I am involved a frivolous dispute with a freelance partner. We entered into an agreement without documenting the finer points and now we are both arguing for unspecified ground. Though I feel wronged, I admit that I am equally to blame for the mismanagement of this situation. Sadly, we have reached a point where we are both going to lose. There may be short term gains, but the relationship, which was established several years ago, will not survive.
The Dark Path
The details of the dispute are unimportant. Suffice it to say, that we each understood the agreement differently and expected something different from the other. When we discovered that our understandings did not match, we both dug in and took a stand for what we thought was right. This only led to more misunderstandings and a rise in temperature.
Our negotiations reached a boiling point yesterday. My partner chose to limit our conversations to email, which added to our inability to communicate effectively and resolve the issue. After a long day of virtual bickering, we both were ready to end all conversations. It seemed like there was no way for both of us to get what we want, so we both were ready to bitterly part ways. Neither one of us wanted that, but we weren't willing or able to find a compromise either.
Integrity
I awoke this morning with thoughts of this conflict. I marveled at the amount of wasted energy, and the simpleness of the dispute. I can see no value in sticking to my position, nor can I see any value in moving forward without resolving the issue or at least getting a part of what I want. We have entered the realm of lose / lose.
The more I thought about it, the more I began to see a value proposition that made sense: I desire to be a man of integrity, and integrity is not situational. By that, I mean that my ability to stand in integrity is not dependent on the other person's ability to do the same. The blessing of integrity comes to those who act justly, even when they feel like they are being dealt with in an unjust way.
I am not going to get what I want. I did not ensure that outcome in the beginning by clarifying what it was that I wanted, so I am unable to get it now. I am responsible for the situation and it is now i get to choose whether I will be a victim or a victor. It is simply my choice.
All it requires is for me to fulfill his version of the agreement. This means that I must let go of the wrong I feel and embrace what he feels is right. The monetary requirement is very small, meaning that it is not worth the negative energy that is being generated.
What Is The Price?
This time the price ($) is small, so it is easy to come to this conclusion, but my wandering mind is wondering where the line would be drawn. In this case, a quality product was created, the dispute is over expectations unrelated to that fact. There is now no future relationship, but the present is still important. I am sure there are times when an inferior product is delivered that it is not worth behaving in this way. Standing in integrity does not mean that we allow others to walk over us, it simply means that we will do the right thing. I think we generally know the right thing, and if we listen to what is going on inside of us, we can summon the courage to do it.
It may seem unfair or unjust to concede the point with no compensation, but I have learned that the quicker I resolve negative issues, the sooner I am able to focus on the positive ones.
What do you do when you feel like you have been dealt with in an unjust way?
How do clear the issue so that you can move forward?
What is the price of your integrity?
As I write, I notice that I continue to feel bitter about the situation, but interestingly enough, I feel good about my decision. That is really all that matters to me. That feeling gives me the peace to move forward without looking back. There will always be conflict, but that does not mean that there must also be a conflicted soul. I choose to step above the fray and move on. I hope, that in your world, you will do the same.
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