A couple of days ago, my daughter Sarah’s (9) teacher at school was reading the class a book. The book she was reading is called Little House in the Big Woods, by Laura Ingalls Wilder. If you are about my age (43) and grew up here in the USA then you are most likely familiar with the classic TV show Little House on the Prairie, which was based on this autobiography. We watched it every week in our home and it reflected the values that our society once held dear.
Each member of Sarah’s class had their own book and they were following along as the teach read to them. The teacher got to a certain point and said, "I can’t read the next part to you. You will have to read it yourself." Then she gave the class a few moments to read the next part of the book.
Stacy was in the room and the teacher explained to the children that she could not read it, because the text was of a prayer that the Ingall’s family offered for their safety when they arrived to their new home.
What Do We Really Want To Teach?
I understand the teacher’s and the school’s caution. Still, I can’t help but wonder about the impact of this action. As a society, we often appear to be obsessed with learning to accept everyone for who they are, but when it comes right down to it, we are afraid to discuss the things that make us different. What do you think this action taught the children in my daughter’s class?
A recent Newsweek article titled See Baby Discriminate powerfully discusses the issue of racism and how it forms at early ages. The article states that current research indicates that in homes where racial issues are discussed, children are less likely to develop racist tendencies, whereas in homes where the topic is avoided the children learn that the topic is taboo and infer from that, that there is something wrong with those people who are not of a similar skin tone.
In other words, if we really want to break down the fears that come from differences, we need to talk about them. The more we avoid them, the more they divide us. The recipe for success is to talk openly and naturally about the differences without getting uptight. When that happens we can break down the walls that divide us. That does not mean we abandon our beliefs and values, it just means that we don’t try to impose them on others. We can share them, and we can allow others the same opportunity. When we learn about others, our convictions will either be strengthened or weakened. That is not a bad thing because it helps us grow, and it helps us know each other.
I See You!
Yesterday my friend Paul and I went to downtown Los Angeles to visit the Garment District. As many of you know, I am a Mormon. Paul is Gay. There we were, in the car together, walking the streets of LA together and enjoying each other. How did it happen? I mean, how was it possible for two people (who represent two groups that are normally thought to oppose each other) to get along so well together? We avoided the topics that divide us right? Wrong. Our conversations touched on all of the things that differentiate us and we did it with respect. I did not feel threatened by Paul, and I don’t think he felt threatened by me. We just spent the day being together.
Neither one of us spent any time trying to convert the other, and neither one of us walked away with a change of values. That didn’t matter. We happily acknowledged our differences and agreed that it was OK to be different. I have constantly said that if we were all the same, then there would be no need for all of us. If we really want to celebrate our differences then we must be free to talk about them.
I love the work that I do, because it allows me to see people for who they really are, and I am always focused on helping people become who they really want to become. My job is not to tell them what I want them to be, or who somebody else thinks they should be. It is to help them discover who they want to be. I often find myself supporting clients to become someone that I would not want to become. I do not speak of integrity issues, I speak of behavioral issues. Some desire lifestyles that are not appealing to me. I am thankful that I can work on myself when it is time to work on myself and that I do not feel the need to project who I am on those I work with. That approach always makes it possible for me to really be who I am, without any fear. Consequently, I enjoy some of the most amazing personal and professional relationships.
That is why I write these posts. I want to model who I really am. I want you to see me as I really am without any masks or disguises. My hope is that by doing this, you will be encouraged to be the real you. I believe that being the real me is the only real way that I can know peace in my life. I want the same for you.
Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept It!
My invitation to you is for you to look for opportunities to allow the space for people to open up to you and so they can be their real self. I promise you that if you do so, you will experience some uncomfortable moments. I want you to lean into that discomfort. Just listen with an open mind and heart. It will be difficult, but you will grow. Through these types of experiences, you will learn to see the similarities that we all possess. You will see that despite our differences we are really all the same. There will always be differences. We will always need a vote to settle things, but that is what makes life great. Our differences actually provide us opportunities to become who we really want to become. How could we do that, if we never knew any opposition. We could not do it without diversity. It just wouldn’t be possible. I for one, wouldn’t want it any other way. Would you?
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