to purpose. When you activate your efforts in the pursuit of your promptings, you begin the path to becoming your best. That is a path that I want to always be on.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

What Happened?

One of the great things about a New Year resolutions is that we rarely feel guilty about it when we fail to keep them. I am all for not feeling guilt, but I think we owe ourselves the gift of continually resolving to do better. 

The problem with most resolutions is that they are poorly considered. Most of us spend very little time figuring out what we want to do. Like me, you may have even seen some made in a drunken stupor on New Year's Eve. Heck, you may have even made some that way. Is it any wonder they a broken in short order. 

Making Them Count

Despite their reputation for being quickly dismissed, I believe it is very important to regularly make and keep "new you" resolutions. Did you catch that? I said regularly, not just annually; and I also said "new you" and not New Year.

So how do we make them count? First, we must take the time to clearly define our purpose in life. This is a difficult task, and one that most healthy people avoid. For some strange reason, we leave that work unfinished until we face a crisis. Then our purpose becomes very important. I don't want to wait for a crisis to define my purpose in life, do you?

Until our purpose is clearly stated, our resolutions will be difficult to keep. This is because we won't really know what we want and so we will allow ourselves to set resolutions that really don't matter to us. If it doesn't matter to us, we won't do if for very long. Each resolution we set must be clearly aligned with our purpose. When we do that, we find it very easy to engage in, and even fulfill our "New You" resolutions.

Another tool that will help us to stay resolved is the development of key indicators. Many of us understand this, and do it very effectively in our businesses, but for some reason, only a few of us do it effectively in our personal lives.

How can we expect to succeed if we don't know what success looks like? Key indicators help us to insure we are on the right track. They also help us measure our progress. When the right indicators are developed, we become free to make adjustments and to evaluate our progress.

Happy New You!

It's not too late. Some of my resolutions for 2011 are still being formed. I am not the least bit worried about that. I know that when I take the time to get them right, I am much more likely to see them to completion. I also understand that my resolutions live with me. That means that they are refined and redefined at various times throughout the year. 

What do I want?'

How will I get it?

What will it cost me?

When will I start?

These are some of the questions I ask myself when I am serious about setting new resolutions. Before you start, you may want to consider a check-up on your purpose. It is easier than you think. Just start by asking yourself who you want to become. Then let your self dream. Just find the space and time to capture the thoughts in your head. Empty them without fear of judgment. Get them all out. I find it most useful to hand write it. I like the feel of the flow of my hand when it synchronizes with my brain. Typing it out works well too. The important thing is just to move, for every movement you make, as long as it is aligned with your purpose, brings you closer to realizing your goals.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

These questions are the result of my brainstorming what I want in 2011. I just turned my hands loose and started letting them flow from me without thinking. Some questions led to other questions, but there really was no thought in the order, or restraint on my part. I just let them flow from me.

Reflection

About three quarters of the way through I noticed that I was not proposing any "why" questions. As this fact bubbled out of my subconscious and into my conscious thought I asked myself, "why not"? I determined that it was because the "why" questions do not empower me to be my best. They do not help me in any way. 

What questions are you asking yourself?

How will they help you become your best?

I am not seeking for life's answers. Instead, I am living in the question.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Why Can't Every Day Be Like Christmas?

This year I decided to start the season early. I broke out the Christmas music and movies on November 1st. I was determined to really enjoy the spirit of the season and spent my time in the car listening to Christmas music and my time in front of the television watching Christmas movies. I was amazed at how connected I felt to the spirt of Christmas. I went through each day with a smile on my face and felt very little of the normal pressures you would think a father of seven children would feel.

I am a fan of both aspects of the season. I love the sacred opportunity to celebrate Jesus' birth and I love the visions of the gifts Santa Claus will bring. To me, Jesus gave us all a great gift. It is wonderful for me to be the "real" Santa and to emulate His great gift to mankind by giving great gifts to "my kind". The commercialization of Christmas actually provides me an opportunity to be "Christ like" with my giving. 

I stand all amaze at the love Jesus offers me and I love to see the wonder in the faces of my small children as they consider the magic that Santa offers on Christmas morn. Because my focus is on the birth of a Savior the giving of gifts seem like part of the story. 

I Want A Magic Carpet

As Christmas approaches, I love to ask my children what they want for Christmas. Each year, we receive some marvelous requests. It is fun for Stacy and me to make it all happen. We love the time together in the stores looking for just the right thing.

This year, Leah, our youngest child (4), held fast to a fantastic request. Each time we asked her what she wanted, she resolutely replied "a magic carpet". My first inner response was – "I am sorry, you won't be getting one of those". The more she requested it, the more I realized that she really wanted it. I had to find a way to make it happen.

During one of our shopping excursions, we wandered into the rug section. There, in front of us was a magic carpet. It was a beautiful gold and silver rug. There is no other way to describe it than to say that it looked magical. We knew we had our rug.

The Spirit of Christmas is Here For All

Finding the rug was the easy part, making it fly would be another story. Several days before Christmas I began talking about imagination and how important it is in our lives. I wanted the children to think about creating the impossible in their own lives. I wanted them to wonder how imagination works. It was my hope that they would all make the connection that a magic carpet is powered by imagination. I hoped even Leah would get the message and be content to imagine flying on her beautiful rug. 

Christmas morning finally arrived and the first gift Leah opened was her magic carpet. She let out a scream letting us know that she had received her magic carpet and immediately began to lay it out on the floor. As she sat down on her rug, our other children spontaneously, without prompting from us, gathered around Leah, each taking a hold of the carpet. They lifted her up and began to fly her around the room. The magic of imagination filled the air and the smile on Leah's face is one that I will never forget.

We Lift Each Other Up

It was a wonderful display of love and I was reminded of the story in the New Testament of the paralyzed man. He wanted to see Jesus so He could heal him, but he was too sick and feeble to move through the line. The sick man's friends arrived and lifted him up. They tore the roof off of the house where Jesus was at, and lowered him down to be healed. Jesus, touched by the display of love from the man's friends said, "your sins are forgiven you." He gave him the greatest gift, but the people were appalled and wondered how it was that Jesus could forgive sins. Jesus, perceiving their concern looked at the man and said "arise, take up thy bed and walk", and the man walked. He wanted to show the people that it was just as easy to heal spiritual problems as it was to heal physical problems. He could do both and so He did.

Leah's magic carpet ride reminded me of this story because her siblings lifted her up and gave her the transportation she needed to receive a great gift. I have often wondered who would lower me down when I need it and now I know. 

How are you regarding the great gifts you receive?

The thoughts expressed in this column are allowing me the opportunity to share with you what I value most.

How connected are you what you value most? 

Are you willing to share it with others without requiring conversion?

Each of us live a life of value. Sometimes what we value is different than what others value. This does not mean that we should forget those values. Instead we should remember them and share them. I feel most connected with you when I can be who I am without worrying if you will still like me. I am a Christian man and I believe in Christ.

Merry Christmas!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

What Do You See? 

As we walked, we came upon a group that was seated in front of a dutch painting. They were listening to an expert who was describing its intricate details as well as the artist's intent. Someone invited us to join the group and we obliged.

Almost immediately, I began to feel very uncomfortable. To me, the expert was taking all of the mystery out of the painting. Her efforts forced us to see the painting through her eyes. To be fair, she may have been explaining the exact intent of the artist, but doing so ruined the the beautiful experience of seeing it for myself.

It didn't take long for me to notice that my client felt the same way. We looked at each other and knew it was time to move one.

The Art of Self Discovery

Just prior to this encounter, we were discussing the journey of self discovery. A request to accelerate the process was expressed. My client had not yet experienced a desired break through and looked to me for answers.  I explained that we cannot be pushed into defining moments. Instead, we must discover them at our own pace.

Upon leaving the expert's briefing, I asked her to tell me what she thought about the presentation. She said it was too detailed for her and raised similar feelings that I had felt. Her expressions provided the right frame to continue our conversation.

Our greatest questions can not be explained by somebody else. The answers we seek our within us. If we want to find them, we must be willing to search them out. This is not an easy process, nor is it a process that we must do on our own. Others can help us through the discovery process, but they cannot explain it to us.

Seeing Things Through Our Own Eyes

The expert interpreted the painting through her own experiences. That forced me to see what she wanted me to see, which may not have been what I needed, or wanted to see.

As a society, we have been lulled into the belief that we need somebody to explain it all to us. As a result, we are constantly exposed to the agendas of the day with very little attempt to hide these persuasive efforts. Great effort is being made to reframe bad as good and good as bad. Sadly, many of us are falling for the hallucinogenics of prime time story telling.  

We need to step away from the social reconstructive efforts of the day so that we can rediscover our own voice. It is the only way we can begin to see things as they really are. It may be that we will see things exactly the way they are being described to us, but at least then we will know where we stand without the emotional swell that comes from the constant bombing of politically correct propaganda. 

My Wish For You

I want you to hear your own voice. I want you to set your own standard and live by it. I know this can be a difficult process, but it is worth it. I frequently ask my clients the question, "what are your values?" and instead of an immediate answer, I am met with a blank stare. This tells me that the person has either forgot his or her values, or is unwilling to stand up for them.

Do you know what your values are?

Are you standing up for them?

When was the last time you had a conversation with yourself?

I invite you to engage yourself in meaningful conversation. Step into it, and give yourself the gift of self dialogue. Question the things that are going on right now. Ask yourself if they are aligned with your personal values. Don't be afraid if they are not. It is ok to feel disconnected from many of the messages that are being put into our social atmosphere. I realized long ago that a life unaligned with values is a life devoid of meaning. What do you stand for?

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Staying In Shape

As I age, I notice that I must do different things to stay in shape. I still consider myself an aggressive runner, but I can't run like I did five years ago, so I run at a new pace. The intensity of my workouts is changing, but the energy expressed is nearly the same.

One thing remains constant: a nutritional diet is a key ingredient to living a healthy life style. If I want to look good, then I must eat good. It is a pretty simple formula to follow.

Special K

Recently, there has been a lot of talk in our area, about the Special K diet. The claim is that if you eat a bowl of Special K for breakfast, another bowl of Special K for lunch and then, a sensible dinner you will lose the weight you need to lose to get into your skinny jeans. 

The reason Kellogg believes that it can make this claim is because they say Special K has all of the nutrients your body needs. The theory is that if you put the right things in your body, then your body will be at its best.

The World Around Us

I have no doubt that the theory behind the Special K diet is correct and that if you follow the plan, you will see the results it claims you will get. I bet most of you agree with me, that when we put the right nutrients in our body, we are able to get in our best physical shape.

We understand the concept of watching what we eat, but for some reason, we give little though to what we put in our mind. Perhaps we do think about it, but we do very little to make sure we are not subjected to the garbage on our airwaves.

When I was a kid, I remember campaigns against questionable shows. If it pushed the envelope too far, our parents and grandparents wrote letters to let the network know that we were not happy. Now, it seems we are not happy if it is not pushing the envelope beyond previous marks.

It is not just the shows anymore, the commercials are full of suggestive material that is hard to describe without using the word filth. These commercials come on in the middle of good shows. Those in favor of allowing shows on diverse topics once said, if you don't like the show, then change the channel, but now you can like the show but still feel compelled to change the channel because of the commercials. There just is very little of high quality and standards on anymore.

What To Do?

I know we can't just hide our head in the sand, but we need to be aware of what we are allowing in our homes and in our minds. There is an impact. James Allen described that impact best when he restated a verse from Psalms – "As a man thinketh, so shall he become."

What are you allowing in your home?

How do you protect yourself and your family from destructive media?

Are your standards working to elevate your thoughts?

Our mental fitness is just as important as our physical fitness. We must be careful about what we let into our minds or we will suffer a decaying consequence. Virtue of thought is a critical part of our ability to become our best. I leave you with this quote from Benjamin Franklin:

"It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain, that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous."

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Ramadan

September 10 – marks the end of Ramadan. It is a day of forgiveness, fellowship and unity, a time of giving and sharing. Our Muslim friends have spent a month fasting through the daylight hours to demonstrate their love for Allah. It is an amazing time of personal sacrifice and self-discipline. Their quest is to develop greater levels of patience, humility and spirituality.

During Ramadan, Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. it is observed during the ninth month to commemorate the month in which the first verses of the Qur'an were revealed to the Islamic prophet, Muhammad.

We can learn a lot from this Holy season. Ramadan is a time of reflecting, believing and worshiping God. Muslims are expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam and to avoid obscene and irreligious sights and sounds. Purity of both thoughts and actions is important. The act of fasting is said to redirect the heart away from worldly activities, its purpose being to cleanse the inner soul and free it from harm. I wonder how the world would be if each of us paused to remember and practice these ideas.

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur

September 8th marked the beginning of the Jewish High Holy Days. It begins with Rosh Hashanah and ends ten days later with Yom Kippur. During these holidays, our Jewish friends look back on the past year and atone for their mistakes against one another and against God.

As part of the High Holy Days services, the Rabbi blows the shofar or ram's horn. This ancient custom serves to awaken the soul of a person to make amends for their mistakes and encourage teshuvah (repentance and rededication).

Rosh Hashanah is a day of remembrance. It is the official Jewish New Year's Day. It is a time in which Jews look back over the year just passed and forward to the year about to come. 

Jews believe that, during the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, God judges each person's deeds, deciding who shall live and who shall die in the year to come. Therefore, Jews pray fervently, fasting for the entire day of Yom Kippur, the "Day of Atonement." This day is devoted to praying for forgiveness for any sins which a Jew may have committed, or which the community may have committed. As the day comes to an end, the shofar is again sounded — in one long, clear blast. Then with a feeling of having a slate wiped clean and a fresh beginning, Jews enter into the new year.

Holy Days

These are special times. The devotion and reflection our Muslim and Jewish friends are simultaneously feeling are of great value to our society. I am thankful that many of us are beginning to understand these days and to respect them.

I am thankful for those from these faiths who are honoring their spiritual roots. I hope that they feel joy in serving and honoring our God. 

There is nothing to fear from these beautiful beliefs. As a Christian, I find it very easy to celebrate the beauty and to learn from the wisdom developed by these practices. I do not feel threatened. Instead I feel enlightened – by participating in some of them with some of my special friends, I have felt like a better Christian.

Have you wished your friends who celebrate Ramadan or the Jewish High Holy Days joy and peace?

What can you learn from these special times?

Are you able to see how closely our sacred beliefs match up with each other?

We are a people who search to know God. We do it in very different ways and I think that is a beautiful part about life. It provides opportunities to experience beauties that we would otherwise miss. I hope you will pause to see what else is out there. I am certain that it will be a faith building experience for you.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

HONOR

Suddenly, the speaker spoke a word that brought me back to being there. She said the word "honor" and she said it several times. Because I had drifted, I did not fully catch the context in which she was using the word. It was the "word" that brought me back to the meeting and from that point forward I paid attention so that I could fully honor my commitment to the others in the room to be present.

Honor, proved to be a trigger word for me. It brought me back to reality. I didn't want to forget this, so I emailed myself a quick message. I simply wrote "honor" in the subject line and hit the send button. I have stared at that email now for three days. It is sitting in my inbox as an unread message. As I scan my many messages, I continue to see and feel the nature of this great word.

Choices In Action

Each day, you and I face many different opportunities. At the same time, we experience an internal competition between next level living and resting on one of the many plateaus of life. The battle is constantly played out.

Most of the time, we know what is right. The choice is always between doing what is right, or not doing what is right. When we do what we know is right, we are honoring our values. Some choices we make are not necessarily wrong, they are simply choices that are not aligned with our values. They will not land us in prison or at odds with others, they just won't lead us to alignment. Consequently they will not bring harmony to our lives. Choices that are unaligned with our values are the primary source of living an unbalanced life.

The circumstances we face are not really what defines us. Life is not about what we do, it's about who we become. Our defining moments are always about the choices we make. I recommend that we always know the right thing to do. That doesn't mean we will do it, but our inability to do it, does not mean that we don't know what to do. What it really means is that we are unwilling to honor what we know is right.

No Small Task

Honoring what we know is right is not an easy task. I recognize the difficulty involved in becoming someone who always honors what is right. But we must not allow the difficulty involved to prevent us from standing just a little more in "honor" each day.

The key to getting there is awareness. We must begin to listen to what our inner voice is saying. If we can't hear it, we can't honor it. 

The noise of the world often prevents us from hearing the most important voice: our own. The more we listen to it, the more we begin to trust it. The more we trust it, the more we understand it. The more we understand it, the more we love it. The more we love it, the more complete we become. The more complete we become, the more willing we are to honor it.

When we honor our own voice, we become agents of accountability. This puts us in position to influence others and the world. 

What does the word "honor" evoke in your mind?

Are you listening to your inner voice? What is it telling you to do?

Will you honor what you know is right?

The questions I ask at the end of these posts are meant for me as much as they are for you. My hope is that they will evoke in each of us. a greater desire to become our very best. The voice of authenticity can only be discovered by those who are willing to make that journey.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Flow of Energy

One particular scene captured my attention. The Kung Fu Kid had spent a lot of time learning to pick up his jacket, put it on, take it off, and hang it up. He did this until he was tired and could no longer see the point in doing it any longer. It was then, that his wise teacher explained to him the purpose of his actions.

The scene demonstrated how the movements of the jacket exercise were actually movements that could be used in practicing the art of Kung Fu. The master explained that everything is Kung Fu and that it lives in everything we do. 

He then told his student to "remember".

What Lives In You?

I am not a practitioner of Kung Fu, but I recognized the importance of having a system that keeps us connected to what matters most. There will always be times when we feel like we have had enough and that we no longer wish to continue.

The system we choose, keeps us connected to a higher purpose and, when we remember its values, it prevents us from burning out. 

Life happens at a breakneck pace. The space between getting up and laying down often seems like an extension of the dreams we have when we are asleep. To stay connected we must remember who we are. Everything we do, must be connected to that system or we will forget the importance of the system in our lives. 

To Remember

What does it mean to remember? To some, it feels like a passive activity, but it is definitely one of the most active things we can do. It is the activity that keeps our system at the top of our mind. 

I am amazed at how often the words "keep" and "remember" are mentioned together. They denote similar thoughts. They both require us to hold on to important learnings from our past. They symbolize the good things that we must embrace. 

I do not think we can live a satisfying life if we fail to connect to something of value. For me, it is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It flows through everything I do, and everything that I am. I find that whenever I become casual in the observance of this system, I feel far away from the real me. and I find it difficult to sustain a life of energy.

When I return to its practice, I feel energized. I feel much more capable of loving myself and of loving others with all of my heart, might, mind and strength. Life, during those moments, is good.

What flows through you?

What system do you embrace as being connected to everything?

How do you make sure you stay connected to it?

My invitation to you today is for you to reconnect to your system. It is imperative for you to ensure that it is flowing through you. It works the same for all of us. To feel energized, you must remember the source of your energy. You can't start, until you remember. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I told him that I was happily married and that I was not interested. This was hard for him to understand, so he persisted and asked me if I wanted to know who it was. I said "no" and then, I politely asked him to tell the woman that I was committed to my wife, and that I was not interested in breaking that commitment.

Faithful and True

I really didn't give this opportunity much thought, partly because I have a great wife, and partly because I made a vow to be faithful to her and I intend to keep it. 

Many of us start out with this vow, but our resolve often weakens as time passes. As a society, we are constantly bombarded with sexual images, which in turn, stimulate our sexual desire. We can find a sexual innuendo in almost every setting. Is it any wonder that so many of us fall to our natural instincts?

Sadly, those who maintain a standard of infidelity rarely find the happiness they seek. They eventually discover that variety does not equal fulfillment. In fact, they discover that the more they try to please their sexual desires with others, the more they need to keep trying to please it. This is because it is a desire that can never be fulfilled by simply doing the act. Our minds, as soon as we do it, begin to tell us that we need to do it again, and again and again. 

In my work, I often speak with those who have suffered the pain of either being unfaithful, or of being with an unfaithful spouse. They are amazing witnesses of the fact that the momentary pleasure that comes from having sex is never worth the lasting pain that comes from breaking the trust of a spouse.

Restoring Trust

We live in a confusing time. On the one hand, we expect fidelity in our relationships, but on the other hand we feel pulled by the message of "nobody will know". 

Perhaps you find yourself as either a purveyor of, or a victim of infidelity. You may be desperately wanting to trust or to restore trust, but you are wondering if you can ever do that again. I have vicariously felt this challenge through the missteps of friends and family. I know it is a difficult thing, but it can be done. How? That is the question many face.

I will be honest, it is not an easy path to follow. It will require you to learn something about forgiveness. Whether you did it, or had it done to you, you are going to learn how to forgive, and the first person you must forgive is yourself. I know that sounds odd if you are the victim of infidelity, but it truly is where it starts. Once you have forgiven yourself, you are then capable of forgiving others.

The next step is to re-establish your commitment to each other. You will be tested again, so it is important that you speak with each other and agree on how you will behave when the time of testing returns. Clear and open communication will prevent you from moving forward. 

Communication Is The Key

As soon as I arrived home, I told Stacy about the invitation I had on the way to the airport. I told her that I rejected the offer, and that I wanted her to be aware of the offer so we could talk about any and all future offers. Neither one of us wanted me to behave in an unfaithful way so we worked together to make sure I did not. Because I was honest with her about the invitation, and the momentary desire to accept that came with the invitation, the trust between us grew. We know we are both human and we know these types of opportunities require us to work together. We cannot face these challenges secretly, we must bring them out in the open as soon as possible. Communication is the key to finding the way out.

If you find yourself on one side of this chasm then it is time to make a choice. You must decide if you want to stay and love, or leave and love. Any other choice will only bring more sadness and despair to your life. You cannot stay and hate or leave and hate and live a happy life. Love is the only way you can begin to open the fonts of healing. It is what makes communicating through this problem possible.

You are not required to stay, but you are required to love. If you are wondering what to do, perhaps these questions will help:

What do I really want to happen?

Can I forgive myself and my spouse?

What can I do to make things better?

I should be perfectly clear that if you are a victim of infidelity, you have a right to be angry and a right to move on. I am not advocating for you to stay. I simply want you to see that if you are moving on, you will be best served if you move on with love in your heart. Love will accelerate the healing process. When I say love, I am not speaking of a romantic love, I am speaking of the love that comes for another when we recognize that they are a human being. Any other approach will leave you feeling the sting and licking your wounds for a very long time. The pain felt by both sides is real. The lack of trust is real. They can only be satisfied by love.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

I am suing for a couple of rule changes, and the right to be a professional baseball player. My inability to hit a fastball, or throw a wicked curveball has prevented me from making millions of dollars, and I don't think that is fair. I want, what Manny Ramirez has, an opportunity to provide for my family in the most comfortable way.

Change of Rule

I only want two rules changed. I doubt they will impact the game very much, but these changes will create more opportunities for individuals like me to make the team. 

First, I want all batters to be blind folded. This will eliminate the advantage of one pitcher's natural talent over the rest of us. Second, I want to eliminate foul territory and make everything inside the stadium fair ground. 

Like I said, I doubt these rules will change the game that much. Scoring is pretty low now as it is, so the blind folds will even out the "everything's fair"  rule change. I am certain, that if these rules were enforced, I could be a major leaguer.

This is 2010

Purists, will say that these rule changes will destroy the game. They should consider the fact that these rules will be a welcome update to a game that is now outdated and losing fans. This change will bring new fans the sport, while having very little impact on current fans. The game is old fashioned and we need to make it better. We should not accept the old rules, just because they have always been there. It is time to move this game into the 21st Century.

It's Not Fair

I have tried since I was a boy to be a major leaguer. My lack of talent has always prevented me from being signed by a team. It is not my fault that I was born this way. I have done everything I can to play by the rules but the rules, clearly favor individuals who were born with baseball skills. That is not fair.

Some individuals have had the nerve to suggest that I could still be involved in the sport, by working as a groundskeeper, a coach or manager, in the marketing department, as part of the administrative staff, or even as an executive. One person even told me that if I worked very hard, I might even be able to buy a team. I can't believe they would be so insensitive to suggest these options. 

My dream is to be a major league ball player. I am not interested in any of those other roles. I demand justice and justice must be served. It is not my fault that I was born without the talent to play the sport. I want to play. Why should the ones born with talent be the ones making the easy money. I want some of that too. 

For The Good of The Game

Traditionalists will argue that these rule amendments will change the institution of baseball, and that the sport will not survive if we allow this to happen.

What do they know? I say that more damage is being done to the game by the heroes in the game that we currently worship. They are the ones that have used steroids to increase their natural advantage. They are the ones that bet on the sport. They are the ones that only try their hardest in a contract year and then loaf the rest of the time. What impact does that have on the game? 

In the long run, I don't really care if it ruins the game, in fact, I think that if I am not allowed on the field than nobody else should be either. I want equal protection under the law to be able to realize my dream of being a super star baseball player. Nobody should be denying me that right.

Conditions are Ripe

I will file my suit in Los Angeles, because fan support of baseball is a bit apathetic in LA right now. I mean, 22 years have passed since we last won a championship. This is a Laker town and nobody cares about a losing baseball team with M.I.A. owners. My rule change would make all of the teams more evenly matched too, and we might get a championship here in our city. That would be good for everyone.

Some of the veteran and former baseball players are supporting my legal action. They say, that they made it on talent, and they still think it should be that way, but they often wonder why they were born with their talent and they feel a little guilty to have made so much money and fame because of something they came upon naturally. They think a guy like me should have a chance too, so they are on board. They won't change their mind on how important it is to have talent, but they want to support me.

Some of the current players are also with me. They say that they are bored with the game and that only the most talented make the most money. The can see how this will level the playing field and they want in on the action.

I've Made Up My Mind

I am certain that many people will think that I am ruining the game. That is why I am making this a legal matter. The courts are there to protect me against the majority mob. I have a dream to play baseball, and I think it is only fair that I get to fulfill that dream.

The problem is that most people do not even understand how our legal system works. They think the when the majority rules that's how it should be. Luckily our Founding Fathers were smarter than Major League Baseball. They knew that a talented majority could make it impossible for an untalented minority, thereby keeping us out of the game. That's why they created a system of checks and balances to avoid that situation. Those who would oppose this legal action are not only condemning our Founding Fathers, but are promoting "mob rule" as a way to dictate who or who does not get to be a superstar baseball player. Baseball is America's game, do they not comprehend how completely un-American that is?

You are free to join me on this action. You are also free to oppose me. That is what makes this country great. I am always amazed at how irrational disagreement can be. I am sure there will be many of you who send me hate mail, and even threaten me, but I don't care. I am willing to stand for my rights. I hope I get a judge who will help me hit a home run.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Piling On

Here is just a sample of what I am talking about. Yesterday, while I was working in Los Angeles, I got a flat tire. While fixing the tire, my son Jacob called to tell me that his car had overheated and that he was stuck on the side of the road. He was on his way to pick up our daughter Sarah, who had got sick at school and had waited in the medical office for two hours while the school tried to get a hold of us.

Jacob was worried about calling me because he had mistakenly backed into a friends car on Friday night and caused about $500.00 worth of damage with what he describes as a nudge. I laughed as I listened to his voice mail – "Dad, this is Jacob. There is something wrong with the car, and I did not run into anything."

When I finally got a hold of him, he asked a very interesting question. He said, "Dad, we are busy with some good things right now, why are we facing so many challenges too?"

Grin and Bear It

I was grateful for this teaching moment. I explained to Jacob that bad things happen to everybody, and that bad things never happen in a convenient moment. I then went a little deeper. I told him that our trials serve as defining moments. The way we respond to them defines the level of happiness we enjoy in our life.

You and I have at least two choices when we are faced with trials. We can hang our heads and ask, "why is this happening to me?" or, we can lift our heads, smile and say, "I can't wait to figure out the answer to this problem?"

Jacob wondered aloud, "our finances our tight right now as we prepare for Christina's wedding. I know we don't have any money to fix cars, how will we do it?" I was thankful to be able to say, "I don't know how we will do it, but I know we will. A way will open up. It always does."

Walking in Faith

The confidence I displayed as I spoke to Jacob was not contrived, nor was it discovered yesterday. It was built in the face of many different challenges. It was fostered by moving forward in the midst of uncertain circumstances. 

When we walk in faith, it appears to those who are watching that we are not afraid or worried about anything. That is a misperception. The fact is that fear and worry both reside inside a confident individual, we just don't allow them to be the dominating emotions. We acknowledge that they are there and that they won't help us move forward and so we leave them alone.

Murphy's Law, applies to everyone of us. Bad things happen. Nobody is free from that reality. The difference maker is simply the choices we make when we are confronted by our trials. We can choose to move forward, or we can choose to cry, "whoa is me".

What do you normally choose?

How do you motivate yourself to move forward?

Last night, Stacy and I sat and reflected on the events of the day. I played the various voice mail messages detailing the report of each challenge, and we laughed at the severity of the situations. We knew those messages spelled trouble – but we were somehow able to feel thankful that we would be able to survive them. Together, we took inventory of all of the things for which we feel gratitude. Amazingly, even our trials made that list. Sure, we would love to live life without them, but we realized that that, would be no life at all.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Ouch

Several years ago we purchased some land in the desert with hopes of one day building a new home for our family. The land included a very old and small home that was pretty dilapidated. Over the years, we have remodeled this home and we occasionally rent it out. 

The water pressure there is very light. To counter this problem, we installed a water tank and pump to increase the pressure. The home was vacant last winter and the pipes to the pump froze and cracked. We have a new tenant moving in this week and it finally became necessary to fix the leak.

To begin the project, I cut the pipes, moved the tank out of the water closet, and unbolted the pump motor from the top of the tank. I then got busy with some of the other preparations. In the midst of all the work, I needed to move the tank from where I had originally placed it. Without much thought, I began to push it out of the way. The motor, though unbolted, was still on top of the tank. When I moved the tank, the motor, which weighs about 50 pounds, fell and landed squarely on top of my left foot. 

I saw stars. I only thought that happened with a hit on the head, but I actually saw stars. The pain was incredible and I was certain that I had broken my foot. Fortunately, it only resulted in a large, purple and black bruise. 

It Hurts

I did a stupid thing. I unbolted a 50 pound motor and left it balancing on top of a water tank four feet off the ground. My foot paid the price and now I am limping around. The pain will be with me for a while and it hurts. Sometimes we let the pain be more significant than the lessons that come from the pain. This happens when we dwell on the stupid thing we did to cause the pain. 

When we experience pain, we have at least two choices. We can beat ourself up for being so stupid, or we can learn from the experience and resolve to be more careful in the future. I choose the latter. The pain serves as a reminder and as an inhibitor from doing more stupid things. In this sense I am grateful for the pain, and I see it as a learning experience.

Letting Go!

One of the essential components of pain is that it hurts. It wouldn't be pain if it didn't. Some, embrace their pain and hold on to it like it is the only thing they have. Others view it as a temporary inconvenience and move on as quickly as they can.

We must not hold on to our pain, that will only make it hurt worse. Instead, we must move on and carry on with our life. Moving forward minimizes the pain and puts us in position to learn from its source.

Are you holding on to your pain?

What will have to happen for you to let it go?

How long will you wait to do it?

Only two days have passed since I smashed my foot. I am amazed at how well it is doing. I am not focused on the pain. Instead, I am moving forward with my life. I must do things a little differently right now, but I am confident that very soon I will return to normal activities. My confidence comes from my ability to let go of the pain. I invite you to do the same.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Life Is Busy

We were a busy family and I know our friends and family members were busy too. Sometimes they would travel great distances just to be together for a couple of hours. To them, visiting was a priority.

Now, I often wonder how they found the time to visit so often. My life is full. Every moment seems scheduled and so I tell myself that I rarely have time to sit and visit. Lately, I have noticed, that no one else seems to have time to visit either. Our lives are consumed by the demands of work and life. 

We are blessed to live in a time that enjoys so many wonderful technological advancements. All of these tools of technology were designed to give us more time, yet they seem to suck the time away from us. Many of us now connect with our friends through only a few brief lines of text. The advances in social media certainly make it possible to stay in touch, but they do not compare to the enjoyment that comes from a face-to-face meeting.

What Stands In The Way?

I recently spent some time examining my use of technology. I discovered that television shows and website browsing are activities in which I regularly engage during the times in which I could be visiting. I realized that my parents and their friends did not have access to these distractions and so, despite their busy schedules, they had time to visit. 

Their visits filled them up and created enduring relationships. The visits I have online seem to bother me. They don't fill me up, they just serve as creative distractions that allow me to avoid authentic communication. They give me the sense of open communication but leave me without the ability to grow relationships of lasting trust. At best, online communication is a shallow form of checking in. I think the majority of us long for something much deeper.

When was the last time you evaluated how you spend your time?

Do you take time to visit in your living room or on the front porch with your family and friends?

Are you forming relationships that are more than just bits of text on the screen?

I met a man the other day who cautiously admitted that he does not use a computer. I could tell that he was embarrassed by this admission and that he was worried I might think he was out of touch with the times. I actually found myself admiring his commitment.

I do not suggest that we should follow his example and eliminate the use of computers, but I do believe we need to spend a bit more of our time social networking the old fashion way;  face-to-face in a comfortable chair with all electronic distractions set into silent mode. This is how trust is fostered and relationships are built. I hope to join you in a quiet place soon.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Building Trust

Please allow me to state the obvious. Trust requires complete openness. Despite the simplicity of this statement, many of us withhold believing that it is not good to expose our true feelings until trust is built. For some reason, we think that we must hold back in the beginning so that we can build trust.

In reality, the opposite actually occurs. When we hold back, the person we are dealing with perceives that we are holding back, and begins to feel suspicious. It happens this way because once we see that someone is holding something back, we wonder what else they might be trying to hide. When we feel this way, our ability to trust is eroded.

It is true, that openness leaves us vulnerable, but when we are vulnerable, we are able to determine very quickly who we can and cannot trust. I have noticed, that it generally does not hurt very bad when somebody we hardly know violates are trust, but the closer someone gets, the more it hurts when trust is broken. Trusting from the beginning allows us to identify those that would hurt us before they get too close.

Step Forward With Confidence

I know that some of us are afraid of being open with others because we think that if they see us as we really are, they may not want to be around us. This way of thinking limits our ability to truly be known, and keeps us in a state of false pretense. By that I mean that it keeps us pretending to be something that we really are not. Sooner or later, our flaws will be exposed and others will feel as if their trust was violated by our attempt to cover it up.

Character always reveals itself over time. If we want to be trustworthy, then we must trust from the very beginning. I am not suggesting that we attempt to expose all of our flaws in every new relationship. Instead, I am inviting you to consider the levels of trust you are extending in your various relationships, and then determine if you are extending the proper amount. Here are some questions that will help in your evaluation. 

Are you honoring each relationship with the amount of trust it deserves?

Are you willing to be open and to share the real you?

Do you think trust is given? Or must it be earned?

I am happy to be a trusting person. I have experienced the violation of trust many times. It hurt each time it happened, but I am thankful that I decided to continue trusting others. I know it is a complex issue, and sometimes it takes me a moment to remember that my preference is to trust, but when I trust others, I enjoy life.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

 760-559-3548