How much time did you spend this week reflecting about what is going on around you and planning your life?

What are you afraid of? Is your fear keeping you from acting courageously?

Do you know why you get up in the morning? Is your purpose clearly defined?

I ask you to consider these questions because they are directly related with the responses gathered from a one question survey of older adults (+ 75). The question is a simple one – "If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?"

I think the answer to this question is pertinent to all of us, but especially to those of us who still have the greater portion of the second half of their life to live. Are you as interested as I am in the responses? Do you think the responses can help you make a course correction if needed?

Trick Questions

Your answers to the questions I asked you to consider at the beginning of this post are very important. That is because the questions are closely correlated with the top three answers the seniors gave in the one questions survey. They said that if they could live their life over, they would do the following:

1. Spend more time reflecting on life.
   
2. Act more courageously.
3. Clarify earlier in their life their individual purpose.

Take a look again at your answers. Are you satisfied with your responses? Are you spending enough time in these areas to help you make meaning out of your life? It is your life to live and I affirm that now, is the most valuable resource you have. Use it wisely.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

We go through life with one regular thought in mind; "right now, I am willing to sacrifice my time and my focus on what is before me, because I know that when I finish this task, life won't be so crazy and I will then have the time to sit and focus on purpose and meaning."

The problem is, that day generally never comes. On purpose, we sacrifice our lives to the things that matter least. Most of us never wake up until it is too late.

I say most of us, because there are some fortunate individuals who face a crisis early. What? Did I just say they were fortunate enough to face a crisis? Yes I did. These are people who early in their adult lives either watched a loved one pass on, suffered their own health crisis, experienced a divorce, lost a job or faced significant financial difficulties. As a result they found a desire within them to focus on purpose. They saw that the things we all think are so important are really not that important, and they grew.

Most Of Us Never Face a Major Crisis

Sadly, this doesn't happen for most of us. We may experience part of the pains mentioned above, but they don't filter deep enough into our souls for us to stop and consider them a crisis. We think it is just the way life is. Even more sad is the life that some individuals live without facing any crisis at all. They just go through life with very few challenges to stretch or try them. Truth be told, these are generally very successful people. Their successes make it even easier for them to avoid the work needed to identify purpose and create meaning. 

As a result, the thought of thinking about purpose or meaning is inconsequential. Why would they do that when everything is going well. There is enough light to see, so they can't see that it would be better if it were brighter. The lack of crisis often prevents them from really living a life on purpose until it is too late.

That Nagging Feeling

This does prevent them from feeling the pains that come from growing old. As they age, they begin to see that the trade-offs are not really giving them the ROI that they imagined receiving. They feel the pain, but they also feel unable to do something about it. I mean, what does a 50 year old man do in an economy like this, if he is unsatisfied and unfulfilled with his current circumstances. Most just turn away and from the big questions and say, "I am too old for that!"

Some questions can only be answered by you. These are questions that no one else, not even God can answer. You have to spend the time answering them for yourself. Living in these questions helps you create purpose and meaning. It helps you to see what steps you can take to be happier and what the cost will be of taking those steps. 

I am speaking about some pretty big questions. Questions like; "What do you want?" and "Why are you afraid?" These questions scare us so we ignore them, hoping they will go away. They never go away until we face them. Avoiding them feeds them and they stay with us and haunt us. They are difficult questions to answer, but they must be answered if we are to live a life of purpose and meaning. 

Where Are You?

Are you afraid of these questions, or are you asking them regularly? If you are asking them, what are you doing with your answers? 

A happy life requires you to not only ask these questions, but to also do something about them. These two activities combined represent the beginning of the pathway to purpose. When you activate your efforts in the pursuit of your promptings, you begin the path to becoming your best. That is a path that I want to always be on.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I See Me

This morning, during a meditative moment, I pondered some instructions on how to live a balanced and happy life. I saw a few gaps in my own personal behavior and began to contemplate how I might grow beyond these personal stoppers.

As I thought about each item, the faces of the people I described at the beginning of this post entered my mind. I saw that the things that are bothering me about them are actually things that are bothering me about me. My behavior, in many ways parallels their behavior. The circumstances are different, but the actions are very similar.

As I allowed myself to dig deeper, I began to see an even bigger sin. The image of the "judgmental" me stood before my eyes and I witnessed the pain that I am causing others. Instead of comforting them while they were in need of comfort, I judged them. My words did not condemn them, but my silent actions added to their sorrow.

Convicted, I sat marveling at how easy it is to project my own sins upon others. The rancor I feel at their behavior is actually a release from my own disappointment. Judging and condemning someone else for some reason, makes me feel free from my own fault. They become the worst side of me, and I somehow eliminate my own guilt.

Moving Forward

The purpose of my life is to help others become their best. There is work for me to do so that I may fulfill that vision. The growth opportunity now standing before me is one of letting go. I constantly say that life is not about what we do, it is about what we do about what we do. My behavior has been inconsistent with that belief. I have held on to the past, instead of allowing the people in my life the freedom and opportunity to move forward. This grip on what happened, will continually prevent me from moving forward. These questions helped me refocus my efforts.

What do I really want for my friends?

Am I comforting them in the moments when they need comfort?

In what way can I support them now?

Am I willing to forgive myself and move forward?

I finished my morning meditation knowing that some of the judgement remained with me. I know that awareness is only the beginning and that I have work to do now to let go. As I let go of some these feelings, my own imperfections stare me in the face. It is easy to feel angry with myself, and guilty for behaving in such a way. These feelings don't last long because I willingly forgive myself and consciously decide to be better. As I look at the previous me, I feel grateful for the lessons learned. The sun is shining and I can see a glimpse of the future me. This gives me the hope and the faith I need to move my feet. See you on path.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

At first, I laughed, but pretty soon I started believing them and then I changed my dream. I didn't think much about it at the time, but now, I can look around and see many friends and acquaintances who are teachers, and they seem to be able to support their families without any problems. 

This evidence reminds me that life is an experience that we create. We are actually free to be whoever we want to be. It is true our choices, and the resulting consequences point us down various paths, but we are free to make new choices every day. Each choice we make, becomes a defining moment. It either propels us forward, or sinks us backward. 

Defining You

One of the most powerful questions we can ever ask ourselves is the question, “Who am I?” Thinking of our many unique qualities as we answer provokes individual awareness in a way few other questions can.

Because of the complexity of the question, many fail to gain the clarity of thought needed to really answer it. Yet this is a question that must be answered if we are to reach for our ultimate success, even our true potential. 

For many, the answer to this question is a synopsis of what they do. This answer, by itself, can never inspire. While it is true that what we do is a part of who we are, the real answer is much deeper than that. I have long looked for a formula that clearly states the components of identity. It is a work in progress, so I share it with you with an invitation to add your thoughts. 

Here goes:

Our Identity is eternal. It has always been there, and it always will be there. For some reason, the birthing experience into this world, creates a cloud over this identity. One of the purposes of this life is to rediscover our identity through the choices placed before us. The task of discovering it, is influenced by our achievements and our failures, but not determined by them. In fact, the more we focus on these two items the more we actually mask our true identity. In order to see things as they really are, we must be willing to put things in order. This requires us to find a sense of harmony between what we do, and who we are. 

Our whole, is made up of the relationships we create, the talents we develop, the energy we generate, and the connection we make with the spiritual nature of our being. Until we learn how to bring these four areas into balance, we will be incapable of understanding the awesome nature of our true identity because it will remain in an immature state. 

When we focus too much energy in any one of the four areas, we move away from what is real and create an illusion of fulfillment. This illusion provides a counterfeit moment that temporarily satisfies our desire to know who we are, but if we continue in that direction our satisfaction wanes and we find ourselves searching again. When these moments disappear we are left in a lost state and must start all over. Authentic awareness only comes when we have balance in the four areas. Nothing else satisfies. 

Who Do You Want To Be?

I realize, that doing so, is not an option that will lead to success. If I want to become the person I am striving to become, I must be willing to press forward, even in these dark and confusing moments. If it were easy, it would not be worth it.

Not My Will

This realization is particularly poignant at this moment, due to my involvement in the Stephen Schwartz and John-Michael Tebelak musical production of Godspell.

Opening Night is looming and there is much work to do. I sometimes wonder why I allowed myself to be involved in this extra-curricular activity. It is consuming a lot of my energy, and I would rather focus that energy on many different things. 

I understand, that this project is bigger than me, and that I was called to be a willing participant in this effort. The role is very humbling. Nearly every day, I ask myself how I can possibly pretend to be good enough to play the part of Jesus. I think we would all agree, whether we believe in His divinity or not, that He was one of the most influential historical figures, but to me, He is much more.

Last night, we rehearsed for the first time the scenes leading up to His crucifixion. I felt extremely hypocritical when I found myself, (caught up in my own tiny struggles and wondering how in the world I could make it all happen), uttering the words, "not my will, but thine be done".

What He so willing gave, suddenly became very clear. I don't mind putting aside any theological attributes for a moment and just considering the man. For whatever reason, this man set aside all of his own personal interest, and willingly chose to follow the will of the somebody else. I stand all amazed at that decision!

Seeking Higher Ground

I know, that all of the challenging experiences I face are given to me for my own good. They have a refining effect. They polish me and create the energy and space for real growth to occur.

It is easy, in the moment of these trials to feel like a victim. Sometimes, we may even feel abandoned, but these are the defining moments that shape us and carry us forward to higher ground. Feeling sad, or cursed by our present circumstances disqualifies us from reaching the next level.

Those who become their very best, learn how to set aside their own interests for the good of helping others soar to new levels. We cannot do that, until we learn to submit our will to something much greater than ourselves.

How often are you able to submit your will to the will of someone else without complaining?

Do the Christian references mentioned above make you feel uncomfortable?

How can you apply the basic principles in this post to your life?

There are many times during our lives when we need to follow someone else's agenda. Typically, if it does not conform with our own desires, we find ourselves murmuring and getting in the way. I dare you to examine the consequences of that type of behavior. I am certain that if you do, you will come to see what I have come to see. That is, that all of the noise will not change the fact that if we want to move forward, we must submit to that agenda. It is true, that we can choose to opt out – and I wish more people would make that choice instead of continuing to complain about thing, but if we want to move forward, we must put our own self interests aside. 

Let's see – I can move forward kicking and screaming, or I can move happily on. That doesn't sound like a tough choice to me.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I woke up this morning feeling great, until I realized that I left my suit, the one that I plan on wearing tomorrow for my TEDx Greenville presentation, at my sister-in-law's house.

I immediately started calling around. I was hoping to find an early delivery that would get it here on time for tomorrow's 8:30 AM start, or a same day delivery service that could get it here today. Unfortunately, the next day delivery options will arrive too late, and the same day delivery options are very costly. 

There are now three viable options:

1. We can drive back to Wake Forest and pick up my suit.
2. We can go suit shopping – believe it or not, a new suit will cost less than the same day freight options. 
3. I can wear something else.

Life Is Full Of Options

None of these scenarios are particularly appealing to me. I planned on spending a peaceful and quiet day with Stacy. I don't feel like driving at a fevered pace or hunting for the perfect suit, nor do I feel like showing up in something less than a suit. But what else can I do.

Sometimes when we are stuck, we think the way out is to discover the answers, but that rarely, if ever produces the best solutions. If we want to be successful, we must learn to figure out the best questions, not the best answers. The questions guide us to the solutions that we need. They help us discover the things that we are unable to see. They push us to think to a new level.

Right now, my brain is moving at the speed of life. I am in the process of discovering what I have not thought of yet. It is a place where I love to be. The questions will lead me to success. 

Saving The World

The clock is ticking. I now have 24 hours to ask the right questions. There is no need to panic. If Jack Bauer can save the world in 24 hours or less, I can figure out how to manifest a suit.  

I learned a long time ago, that everything can be fixed. I am sure that I will figure this out. I have mad problem solving skills! Right now, it is time to think. I need to consider every option, even the ones that I have not thought of yet.

What do you do when you are pressed for an answer?

Do you use powerful questions to guide your efforts?

What strategies do you use to stay calm?

Success rarely comes to those who fall apart. Those who win in the game of life usually figure out a way to get what they need, even under the most challenging circumstances. Making it look easy is part of the package. I can't wait to figure this one out.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

There is another question that inspires me even more, because it allows me to look at the systems I work with, in a way that allows me to discover my own individual impact. This question allows me to generate solutions instead of assigning blame to others. This favorite question is one I have written about in this space before. It is – "what is my contribution to the problem?"

Seeing My Impact 

Knowing the impact of my own actions allows me to discover how I can make a difference. It immediately focuses my attention on what I can do to grow the behaviors I need to breathe life into what is going on around me. This question opens me up for growth, because it gets me out of problem solving and into the exploration and discovery of new possibilities, new directions and new understandings. 

When I look inward, I very rarely enjoy focusing on the negative. Naturally, I want to see the positive. When I see my contribution to the problem, I don't ask "how am I going to stop doing that?" Instead, I ask "what can I do to grow?" I realize that both of these questions may lead to the same outcome, but there is power in a positive tone. It helps me feel good about myself so that I can move forward and be productive.

Powerful Questions

The power of my favorite question really isn't in the question itself, it is in the questions the question generates. Any question that leads us toward truth will always generate additional questions. Those questions are the ones that plant the seeds of growth. 

When we are in a self-reflective mode, the answers do not satisfy us. Instead, we continue to look inward until we discover truth, which invariably requires a greater variety of questions. It also forces us to look deeper and deeper into our own behavior and how it is contributing to the outcomes we are experiencing. Self-inquiry never leads to easy answers. If it did, it would lead us to a dead end instead of learning and development. 

Discovering Truth

The real aim of this question is to stimulate your thinking so that you can move into a place of self-discovery. It is the wake-up call we all need to increase our awareness and accelerate our growth.

How are you contributing to the problems around you?

Are you moving forward in a positive light to accelerate your growth?

What truths about yourself do you need to discover?

Look deeply and be ready to act. That is what causes growth. Your desire to be your best must not be limited. Let it run wild.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I am fascinated by a phenomena that I call “the last five pounds”. Anybody who has ever been on a weight loss campaign understands this without much explanation. In the beginning our efforts yield what look like immense progress, but there comes a point when we feel like we are at a complete standstill. The major gains we once enjoyed, are now, barely recognizable. Maintenance is a difficult proposition in and of itself, and when we get close to realizing a soul-stretching goal, the remaining distance can appear next to impossible. Many have come within five pounds of their ideal weight, only to discover that the “last five pounds” can seem like the impossible dream. It is here, that they pause to rest, some even turn back.

These are what I call success plateaus. From this vantage point, we can see our goal, but the path now looks much steeper and more difficult than ever. It takes a lot of effort to keep going, but that is exactly what we must do.  

As we look ahead, we realize that what use to be good enough, will not serve us now. After a while, we realize that the journey to the next level is really a journey to perfection. The fact that most of us are far from perfection does not mean that we cannot be perfect, but for some reason, many successful people are afraid to state the goal. They think that others will see them as cocky or arrogant if they say, “I am reaching for perfection”.

Nobody Is Perfect

Some turn back at this point because they think it can’t be done. “Nobody is perfect”, that’s what they have learned, and they believe it. The reach for the next level ultimately becomes a reach for perfection.

What does perfection mean to you?

Do you think it is possible?

What motivates you to reach for it?

Wrapping our head around the idea of becoming perfect is not as difficult as it sounds. Consider again the "last five pounds". They are extremely difficult to shed, but many have done it. When they did, they became their perfect weight. That does not mean that they were without flaw or blemish, it just means that they, by their efforts, completed their journey to their goal weight. That sounds like perfection to me. What does it sound like to you?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Sometimes, I ask questions to which I already know the answer. I do this, because I want to see what other people know without influencing them. I don't want my thoughts to limit their thinking. I just want to know what they think. It helps me understand them better. It helps them become accountable for the work we are doing together.

I Am Not Looking For Theories

When I ask questions of you, I am not looking for theories. I have studied the theories, now I am learning how to apply them to my life. My questions an invitation for you to think with me. I want to know what you are thinking. I want to know how your thoughts might differ from mine. Your thoughts help me to grow. I find it very valuable when you tell me what you are seeing, and how you are applying your learnings to your life. 

The Most Powerful Question

I consider the single most important question I have discovered in all of my academic and applied learning opportunities to be: "What is my contribution to the problem? I deem it especially empowering because its answer, is the only thing I can change. I cannot change the contributions others are making. I can only change what I am doing. 

The answer to this question helps me clarify what I need to do to grow, and it helps me create an agenda for my own success. Because I am examining myself, I can make things happen. In other words, I am empowered to do what must be done, and to be who I must become. 

That question is much more powerful than asking, "why is this happening to me?" I call this question the "victim question", because it does not require me to take responsibility for my own actions or feelings. It really prevents me from acting, and renders me to a state, where I am constantly being acted upon. As a result, I feel helpless and unable to grow.

What Are Your Questions?

I really enjoy the reflective opportunities I create by posting to blog every day. The daily questions that I ask, remind me that this is not my opportunity to preach to you, or to tell you what to do. I simply seek to share my questions with you, believing that because I am asking them, I will discover my own answers. I realize that my answers will not always be meaningful to you, but that doesn't stop me from thinking that the questions will be. I like the thought of that.

How do questions help you when you find yourself up against a road block?

What questions do you use to inspire your individual growth?

The conundrums that puzzle my puzzler continue to offer me the greatest potential for individual growth. I cannot imagine going through life with asking these amazing questions of self-discovery. They continue to focus me on the discovery of meaning and purpose in my life. That is why I ask so many of them. They have a way of making life better. What do you think about questions?

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The table was delivered to the office last year. It is an impressive work of art, even when nobody is sitting around it. I am fortunate enough to see it every day that I work in the office. I marvel at the fact that not a single power tool was used to create its beauty. 

A Symbol of Love

The table is inscribed with a giant banyan tree. In the Hindu culture, the banyan tree is a symbol of unity and wish fulfillment. It certainly lives up to its symbolic nature, but to me it stands for something even greater.

Every day, when I walk into my office, I am reminded of my beautiful wife and her never ending support for my efforts. She believes in me and that great blessing inspires me to believe in myself. The work that I do is continuously stretching me and creating new opportunities to step up. Sometimes, the seeds of doubt creep in and frustrate my self-belief for a moment. When I find myself wondering if I am up to the task, I take a moment to regard this beautiful table. Every time I do so, I remember the trust and confidence Stacy places in me and I receive the energy I need to act with poise and purpose.

Seeds of Gratitude and Generosity

Remembrance prompts a sense of gratitude. The expression of a grateful heart is usually manifested through some generous act. A thankful heart is more than willing to speak a kind comment or perform an act of service. When we allow ourselves to live in the moments of gratitude, we are reminded that because we have been given much, we too must give. 

Service to others is the natural desire of an enlightened being, and these selfless acts increase our ability to love the other. They create a comfort within us that removes the fear of being passed over and the anguish of living in scarcity.

The abundant life is the result of our conscious choice to live abundantly. Yes, it it a choice we make and we must make it before it can ever be bestowed upon us. Growth is a positive function and it cannot occur when we act defensively. To truly grow, we must be open to the whisperings of the spirit. Those whisperings only come to us when we are willing to do something more than seek after our own agenda. 

What moves you to remembrance?

What evokes gratitude in your heart?

When was the last time you expanded the reaches of your generosity?

I know these are difficult times. Each day, there is bad news. We can fight against that by abandoning our selfish pursuits and meeting the needs of others. We live in abundance. There is a seat for you at our table.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I was fortunate enough to be flying business class, which meant that my seat would fully recline into the flat position. it also meant that I would be one of the first passengers to board. Time seemed to be at a standstill and I wanted to get on that plane pretty bad.

Overzealous Behavior

Finally, they announced that it was OK to board. Because I of my fatigue, I failed to notice a couple of people who were clearly in front of me. I did not run them over, but I definitely behaved in a way that would have made my mother angry with me. I was rude and inconsiderate.

It would be easy to say that I was not aware, and that I just was moving as quickly as I could to get on the plane, but in reality, I purposefully moved in a way that said, "get out of my way", and everybody in my way knew it.

Most of the passengers got out of my way without saying anything, but one man stopped me and said, "why don't you go on ahead. I am sure I will have plenty of time to board and I don't think they will leave without me." He actually said it in one of most loving and caring voices that I have ever heard. There was not a hint of sarcasm or anger in his voice. 

His tone actually woke me up from the "sleep deprived, get-out-of-my-way charge" that I was inflicting upon my fellow passengers. I immediately recognized what I was doing and asked for his forgiveness. He was more than willing to offer it and we boarded the plane together. As we went our separate ways, I thanked him again for sending me a polite wake-up. He was even more polite and said not to worry about it.

Awareness

He was sitting just a couple of seats away from me and as we were preparing to take off, I am overheard a conversation he was having with his seat mate. My new friend was talking about the day he had had. He said that his earlier flight had also been delayed and that he had spent most of the day in the airport trying to get home to his country. The flight we were on was a substitute flight and would not take him home. He was going to have to take another flight before he could get there and this one would make his total delay in getting home about 13 hours.

I knew that if anybody had a right to be uptight, upset and angry, it was this man, yet for some reason he seemed to be the calmest man on board. As I sat in my seat, I thought about what made this possible. Why was it, that this man was able to demonstrate so much patience? What made him so delightful?

As I pondered this experience I actually dug a little deeper and turned my thoughts inward. I am happy person. Like many of you, I have a good life. I like life. So why did I find myself on that day possessing so little patience? Why was I so easily upset by a nominal delay? What was causing me to behave this way.

As I asked myself these questions, I realized that the answer was because I was behaving in a selfish way. Instead of looking around and seeing how I could help others, i was looking around and seeing how I could increase my own advantage. It was then that the real impact of my travel companion's words hit me. Once again, I heard him say in my mind, "why don't you go on ahead. I am sure I will have plenty of time to board and I don't think they will leave without me." That was the key. No matter how fast I boarded, I was not going to get to my destination any quicker. His patience and kindness lifted my spirits and inspired me with a desire to behave the same way. I cringe as I think about what my behavior inspired in others.

Looking Through Selfless Eyes

An observer, would have seen two travelers that day. Both would arrive at their destination at the same time, but one would arrive with a smile and the other with a grimace. After that day, I decided to be the traveller with a smile. It is amazing what a smile and a kind word can do.

What would our world be like if we all behaved in a kind and gentle way?

What is the risk of being kind to others? Are you willing to let it begin with you?

Are you willing to be thoughtful enough to consider your own behavior and how it impacts those around you?

I invite you to behave in a delightful way. The next time somebody cuts you off, smile and let them in. You will deeply appreciate the peace and energy that will come to you from doing such a simple thing. I am not afraid to use myself as an example of what not to do in this post, because through this experience I learned to be a better me. That is why I can authentically promise that when we behave this way, it is worth it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Each one of these projects is so intense that if I get even one day behind I am toast. They all bring with them significant trials that I have not faced before. The only option I have is to keep moving forward.

The Dream

There is a recurring dream that I have of hope. It goes something like this; in a few weeks, I will be done with these projects. Then I will take a break from all this madness and I will get some rest. I won't have any new commitments so I will be free to do what I want.  I will finally be free from this stress.

This dream is pleasant, but false. I say this, because I know this is not the first time I have had this dream and it has never come true before. Every time I finish a project or pass through a trial, the next one begins and it is always harder and more difficult than anything I have ever experienced before in my life.

Action Filled Days

I am actually thankful for this reality. I can't imagine how boring life would be for me if the rest, I always dream about really did exist. I love rest, but I can only take so much of it. What I love more, is the challenge that comes from raising the bar.

The trials and triumphs that we face, are meant to be soul stretching experiences. They could not fulfill their purpose if we experienced the same ones over and over again. In order to grow, we experience new challenges. 

Sticking With It

The school of life rarely adjourns and when it does, it is only for a brief recess. Sometimes, a new semester begins, before the old one has ended. The degree of difficulty in the course work increases, without a stated willingness that we are ready to progress. Each lesson teaches us that we are capable of so much more than we previously thought possible. 

Passing grades are only passed out to those who are persistent. Our willingness to stick with it, demonstrates a willingness to progress, even in the face of failure. When we step back and look at our history, we see that what looked like a failure in the moment, actually contributed to our biggest and brightest successes. Somehow, we actually carry with us a perfect record. We have passed every test, and the knowledge we gained is always the resource we rely upon most when we are faced with the next level.

Life Is Good!

I am glad life is this way. It makes me happy to reach a new height, set a new standard and raise the bar. Sometimes it does feel overwhelming and I am ok with that. The older I get, the more clearly I see that it is all invented any way. I get what I want, every single time, even when I don't like what I get. 

How do the challenges you faced ten years ago, compare with the ones you are facing now?

Do they seem the same, smaller or bigger?

What do you rely upon most when you are faced with a new project or trial?

How do keep yourself committed in the face of life?

I find myself thinking about this topic because we are now 11 days into the new year. That doesn't seem like a lot of time, but it is enough time to realize that the challenges of life will always be with us. This is true whether it is the the beginning of the year, or the end of the year. Whether we want it or not, life is purposefully designed to take us through loops of continuous improvement.

Welcome to life. Hang on – now let go!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

In one group, the people embraced a very similar philosophy and mindset on the proposed topic. The other group was filled with people who represented very different perspectives, viewpoints and backgrounds.

I gained a lot from both experiences, but after a while, I became very bored with the similar group. They definitely had every viewpoint from A to B well represented, but beyond that, it was hard to find any value. Unfortunately, we didn't make much progress in accomplishing our purpose.

The diverse group challenged my thinking. There were view points represented that were difficult for me to comprehend because they were so different than my own. The meeting participants were energetic and courteous. They were not afraid to have their views questioned or examined by the others. They were very open to learning from the other group members.

Understanding Others

I thoroughly enjoyed the meeting with this diverse group and I left with a healthy appreciation and affection for each member. I never felt challenged to change my values, and as a result, I felt safe to open my mind to new ideas. It was a wonderful opportunity for me to examine the beliefs of others. Instead of judging them, I suspended my previous assumptions and allowed myself to see what they see. Because I was willing to extend this courtesy to them, they returned the favor to me.

I discovered that even though my values and opinions remained basically the same, my influence with these new friends increased. This dramatically affected our ability to work together. As a result, we made significant progress on our common interests.

Authentic Leadership

My experiences with these two groups reminded me a of something my brother Larry taught me. Whenever we disagreed, he would say, "if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us". 

This statement continues to guide my work. I understand that I am most effective when I surround myself with people who think and act much differently than I do. My association with friends of different opinions creates many opportunities to stretch my way of thinking.

Great leaders do not fear the fringes or the edges. They recognize that by creating space for all voices to be heard, they become an authentic agent of chang. Because their influence is felt, their leadership is more highly regarded. When the point of decision arrives, they are seen as credible and trustworthy. 

The Big Picture

Just because we learn to view things from a larger perspective, does not mean that we must abandon our values, it simply means that we learn to see what is going on in the complete system. When we do this, we create solutions that accelerate growth and development.

I realize that it is difficult to suspend our beloved biases and judgments, but it can be done without losing our individual identity. I invite you to consider the following questions:

How willing are you to consider view points that are different from your own?

What benefits come from stretching to see the perspectives of others?

How do you feel when someone takes the time to see things as you see them?

Remember, the real point of leadership is not to change others, but to enroll them in a collaborative effort to achieve a common goal. You are free to draw the line in your personal values, most of us even expect you to do so and respect you when you do. When we become secure in who we are, we become more free opening ourselves up to others, and that is when your effectiveness really soars. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The New Me

The symbolic beginning of the new year coincides with the celebration of my birthday. Four days after the new year began in 1966, I was born of goodly parents. This special time of year amply affords everyone one of us the opportunity to consider what want from the new year and who we want our new self to become. Is is any wonder that I associate the goals of a new year with the creation of new me?

I am thankful for this double whammy – and equally grateful to know that the new year is a time of renewal for everyone. It is inspiring to see the masses stretching to be better. I love to ask about the goals for the new year, the resolutions and plans for improvement. There is a special energy at this time of year that is focused on becoming someone better. That is what makes the new year such a happy time.

Pressing Forward

I begin this new year full of energy and life. There is a level of certainty within me that is calling me forward with great anticipation. I see such a positive future and I can't wait to get started. 

I have received some new years, with a feeling of fatigue. I did not rush to start them, I waited as long as I could to jump back in the saddle of life. Living at the speed of life can be overwhelming but it is life-giving. I can feel the current and the rapids all around me this year, but I am anxious to jump in and ride them. 

This will be a breakthrough year for me. It is a year when all of my hard work and dedication will pay off. I can see the line forming and I am excited to meet the people who will become my new friends and associates. I can't wait to connect with the successful people who will fill the seats of this wonderful vision.

I know that there is a lot of work ahead of me, but that is what makes it interesting. The Andrew of 2010 will be in motion, constantly pressing forward. I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Going The Distance

I realize that this year will complete only a very few of us, but that does not make our strivings for perfection any less significant. The journey to wholeness is a series of highs and lows. It is a process that engages us every single day of our lives. 

Our greatest challenge is sticking with it. Many of us start out on the path, but very few of us finish. To be a finisher we must be willing to go the distance. Going the distance requires a clear definition of the finish line. 

I invite you to take some time today visualizing the finish line of the projects that you are currently working on. Does the thought of crossing it energize you and lift you up. If it doesn't, it will be difficult to stick with it when the going gets tough. The going is going to get tough. I guarantee it. The goals we pursue that are worth obtaining stretch and try us in ways that we are unable to imagine at the starting line. It is only when we hit the wall of impossibility that we are able to birth a new self. 

Who will you become in 2010?

Can you see the finish line before you line up at the starting line?

Are you willing to do what it takes?

Breaking through to the other side is only possible when we know what is on the other side. We don't know what is there because we have seen it with our physical eyes, we know, because we have seen it in our hearts and minds as we have labored to plan the journey. Today you are standing on the starting line. The past is now behind and insignificant. It is our history, but not our future. You are free from the past. Who do you want to be today!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The show captured my attention each week. The idea of being anybody I want to be is very appealing to me. In fact, I spent a lot of time in the past trying to figure out who the best me would be. It was a prevailing thought even after I enjoyed serious success in building a business. Fortunately, I eventually discovered my true passion for life.

Who Do You Want To Be Today?

I recognize that is it not uncommon for very successful people to be figuring out who they want to be. Many of the happy people I work with find themselves in this exact position. Success happens to many of us, even when we don't have this figured out.

In my case, I was able to use my selling skills to create an income and an opportunity to provide for my family. That was my main concern, so for a long time it didn't matter that I was working in a profession and a career that I hated. My number one priority was to provide for my family and I accepted the fact that doing so required many sacrifices, even working at something I did not love doing.

I know many others who are working at what they love doing, but they have not reached their potential yet. Their inability to see themselves moving to the next level is what holds them back. They have the talent and the skills, they just need to discover the guts to go for it.

Still others, don't have the faintest idea. They are in the process of discovering who they want to be. They find themselves in the midst of success, knowing that there is something more for them, but not knowing what it is.

Getting Better and Better!

I believe that all of us eventually figure this out. Some just find out later in life and believe that it is too late do anything about it. They live with and accept the saddest of all words, "what might have been" in a numb and painless way.

I never believe it is too late. All we need is a willingness to stick our necks out and take a risk. Everything we do in this life is invented. We are just like Jarod the Pretender. We are brilliant beyond our own understanding. We truly have the power to be whoever we want to be.

Our imagination must never be quelled. We must always be willing to engage in becoming our best. This doesn't mean we need to change jobs or careers. It just means that we are willing to stretch ourselves in ways that will magnify our purpose. I am constantly involved in activities that will more fully reveal the real and authentic me to myself and others.

I understand that in order to become my best, I must be pretending that I can be better. That is where it starts. It starts with a belief that I am capable of growth. I don't know anybody who believes otherwise, but there truly are very few who act the part.

Stepping Up To Greatness

I dare you to be your best. I want you to wake up and see that no matter how wonderful you are, you can be better. Please don't let your current successes smother your desire to be a better you. Just open your eyes and imagine what the best you looks like then start pretending that you are that person. This is how the great ones become extraordinary. They allow themselves to see and believe their dreams. 

When was the last time you engaged yourself in a game of make-believe?

Do you think you can become your best without pretending you are better than you really are?

Are you willing to shake yourself so that you can grow into a more beautiful you?

Now is the time to consider who you will be in 2010. I invite you to begin it with a running start. Think about what it will take for you to rise up and be your best. I know you can do it. The people closest to you are hoping you will do it. We can't wait to see the new you!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

One of my favorite lines from the Star Wars movies is found in the attached clip. Chancellor Palpatine cautions Obi Wan and Anikin, when they encounter Count Dooku to go and seek help. He tells them that they are no match for Count Dooku because he is a Sith Lord. Upon hearing this Obi Wan looks at him and says with extreme certainty, "Sith Lords are our specialty."

I love the confidence in Obi Wan's face. His belief in his ability is born out of his understanding that he is a Jedi Knight. He knows who he is. There is no doubt residing within him. He is up for this challenge. All of his previous experiences prepared him for this moment and he knows that his purpose is to rid the world of the dark side of the force. 

Shining The Light of Leadership 

Belief in oneself is a crucial leader behavior. It is this quality that feeds integrity. When we live in certainty we are committed to our vision, mission and values. This commitment makes it easy to stand up for what we believe. Because we know who we are, we trust what we think and feel. We are not worried about what the latest polls say, (i.e. Be careful, he is a Sith Lord). Instead we are willing to shine the light of our vision upon those we lead. We know that it is our responsibility to make our vision known so we are not looking for somebody else to do it for us.

Some say that confidence is a akin to arrogance. I don't buy that. In fact, I think arrogance is an antonym of self-confidence. I believe that it is a tool that those lacking self-confidence use to obtain and maintain power over others. Arrogance is constantly seeking power.

Those who truly believe in themselves never have to seek power, it is conferred upon them. They are aligned with a belief that their talents and strengths were given to them so that they could help make the world a better place. They are not worried about exercising dominion, they are worried about serving others.

This is the light that a leader must shine. It illuminates the community in such a way, that it allows others the freedom to contribute their talents and strengths. It fosters a collaborative environment better than any other leader behavior. When I operate from a position of certainty, I am not concerned about the constant uncertainty that is all around. I know that I will find a way to do what is expedient to help those around me grow.

What Is Your Specialty?

I love meeting new people. Whether I meet you in person, or in one of the many social communities to which I belong, you can count on me asking, "what is your specialty?" I love to hear the responses to this question. Many are not prepared for it and they struggle a bit to answer it. They are not sure if it is OK to shine brightly. They have done it before, only to be beaten down by the comment, "I am good at that too", or "wow, I never would have guessed that." or even worse, "wow, you sure think a lot of yourself, (said in a condescending way), don't you?"

When we give others our permission to be great, they rise to new levels. It is a fact, that once a person declares in a positive way, who they are and what they stand for, they become more committed to that vision of themselves. The more we can get them to state who they really are, the more capable they are of living to that standard. I never understand why we would want anything less.

I am a firm believer that my certainty about who I am, is directly correlated to my ability to help other people become who they really are. I am constantly amazed to receive the question, "what do you do?" I don't really know how to answer that question. I feel more comfortable answering this question, "who are you?" My answer to that question is much more sure and reliable – "I am Andrew Thorn, my specialty is seeing the strengths in others and inspiring them to live up to their potential." 

What is your specialty?

Do you allow yourself to shine the light of certainty on those you lead?

Are you leading in such a way that allows others the chance to shine brightly too?

Consider these questions from a positive point of view. Rid yourself of all negative feelings and just allow your self to see what it would be like to lead from a position of certainty. The better you is waiting for you at the other side of this personal reflection. I can't wait to see you shine! I double dog dare you to do it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I Believe In Santa Claus

I particularly enjoy the giving of gifts that is so closely associated with this time of year. I like to think of things that will brighten the faces of my children or that will express my love for my beautiful wife. I love thinking of my clients and friends and considering their individual needs and then coming up with something that will demonstrate that I see them and that I know them. 

I don't mind that our society now sees Christmas more as an opportunity to stimulate the economy than as a Holy Day. I am not bothered by Black Friday and Cyber Monday, because I understand the root of the message. I know that even though many have forgotten; Christmas is about the ultimate gift that we were all given by a loving God. I realize that for some, this message is one sided, but for me, this great gift is offered to everyone. Even the story of Santa is a symbol of this great truth. Santa seeks to fulfill our hopes and dreams with no thought of receiving anything in return. 

Even if you are unable to connect with the message of the ultimate gift, I hope that you will allow yourself to connect to a truth that transcends all religions: It is better to give than receive. 

The New Me

I love the new year, because it gives me an opportunity to dream about the future me. I love thinking about the goals and aspirations that will birth the new me. The new year is a time to thank and appreciate the old me and then to say goodbye to that previous me.

I love the feeling that I am free to invent a new and more excellent me. I am not a static being. I am a dynamic being full of hope and potential. I love to think about what I may become. I love to engage in dreaming about meeting the future me. 

If Every Day Could Be Just Like Christmas

Elvis sings a great Christmas song titled, If Every Day Could Be Just Like Christmas. Of course, the message of the song is that if we could live that way, it would be a wonderful world. Long live the King!

What does Christmas mean to you?

How do you remember it?

What do you want for yourself in the New Year?

How much thought do you put into making and keeping your resolutions?

My desires for you at this time of year are pure and sincere. I wish for you to hear a message of hope. Please do not hear a message of conversion or judgment. I am simply sharing with you, one of my most beautiful beliefs. Please receive it in the spirit of love, in which it is expressed.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

So many of us live in denial of this truth. I was reminded of this last night when I listened to President Obama's speech on the war in Afghanistan. What good is this or any war doing? Can they really solve the problems the people in the war zones are experiencing? Can they bring the different sides together and foster an opportunity for those who want something different to express what they want in a peaceful and safe way?

I understand that many think this is the only way to bring peace, but when has it ever worked? Why do we still think it will?

Precious Moments

We are constantly missing the most precious moments of this existence because we are so deeply concerned about the business side of things. We see it in every setting.

Countries fail to export their best behaviors, because they are so concerned about selling the world their national products.

Businesses constantly proclaim that their people are their most important assets and we constantly see them treating them like assets, generally failing to develop them individually.

Churches are constantly proclaiming a message of hell, fire and damnation, even though their founders preached life and salvation.

In our homes, many of us worship the god of achievement and the gain of material wealth. We live right next to each other for many years without ever seeing the fruit of intimacy. Our children move out and our parents hardly know each other.

Business is important, but it is not why we are here. Why do we have such a hard time seeing this? 

Seeing Each Other

Of course, I understand that each of us actually feels the truth of what I am saying above. I have no doubt that our country leaders, our business leaders, our religious leaders and our parents know this truth. Yet for some strange reason, we allow ourselves to continue to believe that war, deceptive strategies, finger pointing and many other destructive policies can actually create something as beautiful as world peace.

Destructive principles can never yield creative energy. It is an impossibility. We can no longer listen to leaders who invite us to work on teams of demolition. Instead we must individually demand leaders who are constantly looking for ways to elevate the world and make it a better place. 

This would be easy, If we could simply begin each day with a desire to see the other as one with us. All we really have to do is see the similarities that so clearly exist. If we could reach for that vision instead of a vision of our differences and how we must convert those we meet to be like us, the world would be a better place.

Changing Society

I use to imagine that I wanted to do something so great that the world would be changed. I don't imagine that any more. I love the world the way it is. There is so much abundance here. I love sharing it with you and having you share it with me.

Now, I wish to play a small role in changing society, because I can clearly see that it is our societies, not the world, that need to be improved. 

Somehow we have forgotten what it means to love each other. So many of our societal truths teach us that we must fear each other, sue each other and even hate each other, if we really want to get and keep what we want. What a message!

A Beautiful City

Together, you and I can build a beautiful city. One in which there is no fear or hate. The key is to love each other. I truly believe that it is possible to do this, and I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before. 

I pledge to act accordingly. I promise to let you in with a smile when you turn your blinker on today. I promise to help you when you are struggling to put your carry-on bag in the overhead compartment. I promise to pray that you will receive the blessings you need without any fear that if you get what you want, there won't be enough left over for me. I promise to look for the real you and support you in growing whole, even when you want something different than what I value, because I truly believe that it is possible for us to both get what we want and still live in peace.

We don't need laws to tell us to do these things and we certainly don't want them. We just need to see outside our own need and into the needs of others. I know that individually, we can't meet all the needs that others have, but I am certain that collectively we can. There are so many needs now that we are simply choosing not to see. I invite you to look around and find those that you can meet. That is the world I want to live in. Please join me.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I didn't wait very long to begin working on my plan. I secured the rights to the production and then began working on a venue. I live in a very small town, and at the time there was only one place where we could do such a show. Unfortunately, I hit some road blocks and discovered, that the venue was not available. My efforts were stymied and I had to put the dream on hold. I told myself again, that "someday" I would pick back up from where I left off and make it happen.

Any Dream Will Do

Last year, as I was driving to a distant appointment, I pulled out my music collection and began searching for some music. In my search, I saw the music for Joseph. It had been a while since I had heard it, so I abandoned my original search and put the music on.

The music moved me, and I reconnected with my desire to be Joseph. My brother Danny called me during those moments. I had just finished a big project and he wanted to know what I was going to do next. I declared in that moment, "I am going to be Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". He wondered aloud how I would make something like that happen and I told him that I didn't know, but that I knew that I was going to do it.

Making It Happen

Two months later, Danny called and said that he was embarking on a dream of his own, a dream to form a production company, with a vision of bringing quality entertainment to our area. He wanted to know if I was serious about being Joseph and if I was, if I would allow his new production company to produce it.

Up until that moment, I did not know how I would make my dream come true. I had no desire to produce or direct the show. I just wanted to be in the role. I was not actively seeking to make it happen. I had spoken the dream and put it in motion again, but I really wasn't doing anything to make it happen. This invitation took my dream to a new level. It made it a reality. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, became a wonderful opportunity for both of us to live a dream.

It was not easy to fit it into my busy schedule. I did it because I wanted to model what I believe. That is that if we want to have a balanced life we must be constantly pushing ourselves to new levels in all aspects of our life. We are created to be continuously improving. We only feel out of balance when we are resting or neglecting important areas of our life. 

Someday Is Today

I learned from this experience, that the word “someday” generally robs us of the opportunities that would shape us and form us. “Someday” rarely comes – it merely stands as a mirage of hope in our lives. Now is the time to be who we always wanted to be. I will never wait for someday again, for now I know, that "Someday is Today".

Making Our Dreams Come True

I am constantly examining the aspirations that I dream for my life. I hold them up so that I can see them in broad daylight. I know that if I want to fulfill them, I must identify the commitments that will make them real. Then I must determine if I am truly willing to live according to those commitments. This analysis focuses my time on the things that really matter most. As a result, I am constantly reaching to become my best.

I want the same for you. I am certain, that you have told yourself that "someday" you will do something. I am sure that they are things that will require you to stretch so that you can develop the talents that you possess. That is why you have not done them yet, and that is why, if you don't reconnect with them soon, you may wake up and realize that "someday" was yesterday. I want your "someday" to be today. I want you to wake-up and give yourself the permission you need to stretch for something more. 

What dreams are you holding for "someday"?

What will it take for you to start today?

You don't have to wait any longer. You can make it happen now!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The evaluation consisted of 60 statements that were designed to probe the levels of agreement between my own awareness and the perceptions of those I invited to participate. All of the questions were focused on evaluation my key leader behaviors.

Seeing Things As The Really Are

I responded as honest as I could, and I wondered if those closest to me were seeing me in the same light. I wanted to believe that they were, but I really didn't know what to expect. I remember feeling a little nervous as I waited to receive my report. 

When the results came, I was happy to see, that for the most part, my responses were consistent with the responses of my stakeholders. However, the responses on one particular statement really caught me off guard. I had marked "strongly agree" for the statement "Follows through on his promises". The feedback from my peers and boss was consistent with my own assessment, but my direct reports ranked me a combined "slightly disagree". 

I remember feeling hurt by this feedback. I could see that five of the eight people that rated me expressed some level of agreement with the statement, but the other three were on the extreme lower end of the scale.

Making Sense Of The Data

I could not understand how this could possibly be. Keeping my promises was something that I thought I always did. I didn't feel like I had anybody on my team that was upset with me and I could not think of any examples to substantiate the perceptions of my three low raters. I understood that there must be some truth to their comments, but I just couldn't make sense of it.

I spoke to the assessment company and they suggested that I speak openly with one of my direct reports about my confusion and ask that person to help me identify situations in which this rating would be valid. I selected my most trusted report and asked him if he would be willing to discuss it with me. He willingly agreed. I must confess that I selected this person, because I was sure that he gave me one of the higher ratings that I received and I felt like he would tell me that the low ratings must have been some sort of a mistake. 

When we went over my report, I told him that I was very happy with most of my results, and I also mentioned my pain in receiving the low ratings on the item corresponding to following through on my promises. I said that I was having trouble understanding this feedback. I asked him if he could help me understand it, even though, I said out loud, that I was sure he disagreed with it.

Learning and Accepting The Truth

What he said next surprised me. He freely admitted that he had given me one of the lower ratings. I didn't know how to respond. I was stunned by this revelation. I felt betrayed, and I could feel myself becoming defensive, but I really wanted to understand why this person, who was so close to me, would rate me this way. He offered to explain why and I was willing to listen. 

He then recited several instances when I had  agreed to proceed in a certain way and either failed to follow through or moved in a different direction. To me, these were minor infractions (see how I began to defend myself), but to him, they were fairly major breaches of trust. I did my best to hear him out without debating his perceptions. When he left, I thanked him for being open with me, and I assured him that I would get better at keeping the promises that I made to him and our staff. I was grateful for this eye opening experience and I really did resolve to get better.

Getting The Feedback You Need To Improve

The 360 process is one of the easiest ways to get the feedback that each of us needs to become our best. Regularly engaging in this process, helps us to make sure that we can see the gaps between our own perception of reality and the reality that others are perceiving. It helps us to see things as they really are. I can't imagine leading without the information it provides, even when those results prove to be painful. The perceptions of our key stakeholders are not formed by the questions on the evaluation. The questions simply provide a forum for our stakeholders to anonymously give us the information we need to get better. 

I learned from my first experience with 360 feedback, that it is very important to follow-up with the people who give me the gift of feedback by evaluating my behaviors. I always thank them for their participation. Then I share with them one or two thoughts about the positive feedback that I really enjoyed receiving. Finally, I review with them a couple of lower rated items that I desire to improve. I ask them to clarify any misunderstandings that I might feel, and then I ask them to give me some positive, forward looking statements, that will help me improve. Approaching it this way, always helps me get the most out of my 360 reports.

Have you ever participated in your own 360 assessment? If so, when was the last time did it?

I believe that it is just as important to receive an annual check-up on the health of our leader behaviors, as it is to get a check-up on our physical and fiscal health. Perhaps you have a professional on your team that is already providing you with these important evaluations, or maybe you are looking for someone to help you see what you are not seeing. If you are interested in getting this type of feedback, please contact me and I will be happy to discuss how I can guide you through this process. The Dr. is in the house.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548