I told him that I was happily married and that I was not interested. This was hard for him to understand, so he persisted and asked me if I wanted to know who it was. I said "no" and then, I politely asked him to tell the woman that I was committed to my wife, and that I was not interested in breaking that commitment.

Faithful and True

I really didn't give this opportunity much thought, partly because I have a great wife, and partly because I made a vow to be faithful to her and I intend to keep it. 

Many of us start out with this vow, but our resolve often weakens as time passes. As a society, we are constantly bombarded with sexual images, which in turn, stimulate our sexual desire. We can find a sexual innuendo in almost every setting. Is it any wonder that so many of us fall to our natural instincts?

Sadly, those who maintain a standard of infidelity rarely find the happiness they seek. They eventually discover that variety does not equal fulfillment. In fact, they discover that the more they try to please their sexual desires with others, the more they need to keep trying to please it. This is because it is a desire that can never be fulfilled by simply doing the act. Our minds, as soon as we do it, begin to tell us that we need to do it again, and again and again. 

In my work, I often speak with those who have suffered the pain of either being unfaithful, or of being with an unfaithful spouse. They are amazing witnesses of the fact that the momentary pleasure that comes from having sex is never worth the lasting pain that comes from breaking the trust of a spouse.

Restoring Trust

We live in a confusing time. On the one hand, we expect fidelity in our relationships, but on the other hand we feel pulled by the message of "nobody will know". 

Perhaps you find yourself as either a purveyor of, or a victim of infidelity. You may be desperately wanting to trust or to restore trust, but you are wondering if you can ever do that again. I have vicariously felt this challenge through the missteps of friends and family. I know it is a difficult thing, but it can be done. How? That is the question many face.

I will be honest, it is not an easy path to follow. It will require you to learn something about forgiveness. Whether you did it, or had it done to you, you are going to learn how to forgive, and the first person you must forgive is yourself. I know that sounds odd if you are the victim of infidelity, but it truly is where it starts. Once you have forgiven yourself, you are then capable of forgiving others.

The next step is to re-establish your commitment to each other. You will be tested again, so it is important that you speak with each other and agree on how you will behave when the time of testing returns. Clear and open communication will prevent you from moving forward. 

Communication Is The Key

As soon as I arrived home, I told Stacy about the invitation I had on the way to the airport. I told her that I rejected the offer, and that I wanted her to be aware of the offer so we could talk about any and all future offers. Neither one of us wanted me to behave in an unfaithful way so we worked together to make sure I did not. Because I was honest with her about the invitation, and the momentary desire to accept that came with the invitation, the trust between us grew. We know we are both human and we know these types of opportunities require us to work together. We cannot face these challenges secretly, we must bring them out in the open as soon as possible. Communication is the key to finding the way out.

If you find yourself on one side of this chasm then it is time to make a choice. You must decide if you want to stay and love, or leave and love. Any other choice will only bring more sadness and despair to your life. You cannot stay and hate or leave and hate and live a happy life. Love is the only way you can begin to open the fonts of healing. It is what makes communicating through this problem possible.

You are not required to stay, but you are required to love. If you are wondering what to do, perhaps these questions will help:

What do I really want to happen?

Can I forgive myself and my spouse?

What can I do to make things better?

I should be perfectly clear that if you are a victim of infidelity, you have a right to be angry and a right to move on. I am not advocating for you to stay. I simply want you to see that if you are moving on, you will be best served if you move on with love in your heart. Love will accelerate the healing process. When I say love, I am not speaking of a romantic love, I am speaking of the love that comes for another when we recognize that they are a human being. Any other approach will leave you feeling the sting and licking your wounds for a very long time. The pain felt by both sides is real. The lack of trust is real. They can only be satisfied by love.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

The Family Puzzle

We have a backyard pool that we put in about 15 years ago. It still looks pretty good, but some of the tile has fallen off. One of my tasks was to make sure that it got fixed. About 45 tiles had come unglued, so I spent a couple of hours figuring out where to put each one and then began attaching them back in place.

As I installed each tile, I thought about all of the memories in our backyard pool. I remember our very first swim as if it happened yesterday. We had only three kids at the time and as we played in our Jacuzzi, Christina, who was only five years old said, "now we can spend even more time together as a family". 

We have grown since then, and our family continues to change. My tile project helped me to see things as they really are; our greatest joys come from the time we spend with our family. The definition of family changes as we grow. 30 years ago, it was defined by my role as a son and a brother. Now it is defined as a husband and a father. I suppose, I will always occupy all of those roles, but each one takes on more of a focus at different times in our life. Someday, I will add Grandpa, and Great Grandpa to the list of family roles that belong to me. 

This week, my family will gather, one-by-one, to watch my daughter enter into a covenant marriage. They are not coming to see our beautiful home or to taste the wonderful food that we will offer. They are coming to witness the union of two people who are covenanting before God, angels and earthly witnesses that they will be true and faithful to each other.

The Road Ahead

The other day, Mike, my new son-in-law, told me that he had spent a sleepless night thinking about Christina. He told me how much he loved her and how thankful he was to be receiving her as his wife. We spoke for a moment about his current feelings and then we reflected on the state of marriage in the world today.

I reminded him that many people enter into marriages today with the exact same feelings, and they think that they will always feel that way, but for some reason lose that loving feeling. At one time, our society accepted the words "until death do you part", as words that defined the marriage commitment. Now, marriage has become a temporary phase of life. Many are entering into marriage with the thought that if it doesn't work out, they can always get a divorce.

Mike and I then spoke about a much bigger picture. When he marries Christina, he will enter into a covenant that we believe, through their faithfulness to each other, will extend throughout time and all eternity. I asked him, if he would love Christina 500 billion years from now. He of course said yes.

His love for Christina, will not be measured by what he feels today. Instead, it will be measured by how he grows that love, how he honors that love, and how much he makes that love the center of his life. Anything short of that, will make the love that he feels for her today temporary.

Our Period of Waiting Is Over

Tomorrow, the union of Mike and Christina begins. It is an exciting time. They have prepared themselves for this moment. They will now give themselves to each other. Their efforts will now be combined. They will give up many of their individual pursuits for collective goals.

Our family is changing again. We are saying good-bye to some roles and responsibilities and hello to some new ones. It will take some time to adjust, but those adjustments will happen, and we will enjoy the process.

Stacy and I have long looked forward to this day. We have taught our children about the importance of family. Our lives are a testimony of those beliefs and values in action. Our children understand that our greatest successes are found right here at home, and not out in the world. They know that a missing piece in our family is much more significant than a missing piece of tile in the pool. They know that what is about to happen for Mike and Christina is not about the party, the guest list and the gifts. They understand that it about entering into a sacred covenant to be one.

We feel a great sense of satisfaction to know that our daughter learned that message and that she is now forming her own family. She is the first, so we are thankful that she is setting an example for those that will follow. Families are forever. There is a new one forming this week. How incredibly awesome is that!

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Piling On

Here is just a sample of what I am talking about. Yesterday, while I was working in Los Angeles, I got a flat tire. While fixing the tire, my son Jacob called to tell me that his car had overheated and that he was stuck on the side of the road. He was on his way to pick up our daughter Sarah, who had got sick at school and had waited in the medical office for two hours while the school tried to get a hold of us.

Jacob was worried about calling me because he had mistakenly backed into a friends car on Friday night and caused about $500.00 worth of damage with what he describes as a nudge. I laughed as I listened to his voice mail – "Dad, this is Jacob. There is something wrong with the car, and I did not run into anything."

When I finally got a hold of him, he asked a very interesting question. He said, "Dad, we are busy with some good things right now, why are we facing so many challenges too?"

Grin and Bear It

I was grateful for this teaching moment. I explained to Jacob that bad things happen to everybody, and that bad things never happen in a convenient moment. I then went a little deeper. I told him that our trials serve as defining moments. The way we respond to them defines the level of happiness we enjoy in our life.

You and I have at least two choices when we are faced with trials. We can hang our heads and ask, "why is this happening to me?" or, we can lift our heads, smile and say, "I can't wait to figure out the answer to this problem?"

Jacob wondered aloud, "our finances our tight right now as we prepare for Christina's wedding. I know we don't have any money to fix cars, how will we do it?" I was thankful to be able to say, "I don't know how we will do it, but I know we will. A way will open up. It always does."

Walking in Faith

The confidence I displayed as I spoke to Jacob was not contrived, nor was it discovered yesterday. It was built in the face of many different challenges. It was fostered by moving forward in the midst of uncertain circumstances. 

When we walk in faith, it appears to those who are watching that we are not afraid or worried about anything. That is a misperception. The fact is that fear and worry both reside inside a confident individual, we just don't allow them to be the dominating emotions. We acknowledge that they are there and that they won't help us move forward and so we leave them alone.

Murphy's Law, applies to everyone of us. Bad things happen. Nobody is free from that reality. The difference maker is simply the choices we make when we are confronted by our trials. We can choose to move forward, or we can choose to cry, "whoa is me".

What do you normally choose?

How do you motivate yourself to move forward?

Last night, Stacy and I sat and reflected on the events of the day. I played the various voice mail messages detailing the report of each challenge, and we laughed at the severity of the situations. We knew those messages spelled trouble – but we were somehow able to feel thankful that we would be able to survive them. Together, we took inventory of all of the things for which we feel gratitude. Amazingly, even our trials made that list. Sure, we would love to live life without them, but we realized that that, would be no life at all.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Beginning

As I watched her walk out the door today, my memories of the first day of school flashed through my mind. I remembered the good and the bad came. I felt the excitement and anticipation to go back, along with the unwillingness to put an end to summer.

My memories of my school years quickly moved to other "starts" that I have experienced throughout my life. I realized that all of those "first day of school experiences" prepared me for the many other "first day" experiences I have faced in my life. 

The "firsts" of starting a new job, living in a new city, beginning life as a husband and then later as a father are all days that I remember and cherish. They are the experiences that brought my dreams to life. Each beginning brought some anxious moments and some remarkable moments. I am grateful for all of those new beginnings.

Leaning Forward

As I have aged, I have noticed that I must now manufacture beginnings. There are very few required "firsts" that are left for me to experience. If I want to do something new, I must make it happen.

I enjoy creating a "new me" each and every day, so I am always looking for new ways to stretch myself. Today was one of those days. I actually got behind a microphone and hosted my own radio program. At times, it was scary, but for the most part, I felt very natural. My producer told me that he did not believe it was my first time. I hope the audience thought so too. The opportunity to begin this new experience was something that I created. I asked the right questions, at the right time and the show was booked. I am happy to be taking things to a new level.

When was the last time you started something new?

What aspirations do you have that are yet to be fulfilled?

What will it take to make it happen?

It is easy to sit around as we age and reason that there are no mountains left to climb, or that there are no mountains left that we can climb. I believe we can always learn, and that we can always create new beginnings. I dare you to join me in this belief and set a new standard for yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Life Is Busy

We were a busy family and I know our friends and family members were busy too. Sometimes they would travel great distances just to be together for a couple of hours. To them, visiting was a priority.

Now, I often wonder how they found the time to visit so often. My life is full. Every moment seems scheduled and so I tell myself that I rarely have time to sit and visit. Lately, I have noticed, that no one else seems to have time to visit either. Our lives are consumed by the demands of work and life. 

We are blessed to live in a time that enjoys so many wonderful technological advancements. All of these tools of technology were designed to give us more time, yet they seem to suck the time away from us. Many of us now connect with our friends through only a few brief lines of text. The advances in social media certainly make it possible to stay in touch, but they do not compare to the enjoyment that comes from a face-to-face meeting.

What Stands In The Way?

I recently spent some time examining my use of technology. I discovered that television shows and website browsing are activities in which I regularly engage during the times in which I could be visiting. I realized that my parents and their friends did not have access to these distractions and so, despite their busy schedules, they had time to visit. 

Their visits filled them up and created enduring relationships. The visits I have online seem to bother me. They don't fill me up, they just serve as creative distractions that allow me to avoid authentic communication. They give me the sense of open communication but leave me without the ability to grow relationships of lasting trust. At best, online communication is a shallow form of checking in. I think the majority of us long for something much deeper.

When was the last time you evaluated how you spend your time?

Do you take time to visit in your living room or on the front porch with your family and friends?

Are you forming relationships that are more than just bits of text on the screen?

I met a man the other day who cautiously admitted that he does not use a computer. I could tell that he was embarrassed by this admission and that he was worried I might think he was out of touch with the times. I actually found myself admiring his commitment.

I do not suggest that we should follow his example and eliminate the use of computers, but I do believe we need to spend a bit more of our time social networking the old fashion way;  face-to-face in a comfortable chair with all electronic distractions set into silent mode. This is how trust is fostered and relationships are built. I hope to join you in a quiet place soon.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Family Ties

This week, I have been in the mountains with my original family. By that, I mean my mother, my uncles and aunts, and my brothers and sisters. Our children are with us, but they are not the focus of this event. Instead, we are focusing on the people that brought us all together – our ancestors. 

It is fun to be together. The memories of the good old days are constantly on our minds. However, the common purpose that brings us together is not strong enough to overcome our individual differences and perspectives. This is made evident by the story telling that is going on. I have heard many different versions of the same story. Each witness learned different things or understood different intentions. 

The Same Difference

Many of the same events shaped our growth and development, but the level of diversity that is found within our own family amazes me. The fact that we came from the same background makes it very easy for me to believe that we are the same, and that we see things the same way. I often find this assumption to be very wrong. Sometimes, I am unable to let go of it before a lack of respect is felt, or an offense is taken. Is it any wonder that many of us struggle so much when we are engaged in teaming with people who grew up in very different homes and with different values? 

The work of diversity and inclusion is something very dear to my heart and a driving force of my work. Nevertheless, I find it difficult to put on my working hat when I am with my family. The pull of our similar experiences makes it difficult for me to see each person individually. But when I am able to see things with my eyes open, I discover the most wonderful differences. 

Some of these differences are so surprising that I find myself wondering how they are possible. These are the ones that are difficult to accept. Thankfully, I have learned that acceptance is not what most of us want. Instead, we hunger for understanding.

A More Perfect Union

Once, we feel understood, our need to be accepted is significantly diminished. This is because the most passive forms of acceptance come from external sources. True acceptance comes from within. It cannot be given; it must be felt internally.

Understanding on the other hand requires an active effort. It only comes when we allow ourselves to see what someone else is seeing. To gain it, we must open our mind and suspend our own judgments and assumptions. It does not require acceptance, it simply requires us to see the other. It is enough to be seen, and once we are seen we begin to accept our self. Understanding leads to self-awareness, which leads to acceptance.

When we understand each other, we are able to produce amazing results. Understanding provides the freedom to contribute our differences for the good of the whole in a way that acceptance never can. Understanding allows me to be different instead of forcing me to become the same. It provides a greater sense of value, which leads to me becoming and sharing my best.

Is your goal to accept, or understand others?

What can you do to be a better listener?

Are you willing to see people as they are instead of as you think they should be?

There is no escaping diversity. It is found in even the most similar groups. This is a fact for which we should feel an immense amount of gratitude. After all, if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We are in Nephi, Utah, our home away from home. It feels so good to be here. I enjoy the simple and relaxing pace of life, which fosters a natural relief from the cares of my world. I don't feel the way I feel here, anywhere else. Simply put, I feel free.

The First Breath

We arrived Saturday evening. When I stepped out of the car a powerful image came to my mind. The only way I can describe it, is to say that I felt as if I were coming up for air. Let me explain.

I like to swim, and when I am in our pool, I often swim several lengths under water. I always begin with a goal in mind, hoping to set a new record for underwater swimming. As I make the turn for the last lap, I am almost always out of air. I push on, knowing that I can surface whenever I want. Sometimes, before I reach the top, my eyes feel like they are going to bulge out. When I finally surface, that first breath is magical. It fills my lungs with the oxygen I need and life quickly returns to my oxygen-deprived body.

That is what it felt like when I arrived here in Nephi. My first breath out of the car was a cleansing breath. It filled me with a quiet calm feeling. I immediately felt oxygen returning to my tired body and soul. I knew I needed it, I just didn't know how badly.

A Place To Repose

I am thankful for this special place. Every time I come here, I feel refreshed and renewed. It is great to have a place like this to escape from the cares of the world.

Where do you go when you need to get away?

How long has it been since you came up for air?

This year, we will only spend a week here in Nephi. It feels like such a short moment, but I am sure it will be enough. Life has already returned to my being in so many different ways. Life is good!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Creative Avoidance

When I waste these moments, either sleeping or engaging in activities that are unaligned with my purpose, the rest of the day follows suit. Things just don't flow like they should and I end up wandering around in a bit of stupor trying to catch up. My search for replacement moments that will allow me to connect with my "best self" is rarely, if ever fulfilled.

My greatest disconnects happen during the summer months. It is during this time that I experience the biggest conflict between the demands of my personal and professional life. When my children are in school, they are also getting up early and going to bed early, but when they are on summer break, they stay up late and sleep in.

When I stay on course with my "early to bed and early to arise" way of living I spend fewer moments with them. It is sometimes difficult to balance the value of getting up early with my value of spending family time together. Over the years, I have become free within these competing interests and found ways to manage the dissonance.

My Key

My game begins early. My chances for a productive and successful day are magnified when I get up early. I know this because I have experimented with my schedule. I do my best to organize my life so that I am aligned with this awareness and I allow myself the luxury of breaking away when other interests would be better served. The key is that I know when I am most productive and I do my best to be awake and in motion during those times.

Do you know when you are most productive?

Are you maximizing those moments?

What strategies to you use to make sure nobody interrupts you doing that time?

Early works for me. It may not for you, and there should be no pressure to follow what works for others. If you want to be your best, then you must know when you are most likely to be at your best. Those who learn to live during those moments are able to succeed in during the times when they don't have their best stuff. They choose to organize their day in ways that allow them to live in the the rhythm of their best. Are you doing the same?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

It seems that whenever I feel alone, one of these awesome people calls me on the phone, sends me a message or just stops by to see how I am doing. When I thank them for their presence and thoughtfulness, they simply state how much they love me and remind me of when I was there for them.

Friends That Lift!

I am grateful for so many positive influences in my life. I recognize that our relationships are reciprocal, but it always feels like I am getting more than my share, so I dig deeper.

I am surprised at the number of my friends who are actually clients. Our friendship is the foundation of the work we do. Very few were friends before we began working together, our relationship developed into a friendship because we shared so much life together.

The basis of these friendships is our ability to see each other as people first. That makes it easy to help, to counsel and to share. I never feel like holding back, I just feel like giving more and more.

Are the people you work with your friends?

Do you know who they really are?

Are you willing to stand with them in the work you do?

I once hired a marketing company to figure out why my client's enjoyed working with me. They asked my clients to describe the work that we do together. The most common answer was, "Andrew is my friend." 

At first, I did not know what to do with this information. I thought, "how do I use that to develop new clients?" After awhile, it dawned on me, "clients and consultants get in the way, friends make life a joy." You got a friend in me.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Sometimes, my work interferes, but I do my best to be here and to be a part of their lives. I was not born a father, and so I have learned many lessons along the way to becoming the father I am today, and I realize that I still have so much to learn.

I have experienced many honors, earned many degrees and enjoyed many breakthroughs in my work, but none them compare to the thrill I feel when one of my children call me dad. Their beautiful faces inspire me and fuel my desire to reach for the next level.

Consequently, I have come to understand that the greatest work I will ever do is within the walls of my own home. It is here that I will leave a mark that cannot be erased. It is here that my legacy will be formed. Thank you Christina, Jacob, Joseph, John, Sarah, Rebekah and Leah. You make it so easy to be happy and to put other interests in their proper perspective. Thank you Stacy for creating this beautiful family with me and for continually breathing life into our dreams.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Good Times

As I sat in my chair and attempted to take it all in, I thought about the many things that are going on in each life. None are immune to the challenges of the day. Each one is facing some test that is different than anything they have ever faced before. We are all running to stay ahead of the challenges that life is throwing our way.

As I looked around, I did not see worry and despair on any of the faces. I saw the face of hope. That made me realize how good life is. The problems we meet make our sweet moments even sweeter because they give us perspective. We know what true joy is, because along the trail we have felt sorrow.

It's Your Choice

I am convinced that the way we experience life is a product of our own imagination. We invent it. We may not choose everything that happens to us, but we are certainly free to choose how we respond. We can be miserable if we want, or we can be happy. I choose to live after the manner of happiness. This means that I will be happy during the good times and the bad times. I choose to live that way.

Living in this way does not make the bad times go away, it just makes them bearable. No matter how successful, or happy we become, adversity will always raise its developing head. If we greet it with a smile, then it becomes one of our greatest sources of growth. If we kick at it, it can potentially consume every ounce of energy we have. 

What Do You See?

As we drove home from the graduation, we noticed the beautiful rock formations that mark the entrance to our little town. The sun was shining just right and its rays defined the rugged beauty of the rocks in a way that I don't recall ever seeing before. Stacy and I noticed it at the same moment and said, "look at that". 

I immediately thought of the numerous times I have driven through that beautiful entry without seeing its beauty. It is always there. I simply must look to see it. Sometimes, I am too busy to look and so I miss the show.

The same is true of life. The beauty is always there, we just have to look at it. When we do, a flood of happiness rolls over our life. 

Which way are you looking?

Do you see the beauty in your life, or are you being consumed by its trials?

Do you know how to be happy in the midst of adversity?

Happiness is a simple goal. It is waiting for you to take hold of it. I dare you to see things differently. Look around and see the shine that happiness puts on life. You will be surprised at how bright it is, when we live in that light.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Break Time

That habit stuck with me and I often find myself stepping away from the action each day to renew my energy. I can't take two hours, but I can take twenty minutes. I often just lay down on the ground and close my eyes. In some instances, I have even asked my client if there is a quiet place to take this break – I even tell them why I want to get away. I always feel refreshed when I awake and ready to make the afternoon as productive as the morning.

I find that I get more done when I take this break. When I am unable to do it, I feel the fatigue of the morning and so I pass the afternoon yawning and shaking myself to stay focused. 

Stepping Away

I can't always find a spot to take this power nap, so when there is no place to lay down, I walk around. No matter where I am at, there is always some beautiful garden, fountain or peaceful area where I can just walk and clear my head. 

When I was working in Mexico City, the entire workforce would exit the building after lunch and walk around a beautiful garden. Some would walk in groups, some in pairs and some would even just walk by themselves. It was a practice that very few missed.

We need these breaks. They energize us and enliven our beings. They allow us the space to recalibrate our minds so that we can take more in, and get more done.

Do you have a rest ritual that you regularly follow?

As a leader, do you create the space for those around you to "step out" for a few minutes?

I encourage you to take this time. If you are lacking this ritual because your schedule is too full, or because you are on the road, clear some space. We all recognize the need to create balance between our work and private lives, but only a few are willing to stand up and really do it. This is a simple thing that each one of us can do. Don't get caught in the rush of the day – take a break on me and tell them you are doing it under Dr.'s orders.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

A good friend of mine is feeling very discouraged. I think it is safe to say that he is on the brink of depression. This is unusual behavior and I am somewhat alarmed. 

The cause of this downward spiral is the fact that six months ago he lost his job. He handled it very well at first. He had been with the company for a very long time and they treated him very kindly and gave him a very nice termination package. He felt like the separation was fair and viewed as a mere inconvenience. He believed he would find a better job before the severance benefits ran out.

The Future Looked So Bright

He began his search for new employment by taking a couple of weeks off. It had been a while since he enjoyed sitting around and doing nothing so that is what he did. Following two weeks of doing nothing, he decided that there was no hurry and chose to complete a few projects around the house that he hadn't had time to do before.

Before he knew it, six weeks of his six month cushion were spent. It was at that point that he began scouring the internet looking for employment opportunities in his area. He submitted a few resumes and waited for phone calls that never came. When we last spoke, he was in a stupor. He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong. He believed he had a positive mental attitude, but he was discovering that PMA was not enough.

Move Your Feet

It never is. Certainly, it is one of the keys to success, but it will not get us very far by itself. Success requires us to move our feet in the direction of our dreams. Thinking about it, is the first step to doing it, but doing it requires action.

Movement, is the critical activity. We must take that first step and then frequently assess our progress to make sure we are heading in the right direction. When we fail to do that, we fail to get what we want. 

I like to use this phrase that I learned from Mike Ferry to keep me headed in the right direction. See if you can follow me on this one: "if you should be doing these things, but you are doing those things, and you know you should be doing these things, then why do you spend your time doing those things?" This question helps me to stop doing the things that keep me from getting what I want. 

Dead of Alive

Several years ago, I was experiencing some hard times of my own. An employee had embezzled a large amount of money from our firm which resulted in a law suit by one of our client's. It was a dark time and I really hated going to work. When I was there, I felt angry. I also felt defeated. Guess how I felt when I got home. You got it, angry and defeated. Life was miserable.

My friends did their best to encourage me, but nothing really worked. I just was in a funk and I was not going to get out of it very easily.

One day, as I sat in my office plotting how I could make these problems go away, I realized that I would most likely have to live with the consequences for a very long time. I thought about how that would affect me, and then this thought came into my mind: "One year from today, I will either be dead or alive." I realized that I had no control over that fact. This realization helped me also realize that I could not change those difficult circumstances, what had happened, had happened. But there was something over which I had control. I could choose how I wanted to feel. I decided in that moment to add a very courageous ending to my declaration of life or death. I amended it to state: "One year from now, I will either be dead or alive, but I will be happy."

My choice to be happy produced a near immediate result. I suddenly felt empowered to move forward. For the first time, I saw the direction I needed to be heading. It took me a several months, but I eventually resolved all of these issues and exited that period of great sadness. Everything I did to grow out of that problem can be directly related to that defining moment when I decided to be happy. It changed my course for good.

Which direction are you headed?

What is your secret to staying on track?

How can you help others find their way?

Happiness alludes many of us when we forget to put things in perspective. I am certain that having a positive mental attitude is very valuable, but if you want to get where you want to get, then you gotta learn how to think right. That means that you must begin to see your thinking as an active process and move your feet. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I googled the phrase "definition of leadership" this morning and was rewarded with 2.8 million hits. No one has time to read them all, but I am confident that if we did, we would find more differences in those definitions than we would find similarities. I am ok with multiple definitions because it truly is a subjective quality. I believe however, that we can define a common direction that leadership must be tracking in order for it to be considered effective.

The Primary Purpose

Leadership is about making things better. If you are being led by someone who is not making things better then you may want to consider other possibilities. If you a leading others without making things better, then you should resign your post so that somebody who will, is at the lead.

There are many challenges today and too many leaders are using that as an excuse to not make things better. I hear them say things like, "when the economy turns around, we will be able to make things better" and "What can I do? There are so many limits and restrictions on us that I can't make things better."

These are great excuses but real leaders would never use them. Real leaders don't talk about what they can't do. They understand the boundaries and limits they face and instead of fighting them, they learn to work within them. 

Instead of declaring what they can't do, they focus all of their energy on what they can do. This means that they are always using their strengths to make things better. Can you see the difference? They know the restrictions they face are real, and that they must be considered, but they also know that success is possible by learning to use what they have.

The A-Team Mentality

One of my favorite fictional leaders is Hannibal Smith. His team is always reminding him of the limits that they are facing but his mind is always somewhere else. Because he sees things differently he is able to see how he can use those limits to his advantage. He uses his creativity to set the team in motion. They don't always understand his plan, but they trust him enough to know that his ideas work. At the end of every show, he confidently states "I love it when a plan comes together". The odds were always against him, but he was willing to use what he had to make things better.

That's the kind of leader I want to be, and it's the kind of leader I like to follow. Leaders don't have all the answers, and there are times when they face serious doubts, but they know that if they use their strengths, then they will eventually get the results they are seeking.

Discovering Your Leadership Voice

"I can't", or "we can't" are two phrases that seriously affect our leadership abilities. That is because they effectively end any and all creative conversations before they even begin. The more we say it, the less we see possibility. I dare you to focus your efforts on what you can do instead of what you can't do.

Are you free to work within the boundaries you face?

Do you take the time understand what you can do?

Are you confident enough to trust your own leadership voice?

You are the key. If you do not trust your leadership voice and style, no one will. All it really takes is eliminating two simple words from your vocabulary – "I can't". I dare you to do it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

It's Not My Problem

A couple of months into the assignment, my client and I were discussing an issue related to his well being. He was feeling some pressure at home and it was spilling over into work and creating some conflicts. He said he could see that he was lashing out at some of his team members because he could not lash out at home.

In the middle of the conversation, he blurted out – "The problem is my wife. She is doing a lot of things that are challenging our family. She is lazy and is expecting too much out of me. I am the "king" here and in my home, but she doesn't treat me like one. I want her to treat me like a king." It sounds kind of funny to write it down now, but that is exactly what he said.

The look on my face must have been one of disbelief because he immediately asked for my thoughts. I recognized that I was in a precarious situation. Our focus had shifted from the professional to the personal and I knew I had to tread lightly, but I also knew I had to be honest.

The King's Focus

For my first question I asked, "How does a "King" treat his "Queen?" I followed it up with "What is he willing to do for her?" These questions caused him to think and he began to relate the behaviors that you and I have read in all good books about kings. It was hard for him to miss the point as he answered "the king does everything for his queen."

I wasn't totally convinced that he got it, so I countered with, "How are you treating your Queen?" As we discussed his behavior, he quickly realized that he was not acting like a king. We talked about what he could do to rectify the situation and began a plan of action.

The King Within

It wasn't too long before I ran into his wife at one of the company's social functions. She approached me with haste and for a moment I was a little worried. Her first words were, "I don't know what you did to my husband, but please keep doing it." I enquired about what was going on and she said, "He sees me again." We didn't have time to get into all of what that meant, but I understood that he was making good on his goal of treating her like a queen.

After that, in nearly every conversation this man and I had, we spoke about his family and how he could become a better husband and father. The progress he made at home made him happy. His happiness spilled over into work and it wasn't long before his direct reports began to say something similar to what his wife had said, "we don't know what you are doing with our boss, but keep doing it."

The truth is, the only thing I did was ask the right question, but that is a very powerful thing to do. The question caused my client's eyes to open and he saw his own behavior. He did not have to do anything about it, but he chose to grow. He did the work. He developed himself and became the "king" of his home. His kingly side was always there, he just needed to develop it. Once he did, those around him began to treat him like a king.

Are you acting like a "King" or a "Queen"?

Do the people around you know that you value them and that you would do anything for them?

What can you do today that will make them more aware of your willingness to serve and love them?

I realize that love is a funny word to use in a professional sense and that some of you may not be married. That does not exclude you from this lesson. It is true that there are corrupt kings who treat their subjects poorly. You must not behave that way. You must be a noble "king" or "queen" and do your best to serve and love your people. It is the only way they will ever see you at your best.

I ran into my client and his wife at an event the other day. When he and I were alone, I asked him how things were going, and specifically how his wife was treating him. He flashed a big smile and said, "like a king". I couldn't have been more happy for him.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Because the lines were so short, we barely had any time to recover between each ride. I am not sure how to measure the speeds or g-forces that we were experiencing, but after a while, my body started to tell me that I needed to sit down and rest. The first warning was a feeling of dizziness, but then I started feeling sick to my stomach. I rested for a while and began to feel better.

The Track

Each of these fun filled rides followed a very similar pattern. They started in a covered area, transported us up some sort of a hill, and then unleashed upon us a series of free falls, loops, corkscrews and tight corners. The main variation was the way we were transported through these adventures. We experienced these thrills sitting down, standing up and even laying down.

It truly was a thrilling experience, but after a while I began to feel a sense of sensory overload. Because there was no waiting time, all of the rides began to feel the same. The anticipatory feelings and nervous energy was gone. We just ran through the line, got on the ride, got off the ride and moved on to the next ride. 

The Same Old Same Old

My body eventually adjusted to being in motion, but I began to feel very tired. The thrill was gone and I was ready to go home. We arrived at the park intending to stay until it closed, but by 5:00 PM, we found ourselves looking for the exit. 

We had a great time, but the experience had become common and we found ourselves just going through the motions. This happened because we did not break up the excitement with other activities. 

Sometimes this happens in our work. The experience of going through the motions leads to burnout. We know that we need to break things up, but we forget to do it, because there are so many attractions that call our attention. I like to plan my day so that I have mini-breaks built around each intense experience. This makes it possible for me to really get into something and then recover from the stress caused by the forward progress.  

Being In the Moment

This is my secret to staying in the moment with energy. I know that it is not important to fill every moment with forward progress. There is enough time in the day to take breaks too, so I do. I actually take a lot of them. I tell myself that I am going to move forward and then rest for a space. I purposely plan it that way, and that is why I get a lot done every day. 

Let's face it, we all goof off more than we would admit. I have discovered that if I goof off on purpose, I get more out it. These moments of day dreaming, or whatever they may be, restore my creative potential and get me back on track. 

What do you do when you find yourself going through the motions?

How do you get yourself back on track?

How much purpose is built in to your down time? Do you make sure your activities restore you?

Our down time can either restore us, or further deplete us. If we just sit around and waste it, it won't add to our renewal. It is sad when the things that thrill us become routine, but we don't have to go through that. We have the power to make the moments matter and the routine, a thrill. We just have to make it so.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Rule # 6

They are very excited and ready to go. I have a lot of things going on right now with work and I nearly broke my promise and said, "I can't go today."

This got me thinking. I don't ditch enough. It really isn't that big of deal to take a day off every now and then, but for some reason, we get so caught up in the work we are doing, that we forget to allow ourselves a chance to take a breath. For whatever reason, we just get caught up in following Rule # 6. 

What's that? You haven't heard of Rule # 6? It is perhaps the most important rule to remember – simply stated, it reads, "Don't take yourself too seriously!" 

Hand In The Bucket

Sometimes, we get so confused. We believe that the roles we play are so important and that life will somehow come to a screeching halt if we do not show up. It won't, it will just go on,

You don't believe me? Then please go and fill a bucket of water. Once it is filled, stick your hand in it. Then take your hand out. Do you notice any difference? I didn't think so. Ok, the difference can be measured, but it is very hard to perceive with the naked eye.

You are important. The work you do is needed and nobody can do it quite like you. I just want to make sure you remember that when you are finished, somebody will come along and occupy your role. They won't do it like you, they will do it differently and it will be good enough. Don't take your role so seriously that it costs you the things that really matter. Those are the things that nobody else can do.

When was the last time you ditched?

What would you do if you could take the day off today?

Who would you spend it with?

Today, I am giving myself permission to skip out. I give you the same permission. Take a day off soon and spend it with someone you love. You won't ever regret. Jacob will soon be gone and we will always remember today!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Inconvenient Pains

The barren desert floor is now mostly hidden by the weeds that are covering it so beautifully. The hardiest of weeds in these parts is what we call the foxtail. The current crop is just over ankle high, which makes them a beautiful nuisance. 

Running through the middle of them means that some find their way into my shoes causing a sharp and irritating feeling. I usually keep running, but sometimes I must stop to try and clear the callus out of my sock and shoe. 

In addition to the hardened foxtail tips, there are also an abundance of tiny rocks and pebbles that were loosened by the much needed rains of winter and spring. Many of them also end up in my shoes. When I shake them out after each run, they usually make up a handful of sand.

Keep Moving

I typically keep running because I know that if I stop to clear them out, it will only be a matter of moments before they fill up again. I have learned to ignore them. They are simply the price I pay for running in the desert. Sometimes I forget to empty my shoes and when I put them back on, I am surprised to find so many rocks inside. I just didn't realize they were there when I finished.

There are many things in life that remind me of the foxtails and rocks. These minor irritants can really mess up an otherwise beautiful day if we let them get to us. They are the things that we must constantly deal with. Some, in dealing with them become very irritated, while others just learn to run on without paying them any attention.

They really don't have the power to bring anybody down, but they frustrate many along the path. Those who become too frustrated become the victims of minor things. These are really the small stuff that we are warned not to sweat. All we have to do when we encounter them is to keep moving. You and I can do that. 

Seeing the Big Picture

These minor irritants do not prevent me from seeing and enjoying the big picture. I still find it possible to look around and take in the beauty of the desert, and it is always beautiful. It holds a different kind of beauty right now, but even on the driest summer day, it is beautiful.

There is beauty all around. It really is there, we just have to allow ourselves to see it. The quickest and surest way to overcome the annoyance of a foxtail or rock in the shoe is to look around and see the beauty. This takes a little effort, but it is important to learn how to do this, because we cannot always stop and remove what is bothering us.

Do you let the minor irritants of the day bother you?

How easy is it for you to ignore them?

What is the impact on our ability to handle the really big issues, when we learn how to handle the small ones?

I hope, that as you run through life, you will learn to put the minor distractions you face out of your mind. As you do so, I am certain that you will find greater power and strength to face the bigger issues. Maybe you will even learn to see everything as a mere inconvenience. I hope the same for me.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I had spent time with him on a few different occasions, but I never really got to know him. Today, I attended the funeral and learned a lot about the mark he made in the world. 

Ordinary Lives

He was really just an ordinary guy, just like you and me, just like most everyone else for that matter. Nothing he did could be considered world changing, yet he regularly changed the world of the people around him. He came from a very large family and many of them spoke about his charitable nature.

He really didn't have very much, but he always gave them something. Sometimes it was the gift of time, other times it was just a simple piece of candy. They all knew that if they needed something, he would be there to help.

Our Legacy

The funeral experience got me thinking again about the legacy we each leave behind. For whatever reason, many of us believe that our legacy is connected to the greatness we achieve. This sad belief is fueled by society's mirage that the highest achievements in life are usually the most difficult, and therefore may only be achieved by a select few. The higher the standard, the fewer there are that can reach it. Not everybody can get to the top – so we honor those that do. 

This idea contributes to the false belief that what we do really matters. Here is why I think it is a false belief. Can you name the top musicians, actors, politicians, ministers, athletes, public speaker or any other category of fame from 100 years ago without googling it? How about the criminals, schmucks, dirtbags and/or villians of the same time period? Most of us would answer no, to these two questions – and that is precisely my point. Very few of the things that we value as a society are really the things that matter.

Point of Impact

Our impact will only be felt by those closest to us. That is why it is so important to make sure that we spend the majority of our time developing and fostering those relationships. I am not going to live for 100 more years, but I may live another 40 – 50 years. During that time, I will have grandchildren and even some great-grandchildren. Some of my great-grandchildren will be alive 100 years from now and if I take the time to love and cherish them, they will remember me.

They are the keepers of my legacy. If I ignore them, they will forget me just like everybody else. It is crucial for us to learn this as early as possible and then to live and behave accordingly. Any other way will only lead to unfulfilled potential. 

Here are the questions for the day:

Are you giving the least to those who matter most?

Are you more concerned about what the world thinks of you then what your family thinks of you?

Who do you love? How do they know?

Driving through the grave yard today reminded me that we are only here temporarily and none of us will get out alive. Too often we take ourselves and life too seriously. It is meant to be fun and full of joy. If it is anything else for you, then it is time to let go and . . . 

Live Today! Love Today!

Your personal legacy depends on it!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

When I began my trip home, I was glad that it was later in the evening. As expected, the traffic was light and the trip home seemed like it would be smooth sailing. Unfortunately, that pattern did not last very long and before I knew it I was in another slow down. 

We were moving, but only at about 5 miles per hour. I could see the lights of emergency vehicles ahead and could calculate about how long it would take to get through the mess. I was tired, but not too tired to worry about the people involved. I resolved to be patient as I made my way through.

Looky Loos

The accident was a near an overpass. As I approached, I could see many people who were pressed against the fence, looking down at the wreck. This made me worry even more about the people involved. The cars ahead of me were slowly passing by the scene – I could see that many were struggling to get a look at what was going on.

When I got to the site of the pile-up, I looked over and discovered that it was only a very minor accident. Everybody involved looked like they were ok. The emergency technicians were speaking with the people and moving their vehicles out of the way. I was happy to discover this, but I now felt irritated by the time lost in the delay.

The people on the overpass were not moving they just kept standing there. Their presence was contributing to the slow down as everybody thought there was something to see so they drove slowly by. I wondered, "what is the attraction?" and "What were they expecting or hoping to see?"

The Wrecks of Life

There are wrecks all around us. In my opinion, we spend too much time focusing on them. For some reason the nightly news is almost entirely focused on the bad things that are going on around us. 

We can choose watch these pile-ups, but I submit that there is very little value. I know the intent is to make us more aware and sympathetic to the plight of humanity, buy I recommend that instead of fostering greater care for others it calluses us and creates a resistance to feeling anything at all. In short, it actually desensitizes us to the pain and suffering of others because we begin to think, "it happens all the time, and there is nothing we can do about it."

There Is Beauty All Around

I dare you to focus today on the beauty that is all around you. I dare you to use inspiring language. I dare you to walk away when an off color story is told. I dare you to stand up for virtue.

Looking away from the profane and tragic events of the world does not mean that we hide our heads in the sand. It simply means that we focus our attention on the beauty that is all around us, which in turn leads us to become more sensitive to the tragedies. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but we actually develop a greater capacity to care for others and, more importantly to do something about it. 

What wrecks are you allowing in your life?

What must happen for you to be able to look toward the beauty?

Where will your strength to help others come from?

You can look at anything you want. Some will tell you that there are no consequences for looking, but there most certainly are very real consequences. Just like the delays caused by "Looky Loos" our life also suffers from looking at the wrecks that cannot inspire or engage. Don't get caught in that traffic trap. Look at the beauty. It is all around us.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548