This weekend marks the final performances of Godspell. It has been a wonderful experience for me. I have really enjoyed this opportunity to develop some of my individual talents that had been lying dormant. for quite some time.
A week before opening night, our director invited an outside voice to come and critique our efforts. This man, who is known for his excellence in directing and producing theatrical events, possesses an amazing ability to comment directly without regard for feelings. It is not his intent to hurt any feelings, he just believes that if we hear it from him, we have time to do something about it, but if we hear it from the audience, it is too late. Consequently, he is willing to engage in difficult conversations.
The Hammer Drops
After our rehearsal, we gathered around as a cast to receive his feedback, which consisted of 26 pages of hand written notes. Each comment was brief and to the point. He did not attempt to sugar coat his remarks. He just presented them to us in a clear and precise way.
Some of his comments I found to be very useful and others I found to be of little or no value. When he finished, I felt like a great gift had been bestowed upon our cast. I found myself feeling thankful, especially for the three or four pages that pertained specifically to me.
I admit that some of his comments were harsh and difficult for some of cast members to receive, but I was even thankful for those thoughts. Our director us asked before we sat down to receive the feedback to simply listen to the comments without becoming defensive. He told us that we would most likely hear some things that would sting, but he assured us that he was very happy with our efforts and felt like this feedback could prove to be very helpful to us.
Ready To Receive
I came to the feedback session with a desire to improve my ability to perform in my role. I knew that I could become better, but I had done about all I could do on my own. My director had basically given me all the direction that he could give me too. I wanted this feedback, so I was ready to receive it.
I thought about the openness I felt as I heard some comments that would normally sting. I didn't feel their sting, instead I felt thankful. I contrasted those feelings with the feelings that I had felt in other feedback moments. I must admit, that in other times I have not been so gracious in receiving feedback. I wanted to know what made the difference.
At first, I felt like the difference was the speaker. This was an independent person who really had no interest in our production. I did not feel that his remarks were in any way personal. I just thought he was sharing, from an objective viewpoint, what we could do better. I thought about this for a moment, and then quickly identified some defensive moments when another independent voice was giving feedback, so I knew it wasn't just that.
I thought about many other reasons, but I kept canceling them out with other stories from my past. Finally, I realized that the difference this time was that I was truly open. This openness was not a state of mind, rather it was a feeling that came from my own awareness. I knew that I was doing the best that I could do. I accepted my efforts as good. I believed that I could get better. These feeling allowed me to readily receive the speaker's comments.
Open Up!
Suddenly it dawned on me. I am the only one that can make me feel defensive. If I truly accept myself, and if I learn to listen to myself, then I will come to see feedback in a whole new way. They comments are not meant to be gem or barb, they simply represent the truth from the other's perspective. I am in control. I can either choose to accept and do something about it, or reject and do nothing. It is my choice.
This open feeling does not come from listening to others. It comes from listening to self. There is a comfort and a confidence that comes from learning to hear our own voice. When we do it, we become more aware of what is going on inside us. That awareness gives us the ability to see things as they really are. When we see them, we recognize the need for external feedback and it becomes a helping hand, instead of a destructive fist.
Are you listening to your own voice?
Can you receive the comments of others, without feeling defensive?
What can you do to improve your ability to receive the gift of feedback?
The more aware I become of my own voice, the more capable I am of hearing the voice of others. I am not perfect at this yet, but I am improving. I still become defensive at times, but I am now able to quickly recognize that I became defensive and do something about it. The goal is to hear all forms of feedback without feeling any sense of destructive defense. The only way to do that, is to open up.
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