In my early 20′s I worked as a sales representative for my uncle’s commercial finance company. My focus was helping small business owners acquire the equipment they needed to run their businesses. I spent my days discovering the current and future needs of the entrepreneurs in the Los Angeles area.
Lonely At The Top
My uncle taught me the importance of building relationships with these leaders that went beyond the purpose of our business. He told me that leaders are lonely, and that the more successful they become, the more difficult it is to find someone they can trust. He said that they are generally not willing to talk about their successes or challenges with the people in their circle of influence.
In his opinion, they were worried to speak of their challenges with their friends, because they thought they would think they were in trouble. They also worried that if they spoke of their successes, their friends would feel jealous, ask them for something they couldn’t give them, try to take advantage of them or only like them because they were successful.
At work, they worried that if the employees found out about the challenges, they would begin looking for a new job. If they found out about the successes, they would ask for a raise that they didn’t merit.
He even felt that a leader could not, and did not, bring the issues home. He said that the leader would never want to worry a spouse with the challenges or give the spouse a false sense of security with the successes of the moment.
Building Relationships of Trust
Through my own efforts, I discovered that much of what my uncle said was true. It seemed that the bigger the organization, the fewer close relationships a senior leader had. Many told me that they spent their days listening to everybody around them, and that nobody ever listened to them. This sounded odd to me at first, but then I began to see what they meant. Of course the people listened to the policies and guidelines that were set by the leader, but they did not have the capacity or the trust to listen to the leader. Without an outlet, many of the leaders I worked with were building up significant levels of stress.
I enjoyed being a friend to my clients as much as being a source of business capital. I liked listening to their challenges, their successes and their dreams. I liked to encourage them. The longer I was in the business, the more I became known for something other than the money I was lending. My clients did business with me because I listened from a perspective that was external to their other circles. They quickly became comfortable sharing everything with me, and that is why I eventually left the world of lending financial capital for the world of developing human capital.
Letting Off Steam
I believe that it is very important to have somebody who will just listen when we need to let off some steam. Sometimes, it is difficult to make sense of the things that are going on around us without speaking them out loud. When we are given the opportunity to talk with somebody who is willing to listen without jumping to a prescription or a solution, we are able to find the missing pieces and solve our own puzzles. The solutions that come from within us are much more powerful then the ones that come from somebody else. Having someone who will listen while we work to untangle our feelings is a great benefit.
I am not suggesting that we need someone to engage in toxic delusions with us. I am talking about someone with whom we can engage in "healthy venting". Somebody who who will listen first and then help us see what we are missing without giving us the answers. Sometimes we just need a little space to say out loud the things that we are thinking so that we can discover how they sound. There are many internal conversations that sound absolutely ridiculous when they are voiced, and that is why I like the opportunity to do it with someone I can trust. I don’t need them to tell me that they sound ridiculous, I can hear it myself. I just need them to listen while I get it out in the open. There are few things that a friend can do that are more valuable.
Being There
Please take a moment to consider your many relationships.
Are you developing enough trust to be this kind of friend? Do you have someone who is willing to listen to your "healthy venting"?
It is lonely at the top, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I am sure that there is someone in your circle that you can trust, and that is where it starts. All you really have to do to have a friend who will listen, is to be one yourself.
Live Today! Love Today!
760-559-3548
