I enjoyed every minute of that challenge. Marshall’s levels of awareness are intensely high. Helping him, meant that I needed to finely tune my focus toward his needs. I learned very quickly that he was the expert on him and if I wanted to help him, I was going to have to get him to tell me what he wanted and how he wanted to be helped.

There was no room for my ego. I could not rely on my previous successes. To truly help him, I had to live each moment from the same intense level of awareness. I had to let go of me so that I could help him create a better him.

Symbiotic Relationships

This did not mean that I could not be myself, it simply meant that all of my efforts needed to be focused on him. The only agenda I could embrace was his.

This relationship forced me to learn in many new ways. My knowledge, skills, and abilities were tested nearly everyday as I worked to give him what he needed. One key learning was that I had to be willing to learn from him. I could not expect that the learning would be one way. As a result, I often told him that I was fairly certain that I was learning more from him, than he was from me. He regularly assured me that this was not the case and publicly and privately valued my work.

Our work together honed my skills and fostered my ability to be direct and involved, without losing sight of what really mattered in the lives of my clients.

Gratitude

Recently, Marshall Goldsmith was named winner of the 2011 Thinkers50 Leadership Award, which is sponsored by The Harvard Business Review. This award designated him as the World’s Most Influential Thinker.

Less than a week after Marshall received this award, I received a note of gratitude stating, “Dear Andrew, the support you gave me, helped make this possible”. Then, remembering our previous conversations and honoring our mutual commitment to learning, he stated, “I think I have learned more from you, than you have learned from me”.

None of this was necessary, but through this action Marshall reminded me of how important it is to show gratitude. I am especially touched by this message at this time of year. This is the time and season when we pause and remember the things and the people who contribute to our well being. It is the time when we pause to say thanks, but thanks is really not enough.

Next level gratitude requires us to clearly state the impact of the other by specifically acknowledging how they have contributed to our success. I am grateful for Marshall’s example of being willing to do that, even 5 years after our work together concluded. I can’t tell you how valued that simple act made me feel. When was the last time you reached to those who have supported you and thanked them for their many contributions? I encourage you to do that today.

Thank you Marshall Goldsmith – This kind act suggests that I continue to learn more from you. I rejoice in your success and I look forward to celebrating it with you soon.

Life is Good!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We go through life with one regular thought in mind; "right now, I am willing to sacrifice my time and my focus on what is before me, because I know that when I finish this task, life won't be so crazy and I will then have the time to sit and focus on purpose and meaning."

The problem is, that day generally never comes. On purpose, we sacrifice our lives to the things that matter least. Most of us never wake up until it is too late.

I say most of us, because there are some fortunate individuals who face a crisis early. What? Did I just say they were fortunate enough to face a crisis? Yes I did. These are people who early in their adult lives either watched a loved one pass on, suffered their own health crisis, experienced a divorce, lost a job or faced significant financial difficulties. As a result they found a desire within them to focus on purpose. They saw that the things we all think are so important are really not that important, and they grew.

Most Of Us Never Face a Major Crisis

Sadly, this doesn't happen for most of us. We may experience part of the pains mentioned above, but they don't filter deep enough into our souls for us to stop and consider them a crisis. We think it is just the way life is. Even more sad is the life that some individuals live without facing any crisis at all. They just go through life with very few challenges to stretch or try them. Truth be told, these are generally very successful people. Their successes make it even easier for them to avoid the work needed to identify purpose and create meaning. 

As a result, the thought of thinking about purpose or meaning is inconsequential. Why would they do that when everything is going well. There is enough light to see, so they can't see that it would be better if it were brighter. The lack of crisis often prevents them from really living a life on purpose until it is too late.

That Nagging Feeling

This does prevent them from feeling the pains that come from growing old. As they age, they begin to see that the trade-offs are not really giving them the ROI that they imagined receiving. They feel the pain, but they also feel unable to do something about it. I mean, what does a 50 year old man do in an economy like this, if he is unsatisfied and unfulfilled with his current circumstances. Most just turn away and from the big questions and say, "I am too old for that!"

Some questions can only be answered by you. These are questions that no one else, not even God can answer. You have to spend the time answering them for yourself. Living in these questions helps you create purpose and meaning. It helps you to see what steps you can take to be happier and what the cost will be of taking those steps. 

I am speaking about some pretty big questions. Questions like; "What do you want?" and "Why are you afraid?" These questions scare us so we ignore them, hoping they will go away. They never go away until we face them. Avoiding them feeds them and they stay with us and haunt us. They are difficult questions to answer, but they must be answered if we are to live a life of purpose and meaning. 

Where Are You?

Are you afraid of these questions, or are you asking them regularly? If you are asking them, what are you doing with your answers? 

A happy life requires you to not only ask these questions, but to also do something about them. These two activities combined represent the beginning of the pathway to purpose. When you activate your efforts in the pursuit of your promptings, you begin the path to becoming your best. That is a path that I want to always be on.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

What Happened?

One of the great things about a New Year resolutions is that we rarely feel guilty about it when we fail to keep them. I am all for not feeling guilt, but I think we owe ourselves the gift of continually resolving to do better. 

The problem with most resolutions is that they are poorly considered. Most of us spend very little time figuring out what we want to do. Like me, you may have even seen some made in a drunken stupor on New Year's Eve. Heck, you may have even made some that way. Is it any wonder they a broken in short order. 

Making Them Count

Despite their reputation for being quickly dismissed, I believe it is very important to regularly make and keep "new you" resolutions. Did you catch that? I said regularly, not just annually; and I also said "new you" and not New Year.

So how do we make them count? First, we must take the time to clearly define our purpose in life. This is a difficult task, and one that most healthy people avoid. For some strange reason, we leave that work unfinished until we face a crisis. Then our purpose becomes very important. I don't want to wait for a crisis to define my purpose in life, do you?

Until our purpose is clearly stated, our resolutions will be difficult to keep. This is because we won't really know what we want and so we will allow ourselves to set resolutions that really don't matter to us. If it doesn't matter to us, we won't do if for very long. Each resolution we set must be clearly aligned with our purpose. When we do that, we find it very easy to engage in, and even fulfill our "New You" resolutions.

Another tool that will help us to stay resolved is the development of key indicators. Many of us understand this, and do it very effectively in our businesses, but for some reason, only a few of us do it effectively in our personal lives.

How can we expect to succeed if we don't know what success looks like? Key indicators help us to insure we are on the right track. They also help us measure our progress. When the right indicators are developed, we become free to make adjustments and to evaluate our progress.

Happy New You!

It's not too late. Some of my resolutions for 2011 are still being formed. I am not the least bit worried about that. I know that when I take the time to get them right, I am much more likely to see them to completion. I also understand that my resolutions live with me. That means that they are refined and redefined at various times throughout the year. 

What do I want?'

How will I get it?

What will it cost me?

When will I start?

These are some of the questions I ask myself when I am serious about setting new resolutions. Before you start, you may want to consider a check-up on your purpose. It is easier than you think. Just start by asking yourself who you want to become. Then let your self dream. Just find the space and time to capture the thoughts in your head. Empty them without fear of judgment. Get them all out. I find it most useful to hand write it. I like the feel of the flow of my hand when it synchronizes with my brain. Typing it out works well too. The important thing is just to move, for every movement you make, as long as it is aligned with your purpose, brings you closer to realizing your goals.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

These questions are the result of my brainstorming what I want in 2011. I just turned my hands loose and started letting them flow from me without thinking. Some questions led to other questions, but there really was no thought in the order, or restraint on my part. I just let them flow from me.

Reflection

About three quarters of the way through I noticed that I was not proposing any "why" questions. As this fact bubbled out of my subconscious and into my conscious thought I asked myself, "why not"? I determined that it was because the "why" questions do not empower me to be my best. They do not help me in any way. 

What questions are you asking yourself?

How will they help you become your best?

I am not seeking for life's answers. Instead, I am living in the question.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

What Do You See? 

As we walked, we came upon a group that was seated in front of a dutch painting. They were listening to an expert who was describing its intricate details as well as the artist's intent. Someone invited us to join the group and we obliged.

Almost immediately, I began to feel very uncomfortable. To me, the expert was taking all of the mystery out of the painting. Her efforts forced us to see the painting through her eyes. To be fair, she may have been explaining the exact intent of the artist, but doing so ruined the the beautiful experience of seeing it for myself.

It didn't take long for me to notice that my client felt the same way. We looked at each other and knew it was time to move one.

The Art of Self Discovery

Just prior to this encounter, we were discussing the journey of self discovery. A request to accelerate the process was expressed. My client had not yet experienced a desired break through and looked to me for answers.  I explained that we cannot be pushed into defining moments. Instead, we must discover them at our own pace.

Upon leaving the expert's briefing, I asked her to tell me what she thought about the presentation. She said it was too detailed for her and raised similar feelings that I had felt. Her expressions provided the right frame to continue our conversation.

Our greatest questions can not be explained by somebody else. The answers we seek our within us. If we want to find them, we must be willing to search them out. This is not an easy process, nor is it a process that we must do on our own. Others can help us through the discovery process, but they cannot explain it to us.

Seeing Things Through Our Own Eyes

The expert interpreted the painting through her own experiences. That forced me to see what she wanted me to see, which may not have been what I needed, or wanted to see.

As a society, we have been lulled into the belief that we need somebody to explain it all to us. As a result, we are constantly exposed to the agendas of the day with very little attempt to hide these persuasive efforts. Great effort is being made to reframe bad as good and good as bad. Sadly, many of us are falling for the hallucinogenics of prime time story telling.  

We need to step away from the social reconstructive efforts of the day so that we can rediscover our own voice. It is the only way we can begin to see things as they really are. It may be that we will see things exactly the way they are being described to us, but at least then we will know where we stand without the emotional swell that comes from the constant bombing of politically correct propaganda. 

My Wish For You

I want you to hear your own voice. I want you to set your own standard and live by it. I know this can be a difficult process, but it is worth it. I frequently ask my clients the question, "what are your values?" and instead of an immediate answer, I am met with a blank stare. This tells me that the person has either forgot his or her values, or is unwilling to stand up for them.

Do you know what your values are?

Are you standing up for them?

When was the last time you had a conversation with yourself?

I invite you to engage yourself in meaningful conversation. Step into it, and give yourself the gift of self dialogue. Question the things that are going on right now. Ask yourself if they are aligned with your personal values. Don't be afraid if they are not. It is ok to feel disconnected from many of the messages that are being put into our social atmosphere. I realized long ago that a life unaligned with values is a life devoid of meaning. What do you stand for?

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Staying In Shape

As I age, I notice that I must do different things to stay in shape. I still consider myself an aggressive runner, but I can't run like I did five years ago, so I run at a new pace. The intensity of my workouts is changing, but the energy expressed is nearly the same.

One thing remains constant: a nutritional diet is a key ingredient to living a healthy life style. If I want to look good, then I must eat good. It is a pretty simple formula to follow.

Special K

Recently, there has been a lot of talk in our area, about the Special K diet. The claim is that if you eat a bowl of Special K for breakfast, another bowl of Special K for lunch and then, a sensible dinner you will lose the weight you need to lose to get into your skinny jeans. 

The reason Kellogg believes that it can make this claim is because they say Special K has all of the nutrients your body needs. The theory is that if you put the right things in your body, then your body will be at its best.

The World Around Us

I have no doubt that the theory behind the Special K diet is correct and that if you follow the plan, you will see the results it claims you will get. I bet most of you agree with me, that when we put the right nutrients in our body, we are able to get in our best physical shape.

We understand the concept of watching what we eat, but for some reason, we give little though to what we put in our mind. Perhaps we do think about it, but we do very little to make sure we are not subjected to the garbage on our airwaves.

When I was a kid, I remember campaigns against questionable shows. If it pushed the envelope too far, our parents and grandparents wrote letters to let the network know that we were not happy. Now, it seems we are not happy if it is not pushing the envelope beyond previous marks.

It is not just the shows anymore, the commercials are full of suggestive material that is hard to describe without using the word filth. These commercials come on in the middle of good shows. Those in favor of allowing shows on diverse topics once said, if you don't like the show, then change the channel, but now you can like the show but still feel compelled to change the channel because of the commercials. There just is very little of high quality and standards on anymore.

What To Do?

I know we can't just hide our head in the sand, but we need to be aware of what we are allowing in our homes and in our minds. There is an impact. James Allen described that impact best when he restated a verse from Psalms – "As a man thinketh, so shall he become."

What are you allowing in your home?

How do you protect yourself and your family from destructive media?

Are your standards working to elevate your thoughts?

Our mental fitness is just as important as our physical fitness. We must be careful about what we let into our minds or we will suffer a decaying consequence. Virtue of thought is a critical part of our ability to become our best. I leave you with this quote from Benjamin Franklin:

"It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain, that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous."

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I told him that I was happily married and that I was not interested. This was hard for him to understand, so he persisted and asked me if I wanted to know who it was. I said "no" and then, I politely asked him to tell the woman that I was committed to my wife, and that I was not interested in breaking that commitment.

Faithful and True

I really didn't give this opportunity much thought, partly because I have a great wife, and partly because I made a vow to be faithful to her and I intend to keep it. 

Many of us start out with this vow, but our resolve often weakens as time passes. As a society, we are constantly bombarded with sexual images, which in turn, stimulate our sexual desire. We can find a sexual innuendo in almost every setting. Is it any wonder that so many of us fall to our natural instincts?

Sadly, those who maintain a standard of infidelity rarely find the happiness they seek. They eventually discover that variety does not equal fulfillment. In fact, they discover that the more they try to please their sexual desires with others, the more they need to keep trying to please it. This is because it is a desire that can never be fulfilled by simply doing the act. Our minds, as soon as we do it, begin to tell us that we need to do it again, and again and again. 

In my work, I often speak with those who have suffered the pain of either being unfaithful, or of being with an unfaithful spouse. They are amazing witnesses of the fact that the momentary pleasure that comes from having sex is never worth the lasting pain that comes from breaking the trust of a spouse.

Restoring Trust

We live in a confusing time. On the one hand, we expect fidelity in our relationships, but on the other hand we feel pulled by the message of "nobody will know". 

Perhaps you find yourself as either a purveyor of, or a victim of infidelity. You may be desperately wanting to trust or to restore trust, but you are wondering if you can ever do that again. I have vicariously felt this challenge through the missteps of friends and family. I know it is a difficult thing, but it can be done. How? That is the question many face.

I will be honest, it is not an easy path to follow. It will require you to learn something about forgiveness. Whether you did it, or had it done to you, you are going to learn how to forgive, and the first person you must forgive is yourself. I know that sounds odd if you are the victim of infidelity, but it truly is where it starts. Once you have forgiven yourself, you are then capable of forgiving others.

The next step is to re-establish your commitment to each other. You will be tested again, so it is important that you speak with each other and agree on how you will behave when the time of testing returns. Clear and open communication will prevent you from moving forward. 

Communication Is The Key

As soon as I arrived home, I told Stacy about the invitation I had on the way to the airport. I told her that I rejected the offer, and that I wanted her to be aware of the offer so we could talk about any and all future offers. Neither one of us wanted me to behave in an unfaithful way so we worked together to make sure I did not. Because I was honest with her about the invitation, and the momentary desire to accept that came with the invitation, the trust between us grew. We know we are both human and we know these types of opportunities require us to work together. We cannot face these challenges secretly, we must bring them out in the open as soon as possible. Communication is the key to finding the way out.

If you find yourself on one side of this chasm then it is time to make a choice. You must decide if you want to stay and love, or leave and love. Any other choice will only bring more sadness and despair to your life. You cannot stay and hate or leave and hate and live a happy life. Love is the only way you can begin to open the fonts of healing. It is what makes communicating through this problem possible.

You are not required to stay, but you are required to love. If you are wondering what to do, perhaps these questions will help:

What do I really want to happen?

Can I forgive myself and my spouse?

What can I do to make things better?

I should be perfectly clear that if you are a victim of infidelity, you have a right to be angry and a right to move on. I am not advocating for you to stay. I simply want you to see that if you are moving on, you will be best served if you move on with love in your heart. Love will accelerate the healing process. When I say love, I am not speaking of a romantic love, I am speaking of the love that comes for another when we recognize that they are a human being. Any other approach will leave you feeling the sting and licking your wounds for a very long time. The pain felt by both sides is real. The lack of trust is real. They can only be satisfied by love.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Piling On

Here is just a sample of what I am talking about. Yesterday, while I was working in Los Angeles, I got a flat tire. While fixing the tire, my son Jacob called to tell me that his car had overheated and that he was stuck on the side of the road. He was on his way to pick up our daughter Sarah, who had got sick at school and had waited in the medical office for two hours while the school tried to get a hold of us.

Jacob was worried about calling me because he had mistakenly backed into a friends car on Friday night and caused about $500.00 worth of damage with what he describes as a nudge. I laughed as I listened to his voice mail – "Dad, this is Jacob. There is something wrong with the car, and I did not run into anything."

When I finally got a hold of him, he asked a very interesting question. He said, "Dad, we are busy with some good things right now, why are we facing so many challenges too?"

Grin and Bear It

I was grateful for this teaching moment. I explained to Jacob that bad things happen to everybody, and that bad things never happen in a convenient moment. I then went a little deeper. I told him that our trials serve as defining moments. The way we respond to them defines the level of happiness we enjoy in our life.

You and I have at least two choices when we are faced with trials. We can hang our heads and ask, "why is this happening to me?" or, we can lift our heads, smile and say, "I can't wait to figure out the answer to this problem?"

Jacob wondered aloud, "our finances our tight right now as we prepare for Christina's wedding. I know we don't have any money to fix cars, how will we do it?" I was thankful to be able to say, "I don't know how we will do it, but I know we will. A way will open up. It always does."

Walking in Faith

The confidence I displayed as I spoke to Jacob was not contrived, nor was it discovered yesterday. It was built in the face of many different challenges. It was fostered by moving forward in the midst of uncertain circumstances. 

When we walk in faith, it appears to those who are watching that we are not afraid or worried about anything. That is a misperception. The fact is that fear and worry both reside inside a confident individual, we just don't allow them to be the dominating emotions. We acknowledge that they are there and that they won't help us move forward and so we leave them alone.

Murphy's Law, applies to everyone of us. Bad things happen. Nobody is free from that reality. The difference maker is simply the choices we make when we are confronted by our trials. We can choose to move forward, or we can choose to cry, "whoa is me".

What do you normally choose?

How do you motivate yourself to move forward?

Last night, Stacy and I sat and reflected on the events of the day. I played the various voice mail messages detailing the report of each challenge, and we laughed at the severity of the situations. We knew those messages spelled trouble – but we were somehow able to feel thankful that we would be able to survive them. Together, we took inventory of all of the things for which we feel gratitude. Amazingly, even our trials made that list. Sure, we would love to live life without them, but we realized that that, would be no life at all.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Ouch

Several years ago we purchased some land in the desert with hopes of one day building a new home for our family. The land included a very old and small home that was pretty dilapidated. Over the years, we have remodeled this home and we occasionally rent it out. 

The water pressure there is very light. To counter this problem, we installed a water tank and pump to increase the pressure. The home was vacant last winter and the pipes to the pump froze and cracked. We have a new tenant moving in this week and it finally became necessary to fix the leak.

To begin the project, I cut the pipes, moved the tank out of the water closet, and unbolted the pump motor from the top of the tank. I then got busy with some of the other preparations. In the midst of all the work, I needed to move the tank from where I had originally placed it. Without much thought, I began to push it out of the way. The motor, though unbolted, was still on top of the tank. When I moved the tank, the motor, which weighs about 50 pounds, fell and landed squarely on top of my left foot. 

I saw stars. I only thought that happened with a hit on the head, but I actually saw stars. The pain was incredible and I was certain that I had broken my foot. Fortunately, it only resulted in a large, purple and black bruise. 

It Hurts

I did a stupid thing. I unbolted a 50 pound motor and left it balancing on top of a water tank four feet off the ground. My foot paid the price and now I am limping around. The pain will be with me for a while and it hurts. Sometimes we let the pain be more significant than the lessons that come from the pain. This happens when we dwell on the stupid thing we did to cause the pain. 

When we experience pain, we have at least two choices. We can beat ourself up for being so stupid, or we can learn from the experience and resolve to be more careful in the future. I choose the latter. The pain serves as a reminder and as an inhibitor from doing more stupid things. In this sense I am grateful for the pain, and I see it as a learning experience.

Letting Go!

One of the essential components of pain is that it hurts. It wouldn't be pain if it didn't. Some, embrace their pain and hold on to it like it is the only thing they have. Others view it as a temporary inconvenience and move on as quickly as they can.

We must not hold on to our pain, that will only make it hurt worse. Instead, we must move on and carry on with our life. Moving forward minimizes the pain and puts us in position to learn from its source.

Are you holding on to your pain?

What will have to happen for you to let it go?

How long will you wait to do it?

Only two days have passed since I smashed my foot. I am amazed at how well it is doing. I am not focused on the pain. Instead, I am moving forward with my life. I must do things a little differently right now, but I am confident that very soon I will return to normal activities. My confidence comes from my ability to let go of the pain. I invite you to do the same.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

As I went through the different scenarios in my brain, about how I would behave if this were my last day, I realized how fortunate I am to have this thought, and how important it is to act on the thoughts that entered my mind. 

As I thought about some of the aspirations that I still want to pursue, I began to laugh. My laughter was a result of the joy I felt in considering my life. Stacy wanted to know why I was laughing, and I told her that we had won the lottery. She began to laugh too, because she knew that I was dreaming again.

Life is Long

Too many times, we hear the phrase, "life is short". Looking back, that certainly seems to be true, but as we move forward through the trials of life, it can also feel very long. I think it is too long to be engaged in things that cause us, or others to suffer. 

I don't know how much time I have left, but I know I am going to fill each day with activities that bring joy to my life and to the lives of others. I don't want to waste any time in discouragement while there are so many shining moments to embrace. I choose to stand in the light.

What if today were your last day?

How would you spend your time?

Who would you spend it with?

You will most likely rise with the sun tomorrow, but just in case, don't you think you should spend at least part of today, doing the things that will bring you and others joy? The world is waiting. What will your contribution be?

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Beginning

As I watched her walk out the door today, my memories of the first day of school flashed through my mind. I remembered the good and the bad came. I felt the excitement and anticipation to go back, along with the unwillingness to put an end to summer.

My memories of my school years quickly moved to other "starts" that I have experienced throughout my life. I realized that all of those "first day of school experiences" prepared me for the many other "first day" experiences I have faced in my life. 

The "firsts" of starting a new job, living in a new city, beginning life as a husband and then later as a father are all days that I remember and cherish. They are the experiences that brought my dreams to life. Each beginning brought some anxious moments and some remarkable moments. I am grateful for all of those new beginnings.

Leaning Forward

As I have aged, I have noticed that I must now manufacture beginnings. There are very few required "firsts" that are left for me to experience. If I want to do something new, I must make it happen.

I enjoy creating a "new me" each and every day, so I am always looking for new ways to stretch myself. Today was one of those days. I actually got behind a microphone and hosted my own radio program. At times, it was scary, but for the most part, I felt very natural. My producer told me that he did not believe it was my first time. I hope the audience thought so too. The opportunity to begin this new experience was something that I created. I asked the right questions, at the right time and the show was booked. I am happy to be taking things to a new level.

When was the last time you started something new?

What aspirations do you have that are yet to be fulfilled?

What will it take to make it happen?

It is easy to sit around as we age and reason that there are no mountains left to climb, or that there are no mountains left that we can climb. I believe we can always learn, and that we can always create new beginnings. I dare you to join me in this belief and set a new standard for yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Building Trust

Please allow me to state the obvious. Trust requires complete openness. Despite the simplicity of this statement, many of us withhold believing that it is not good to expose our true feelings until trust is built. For some reason, we think that we must hold back in the beginning so that we can build trust.

In reality, the opposite actually occurs. When we hold back, the person we are dealing with perceives that we are holding back, and begins to feel suspicious. It happens this way because once we see that someone is holding something back, we wonder what else they might be trying to hide. When we feel this way, our ability to trust is eroded.

It is true, that openness leaves us vulnerable, but when we are vulnerable, we are able to determine very quickly who we can and cannot trust. I have noticed, that it generally does not hurt very bad when somebody we hardly know violates are trust, but the closer someone gets, the more it hurts when trust is broken. Trusting from the beginning allows us to identify those that would hurt us before they get too close.

Step Forward With Confidence

I know that some of us are afraid of being open with others because we think that if they see us as we really are, they may not want to be around us. This way of thinking limits our ability to truly be known, and keeps us in a state of false pretense. By that I mean that it keeps us pretending to be something that we really are not. Sooner or later, our flaws will be exposed and others will feel as if their trust was violated by our attempt to cover it up.

Character always reveals itself over time. If we want to be trustworthy, then we must trust from the very beginning. I am not suggesting that we attempt to expose all of our flaws in every new relationship. Instead, I am inviting you to consider the levels of trust you are extending in your various relationships, and then determine if you are extending the proper amount. Here are some questions that will help in your evaluation. 

Are you honoring each relationship with the amount of trust it deserves?

Are you willing to be open and to share the real you?

Do you think trust is given? Or must it be earned?

I am happy to be a trusting person. I have experienced the violation of trust many times. It hurt each time it happened, but I am thankful that I decided to continue trusting others. I know it is a complex issue, and sometimes it takes me a moment to remember that my preference is to trust, but when I trust others, I enjoy life.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

 760-559-3548

Many of my childhood heroes were sports stars. Growing up in LA, I wore T-shirts with the faces of Steve Garvey, Ron Cey, Steve Yeager, Magic Johnson, Kurt Rambis, Roman Gabriel, Pat Hayden, Marcus Allen and Kareem Abdul Jabbar. These were the people who contributed so much to our local teams. I also remember hating Reggie Jackson, Lou Pinella, Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and nearly every other member of the Yankees, Red Sox and the Notre Dame football team. 

I admired these men for their ability to play the game. They were stars in our community, and they worked hard to be solid citizens and to protect their image. They were very careful with how they talked about their individual greatness. They were confident but humble about their super star status. We saw them make mistakes and they did their best to apologize for their human failures and move on. They did their best to obey the law and to stay out of trouble. They played for the team and always remembered that the name on the front of their jersey was much more important then the name on the back.

Super EGOS

Today, that way of thinking is long gone. Our sports heroes seem to be more interested in grabbing attention, on and off the field, then they are in winning championships. Tonight, Lebron James, will be the feature of a one hour special on ESPN. The purpose of the special is to announce which team will now be blessed with his ability. I admit that his announcement is news worthy, and I am actually excited about the prospect of James, Wade, Bosh trio in Miami, but I am confused about why this announcement will take an hour, and even more confused as to why many people will be watching. 

I am stunned at King James' willingness to treat his search for a new team like a reality TV show. Can you imagine Magic Johnson, Larry Bird or Michael Jordan doing that? What is even more surprising is the fact that he has yet to win anything, but he walks around like he is the greatest of all time. Muhammed Ali was known to tout his greatness, but he backed it up. Lebron hasn't done that yet. He is a great player, but he have the resume of a champion, nor does he act like one. How long will our fascination last? What will his legacy be if he is unable to win with his new crew? 

It is obvious that he needs to be noticed, and he is not alone. Even many of the lesser skilled players are demanding the media focus. Their desire to be noticed seems to be greater than their desire to win. The search for popularity is not confined to our sports figures. It spills over into every industry we know. 

Our Search

It would be easy for me to end this post now. I could sit in my easy chair and think about the flaws of our public leaders without ever shining the light inward, but my musings mean very little to me, without a moment of reflection. 

I too, would like to be more popular. I work hard every day to produce excellence, and in my opinion, not enough people in the world know who I am. The majority of my time is spent producing a valuable service, but some of it is spent figuring out how to get the message out. I want a bigger audience than I currently have, and I believe it is acceptable to search for that audience. I even use the media to help me build that audience. 

The bother that I feel with this summer's free agency reality show is that the attention is being focused on the wrong thing. It seems our super stars want so desperately to be liked, that they have forgotten what it is that makes us like them. I loved my sports heroes as a youth, because they were champions. That didn't mean that they always won, but it meant that they always acted like it. I loved my political leaders because they did their best to do the right thing with the most minimal amount of impact on our daily lives. I was loyal to the brands I used because they produced good products and services. They understood that their popularity depended on their ability to bring us value. What happened?

We are experiencing a great famine in the land. It is a leadership famine and it is widespread. The answer is for each of us to remember that when we bring value, we will be popular. We won't have to blow our own horn, because others will be doing it for us. 

What value are you contributing in your circle of influence?

Are your efforts producing positive results?

Our society needs you to be your best. We will push the "like button" more often, when you add value to our lives. We don't want gimmicks or drama, we want to be enriched by what you have to offer. Are you willing to deliver?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Creative Avoidance

When I waste these moments, either sleeping or engaging in activities that are unaligned with my purpose, the rest of the day follows suit. Things just don't flow like they should and I end up wandering around in a bit of stupor trying to catch up. My search for replacement moments that will allow me to connect with my "best self" is rarely, if ever fulfilled.

My greatest disconnects happen during the summer months. It is during this time that I experience the biggest conflict between the demands of my personal and professional life. When my children are in school, they are also getting up early and going to bed early, but when they are on summer break, they stay up late and sleep in.

When I stay on course with my "early to bed and early to arise" way of living I spend fewer moments with them. It is sometimes difficult to balance the value of getting up early with my value of spending family time together. Over the years, I have become free within these competing interests and found ways to manage the dissonance.

My Key

My game begins early. My chances for a productive and successful day are magnified when I get up early. I know this because I have experimented with my schedule. I do my best to organize my life so that I am aligned with this awareness and I allow myself the luxury of breaking away when other interests would be better served. The key is that I know when I am most productive and I do my best to be awake and in motion during those times.

Do you know when you are most productive?

Are you maximizing those moments?

What strategies to you use to make sure nobody interrupts you doing that time?

Early works for me. It may not for you, and there should be no pressure to follow what works for others. If you want to be your best, then you must know when you are most likely to be at your best. Those who learn to live during those moments are able to succeed in during the times when they don't have their best stuff. They choose to organize their day in ways that allow them to live in the the rhythm of their best. Are you doing the same?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The Dark Path

The details of the dispute are unimportant. Suffice it to say, that we each understood the agreement differently and expected something different from the other. When we discovered that our understandings did not match, we both dug in and took a stand for what we thought was right. This only led to more misunderstandings and a rise in temperature.

Our negotiations reached a boiling point yesterday. My partner chose to limit our conversations to email, which added to our inability to communicate effectively and resolve the issue. After a long day of virtual bickering, we both were ready to end all conversations. It seemed like there was no way for both of us to get what we want, so we both were ready to bitterly part ways. Neither one of us wanted that, but we weren't willing or able to find a compromise either.

Integrity

I awoke this morning with thoughts of this conflict. I marveled at the amount of wasted energy, and the simpleness of the dispute. I can see no value in sticking to my position, nor can I see any value in moving forward without resolving the issue or at least getting a part of what I want. We have entered the realm of lose / lose.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to see a value proposition that made sense: I desire to be a man of integrity, and integrity is not situational. By that, I mean that my ability to stand in integrity is not dependent on the other person's ability to do the same. The blessing of integrity comes to those who act justly, even when they feel like they are being dealt with in an unjust way.

I am not going to get what I want. I did not ensure that outcome in the beginning by clarifying what it was that I wanted, so I am unable to get it now. I am responsible for the situation and it is now i get to choose whether I will be a victim or a victor. It is simply my choice.

All it requires is for me to fulfill his version of the agreement. This means that I must let go of the wrong I feel and embrace what he feels is right. The monetary requirement is very small, meaning that it is not worth the negative energy that is being generated. 

What Is The Price?

This time the price ($) is small, so it is easy to come to this conclusion, but my wandering mind is wondering where the line would be drawn. In this case, a quality product was created, the dispute is over expectations unrelated to that fact. There is now no future relationship, but the present is still important. I am sure there are times when an inferior product is delivered that it is not worth behaving in this way. Standing in integrity does not mean that we allow others to walk over us, it simply means that we will do the right thing. I think we generally know the right thing, and if we listen to what is going on inside of us, we can summon the courage to do it.

It may seem unfair or unjust to concede the point with no compensation, but I have learned that the quicker I resolve negative issues, the sooner I am able to focus on the positive ones.

What do you do when you feel like you have been dealt with in an unjust way?

How do clear the issue so that you can move forward?

What is the price of your integrity?

As I write, I notice that I continue to feel bitter about the situation, but interestingly enough, I feel good about my decision. That is really all that matters to me. That feeling gives me the peace to move forward without looking back. There will always be conflict, but that does not mean that there must also be a conflicted soul. I choose to step above the fray and move on. I hope, that in your world, you will do the same. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

This Day Belongs To Me

I know it is because I make each day my own. My secret is to prepare as if everything that I am, depends upon me being ready to make the most of each day. I approach life with wonder – the type of wonder that awakens me to the possibility that I will be asked to step into the shoes of greatness. 

Even when the odds are against me, I step into my vision with a certainty that all will be well. I am not afraid of what might present itself, instead I remind myself that I am ready at a moment's notice to share my story and the moments that define who I am.

Do you make the day, or does the day make you?

Do you know who you are, and are you ready to be that person?

Are you willing to share the very best of you are with those you meet?

It is often a very scary proposition to stand in the vision. It requires faith and hope and an abundant nature. Too often we embrace our poverty as if letting go will deprive us of something worth holding. Today, I dare you to stand in your vision – it is where you will feel most alive.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

For some members in our little group, this will be the most difficult experience they have ever faced. For others, it will be a welcome relief from the pressure they face on a daily basis. For me, it will be my first experience as the oldest person in the group. I don't feel it, but I know my time to stand on the top is ebbing, so I will enjoy every moment as we ascend to wonderful heights. 

We will all see something different when we stand on this high point. That is one of the greatest things about life – despite the face that we share each day with each other, our experience is always individual. 

I am thankful for the high points in my life. There have been many, and each one brought different meaning and purpose to my tiny / grand existence. That is why I am constantly reaching for new heights. I need to stretch and be stretched so that I can become my best.

What are the high points of your life?

What lessons did you learn from standing on the top?

When was the last time you reached for a new peak experience?

I will think of you when I am on the top of Southern California. I will express my thanks for your support and my desire for you to become your best. Please do the same for me!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I have passed through the area several times during the past six years and the work being done is breath taking. Some people have actually worked on that job since its inception. To them, it is probably hard to see the progress, but to the infrequent passerby it is extremely evident. I am exited to drive across its span and benefit from the incredible work of the bridge builders.

Insoluable Problems

Today, I am standing on the opposite side of  where I want to be. This confession does not mean anything more than to say that I have goals that need to be reached, and that I can see the gap in between where I am at right now, and who I must become in order to reach those goals. 

When I see this gap, I feel overwhelmed. It is huge, so It is easy to become discouraged. I often have thoughts of turning back. Fortunately, the vision of what is on the other side is enticing. I can see it very clearly, so I keep my focus on building the bridge that will get me to the other side. Simply put, the gap is part of the journey. It does not define me, and it never will. It must be crossed but I understand that it will never be solved. 

Like the deep canyon below the Hoover Dam Bypass Bridge, this gap will always be there. The bridge I build will merely carry me safely across to the other side. Once built, the bridge does not guarantee safety, it only provides safe passage. If I become careless, I can still fall into the chasm below. If I refuse to move on to new goals, its danger will continue to plague me.

Building Bridges

Therefore, once the bridge is finished I am moving on. It may take me a while to build it, but I am not going to worry about sticking around to live on it. It is a bridge, not a house. My goal is to become the person I can see on the other side. 

The joy is in the journey. The crossing happens a little bit each day, sometimes imperceptibly, until I finally stand on the other side. The experiences I gain from building this bridge will help me carry on when I reach the other side. Once there, I am sure I will discover new goals and gaps. Each new crossing will be equally exciting. 

What do you see – the overwhelming gap or the future on the other side?

Are you pressing forward or turning back?

What thoughts keep you going?

I am amazed when I look back at how many bridges I have built. Most of them are of no use to me now, they were merely private victories of a previous me. This admission does not prevent me from continuing the work of today. Instead, it inspires me. My goal is to make sure that the work I do today, will somehow add to the structure that will eventually be a bridge to who I want to become. Any thing less than that would result in the waste of the most precious resource I possess. TIME!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

As individuals advance in senior leadership roles, developmental feedback is often withheld, and many leaders think that because they are not getting it, they don't need it. Consequently, many leaders hit a plateau in their own personal and professional development. In effect, they stop growing.

Leaders Need Feedback

In the early stages of their careers, many successful leaders were given the guidance and support they needed to become their best. They were regularly monitored, coached and mentored, but as they moved up the ladder of success, the sources of honest and useful feedback became more difficult to find. After a certain point, they were left to their own devices to figure things out.

Their success, and the lack of critical feedback, usually creates a false sense of wellbeing, which can result in missing the signs that indicate the need for growth and development. By the time negative perceptions come to light, personal and professional reputations may have already suffered significant consequences.

Getting The Help You Need

Even the most outstanding leaders sometimes find themselves off track and unaligned with their most important values. Intelligent leaders understand this, and realize that they must actively seek the information they need to continually develop their individual and professional behaviors. They are not afraid of feedback. In fact, they crave it. They use this information to discover blind spots and close the gaps between their current leadership style and the leader they desire to become.

When was the last time you had a leadership check-up?

How do you discover your leadership blind spots?

Is your leadership style comfortable? Does it reflect who you really are?

The world is constantly changing, and leaders need to be able to adapt their personal and professional styles accordingly. No matter how talented and successful you are, you will make mistakes and develop bad habits. As you progress in your career, some behaviors that once worked, will no longer be effective. Dr. Thorn's Leadership Advantage™ is a process that is specifically designed to help you see things as they really are. Are you ready to grow?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

It feels good to voluntarily get the most out of what we have, but when it is constantly forced upon us, we can begin to feel taxed beyond our individual abilities. Sometimes that feeling of fatigue leads to doubt and fear, and those emotions can cause us to wonder if we will ever see a return to prosperity.

Life Is Good!

I believe that we will, so I live with that expectation. I refuse to give in to the shadows that these challenging times evoke. Instead, I walk in faith. I admit, that it is not always easy to do, but I just keep believing that things are going to be better soon, and act as if they will. Consequently, I am often surrounded with lots of movement in the positive direction.

Whenever I begin to feel discouraged, I pause and take inventory of the things that encourage me. All I really need to do, is to ask myself one simple question, "What encourages me?"

When I know what encourages me, I can use those experiences to bring me back to a positive outlook, even when I am faced with a discouraging situation. It is easy to get sucked in to those circumstances,  so I do not face the day without arming myself with this mindset.

I may not ever be able to eliminate everything that discourages me, but I can choose the way I will respond to the dark moments I face. A second question prepares me to shine. I simply ask, – "What will I do when I am faced with discouragement?" Knowing the answer to that question keeps me acting instead of just reacting in the moment. 

We Are In This Together

We don't always understand the fact that everyone, at one point or another, faces a discouraging moment. Sometimes we think that we are the only ones, and that we are doomed for failure. We must always remember that successful people are not people without problems; they are simply people who have learned to see beyond their problems. You and I can do the same thing.

Please take some time to ponder these two questions:

What encourages me?

What will I do when I am faced with discouragement?

Go ahead, allow yourself a few moments to consider all of the things that light up your world, then focus the rest of your day on walking in that light.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548