Last year, I was invited by my church to participate in an Easter production called The Garden by Michael McLean and Bryce Neubert. The Garden is a musical allegory about life, and about the nature of repentance, faith, hope and love. As a kid, I enjoyed being involved in musical theater, but until last year, I had never really pursued those interests as an adult. The opportunity interested me and so I began to clear my schedule.
I was asked to play the role of the Landlord, which is the dark role representing the influence of Satan. I didn't want to do it at first, because I couldn't really imagine myself playing a dark role. My life is focused on seeking the light, so I didn't want to let any darkness into my character. I struggled with the thought of allowing myself to authentically play the role without gaining a new level of understanding of the real darkness that often influences the world in which we live. I didn't want to act out the confusion and hate that I knew would be directed toward One that I love.
I loved the music that I would be singing, so I agreed to do the part. I struggled with getting into character. I just couldn't let myself portray the darkness that was required to make it real. Two days before opening night, I was still refusing to go the distance. Suddenly, a burst of light entered my mind as I was running. I saw an image of the impact of the show if I did not do justice to the part. I realized that if I did not allow myself to get into character, the people watching would not recognize or feel how darkness really feels. They would see it as humorous instead of dangerous. Then, I knew that it was OK for me to let it all out. In that moment, I gave myself permission to portray this evil in such a way that those watching would feel its reality. From that point on, the fear of becoming lost in the darkness departed from my soul.
The show was a success, and many people commented that I was an incredible "bad guy" and that they were sure glad to know that I was on the good side. Many said that I made them feel uncomfortable, and that I successfully captured the darkness of evil. It took a lot energy to get to that point. I was thankful to authentically play that role, but even more thankful that it was behind me.
My Amazing Dreamcoat Experience
My efforts in The Garden, opened the door for an amazing community theater experience. Shortly after, I was cast in the title role of Joseph, in Andrew Lloyd Weber's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
This role seemed much more comfortable for me. I identified with the role and felt like it was a role that I was born to play. I loved the experience and enjoyed singing and dancing in my very own amazing technicolor dreamcoat. It was great to play a light bearing role.
I had no problem getting into character. The biggest challenge was preparing to be onstage in nothing more than a loin cloth. I was exercising a lot and eating very little. This time, it took very little emotional energy, but every ounce of physical energy that I had to prepare for the part.
The happiness and disappointment I felt in the show were easy to portray because they reflected many similar experiences that I had faced in my own life. The show was a success. When it was all over, the people spoke of how much they enjoyed my energy and how comfortable I looked on stage. At the end of each rehearsal and show, I felt energetic and ready for more. I truly felt like I was in my element.
The Next Level
Before my run as Joseph was over, I was approached by a new director with a request to play the role of Jesus in the musical production of Godspell. I enjoyed breathing life into the directors dream, but I kindly declined the request.
The director wouldn't take no for an answer. I gave him all my excuses – I believed Godspell was a sacrilegious experience, I didn't want to be involved in something that would make a mockery of the teachings of Jesus, I thought the show was goofy, and I didn't have time. He patiently broke through all of those excuses, which left me with only one – I really didn't think that I could authentically play the role of Jesus. I didn't even know how to approach it – I felt like a hypocrite even trying. He assured me that I could do it, and I eventually listened to the music and decided to play the role.
Interestingly enough, my permission to play this light role came in a similar way that the permission came to play the dark role. I was out running and contemplating the possibility. I just didn't feel like I could do it. I knew there would be people who would say, "who does he think he is?" I knew that I would need to raise myself to a new standard of living and take one more step toward perfection. I worried that I would somehow fail. Suddenly, I heard a voice saying, "Andrew, this your opportunity to prepare the way for me. You don't have to be like me, or carry my weight – I will do it for you. I will breathe the life into you, that will you need to represent me." The message was beautiful and freed me to deeply embrace the role.
Our show opened last week, and we are now entering the second week of our three week run. I can't adequately describe the experiences that I have had and the emotions I have felt as I have prepared for this role. In the daytime, I still do not feel capable of playing this role, but something happens when we open the show. I am able to raise myself to a new level.
The experience is draining, At the end of each show, I am totally spent. The person who betrays me is someone that I really love, and I feel the emotions over and over again of being betrayed by someone I love. The people in the cast are people that I really love, and the experience of saying goodbye to them moves me to shed very real tears every time we play that scene. The desire to escape is just as real as my willingness to submit my will to the will of my Father. The pain of the crucifixion scenes are intense. Dying and being carried around by those who love me is surreal. Coming back to life and seeing the joy on the faces of loving disciples is exquisite. Words cannot describe the whole experience. I wish you could witness and even see it through my eyes.
There are people who have seen me in all three productions and at the end of this show, they are saying that this is my finest hour. I feel what they mean.
The Road To Redemption
I share this story with you, because it is not just my story, it is our story. I never thought last April, that over the course of the coming year I would play the roles of Satan, Joseph and Jesus. That is quite a progression. Thankfully I moved in ascending spirals and not in the dreaded downward spiral patterns.
Naturally, we are all captivated by the energy of this world. The world tells us that we can float without purpose, that we can do whatever feels good, and that there will be no lasting consequences. The world is wrong.
We must be anxiously engaged in making forward progress. There are things we do today, that seem ok, but tomorrow we will realize that they cause us pain. We must learn how to move forward and leave them behind. That journey is made more difficult, even impossible, when we attempt to do it by ourselves. We need to follow the One who advocates so lovingly for our redemption. The dark ways of the world, no matter how enticing, can only lead us to the cruel cul-de-sacs sin and despair.
Where are you at in your journey toward the light?
Are you making progress?
What is your next step?
I am thankful for the spiritual intelligence that I posses and the impact that it has in my life. I invite you to develop your own. I love you for who you are and I look forward to watching you grow. As one who has studied and portrayed both light and darkness, please accept my findings. The dark paths of the world bring fear, confusion, worry, despair, frustrations, feelings that we are not good enough and hate. The paths of light bring us peace, understanding, acceptance, happiness, goodness and love. Where do you stand?
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