The Family Puzzle

We have a backyard pool that we put in about 15 years ago. It still looks pretty good, but some of the tile has fallen off. One of my tasks was to make sure that it got fixed. About 45 tiles had come unglued, so I spent a couple of hours figuring out where to put each one and then began attaching them back in place.

As I installed each tile, I thought about all of the memories in our backyard pool. I remember our very first swim as if it happened yesterday. We had only three kids at the time and as we played in our Jacuzzi, Christina, who was only five years old said, "now we can spend even more time together as a family". 

We have grown since then, and our family continues to change. My tile project helped me to see things as they really are; our greatest joys come from the time we spend with our family. The definition of family changes as we grow. 30 years ago, it was defined by my role as a son and a brother. Now it is defined as a husband and a father. I suppose, I will always occupy all of those roles, but each one takes on more of a focus at different times in our life. Someday, I will add Grandpa, and Great Grandpa to the list of family roles that belong to me. 

This week, my family will gather, one-by-one, to watch my daughter enter into a covenant marriage. They are not coming to see our beautiful home or to taste the wonderful food that we will offer. They are coming to witness the union of two people who are covenanting before God, angels and earthly witnesses that they will be true and faithful to each other.

The Road Ahead

The other day, Mike, my new son-in-law, told me that he had spent a sleepless night thinking about Christina. He told me how much he loved her and how thankful he was to be receiving her as his wife. We spoke for a moment about his current feelings and then we reflected on the state of marriage in the world today.

I reminded him that many people enter into marriages today with the exact same feelings, and they think that they will always feel that way, but for some reason lose that loving feeling. At one time, our society accepted the words "until death do you part", as words that defined the marriage commitment. Now, marriage has become a temporary phase of life. Many are entering into marriage with the thought that if it doesn't work out, they can always get a divorce.

Mike and I then spoke about a much bigger picture. When he marries Christina, he will enter into a covenant that we believe, through their faithfulness to each other, will extend throughout time and all eternity. I asked him, if he would love Christina 500 billion years from now. He of course said yes.

His love for Christina, will not be measured by what he feels today. Instead, it will be measured by how he grows that love, how he honors that love, and how much he makes that love the center of his life. Anything short of that, will make the love that he feels for her today temporary.

Our Period of Waiting Is Over

Tomorrow, the union of Mike and Christina begins. It is an exciting time. They have prepared themselves for this moment. They will now give themselves to each other. Their efforts will now be combined. They will give up many of their individual pursuits for collective goals.

Our family is changing again. We are saying good-bye to some roles and responsibilities and hello to some new ones. It will take some time to adjust, but those adjustments will happen, and we will enjoy the process.

Stacy and I have long looked forward to this day. We have taught our children about the importance of family. Our lives are a testimony of those beliefs and values in action. Our children understand that our greatest successes are found right here at home, and not out in the world. They know that a missing piece in our family is much more significant than a missing piece of tile in the pool. They know that what is about to happen for Mike and Christina is not about the party, the guest list and the gifts. They understand that it about entering into a sacred covenant to be one.

We feel a great sense of satisfaction to know that our daughter learned that message and that she is now forming her own family. She is the first, so we are thankful that she is setting an example for those that will follow. Families are forever. There is a new one forming this week. How incredibly awesome is that!

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Beginning

As I watched her walk out the door today, my memories of the first day of school flashed through my mind. I remembered the good and the bad came. I felt the excitement and anticipation to go back, along with the unwillingness to put an end to summer.

My memories of my school years quickly moved to other "starts" that I have experienced throughout my life. I realized that all of those "first day of school experiences" prepared me for the many other "first day" experiences I have faced in my life. 

The "firsts" of starting a new job, living in a new city, beginning life as a husband and then later as a father are all days that I remember and cherish. They are the experiences that brought my dreams to life. Each beginning brought some anxious moments and some remarkable moments. I am grateful for all of those new beginnings.

Leaning Forward

As I have aged, I have noticed that I must now manufacture beginnings. There are very few required "firsts" that are left for me to experience. If I want to do something new, I must make it happen.

I enjoy creating a "new me" each and every day, so I am always looking for new ways to stretch myself. Today was one of those days. I actually got behind a microphone and hosted my own radio program. At times, it was scary, but for the most part, I felt very natural. My producer told me that he did not believe it was my first time. I hope the audience thought so too. The opportunity to begin this new experience was something that I created. I asked the right questions, at the right time and the show was booked. I am happy to be taking things to a new level.

When was the last time you started something new?

What aspirations do you have that are yet to be fulfilled?

What will it take to make it happen?

It is easy to sit around as we age and reason that there are no mountains left to climb, or that there are no mountains left that we can climb. I believe we can always learn, and that we can always create new beginnings. I dare you to join me in this belief and set a new standard for yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Family Ties

This week, I have been in the mountains with my original family. By that, I mean my mother, my uncles and aunts, and my brothers and sisters. Our children are with us, but they are not the focus of this event. Instead, we are focusing on the people that brought us all together – our ancestors. 

It is fun to be together. The memories of the good old days are constantly on our minds. However, the common purpose that brings us together is not strong enough to overcome our individual differences and perspectives. This is made evident by the story telling that is going on. I have heard many different versions of the same story. Each witness learned different things or understood different intentions. 

The Same Difference

Many of the same events shaped our growth and development, but the level of diversity that is found within our own family amazes me. The fact that we came from the same background makes it very easy for me to believe that we are the same, and that we see things the same way. I often find this assumption to be very wrong. Sometimes, I am unable to let go of it before a lack of respect is felt, or an offense is taken. Is it any wonder that many of us struggle so much when we are engaged in teaming with people who grew up in very different homes and with different values? 

The work of diversity and inclusion is something very dear to my heart and a driving force of my work. Nevertheless, I find it difficult to put on my working hat when I am with my family. The pull of our similar experiences makes it difficult for me to see each person individually. But when I am able to see things with my eyes open, I discover the most wonderful differences. 

Some of these differences are so surprising that I find myself wondering how they are possible. These are the ones that are difficult to accept. Thankfully, I have learned that acceptance is not what most of us want. Instead, we hunger for understanding.

A More Perfect Union

Once, we feel understood, our need to be accepted is significantly diminished. This is because the most passive forms of acceptance come from external sources. True acceptance comes from within. It cannot be given; it must be felt internally.

Understanding on the other hand requires an active effort. It only comes when we allow ourselves to see what someone else is seeing. To gain it, we must open our mind and suspend our own judgments and assumptions. It does not require acceptance, it simply requires us to see the other. It is enough to be seen, and once we are seen we begin to accept our self. Understanding leads to self-awareness, which leads to acceptance.

When we understand each other, we are able to produce amazing results. Understanding provides the freedom to contribute our differences for the good of the whole in a way that acceptance never can. Understanding allows me to be different instead of forcing me to become the same. It provides a greater sense of value, which leads to me becoming and sharing my best.

Is your goal to accept, or understand others?

What can you do to be a better listener?

Are you willing to see people as they are instead of as you think they should be?

There is no escaping diversity. It is found in even the most similar groups. This is a fact for which we should feel an immense amount of gratitude. After all, if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

This Day Belongs To Me

I know it is because I make each day my own. My secret is to prepare as if everything that I am, depends upon me being ready to make the most of each day. I approach life with wonder – the type of wonder that awakens me to the possibility that I will be asked to step into the shoes of greatness. 

Even when the odds are against me, I step into my vision with a certainty that all will be well. I am not afraid of what might present itself, instead I remind myself that I am ready at a moment's notice to share my story and the moments that define who I am.

Do you make the day, or does the day make you?

Do you know who you are, and are you ready to be that person?

Are you willing to share the very best of you are with those you meet?

It is often a very scary proposition to stand in the vision. It requires faith and hope and an abundant nature. Too often we embrace our poverty as if letting go will deprive us of something worth holding. Today, I dare you to stand in your vision – it is where you will feel most alive.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Sometimes, my work interferes, but I do my best to be here and to be a part of their lives. I was not born a father, and so I have learned many lessons along the way to becoming the father I am today, and I realize that I still have so much to learn.

I have experienced many honors, earned many degrees and enjoyed many breakthroughs in my work, but none them compare to the thrill I feel when one of my children call me dad. Their beautiful faces inspire me and fuel my desire to reach for the next level.

Consequently, I have come to understand that the greatest work I will ever do is within the walls of my own home. It is here that I will leave a mark that cannot be erased. It is here that my legacy will be formed. Thank you Christina, Jacob, Joseph, John, Sarah, Rebekah and Leah. You make it so easy to be happy and to put other interests in their proper perspective. Thank you Stacy for creating this beautiful family with me and for continually breathing life into our dreams.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Why Is The Last Mile The Hardest Mile?

Because it was a huge business opportunity, my preparation ruled my days, and often spilled into my nights. The closer I got to deadline, the more "it" was with me. I was grateful to enter the home stretch, but the work intensified as I neared the finish line.

To survive, I told myself that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. You know the story, the one when we tell ourselves that:

"everything is crazy right now, but when this project is over, I am going to take a break, get some rest and reenergize myself, and then . . . life won't be crazy anymore."

I say it is a story, because it rarely, if ever, happens. Most of us finish major projects and then find ourselves immediately launching into the craziness again. That mythical break is not based on reality. My project ended yesterday, and I wake up today with new deadlines looming. They cannot be ignored.

Renewal of Energy 

I am fairly confident, that what I describe is a common experience. If we are good at what we do, we will always be asked to do something new when we finish it. I know it is hard to get a breather in between these tasks, but I really don't think we would want it any other way. The purpose is in the journey, we are not meant to be idle.

If we let it, the finish line experience can be a revitalizing and rejuvenating experience. The last mile may be the hardest mile, but the last 100 yards can and should be the easiest. 

To me, a critical and important part of reenergizing myself is to spend a moment taking it all in, before I cross the finish line. As I get ready to cross, I express thanks for not only my efforts, but the efforts of all of those people who have supported me along the way. I allow myself the chance to remember the starting line and all that has happened since that moment. I see the growth that has occurred and that visual quickens my step.

This mental breather gives me a great sense of satisfaction before I finish, and then the actual finish releases a sense of great accomplishment. Instead of crossing the line fatigued and relieved, I cross feeling confident and revived. That gives me the energy I need to catch my breath and move on to whatever is next.

Don't Hold Your Breath

Sometimes, when we are in the midst of the craziness, we hold our breath. The thought that "when this is over, life won't be crazy anymore" is a breath holding strategy. When we hold our breath, we fail to revitalize ourselves. Breathing, in the moment refreshes our being. It sometimes feels counterintuitive, but there are actually many ways to do this. We just have to look for them.

How do you catch your breath?

What gives you the energy to move from one project to the next with the intensity you need to raise the bar?

Who supports you along the way?

LIfe, doesn't wait to be lived. Its beat goes on whether we are ready or not. When we realize that the finish line is really just the next starting line, we can prepare ourselves to cross both with amazing amounts of energy.  

There will always be something new until we die. Don't wait until it is over to breathe, breathe now!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

This Magic Moment

We are excited and we are concerned. There are many things to be happy about and there are many things to worry about. I suspect that this is normal. We don't have much time to prepare. The wedding is planned for August 14th.

As the shock wears off, I find myself reflecting on my own story. Some of the things that were said at the time of our engagement are starting to make sense. The concerns of a parent are real to the parent, but totally unfounded for the couple being married. Together, Stacy and I formed a union that proved to be stronger than any of the concerns of our friends and family. I hope the same thing happens for Christina and Mike.

Choice

In a strange way, I feel very good about something. The man my daughter is marrying is not the man we would have chosen for her. Our hopes and dreams created a very different picture. That may sound harsh to admit, but I do not mean it in a critical way. I simply find myself feeling very happy that my daughter is making her own choices. To me, it is a sign of our success as parents.

We know, that our influence is still felt and respected. She knows of our concerns, we have discussed them openly with her. Despite our apprehensions, she is moving forward with her choice. That is the way it should be.

Life is Good!

I called each of my brothers and sisters this morning as soon as I got the news. We are a busy family, and I wanted to make sure that they got the date on their calendar so they could begin to plan. Each conversation was distinct. Some shared perspective, others shared advice and all shared hope. These conversations were different for me. In many ways they marked new beginnings.

During one conversation, I felt myself moving on into a new phase of life. I saw the exit door opening just a crack. I could see that my time is giving way to my children's time. Very soon, we will have 14 kids instead of 7 and many tiny voices will be calling us Grandma and Grandpa. I did not feel afraid by this vision, I felt excited. 

And so it begins. it seems like only yesterday that we hunted through the mall for the very last Little Mermaid video and now we give our princess away. We are full of hope. We want the best for her, and we know we cannot give it to her. She must find it herself. To some, that may seem scary, but I wouldn't want it any other way. See you soon Grandma!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Acceptance

You and I will never attain the control that we think we need to survive. I don't think that means that we must not strive for it, because the quest for becoming our best certainly means that we will learn to control the things that really pertain to us. To be our best, we must also learn to let go of the things that do not pertain to us.

Sadly, we often put too much value on the things that hardly even matter. We create stories around our circumstances to make them more important than they really are, and then when things don't go exactly the way we dreamed they would we feel like we somehow have been ripped off. The rug is hard to pull out from under those who are not attached to the rug.

Life is both very long and very short.

It is long when we allow the things we can't control to consume us.

It is short, when we allow ourselves to extend our love to others. When we do that, no moment ever lasts long enough. 

I find it funny, that the same people we love are almost always responsible for bringing us the things we can't control. The nature of this dichotomy is what makes it difficult for us to accept and let go. It is easy to love someone enough to want the best for them, but it is quite another to love them enough to allow them to make their own choices and suffer the consequences. 

For some reason, we think that if we hold on, we will spare them the pain. It can never work that way. Pain and pleasure come from exercising our individual right of agency. If someone could actually prevent us from feeling the pain, they would also be preventing us from feeling the pleasure, because there is no way to feel one without the other. There just wouldn't be any way of comparing and contrasting how we feel.

Being Here

You and I are here. We often encumber ourselves with that false belief that we can control the universe. The truth is, we are only a mere part of the great whole. We become our best when we let go and surrender ourselves to the whole. Some of this may not make sense to you, and that is because I am still trying to make sense of it all myself. I am writing to help me see things as they really are – I am not there yet.

The awareness I seek will require me to face my fears and doubts with open arms. I have opened my clenched fist many times and discovered that what I thought I had, was never really there to begin with. It was only an illusion that I manufactured to feel safe and successful. The most amazing discovery is the realization that letting go leads to moments of gain not loss. My open arms make it possible to receive something new. Today I open them wide. I can't wait to see what comes my way. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Both shows dealt with the power of choice. These weren't just daily choices, but they were life changing choices. The kind that are very difficult to make, and even more difficult to fix if the wrong one is made. 

Good and Evil

The classic battle of good and evil was portrayed before our eyes. I find it very interesting that both shows portrayed evil sometimes very despicably, and other times very subtly. 

In both episodes, really serious evil was portrayed as a monster. This type is easy for us to identify and only very few of us choose to follow that. But both also portrayed evil in the guise of people that look just like you and me. Their agendas were very evil, but their faces were very attractive. The characters on the show, and even some of the viewers, find it very difficult to discern if they are really evil, or if they are simply misunderstood by those around them.

Good was not portrayed in an over-the-top manner like the evil monsters. We were simply left to trust our instincts in who we think is good. Sadly, we were not always right. 

Lifetime Choices

Fortunately, very few of us experience the monstrous side of evil in our life times. I know it exists, but if you are reading, you have probably done a pretty good job of either avoiding it, or escaping its clutches. However, we all struggle with subtle shades of good and evil on a daily basis. We seek good, but it is often difficult to tell what good is, especially since politically, we are constantly redefining it.

Our choices shape our freedom and the quality of life we experience. When we are fooled into using our agency to choose something evil, we feel good at first, and then we discover the debilitating force of the dark side. It can make us feel discouraged. It can make us feel worthless. It always makes us feel encumbered. Those feelings are constantly with us until we become willing to admit that we made a bad choice. Our ego, makes it difficult for many of us to make this admission so we flounder in the ever increasing darkness that comes from one bad choice leading to another. 

Fortunately, only a few choices lead us to having no further choices. Everyday, we are capable of choosing who we want to become. We can move toward becoming our best possible self, or we can move toward becoming our worst possible self. The choice is ours.

You Have Changed

Sometimes we run into people that we haven't seen in a while and they say something like, "I can't believe how much you have changed." This phrase at time bothers me because I feel like I have always been the same in my core, but I recently came to realize that my choices have not always accurately portrayed who I am at my core. 

It took me many years to figure out how to radiate the energy and light that I feel at my core. Even today, I do not do it perfectly, but many of those around me can see the progress I am making. I am thankful that they are noticing, and even more grateful to discover that the choices I am making are leading me to be a better me.

How are you using your agency?

Will the choices you are making today propel you into becoming your best self?

Are you consciously making a choice between good and evil? or Are you letting life happen to you?

I value choice more than any other freedom. I am thankful that we have the power to choose. I don't always choose right, and I am thankful for that too because I always learn from the evil choices I make. They give me perspective and allow me the freedom of making new choices that redefine and reestablish my desire to make good choices. The best choices are made when we allow ourself the space to step out of the current moment and look at the long term repercussions. Remember, evil choices always feel good from a short term perspective. It is only after we either consider or experience the long term consequences that we are able to see their harm. Take a look at the choices before you, and go do the right thing!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Today, I will pick up my new custom made wardrobe. I am very excited for my final fitting. I am very excited to leave his showroom dressed in one of the new suits that was made especially for me. The process was incredible. I have worn suits for a very long time, and so I didn't realize that there would be this big of a difference. The look is fashionable, but the custom fit is really what sets the clothing apart. Each piece was made especially for me, and that means that it fits that way.

The Fitting Room 

During one of my fitting sessions I began to think about all of the time and planning that went into the creation of this wardrobe. The entire process from start to finish took nearly six weeks. It began with a selection of fabrics, and then moved through several different fitting sessions to make sure that every detail was properly addressed.

Art is the number one executive clothier in Los Angeles and that got me thinking about the successful men and women that he frequently encounters. Each one of them is going through, or has gone through a similar process. We all realize that a custom fit takes time. It is not something we can buy off the rack. This idea is not difficult to grasp. We want it made especially for us, so we are willing to invest the time to get it.

Your Personal Fit

The first impression we make is obviously very critical. There are some who say that the first impression is made within the first 90 seconds. That is why so many successful people invest in beautiful clothing. Who hasn't heard the phrase, "dress for success"? It helps create that first impression. 

Unfortunately, many stop there. They forget that the first impression can only get us in the door. To stay there, we must be constantly bringing value. In my last fitting with Art, I wondered how many people spend an equal or greater amount of time on their own personal development. Based on my experiences I believe that too many think they can get that off of the rack. 

Becoming our personal best is a process and not an event. I will remember that today, when I put on my new clothes. My custom fit took time to arrive, so does a wardrobe of behavior. It is something that we must constantly be working on and adding to, so that we can be our best.

How much time are you investing in becoming your best?

Is it as much or more as you are spending on other parts of your success plan?

What is the smallest change you can make today that will bring you the greatest growth?

First impressions are important, but they quickly fade when people get to know the real you. The sustaining force will be your ability to constantly become your personal best. I dare you to be anxiously engaged in becoming the best you! When you are ready to take things to the next level, give me a call. I will help you design your custom fit. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We are capable of becoming so much more than we generally allow ourselves to become. The words "I can't" inhibit our ability to grow. My friend Joey Cordano's father always said "the Can'ts live across the street". He never wanted us to say it, no matter what the circumstances were. This statement fostered a resolve in me to figure things out.

I Presently Struggle With

A couple of years ago, I started a video workout series called P90x. It is very challenging, even though it is based on some of the most fundamental exercises. In essence, it is a push-up, pull-up and sit-up conglomeration. 

I remember the difficulty I faced when I attempted my first set of pull-ups. I was physically unable to do even one, without some form of assistance. It was discouraging to watch the people on the video do 15 to 20 with what looked like very little effort. I wanted to give up, but Tony Horton, the host of the series exhorted me to continue. In one scene he stares into the camera and says, "quit telling yourself you can't do this. Change your language and say, 'I presently struggle with', and you will be surprised to see what happens."

I believed him and I stuck with it. 45 days later, I was only able to do three pull-ups without being assisted, but then something magical happened. Not only did I develop strength, but I also developed understanding. It was like a light went on one day, and I found myself no longer struggling with pull-ups. Because I understood how to do them, I often did them effortlessly and almost always pushed my self to do more than my previous best.

Persistance Produces Power

I majored in English in my undergrad days and became a fan of the great Ralph Waldo Emerson. The resolve I employed to become "pull-up boy" reminded me of one of my favorite Emerson quotes. He said:

That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved.

Can you see the wisdom in that quote. You and I will always be faced with difficult challenges. We can choose to say "I can't", or we can do our best, and forget the rest. For some reason, most of us naturally seek the path of least resistance. That path never leads us to our best. Instead, it robs us of our true potential. There are no short cuts to greatness. We must willing to do that which challenges us and stretches us. 

What are you presently struggling with?

Do you know what success in that area looks like?

Are you willing to stick with it until you master the flow of success?

"I can". Two simple words that make all the difference in our lives. They don't just make a difference in what we accomplish, they also make a difference in how we feel when we are challenged and who we eventually become. The "Can'ts" live across the street from me. Which side of the street do you live on?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Before we knew it, two hours had passed and we were in the middle of some serious plans for the future. The creative energy we were feeling filled us up with so many new ideas. A new vision was born and we began to discuss how we will make it happen. The combination of strengths made this project seem so fulfilling for both of us.

If You Want To Reach Your Dreams You Must Have Support

This was not a new experience for either one of us. During our 22 years of marriage, we have dreamed many things together. To be honest, we haven't just dreamed them, we have actually brought them into reality.

I love how we work so well together. There is no spirit of competition between us. We simply see the future together and then engage in making it happen. We are careful to utilize the best, that each of us has to offer. This means that we often take turns leading. 

The support we give each other is the secret to our success. There is a vetting process that we use to make sure that we are both willing to do what it will take to pursue the goal, but once we have decided, we stand together and support each other. I am so thankful to live this way. It is what makes life so good for me. 

Setting The Stage

To make sure we are aligned, we often conduct a cost / benefit analysis. This helps us make sure that we are both willing to support the dream. This process has nothing to do with money, and everything to do with the way we will be spending our time.

We want to see the potential pitfalls and risks. Once we see them, we seek to discover the worst possible scenarios. We want to know what can go wrong and if we would be ok if that actually happened. An amazing thing happens when we look at the worst possible scenario, we no longer fear it and we are able to move forward with out worrying about what could possibly go wrong. Since we know what the worst looks like we are able to avoid it. Rarely, if ever, has the worst actually happened to us.

This perspective frees our entire energy to focus on creating the results we want and living the dream we envisioned. I promise you, this really works, and it works every time.

Who breathes life into your dreams?

Are you willing to include them in all the facets of planning, even the process of imagining the worst?

What can you do today to free yourself of all negative energy and move forward?

Our aspirations are more easily attained when we align them with those who will support our efforts. To do this, we must be willing to clearly define what we want. We can't expect people to support us blindly. Shine the light on it today. You will be surprised how much light you receive back.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Ankle Breakers

While the tree is known for its beauty, it is also known for its spiked fruit. These "gumball" shaped droppings are very unpleasant to walk on, and they do not decompose. If left on the lawn, they turn it into an uneven surface full of lumpy pock marks. Here in North Carolina, they call the the fruit "ankle breakers" because both the fruit, and the holes they create in the lawn, are known to cause many ankle injuries.

As a newcomer, it was hard for me to understand why this tree was being removed. It looked like a beautiful tree. The decision to eliminate it, was not made in haste. Its removal had been considered for many year and it was finally time to create a new landscape plan. Its seasonal beauty and the shade it provided could no longer save it. The mess it regularly makes had finally sealed its doom.

Character Reveals Itself Over Time

As I watched the tree fall, I thought about the people I know who have faced a similar fate. They may possess many strengths, but for some reason, their weaknesses always seem to bring them down. In the beginning, their coworkers and leaders enjoy the immediate contributions they make, but in the end, the pollution they spew on their social environment is so toxic that they are asked to leave.

I find this especially sad because people are not trees. The "gumball" tree is what it is and cannot change its behavior, but people can. Some simply reject the idea of growing new behaviors. They believe that their strengths will always save them, so they refuse to deal with their fatal flaws. They are surprised when they are no longer wanted, but they shouldn't be.

I foster a "strength based approach" in all of the work that I do, but I also make sure we take enough time to identify and eliminate any critical behaviors that can potentially derail a career. These characteristics are usually seen by all, but rarely addressed until it is too late. It is my job to discuss these unspeakable blemishes in such away that the needed growth is understood, accepted and embraced.

No one can really expect to hide these types of behaviors for very long. They are always revealed in time. The only way to deal with these challenges is to grow beyond them. That requires constant effort. I like to help people learn what they can do, instead of what they must stop doing, but sometimes they just need to stop doing certain things or they will continue to face similar consequences.

Leveraging the Perspectives of Others

I realize that it is difficult to see our own "fatal flaws" and that is why we must encourage others to tell us the truth about our behavior. Sometimes those around us don't tell us the truth because they don't want to hurt us, but the only way the truth can hurt us is when it is withheld from us or covered up. Plain and simple, we need to know if there is a problem.

Other times, the truth is spoken and we refuse to hear it. We tell ourselves that the person that is speaking it does not really believe what they are saying, or we argue that their perspective is not valid. The person trying to tell us the truth eventually loses interest and leaves us alone until we self-destruct.

If we want to thrive, we must be willing to listen to the spoken and unspoken feedback we receive from others. If we fail to do that, we will be cut down. It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when.

Are you taking the time to hear and understand the feedback you are receiving?

Do you look for ways to uncover the unspeakable?

What are you doing to encourage others to tell you the truth?

We cannot ignore the truth for very long. If we do, we will find ourselves in undesirable circumstances. Growth is much easier to accomplish when we see it ourselves. Don't wait for somebody to tell you that you need to do it. Take care of your personal "ankle breakers" today.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Since that time, I have been working on a couple of significant projects for my business. I am not interested in moving forward simply for the sake of moving forward. Especially if my movement creates hardships for my family. Still, I understand that only the venturous are able to gain during this economy, so I am willing to take some well thought out risks to increase my ability to deliver a quality experience for my current and future clients.

A Market Of Choice

About three years ago, I entered into a lease agreement in a beautiful new building very near our home. I was excited to create a new office space. It was our opportunity to build it to our liking and we did our best to take advantage of the mountain views. Rental rates were much higher than they are today, which translates now into a rental agreement that is about three times above market value. Fortunately, we only entered into a three year agreement.

Our term is nearly up and I recently began new negotiations with our landlord. It was my hope that we could lower the current rate and enter into a new three year lease. There are seven suites inside our building and four of them are empty. This reflects the occupancy rate in our town, and so I believed that this would be an easy project. I was surprised to discover that our landlord was only interested in raising our rent. This idea is simply not supported by what is going on in the commercial market in our town.

We had never entertained the thought of moving, but this position opened the door to our search for new space. There is plenty of inventory available, but we were finding it difficult to find something that fit our needs without investing more tenant improvement dollars. 

One Saturday morning, we were considering a few different opportunities. Along the way, we noticed that a landmark building in our community was for sale.  It is a structure that was built into the local rocks nearly 45 years ago. We were sure that it was out of our reach, but our curiosity got the best of us and we stopped to look around. As soon as we exited our vehicle, we knew that it would be the perfect place to take our business to the next level. It appears to have been specifically built for the Game of Life Table, which plays such a central role in the services we offer.

Dreaming Big

We decided to pursue this opportunity, and everything we needed to make it a reality began to fall in line. It was on the market for a price much higher than we could afford, we successfully negotiated a new price that is within our budget, and opened escrow last week. Our monthly payment will now be reduced to nearly half of what we are spending in our current rental agreement. We recognize that there are risks associated with this acquisition, but that is what makes it fun. We are excited to move forward. 

This historic building is the perfect retreat location. The views are stunning, the setup is perfect, and the fact that it is an old home, gives us the potential of renting it out for weekends to our clients who are looking to get away for some quality and solitary thinking time. 

Don't Just Sit There

There is a level of fear that I feel in moving forward, but I am not going to let that stop me. I know our economy could get even worse than it is right now, which would significantly effect my ability to find people who can afford my services. I willing to move forward, because now is a time of opportunity. I am certain that things will eventually turn around, but if I wait for that moment, it will be too late. In effect, waiting for the turn around would price us out of the market.

There are many similar opportunities before you right now. You must decide which ones you will seize. Your tolerance for risk must be evaluated, but you must not allow fear to prevent you from moving forward. Things will only get better if we make them better.

What great opportunities do you see before you?

How will going for them impact your professional and personal experiences?

What beliefs are preventing you from realizing the potential of this favorable economy?

Very soon, the market is going to turn. Those who are willing to take steps now, will be in position to reap the benefits of the future growth. Are you one of them?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

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On Groundhog Day, we created two very special moments. One was a time honored tradition, and the other was a LOST moment.

Tag Your "IT"

For the past 12 years, we have gathered on the front lawn as a family to play Groundhog Tag on Groundhog Day. Some of you may know it as Freeze Tag. One person is "IT" and they run around and try to tag everyone else. If you are tagged, you must freeze. The only way you can become unfrozen is to have one of the other players crawl through the space between your legs and the ground. 

We have a lot of fun playing this game together. I don't know of many 17, 15 and 13 year old boys who are willing to play tag on the front lawn with their Mom and Dad and their 9, 5, and 3 year old sisters. They played and had fun. The older the boys get, the harder it is for them to make it through the legs, and it is very hard for anybody to fit through the little one's legs. 

I am thankful for this tradition and for the time we spend together doing it. Before long they will all be gone, but we will always be able to look out the front window at the lawn and remember being "IT".

Final Season of Lost

Later in the evening we all gathered around the TV to watch the Season Premiere of Lost. The start time was well after bed time for half of the family and the end time was far beyond the bed time of all of the rest of us. We stayed together for the whole show, even though we knew we could watch it on the internet the next day. 

The suspense nearly killed us, but we stuck with it. The girls fell asleep and the boys complained about the many commercial breaks. I enjoyed the breaks, because they gave us time to talk about what we were watching and what we thought would happen next.  We definitely got lost in the moment.

Taking Time Out For Family

Life is hectic, I know and feel that personally. I have come to understand that the most meaningful moments come from taking time out to be with the family. The concerns of the day will wait, and they will always be there. Our children will not wait, and they will not always be there. We must remember to pause and be with them, learn from them and love them.

I am aware that many of you reading do not have kids, but you do have a family. Family relationships are very important and you must do your best to nurture the intimate relationships that you do enjoy.

What are you doing to develop your family relationships?

How can you make the moments more memorable?

How do you want your family to remember you?

From my office, I am watching the sun go down. As it slips behind the rocky slopes of our desert hills, I get a visual reminder of how quickly the moments pass. Be present. You will never look back and say, "I wish I was gone more."

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

So begins Charles Dickens' book the Tale of Two Cities. It literally describes our day. Some right now are finding new feasts and others are suffering in old famines. Where do you find yourself?

Opportunity Of A Lifetime

I find myself seeing opportunity. I see that there are risks, but I am willing to take them. Playing safe, never inspires me. I know that living a full life requires the stomach to take risks. I cannot, no, I will not live in fear. I will not believe that it is a time to search for security or to hunker down. That is what is causing our economy to remain stagnant.

There is too much fear going around right now and prosperity is not a game for the faint of heart. Abundance only comes to those who spend their days passionately creating success. Stepping into uncertainty is the leading requirement. The openings that lead to greatness are created by taking that step. No one ever did it without taking a risk.

Of course this means that we will live through some very uncomfortable experiences, but only those who learn how to lean into the discomfort finally discover the secrets of abundance. Does anybody ever look back on life and say, "I wish I played it safe"? I don't think so. In fact, I think the risks we take, whether successful or unsuccessful, create our most memorable experiences. They are the moments that define and enlighten us. 

Safe Risk

Before taking that step, we must learn to count the cost. It is true, that no matter how prepared we are, some risks will just not pay off, and that is why we must consider the options before us. Risk is only made safe when we make wise choices. We must know what is at stake, and if we are able to stand losing it. If we cannot afford to lose the required investment, then we must never make it.

Some people decide that they can't lose anything, so they never take a risk. The never seek to push their own boundaries. I may not be able to make a million dollar investment right now, but perhaps I can make a $5,000.00 one. Risk means that we are stretching ourselves beyond our current limits. That means that we must be willing to take chances. 

Now Is The Time

Right now, I am in the middle of taking some major risks. I see the opportunities before me that will lead me to the next level. I am afraid. Simply put, thinking about what it will take for me to do what I must do, frightens me. I feel nervous and worried, but those feelings are calling me to greatness. They are the feelings that inspire me to move forward.

For the first time in a few years, I am asking myself one of my favorite questions; "what is the worst thing I could lose?" That is the question I ask before I move forward. I go over the worst case scenario and once I have a chance to stare it in the face, I am no longer afraid of it. Seeing the worst, makes me realize that it wouldn't be that bad, so I take the leap of faith required to create the opening I need.

What risks are before you?

What will happen if you take them? What will happen if you choose not to take them?

What is the worst thing you would lose if you took the chance before you? Would that really be that bad?

There is an opening. You may not be able to see it right now, but it is there. Trust yourself, and let your mind ponder your next move. The older I become, the more I believe that life is an illusion that we create. Our willingness to step forward, creates freedom, greatness and success. Our fear suppresses our very best. Don't just sit there saying it can't be done, create your opening.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

I happily agreed, but I was a bit concerned. The team is struggling and was still looking for its first victory, which is something new for both John and the coach. This is their third season together, and they were undefeated in the previous two. The team is made up of some very talented players, but they are still learning how to play together as a team.

What Are You Good At?

I had attended all of the games, so I had formed some opinions about the players. Despite that fact, I had never met any of them. I didn't even know many of their names.

I wanted to get to know them, so before the game, I took each young man aside and I asked him to tell me about his strengths on the court. It was fun to watch their faces as they told me where and how they like to play. These were magic moments. I pushed my opinions aside, and decided to agree with each one and to reinforce their belief by saying something like, "Yes, I can see that, this is where and how I want you to play today, and I am going to make sure that we get you the ball."

Then, I brought the whole team together and I voiced the strengths of each individual. I told them that we were going to play to the strengths of the team. I told them how each player would contribute and what I wanted them to do while they were on the court.

A Different Team

They looked like a different team. They played with purpose and they began to mesh their talents together. In our huddles we talked about what was going on and what they were seeing. We also talked about how each one was doing in their role and made the needed adjustments. It was fun to hear them talk about the experience. They were having fun and we were staying even.

With 1.3 seconds to go, we were down by one point.  One of the boys was fouled and put on the Free Throw line. Here was our chance to win the game. This was a very nerve wracking situation. The young man missed the first shot. Instead of being upset or dejected, his team members, both on and off the court, rallied to encourage him. He stepped to line and made the tying shot. They then went on to win the game in overtime. It was an exciting and dramatic day.

Your Team

I really don't know much about basketball, but I do know a little bit about coaching and building teams. I relied on this knowledge to help me in this experience. When the game was over, I reflected on the steps that led to this victory. They are the same steps that lead to victory in the work teams I help.

1. Give everyone an opportunity to do what they do best.
2. Communicate roles clearly to each individual.
3. Empower each individual by communicating his or her role to the team.
4. In the huddles hold each member accountable by asking if they living up to their role.
5. Give positive feedback as often as possible and critical feedback only when it is absolutely necessary.
6. Model the way, by encouraging others.

These steps, do not guarantee victory. Nothing can really do that, but they do guarantee an engaged and productive team. Under these guidelines, teams learn to trust each other. As as result, they also learn to work together and to play together. This always produces better outcomes for the team and for the organization.

What steps generate the success in your team? 

What are you doing to make sure you do that more often?

It is interesting to note, that I didn't teach a single basketball related strategy or fundamental. I didn't draw up any plays or break down what the other team was doing. Instead, I focused on encouraging the team and letting them do what they do best. They responded and did their best. That made all the difference. Give it a shot. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

This week, we are experiencing some very amazing rain storms. I have lived here twenty years, and I can only remember one other storm during that time period, that even comes close to matching the amount of water we are receiving. 

Too Much Of A Good Thing

We need this rain. Our natural water supplies are low. We are all very excited that it keeps coming down, but we are beginning to experience some pretty significant consequences. It reminds us that too much of a good thing, can actually become, a bad thing. 

This thought has been with me for a while, but I saw a new side of it today as I drove around town to run a few errands. Our town is not built for this much rain. We have several storm washes that guide the water to our reservoirs and rivers, but they are not capable of handling a steady down pour for two days. After a couple of hours, they overflow and begin to find a new path which usually crosses homes and roads indiscriminately. The rain we so desperately need continues to fall, but it is now causing quite a bit of damage.

I have seen a similar thing happen with people. We all need to receive recognition, but I have known those who received so much that it changed them. Their interpersonal pathways become flooded and they begin to behave differently than they normally behave. They become puffed up and full of pride. They lose their ability to help others, because they are so caught up in their own pursuits. When the praise they crave stops, and the flow of compliments resides, we can see the damage to their image and reputation.

Seeking Higher Ground

The quality we must cultivate, to avoid this downfall, is humility. Humility is the great protector. It is the antidote against pride. The proud can only hear the clamor of the crowd, and that prevents them from hearing their own internal correcting voice and the voice of others who would offer the feedback so necessary for improvement. Humility is the catalyst for all learning. It prevents us from overdoing our strengths. 

What are you doing to develop the quality of humility?

Can you see the difference from being humbled and having humility?

Is it possible to demonstrate confidence and humility at the same time?

Humility, is a rare quality to see these days, almost as rare as a rainbow in the High Desert. When we see it in others, we are attracted to them. We want to be around them and we recognize them as true leaders. Because they are open to receiving counsel from above, beside and below, they know who to abandon their pride and lead with authenticity. Their regular review of these diverse perspectives regularly, creates an unusual calmness around them and they become inspiring forces of growth in others. O be humble! It will allow you to receive the nourishing rain of praise without having it run off of your countenance in waste.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

This storm is making me excited for spring. I can't wait to see the wildflowers that will bloom as a result of it. 

Our industry had been in a bit of a downward spiral since the beginning of Y2K. There were signs that things were improving, but credit was still difficult to find, and our plan was to use the proceeds of the loan to finance some business credits that our funding sources were not willing to approve.

The Whisperings of Angels

I truly believed that this was a viable way to strengthen our business, and so I began to argue with myself. My internal conversation went something like this: "If I don't invest this money, we are going to run into trouble." "Not as much trouble as you will if you do this." "The best strategy right now is to pull back and see what happens." "If I do that, it may appear as if we are in trouble. I don't want people to think that we are struggling." "Are you really that concerned about what people think?" "Yes, it's important to me." "The business will either survive on its own, or it is not worth having. You need to think about protecting and providing for your family. This is not a good decision." "The business is the best way to provide for my family. We have always enjoyed success, and we will continue to do so. I am moving forward."

And move forward I did. On September 2nd, I turned the documents over to the bank and they deposited my money. I invested it immediately. Just nine days later, the economic recovery was brought to a stand still as the US suffered the foreign attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. That event brought our very small industry of equipment lessors into an even deeper rut, one from which I believe it still has not recovered. Within six months, I lost the substantial sum that I had invested in lesser credits. It was the beginning of a very crippling time for my business. Fortunately, I was eventually able to get out, but not without suffering significant losses.

Early that September, I received a warning. It was a feeling in my gut, but I truly believe it was the whisperings of the angels telling me not to put this capital at risk. Why didn't I listen? Because my ego wouldn't let me. I was riding high on several successes and I believed, even though I felt this impression, that it would always be that way. In the end, I trusted in the power of my ego, instead of the intuition I was receiving. 

Listening To Warnings

As I struggled to take care of this problem, I found that it would have been much easier if I had just listened to that small voice of warning. I know that it was prompting me to make a good business decision and I know now, that good business decision are not always easy to make. Since that time, I have paid very close attention to these types of impressions. There may have been a bit of a bruise on my ego if I had followed that initial prompting, but it would have been nothing like the beating I eventually experienced.

We become more sensitive to these promptings when we listen to them. As we follow them, our eyes opened and we begin to see and understand on a different level. My sad experience taught me that we can ignore them, but their impact will not go away. 

What Decisions Are Before You?

We find ourselves in challenging times. There are difficult decisions before many of us. Please make sure that you take a moment to really consider what your inner voice is saying to you. It is most important that you listen to it. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, then it is worth taking a break and listening. I sometimes just take a walk to get the mail or stand up and look out the window, so that I can clear my head and get in touch with my real self. 

How do you get in touch with your inner voice? Do you know what it sounds like?

Do you listen to and act on the promptings you receive?

What are some things you need to let go? What are some things you need to pursue?

At the time I pondered entering into that troublesome loan, I knew that I wanted to be doing exactly what I am doing today. I was afraid to make the move, because I was too worried about what I might lose. If my focus had instead been on what I might gain, I would have listened to that inner voice and began working on my transition sooner, and I would have preserved our assets. Sure, I still made it to where I wanted to go, but not without a lot of unnecessary pain. Don't be afraid to listen to your inner voice. You can trust it!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The table was delivered to the office last year. It is an impressive work of art, even when nobody is sitting around it. I am fortunate enough to see it every day that I work in the office. I marvel at the fact that not a single power tool was used to create its beauty. 

A Symbol of Love

The table is inscribed with a giant banyan tree. In the Hindu culture, the banyan tree is a symbol of unity and wish fulfillment. It certainly lives up to its symbolic nature, but to me it stands for something even greater.

Every day, when I walk into my office, I am reminded of my beautiful wife and her never ending support for my efforts. She believes in me and that great blessing inspires me to believe in myself. The work that I do is continuously stretching me and creating new opportunities to step up. Sometimes, the seeds of doubt creep in and frustrate my self-belief for a moment. When I find myself wondering if I am up to the task, I take a moment to regard this beautiful table. Every time I do so, I remember the trust and confidence Stacy places in me and I receive the energy I need to act with poise and purpose.

Seeds of Gratitude and Generosity

Remembrance prompts a sense of gratitude. The expression of a grateful heart is usually manifested through some generous act. A thankful heart is more than willing to speak a kind comment or perform an act of service. When we allow ourselves to live in the moments of gratitude, we are reminded that because we have been given much, we too must give. 

Service to others is the natural desire of an enlightened being, and these selfless acts increase our ability to love the other. They create a comfort within us that removes the fear of being passed over and the anguish of living in scarcity.

The abundant life is the result of our conscious choice to live abundantly. Yes, it it a choice we make and we must make it before it can ever be bestowed upon us. Growth is a positive function and it cannot occur when we act defensively. To truly grow, we must be open to the whisperings of the spirit. Those whisperings only come to us when we are willing to do something more than seek after our own agenda. 

What moves you to remembrance?

What evokes gratitude in your heart?

When was the last time you expanded the reaches of your generosity?

I know these are difficult times. Each day, there is bad news. We can fight against that by abandoning our selfish pursuits and meeting the needs of others. We live in abundance. There is a seat for you at our table.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548