Recently, I played a part in a drama production. I was cast as the bad guy, something that I have never done before. I think of myself as the good guy so it was a bit difficult to get into character, especially this one. I really didn't want to do it at first. It was a dark role for me and I like standing in the light. I was very glad when the show was over because of the cloud that I felt portraying this role.
This role required me to be someone very different than I am. I wore makeup to make me appear pale and ghastly. My fingernails were painted black. The clothing I wore was black with red highlights. While on stage, I was required to be nervous and angry all the time. My job was to confront people and make them feel less than. There was no love in my heart as I portrayed this role.
The Price For Pretending
Putting on the make-up and the clothing made it possible for me to transition into this role. Those that know me, said I was very scary. My brother also played a part in the show. He was one of the light bearers, and my character confronted his character in one of our scenes together. He told me that either I really hated him or I was one of the best actors he had ever worked with. Those that did not know me before the show, now have an evil image of me and think that I am really that way. I was pretending to be somebody that I am not, but I did it in a convincing fashion.
An interesting thing happened. After the show was over, I experienced an allergic reaction to the make-up. I have never had to deal with this before. My entire face broke out. It has been very painful, and it continues to hang on, even though more than a week has now passed.
it reminds me, that there is a price to pay for pretending to be someone that we are not. The focus and energy that I used to get into this role influenced me in many ways. It didn't just influence me emotionally, but it also influenced me physically and there are some physical reminders. When we pretend to be somebody we are not, we are going to be discovered. We will eventually be found out, because no matter how good we are, we will not be able to sustain the pretense. Eventually we will tire of the pretense and revert back to being our true self.
Everybody Knows
It is true that we can fool some people into believing that we are somebody that we are not. We sometimes might do this in job interviews or sales calls. Eventually though our true self will come out and if we have behaved in an inauthentic way, there may be a price to pay. For me, the price this time is an undesirable complexion. Other times, I have suffered relationship meltdowns. I have learned that the price is always great when I fail to be the real me.
Have you experienced what I am talking about? What have you learned from these types of moments? What do you do now, to make sure that you don't keep falling into similar traps? What can you do to help those that may be suffering the consequences of pretending to be somebody else? How can you help them get back on track?
To me, helping others is a great way of putting aside my own pretenses and forgetting my own needs. It helps me rise to the level I enjoy playing at. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
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