Death is psychologically as important as birth… Shrinking away from it is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose.
– Carl Jung
This weekend I attended the funeral of a dear friend of our family. It was an opportunity to honor our friend and her family and an opportunity to spend several hours in the car with my own family. The picture you see is of me and my mother and my brothers and sisters. It is the first time I think we have gone anywhere without our spouses and our children in a very long time. It was a very interesting experience. The conversation were quite different and the noise level was substantially lower.
In this picture we are all sitting in rocking chairs in front of a Cracker Barrel Restaurant in St. George Utah. None of us are old enough to sit and rock all day yet. My mother will be 73 years old this year. My brother Danny our oldest living sibling just turned 51 years old. Sitting next to him is my sister Rayanne – I think she would prefer it if I just say she is a little older than me. I am in the middle and I just turned 43 this month. My brother Jarom, sitting next to me will be 40 this year. Sitting next to him is my sister Alisa. She is younger than Jarom. So we are not very old. We have a lot of living yet to experience, but we are all very much into the second half of our lives.
Despite the fact that we are young, I think we all understand that we are moving toward our own funerals. In the next 50 years or so we will most likely all be gone. I don't think any of us are particularly worried about this. We have already faced death in our family. Roger, my father, was only 65 years old when he died and my oldest brother Tommy was only 20 when he passed away in 1976. We understand a little bit about death. Like I said, I don't think it scares any of us.
At the funeral, I listened carefully to what was said by those who spoke about our friend. Her children, some of her close friends and her church leaders reminisced about her life. They had many wonderful things to say and we were reminded quite often about how much she loved to serve others. This seemed to be the theme of her life.
Our friend suffered from cancer. As the cancer spread throughout her body her left arm was amputated in an attempt to stop its progress. The loss of her arm made it difficult for her to do many things but she refused to give up. She was known to show up at her friends just to pull weeds. She said it was something she could still do with only one arm and she wanted to serve them. I don't think I will ever forget that comment. It inspired me to serve others.
In some ways life is very long and in others it is very short. I was reminded at how short it is at the funeral. It lasted just under two hours. To some that seemed long, but to me it seemed like too little time to honor our friend. I had other commitments for the day, so I admit being anxious to get on with my day and my life, but as I reflect about the time spent I think about how interesting it is that our whole life will one day be condensed into a couple of short hours and then we will be gone from the world. I thought about the poem called The Dash by Linda Ellis. It is a reminder to live life to our fullest each day.
As we drove home I found myself thinking about my legacy again. I wondered first what people would say about me – what would they say the theme of my life was – if I died today? Of my friend they said that she served others, what will they say of me? Then I thought about all the time I have left in this wonderful life and I asked myself what do I want them to say about me? Am I living in such a way that they would say that? If not, what do I need to do, so that they will? I found myself thinking about my 100 year planning process again and realized that my 50 year plan is about getting ready for my funeral.
It may surprise you to know, but these types of thoughts do not discourage me, they inspire me to become my very best. They focus me on my purpose and my values. I know that sooner or later I will leave this frail existence and step into the next phase of living. My concern is not that I will die, because I know that death is only a comma and not a period. I know that I will continue to live in another way. My concern is that I will leave a song unsung so to speak. I want to live every day to the fullest. I want to love today. If you want a lift check out this video that I produced to remind me and others that we should Love Today. I guarantee you it will make you feel like dancing. I don't want to go to the grave with the music still in me.
I leave you with this quote from President Lincoln – he said, "and in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years." Only you can decide what your life will be. Please do me and those around you a favor and make sure you live it on purpose.
Think about this for a moment and then send me your thoughts. What is the smallest thing you can do today that will create the biggest impact in your life? I look forward to hearing from you. You can either comment below or send me a private email.
Life is good!
Andrew Thorn
760-559-3548
andrew@andrewthorn.com
