Yesterday, my sister-in-law and her husband, decided to remove a liquidambar styraciflua tree from her backyard. This tree, commonly referred to as the American Sweetgum, is known for its beautiful leaves and fall colors. This particular specimen was fairly large, and I was surprised that they were removing it. I could tell that it provided good shade for the house and so I inquired about the purpose for its demise.
Ankle Breakers
While the tree is known for its beauty, it is also known for its spiked fruit. These "gumball" shaped droppings are very unpleasant to walk on, and they do not decompose. If left on the lawn, they turn it into an uneven surface full of lumpy pock marks. Here in North Carolina, they call the the fruit "ankle breakers" because both the fruit, and the holes they create in the lawn, are known to cause many ankle injuries.
As a newcomer, it was hard for me to understand why this tree was being removed. It looked like a beautiful tree. The decision to eliminate it, was not made in haste. Its removal had been considered for many year and it was finally time to create a new landscape plan. Its seasonal beauty and the shade it provided could no longer save it. The mess it regularly makes had finally sealed its doom.
Character Reveals Itself Over Time
As I watched the tree fall, I thought about the people I know who have faced a similar fate. They may possess many strengths, but for some reason, their weaknesses always seem to bring them down. In the beginning, their coworkers and leaders enjoy the immediate contributions they make, but in the end, the pollution they spew on their social environment is so toxic that they are asked to leave.
I find this especially sad because people are not trees. The "gumball" tree is what it is and cannot change its behavior, but people can. Some simply reject the idea of growing new behaviors. They believe that their strengths will always save them, so they refuse to deal with their fatal flaws. They are surprised when they are no longer wanted, but they shouldn't be.
I foster a "strength based approach" in all of the work that I do, but I also make sure we take enough time to identify and eliminate any critical behaviors that can potentially derail a career. These characteristics are usually seen by all, but rarely addressed until it is too late. It is my job to discuss these unspeakable blemishes in such away that the needed growth is understood, accepted and embraced.
No one can really expect to hide these types of behaviors for very long. They are always revealed in time. The only way to deal with these challenges is to grow beyond them. That requires constant effort. I like to help people learn what they can do, instead of what they must stop doing, but sometimes they just need to stop doing certain things or they will continue to face similar consequences.
Leveraging the Perspectives of Others
I realize that it is difficult to see our own "fatal flaws" and that is why we must encourage others to tell us the truth about our behavior. Sometimes those around us don't tell us the truth because they don't want to hurt us, but the only way the truth can hurt us is when it is withheld from us or covered up. Plain and simple, we need to know if there is a problem.
Other times, the truth is spoken and we refuse to hear it. We tell ourselves that the person that is speaking it does not really believe what they are saying, or we argue that their perspective is not valid. The person trying to tell us the truth eventually loses interest and leaves us alone until we self-destruct.
If we want to thrive, we must be willing to listen to the spoken and unspoken feedback we receive from others. If we fail to do that, we will be cut down. It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when.
Are you taking the time to hear and understand the feedback you are receiving?
Do you look for ways to uncover the unspeakable?
What are you doing to encourage others to tell you the truth?
We cannot ignore the truth for very long. If we do, we will find ourselves in undesirable circumstances. Growth is much easier to accomplish when we see it ourselves. Don't wait for somebody to tell you that you need to do it. Take care of your personal "ankle breakers" today.
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