How much time did you spend this week reflecting about what is going on around you and planning your life?

What are you afraid of? Is your fear keeping you from acting courageously?

Do you know why you get up in the morning? Is your purpose clearly defined?

I ask you to consider these questions because they are directly related with the responses gathered from a one question survey of older adults (+ 75). The question is a simple one – "If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?"

I think the answer to this question is pertinent to all of us, but especially to those of us who still have the greater portion of the second half of their life to live. Are you as interested as I am in the responses? Do you think the responses can help you make a course correction if needed?

Trick Questions

Your answers to the questions I asked you to consider at the beginning of this post are very important. That is because the questions are closely correlated with the top three answers the seniors gave in the one questions survey. They said that if they could live their life over, they would do the following:

1. Spend more time reflecting on life.
   
2. Act more courageously.
3. Clarify earlier in their life their individual purpose.

Take a look again at your answers. Are you satisfied with your responses? Are you spending enough time in these areas to help you make meaning out of your life? It is your life to live and I affirm that now, is the most valuable resource you have. Use it wisely.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

These questions are the result of my brainstorming what I want in 2011. I just turned my hands loose and started letting them flow from me without thinking. Some questions led to other questions, but there really was no thought in the order, or restraint on my part. I just let them flow from me.

Reflection

About three quarters of the way through I noticed that I was not proposing any "why" questions. As this fact bubbled out of my subconscious and into my conscious thought I asked myself, "why not"? I determined that it was because the "why" questions do not empower me to be my best. They do not help me in any way. 

What questions are you asking yourself?

How will they help you become your best?

I am not seeking for life's answers. Instead, I am living in the question.

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Staying In Shape

As I age, I notice that I must do different things to stay in shape. I still consider myself an aggressive runner, but I can't run like I did five years ago, so I run at a new pace. The intensity of my workouts is changing, but the energy expressed is nearly the same.

One thing remains constant: a nutritional diet is a key ingredient to living a healthy life style. If I want to look good, then I must eat good. It is a pretty simple formula to follow.

Special K

Recently, there has been a lot of talk in our area, about the Special K diet. The claim is that if you eat a bowl of Special K for breakfast, another bowl of Special K for lunch and then, a sensible dinner you will lose the weight you need to lose to get into your skinny jeans. 

The reason Kellogg believes that it can make this claim is because they say Special K has all of the nutrients your body needs. The theory is that if you put the right things in your body, then your body will be at its best.

The World Around Us

I have no doubt that the theory behind the Special K diet is correct and that if you follow the plan, you will see the results it claims you will get. I bet most of you agree with me, that when we put the right nutrients in our body, we are able to get in our best physical shape.

We understand the concept of watching what we eat, but for some reason, we give little though to what we put in our mind. Perhaps we do think about it, but we do very little to make sure we are not subjected to the garbage on our airwaves.

When I was a kid, I remember campaigns against questionable shows. If it pushed the envelope too far, our parents and grandparents wrote letters to let the network know that we were not happy. Now, it seems we are not happy if it is not pushing the envelope beyond previous marks.

It is not just the shows anymore, the commercials are full of suggestive material that is hard to describe without using the word filth. These commercials come on in the middle of good shows. Those in favor of allowing shows on diverse topics once said, if you don't like the show, then change the channel, but now you can like the show but still feel compelled to change the channel because of the commercials. There just is very little of high quality and standards on anymore.

What To Do?

I know we can't just hide our head in the sand, but we need to be aware of what we are allowing in our homes and in our minds. There is an impact. James Allen described that impact best when he restated a verse from Psalms – "As a man thinketh, so shall he become."

What are you allowing in your home?

How do you protect yourself and your family from destructive media?

Are your standards working to elevate your thoughts?

Our mental fitness is just as important as our physical fitness. We must be careful about what we let into our minds or we will suffer a decaying consequence. Virtue of thought is a critical part of our ability to become our best. I leave you with this quote from Benjamin Franklin:

"It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain, that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous."

Live Today! Love Today!

Dr. Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Family Ties

This week, I have been in the mountains with my original family. By that, I mean my mother, my uncles and aunts, and my brothers and sisters. Our children are with us, but they are not the focus of this event. Instead, we are focusing on the people that brought us all together – our ancestors. 

It is fun to be together. The memories of the good old days are constantly on our minds. However, the common purpose that brings us together is not strong enough to overcome our individual differences and perspectives. This is made evident by the story telling that is going on. I have heard many different versions of the same story. Each witness learned different things or understood different intentions. 

The Same Difference

Many of the same events shaped our growth and development, but the level of diversity that is found within our own family amazes me. The fact that we came from the same background makes it very easy for me to believe that we are the same, and that we see things the same way. I often find this assumption to be very wrong. Sometimes, I am unable to let go of it before a lack of respect is felt, or an offense is taken. Is it any wonder that many of us struggle so much when we are engaged in teaming with people who grew up in very different homes and with different values? 

The work of diversity and inclusion is something very dear to my heart and a driving force of my work. Nevertheless, I find it difficult to put on my working hat when I am with my family. The pull of our similar experiences makes it difficult for me to see each person individually. But when I am able to see things with my eyes open, I discover the most wonderful differences. 

Some of these differences are so surprising that I find myself wondering how they are possible. These are the ones that are difficult to accept. Thankfully, I have learned that acceptance is not what most of us want. Instead, we hunger for understanding.

A More Perfect Union

Once, we feel understood, our need to be accepted is significantly diminished. This is because the most passive forms of acceptance come from external sources. True acceptance comes from within. It cannot be given; it must be felt internally.

Understanding on the other hand requires an active effort. It only comes when we allow ourselves to see what someone else is seeing. To gain it, we must open our mind and suspend our own judgments and assumptions. It does not require acceptance, it simply requires us to see the other. It is enough to be seen, and once we are seen we begin to accept our self. Understanding leads to self-awareness, which leads to acceptance.

When we understand each other, we are able to produce amazing results. Understanding provides the freedom to contribute our differences for the good of the whole in a way that acceptance never can. Understanding allows me to be different instead of forcing me to become the same. It provides a greater sense of value, which leads to me becoming and sharing my best.

Is your goal to accept, or understand others?

What can you do to be a better listener?

Are you willing to see people as they are instead of as you think they should be?

There is no escaping diversity. It is found in even the most similar groups. This is a fact for which we should feel an immense amount of gratitude. After all, if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Sometimes, my work interferes, but I do my best to be here and to be a part of their lives. I was not born a father, and so I have learned many lessons along the way to becoming the father I am today, and I realize that I still have so much to learn.

I have experienced many honors, earned many degrees and enjoyed many breakthroughs in my work, but none them compare to the thrill I feel when one of my children call me dad. Their beautiful faces inspire me and fuel my desire to reach for the next level.

Consequently, I have come to understand that the greatest work I will ever do is within the walls of my own home. It is here that I will leave a mark that cannot be erased. It is here that my legacy will be formed. Thank you Christina, Jacob, Joseph, John, Sarah, Rebekah and Leah. You make it so easy to be happy and to put other interests in their proper perspective. Thank you Stacy for creating this beautiful family with me and for continually breathing life into our dreams.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

Which of these stories are you believing? What is consuming your focus and energy? I do not deny the fact that we are living in tough times, nor do I refute the fact that this is a time of great opportunity. You are free to choose where you want to look. 

Point Your View

Simply looking at either side will not change your circumstances, but it will change your mood. If you are angry, then you will sink into despair. If you are happy, then you will find the joy in life. The energy generated from either, will determine your ability to stagnate or grow.

We have the power to invent a new reality. Our circumstances must never dictate our life. They simply serve as defining moments that challenge us to rise above or enlarge. Our level of willingness to persevere when the going gets tough eventually creates the results of life. Rarely, do we get the result we want overnight. If it were that easy, everybody would be living in a weakened and false state.

Consider the economy of the past ten years. Many people prospered without doing a thing. They bought a home and watched the value rise with no effort of their own. Rather than save and prepare for what we all knew would eventually happen, they borrowed and spent at inflated values. Now they are shackled by the despair of the times and unable to take full advantage of the opportunities of the day.

Stick To It

Regardless of your current circumstances, you must learn to be in a state of never ending progress. Persistence is an interesting word. Sometimes we think it means to aggressively move forward without regard for form or style. We think it means to put our heads down and move forward, never letting any obstacle get in our way.

That is a part of the definition, but by itself, that definition will lead us to the cliffs of insanity. Persistence is actually only slightly related to aggressive movement. In reality, persistence is a quality of patience. When we face difficult times, we must face them patiently. We cannot panic. If we do, we end up choosing unwisely. Persistence resolves many obstacles when we take the time to understand.

Stop – Look – Listen

We were taught a very simple formula in Kindergarten. Do you remember what it was? We learned it on our first day of school. Our parents and teachers wanted to make sure that we were safe, so they taught us the steps to success. Stop – Look – Listen. Those magic steps will work for you today. 

As you face your challenges, do not despair. Instead, stop what you are doing. You need a break. You need the opportunity to examine possibility. You need to pause from the weary road and rest.

While you are stopped, look around to see if there is any danger. This will give you the opportunity to identify the safest and most successful path. 

Be careful. There will be some paths to nowhere that seem very enticing. You must take the time to listen carefully, especially to your own inner voice.

What are you focusing on? Feast or Famine?

Do you take the time to see things as they really are before you make important decisions?

Are you ready to take the positive path?

As we patiently persist, we are rewarded with the power to be our best. Some experiences chip away our rough exteriors in ways that seem to hurt, but when we turn and look back at them, we can see their polishing effect. Today is a day to see the best in what today has to offer. Look ahead and be happy!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Our first Valentine's day together came nearly six months after we were married. I didn't create anything to celebrate the experience. No flowers, no dinner, not even a card. In my mind, I had already won the love of my beautiful wife, so I didn't think I needed any help from Cupid. 

Two Dozen Roses

I will never forget the sick feeling I had in my stomach when I realized how badly I had hurt my wife. I was innocently ignorant, but I had significantly neglected the woman I love and adore. She never said a thing about it. She didn't have to. I picked up on the cues. She was not angry, she was disappointed. Oh, how that stung to have been the cause of her sorrow.

Now, in addition to whatever else I might do for her on that magical day, I have been sure to bring home two dozen roses. One dozen is for the current year, and one for the year I forgot. I want her to know that I always remember her and that I always want her to be my Valentine.

Love Fulfills and Completes

Since that time, I have begun to understand that love, true love, the kind of love that never tires, is not sustained by the things we buy for the love of our life. We just can't go around buying anything and everything the heart and mind of the one we love desires. Even if we had enough money to do so, it would never truly be possible to completely satisfy our love in that way, because there would always be another need. Fulfillment would be impossible.

The intimate relationships that are formed by true love are meant to be completing relationships. They become full when we learn how to lift, inspire and support each other. The material gifts we give remind us of our love, but they can never be enough. The real gift, is the act of becoming one. In order to do so, we must be tuned in enough to know what the love our life needs. We must always be listening for the cues, both verbalized and unverbalized, that require our action.

I Treasure You!

If you truly want to treasure your love, then you must be willing to make loving the most important aspect of your life. You can only take love to the next level by putting it first every single day. Stacy and I will soon celebrate 22 years of marriage. I can honestly say that I love her now more than ever, that she is more beautiful right now than she has ever been, and that I respect her now more than ever before.

The amazing thing to me, is that I realize that tomorrow I will feel for her even more strongly and I will look back and consider my love of today immature. My love is going to keep on growing, because I am going to continue to treasure her and see her for all of her potential. I am aware that doing so takes work, but it is worth it.

Here are some questions that I use to help me stay on track:

Am I stopping to look at the one I love in the eyes when we are speaking to each other?

Do I hear and respond to the simple requests that are not necessarily directed at me? 

Do the words I use denote appreciation, adoration and admiration?

Let me assure you, there are many days when doing the dishes or taking out the trash is more meaningful than having a dozen roses delivered. A kind word,a smile, a tender embrace, a small act of service, a compliment, or grateful recognition of the many things done on my behalf, are gifts that I can give every day. They are the signs of my love. They give the words meaning and power. Happy Valentine's day Stacy – You Complete Me!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I felt stunned when I received the news. My mind turned to our many interactions over the years. I thought of the good times and the bad times, the happy times and the sad times. These memories flooded my mind as I attempted to make sense of this senseless accident. It was very difficult for me to believe that this news was true. I did not want to accept it.

This Is Our Moment

My friend is gone. His time in this world is over, but you and I are still here. We cannot guarantee that we will be here beyond this moment, so we must make every moment matter.

He did not know when he left work that it would be his last moment. I am not sure if he called to tell his wife and children that he was on his way home and that he loved them. I am not sure if he lived his last day in alignment with the things that mattered most to him, or if he spent it doing the dumb things that he thought he had to do. I am sure, that like the rest of us, he thought he had a lot of time to do these things. He was wrong.

This is our moment. We cannot waste it with thoughts that another time will come. We must act now. We must learn to be the person that we dream of being. We cannot wait for someday, because it may never come.

The Meaning of Life

Life is about loving and living in the moment. We create our own individual experiences. The choices we make, shape our reality. They birth our meaningful moments. We must be anxiously engaged in becoming our very best. We can do that by standing a little taller each and every day. We must not be afraid of becoming better. We must not waste our moments engaged in non-productive activities. Even our moments of rest, can be purposefully focused on building our legacy.

Are you giving the least, to those who matter most?

Who do you love? How do they know?

What can you do to create more purpose in your life?

How can you honor the real you?

This is our moment. No matter how long we live on this planet, it will only be a moment when compared to the span of its life giving existence. Your moments will only matter to those you love. Don't ignore them, cheat them, abuse them, or deny them. Don't get caught in the thick of thin things. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

On Groundhog Day, we created two very special moments. One was a time honored tradition, and the other was a LOST moment.

Tag Your "IT"

For the past 12 years, we have gathered on the front lawn as a family to play Groundhog Tag on Groundhog Day. Some of you may know it as Freeze Tag. One person is "IT" and they run around and try to tag everyone else. If you are tagged, you must freeze. The only way you can become unfrozen is to have one of the other players crawl through the space between your legs and the ground. 

We have a lot of fun playing this game together. I don't know of many 17, 15 and 13 year old boys who are willing to play tag on the front lawn with their Mom and Dad and their 9, 5, and 3 year old sisters. They played and had fun. The older the boys get, the harder it is for them to make it through the legs, and it is very hard for anybody to fit through the little one's legs. 

I am thankful for this tradition and for the time we spend together doing it. Before long they will all be gone, but we will always be able to look out the front window at the lawn and remember being "IT".

Final Season of Lost

Later in the evening we all gathered around the TV to watch the Season Premiere of Lost. The start time was well after bed time for half of the family and the end time was far beyond the bed time of all of the rest of us. We stayed together for the whole show, even though we knew we could watch it on the internet the next day. 

The suspense nearly killed us, but we stuck with it. The girls fell asleep and the boys complained about the many commercial breaks. I enjoyed the breaks, because they gave us time to talk about what we were watching and what we thought would happen next.  We definitely got lost in the moment.

Taking Time Out For Family

Life is hectic, I know and feel that personally. I have come to understand that the most meaningful moments come from taking time out to be with the family. The concerns of the day will wait, and they will always be there. Our children will not wait, and they will not always be there. We must remember to pause and be with them, learn from them and love them.

I am aware that many of you reading do not have kids, but you do have a family. Family relationships are very important and you must do your best to nurture the intimate relationships that you do enjoy.

What are you doing to develop your family relationships?

How can you make the moments more memorable?

How do you want your family to remember you?

From my office, I am watching the sun go down. As it slips behind the rocky slopes of our desert hills, I get a visual reminder of how quickly the moments pass. Be present. You will never look back and say, "I wish I was gone more."

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

This week, we are experiencing some very amazing rain storms. I have lived here twenty years, and I can only remember one other storm during that time period, that even comes close to matching the amount of water we are receiving. 

Too Much Of A Good Thing

We need this rain. Our natural water supplies are low. We are all very excited that it keeps coming down, but we are beginning to experience some pretty significant consequences. It reminds us that too much of a good thing, can actually become, a bad thing. 

This thought has been with me for a while, but I saw a new side of it today as I drove around town to run a few errands. Our town is not built for this much rain. We have several storm washes that guide the water to our reservoirs and rivers, but they are not capable of handling a steady down pour for two days. After a couple of hours, they overflow and begin to find a new path which usually crosses homes and roads indiscriminately. The rain we so desperately need continues to fall, but it is now causing quite a bit of damage.

I have seen a similar thing happen with people. We all need to receive recognition, but I have known those who received so much that it changed them. Their interpersonal pathways become flooded and they begin to behave differently than they normally behave. They become puffed up and full of pride. They lose their ability to help others, because they are so caught up in their own pursuits. When the praise they crave stops, and the flow of compliments resides, we can see the damage to their image and reputation.

Seeking Higher Ground

The quality we must cultivate, to avoid this downfall, is humility. Humility is the great protector. It is the antidote against pride. The proud can only hear the clamor of the crowd, and that prevents them from hearing their own internal correcting voice and the voice of others who would offer the feedback so necessary for improvement. Humility is the catalyst for all learning. It prevents us from overdoing our strengths. 

What are you doing to develop the quality of humility?

Can you see the difference from being humbled and having humility?

Is it possible to demonstrate confidence and humility at the same time?

Humility, is a rare quality to see these days, almost as rare as a rainbow in the High Desert. When we see it in others, we are attracted to them. We want to be around them and we recognize them as true leaders. Because they are open to receiving counsel from above, beside and below, they know who to abandon their pride and lead with authenticity. Their regular review of these diverse perspectives regularly, creates an unusual calmness around them and they become inspiring forces of growth in others. O be humble! It will allow you to receive the nourishing rain of praise without having it run off of your countenance in waste.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548 

This storm is making me excited for spring. I can't wait to see the wildflowers that will bloom as a result of it. 

The table was delivered to the office last year. It is an impressive work of art, even when nobody is sitting around it. I am fortunate enough to see it every day that I work in the office. I marvel at the fact that not a single power tool was used to create its beauty. 

A Symbol of Love

The table is inscribed with a giant banyan tree. In the Hindu culture, the banyan tree is a symbol of unity and wish fulfillment. It certainly lives up to its symbolic nature, but to me it stands for something even greater.

Every day, when I walk into my office, I am reminded of my beautiful wife and her never ending support for my efforts. She believes in me and that great blessing inspires me to believe in myself. The work that I do is continuously stretching me and creating new opportunities to step up. Sometimes, the seeds of doubt creep in and frustrate my self-belief for a moment. When I find myself wondering if I am up to the task, I take a moment to regard this beautiful table. Every time I do so, I remember the trust and confidence Stacy places in me and I receive the energy I need to act with poise and purpose.

Seeds of Gratitude and Generosity

Remembrance prompts a sense of gratitude. The expression of a grateful heart is usually manifested through some generous act. A thankful heart is more than willing to speak a kind comment or perform an act of service. When we allow ourselves to live in the moments of gratitude, we are reminded that because we have been given much, we too must give. 

Service to others is the natural desire of an enlightened being, and these selfless acts increase our ability to love the other. They create a comfort within us that removes the fear of being passed over and the anguish of living in scarcity.

The abundant life is the result of our conscious choice to live abundantly. Yes, it it a choice we make and we must make it before it can ever be bestowed upon us. Growth is a positive function and it cannot occur when we act defensively. To truly grow, we must be open to the whisperings of the spirit. Those whisperings only come to us when we are willing to do something more than seek after our own agenda. 

What moves you to remembrance?

What evokes gratitude in your heart?

When was the last time you expanded the reaches of your generosity?

I know these are difficult times. Each day, there is bad news. We can fight against that by abandoning our selfish pursuits and meeting the needs of others. We live in abundance. There is a seat for you at our table.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I was fortunate enough to be flying business class, which meant that my seat would fully recline into the flat position. it also meant that I would be one of the first passengers to board. Time seemed to be at a standstill and I wanted to get on that plane pretty bad.

Overzealous Behavior

Finally, they announced that it was OK to board. Because I of my fatigue, I failed to notice a couple of people who were clearly in front of me. I did not run them over, but I definitely behaved in a way that would have made my mother angry with me. I was rude and inconsiderate.

It would be easy to say that I was not aware, and that I just was moving as quickly as I could to get on the plane, but in reality, I purposefully moved in a way that said, "get out of my way", and everybody in my way knew it.

Most of the passengers got out of my way without saying anything, but one man stopped me and said, "why don't you go on ahead. I am sure I will have plenty of time to board and I don't think they will leave without me." He actually said it in one of most loving and caring voices that I have ever heard. There was not a hint of sarcasm or anger in his voice. 

His tone actually woke me up from the "sleep deprived, get-out-of-my-way charge" that I was inflicting upon my fellow passengers. I immediately recognized what I was doing and asked for his forgiveness. He was more than willing to offer it and we boarded the plane together. As we went our separate ways, I thanked him again for sending me a polite wake-up. He was even more polite and said not to worry about it.

Awareness

He was sitting just a couple of seats away from me and as we were preparing to take off, I am overheard a conversation he was having with his seat mate. My new friend was talking about the day he had had. He said that his earlier flight had also been delayed and that he had spent most of the day in the airport trying to get home to his country. The flight we were on was a substitute flight and would not take him home. He was going to have to take another flight before he could get there and this one would make his total delay in getting home about 13 hours.

I knew that if anybody had a right to be uptight, upset and angry, it was this man, yet for some reason he seemed to be the calmest man on board. As I sat in my seat, I thought about what made this possible. Why was it, that this man was able to demonstrate so much patience? What made him so delightful?

As I pondered this experience I actually dug a little deeper and turned my thoughts inward. I am happy person. Like many of you, I have a good life. I like life. So why did I find myself on that day possessing so little patience? Why was I so easily upset by a nominal delay? What was causing me to behave this way.

As I asked myself these questions, I realized that the answer was because I was behaving in a selfish way. Instead of looking around and seeing how I could help others, i was looking around and seeing how I could increase my own advantage. It was then that the real impact of my travel companion's words hit me. Once again, I heard him say in my mind, "why don't you go on ahead. I am sure I will have plenty of time to board and I don't think they will leave without me." That was the key. No matter how fast I boarded, I was not going to get to my destination any quicker. His patience and kindness lifted my spirits and inspired me with a desire to behave the same way. I cringe as I think about what my behavior inspired in others.

Looking Through Selfless Eyes

An observer, would have seen two travelers that day. Both would arrive at their destination at the same time, but one would arrive with a smile and the other with a grimace. After that day, I decided to be the traveller with a smile. It is amazing what a smile and a kind word can do.

What would our world be like if we all behaved in a kind and gentle way?

What is the risk of being kind to others? Are you willing to let it begin with you?

Are you willing to be thoughtful enough to consider your own behavior and how it impacts those around you?

I invite you to behave in a delightful way. The next time somebody cuts you off, smile and let them in. You will deeply appreciate the peace and energy that will come to you from doing such a simple thing. I am not afraid to use myself as an example of what not to do in this post, because through this experience I learned to be a better me. That is why I can authentically promise that when we behave this way, it is worth it.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Each one of these projects is so intense that if I get even one day behind I am toast. They all bring with them significant trials that I have not faced before. The only option I have is to keep moving forward.

The Dream

There is a recurring dream that I have of hope. It goes something like this; in a few weeks, I will be done with these projects. Then I will take a break from all this madness and I will get some rest. I won't have any new commitments so I will be free to do what I want.  I will finally be free from this stress.

This dream is pleasant, but false. I say this, because I know this is not the first time I have had this dream and it has never come true before. Every time I finish a project or pass through a trial, the next one begins and it is always harder and more difficult than anything I have ever experienced before in my life.

Action Filled Days

I am actually thankful for this reality. I can't imagine how boring life would be for me if the rest, I always dream about really did exist. I love rest, but I can only take so much of it. What I love more, is the challenge that comes from raising the bar.

The trials and triumphs that we face, are meant to be soul stretching experiences. They could not fulfill their purpose if we experienced the same ones over and over again. In order to grow, we experience new challenges. 

Sticking With It

The school of life rarely adjourns and when it does, it is only for a brief recess. Sometimes, a new semester begins, before the old one has ended. The degree of difficulty in the course work increases, without a stated willingness that we are ready to progress. Each lesson teaches us that we are capable of so much more than we previously thought possible. 

Passing grades are only passed out to those who are persistent. Our willingness to stick with it, demonstrates a willingness to progress, even in the face of failure. When we step back and look at our history, we see that what looked like a failure in the moment, actually contributed to our biggest and brightest successes. Somehow, we actually carry with us a perfect record. We have passed every test, and the knowledge we gained is always the resource we rely upon most when we are faced with the next level.

Life Is Good!

I am glad life is this way. It makes me happy to reach a new height, set a new standard and raise the bar. Sometimes it does feel overwhelming and I am ok with that. The older I get, the more clearly I see that it is all invented any way. I get what I want, every single time, even when I don't like what I get. 

How do the challenges you faced ten years ago, compare with the ones you are facing now?

Do they seem the same, smaller or bigger?

What do you rely upon most when you are faced with a new project or trial?

How do keep yourself committed in the face of life?

I find myself thinking about this topic because we are now 11 days into the new year. That doesn't seem like a lot of time, but it is enough time to realize that the challenges of life will always be with us. This is true whether it is the the beginning of the year, or the end of the year. Whether we want it or not, life is purposefully designed to take us through loops of continuous improvement.

Welcome to life. Hang on – now let go!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Though this interrogative evokes powerful thoughts, it is not enough to merely think. If we really want to become our best, we must be willing to move our feet. That means doing whatever it takes to get better, which generally involves changing our behavior.

This poses a fairly significant problem. Let’s face it, no one likes to change, especially successful people. Sure, we say we like change, but for some reason we resist it as much as we possibly can. The only time we really like change is when we are acting as the change agents and inviting others to change. The change that we prescribe always tastes better than the change that is prescribed to us.

I love Change

Right now, you may be thinking that you know people, who fit this description, but you really do like change and that you embrace it as often as it is presented to you. It is always easier to see the truth about things in others, but what I am saying is just as true for you as it is for me, and as it is for anybody and everybody else. 

Not convinced? Please take a few moments to consider the last time someone asked you to change, or to do something that you didn’t want to do. What were your reasons for not wanting to do what they asked? Some of the most common reasons are:

• What they wanted didn’t fit my plans.
  
• I didn’t know how to do what they were asking.
  
• I didn’t trust the person who was asking.
  
• I didn’t have time to do what they wanted me to do.
  
• I considered it, but it wasn’t the best solution for me
  
• If they knew me better, they wouldn’t ask me to do this. They would just accept me for who I am.
  

Whatever your reason, and however valid, your reasons and excuses were a direct manifestation of your resistance to the change the other person wanted you to make. Simply put, we don’t like change. We like things to be consistent. We like to be accepted for who we are.

Changing vs. Growing

There is a better word that we can use to describe what we really desire when we call for change. The word of which I speak is “growth”. Growth is most simply defined as an increase by natural development. While many of us are resisting the idea of change, only a few of us resist the idea of growth. We want to grow. Our growth symbolizes our individual maturity. 

Unlike change, which frames its work in terms of what we need to stop doing, growth is always expressed in terms of what we need to start doing. Instead of being told what will happen to us if we don’t stop doing something, we are told how happy we will be, how much better we will feel, and how much more we will have when we grow. 

We accept pain as a part of growth. In fact, we have developed affirmations to deal with the pain. Who among us has never heard the phrase, “no pain no gain”? We understand that we can’t grow if we are protecting ourselves so we let our defenses down and allow ourselves to receive the nourishment, even when it is painful, so that we can become our best. 

At first, growth looks like change, but it is radically different. Change is externally motivated. Growth is internally motivated. Change wants us to be like somebody else. Growth calls us to become our very best.

Leaders Inspire Growth

A leader's main job is to inspire growth. There is no greater feeling than watching someone break through to a new level of awareness. It is thrilling to help somebody develop a behavior that helps them use their strengths more effectively. This is what true leadership is all about. 

Before any of us can help another grow, we must develop a relationship of confidence and trust. Only then will they accept our efforts as being authentic and pure.

What are you doing to develop trust with those around you?

How are you helping them to grow?

If you are a leader, do you understand that your main role is to lift and support others as they become their best?

There will come a point in your career when you will not be able to grow any more without the help of others. Those around you will only be willing to help you if they know you are willing to help them. Don't wait until you are stuck. By that time, it may be too late. Look around and you will see many needs that you can meet right now. Helping others, equals happy days.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

In one group, the people embraced a very similar philosophy and mindset on the proposed topic. The other group was filled with people who represented very different perspectives, viewpoints and backgrounds.

I gained a lot from both experiences, but after a while, I became very bored with the similar group. They definitely had every viewpoint from A to B well represented, but beyond that, it was hard to find any value. Unfortunately, we didn't make much progress in accomplishing our purpose.

The diverse group challenged my thinking. There were view points represented that were difficult for me to comprehend because they were so different than my own. The meeting participants were energetic and courteous. They were not afraid to have their views questioned or examined by the others. They were very open to learning from the other group members.

Understanding Others

I thoroughly enjoyed the meeting with this diverse group and I left with a healthy appreciation and affection for each member. I never felt challenged to change my values, and as a result, I felt safe to open my mind to new ideas. It was a wonderful opportunity for me to examine the beliefs of others. Instead of judging them, I suspended my previous assumptions and allowed myself to see what they see. Because I was willing to extend this courtesy to them, they returned the favor to me.

I discovered that even though my values and opinions remained basically the same, my influence with these new friends increased. This dramatically affected our ability to work together. As a result, we made significant progress on our common interests.

Authentic Leadership

My experiences with these two groups reminded me a of something my brother Larry taught me. Whenever we disagreed, he would say, "if we were all the same, there would be no need for all of us". 

This statement continues to guide my work. I understand that I am most effective when I surround myself with people who think and act much differently than I do. My association with friends of different opinions creates many opportunities to stretch my way of thinking.

Great leaders do not fear the fringes or the edges. They recognize that by creating space for all voices to be heard, they become an authentic agent of chang. Because their influence is felt, their leadership is more highly regarded. When the point of decision arrives, they are seen as credible and trustworthy. 

The Big Picture

Just because we learn to view things from a larger perspective, does not mean that we must abandon our values, it simply means that we learn to see what is going on in the complete system. When we do this, we create solutions that accelerate growth and development.

I realize that it is difficult to suspend our beloved biases and judgments, but it can be done without losing our individual identity. I invite you to consider the following questions:

How willing are you to consider view points that are different from your own?

What benefits come from stretching to see the perspectives of others?

How do you feel when someone takes the time to see things as you see them?

Remember, the real point of leadership is not to change others, but to enroll them in a collaborative effort to achieve a common goal. You are free to draw the line in your personal values, most of us even expect you to do so and respect you when you do. When we become secure in who we are, we become more free opening ourselves up to others, and that is when your effectiveness really soars. 

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

Work / Life Conflict

Before I knew it, the joys of life out shined the call of work. I wanted to get to the office early, but my kids who are out of school for another week, slept in. Normally, this would not have been a problem, but it was my birthday and we have a tradition of opening birthday gifts at breakfast time. Protocol, required me to stay home until the last one was awake.

Fortunately, none of my children are real late sleepers. The last one got up at about 8:30 and we gathered around the kitchen table to open my gifts. 

In my mind, I thought, "ok, there are about five gifts and 10 magnificent works of art to consider. This will take about a half an hour and I will be on my way to the office and on schedule for the day." The fact that I spent the previous two weeks at home, made it easy for me to justify my rush and willingness to leave on my birthday.

There was a big box on the table, bigger than I normally get for my birthday. I hurried though the other gifts and saved it for last. When I opened it, I discovered a beautiful new turntable which makes it possible to create mp3 files from all of my old records.

None of my kids had ever seen a record, let alone heard one played so I went and got the ones that I still own and we began to sing and dance about the house with delight. Three hours later we were still at it. It was a time of great joy for our family. Eventually, the excitement died down enough for me to take a break. I went up stairs to my study. I still planned on going in to the office, but I decided to do a defensive scan of emails and voice mails before I left. 

Life Happens

Just as I was collecting my things, Sarah, my nine year-old daughter who received a new bicycle for Christmas came up and said, "hey dad, remember when you said we could go for a ride on our bikes, well since it is your birthday, we should go for a ride." 

I thought to myself, "I don't have time to do that", but then I looked and her and realized that in that moment, I really didn't have time to do anything else so away we went for a bike ride. It was a beautiful day outside and we enjoyed a ride that went farther than she had ever gone before. Her smile made me forget about any of the things that I had on my list of things to do. I knew I was in the right place at the right time and that everything else could and would wait.

Home Sweet Home

When we arrived back at the house, we played with the turntable again and then I headed back upstairs to gather my stuff. It was late, so I just decided to at home the rest of the day. My list of things was less important than it seemed when I wrote it, and I knew I could finish most of it without going in to the office.

I faced many interruptions and I frequently paused to entertain a friendly call or a child wishing me a happy birthday. It felt like I was treading water until I got to the end of the day. It was then, that I realized that there was only one item on the list that needed to be completed and that was the insignificant task of cleaning my office. 

The Things That Matter Most

I am so glad that I did not let my list get in the way of my time with my family. I understand how fortunate I was to be in a position to make it happen. I realize that the circumstances will not always lend themselves to a full day, but I believe we can always make time for those we love. Our day is never too busy.

When was the last time you called those you love during your work day just to say hello?

Do you hear the simple requests from your children when they want some of your time?

What happens to your energy levels at work after you pause to be a person?

I am certain that the greatest work we will ever do is done within the wall of our own homes. The office will wait and you will be able to get the work done in a timely manner because you will feel the balance that comes from answering the call of your family. It works! Give it a shot.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The New Me

The symbolic beginning of the new year coincides with the celebration of my birthday. Four days after the new year began in 1966, I was born of goodly parents. This special time of year amply affords everyone one of us the opportunity to consider what want from the new year and who we want our new self to become. Is is any wonder that I associate the goals of a new year with the creation of new me?

I am thankful for this double whammy – and equally grateful to know that the new year is a time of renewal for everyone. It is inspiring to see the masses stretching to be better. I love to ask about the goals for the new year, the resolutions and plans for improvement. There is a special energy at this time of year that is focused on becoming someone better. That is what makes the new year such a happy time.

Pressing Forward

I begin this new year full of energy and life. There is a level of certainty within me that is calling me forward with great anticipation. I see such a positive future and I can't wait to get started. 

I have received some new years, with a feeling of fatigue. I did not rush to start them, I waited as long as I could to jump back in the saddle of life. Living at the speed of life can be overwhelming but it is life-giving. I can feel the current and the rapids all around me this year, but I am anxious to jump in and ride them. 

This will be a breakthrough year for me. It is a year when all of my hard work and dedication will pay off. I can see the line forming and I am excited to meet the people who will become my new friends and associates. I can't wait to connect with the successful people who will fill the seats of this wonderful vision.

I know that there is a lot of work ahead of me, but that is what makes it interesting. The Andrew of 2010 will be in motion, constantly pressing forward. I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Going The Distance

I realize that this year will complete only a very few of us, but that does not make our strivings for perfection any less significant. The journey to wholeness is a series of highs and lows. It is a process that engages us every single day of our lives. 

Our greatest challenge is sticking with it. Many of us start out on the path, but very few of us finish. To be a finisher we must be willing to go the distance. Going the distance requires a clear definition of the finish line. 

I invite you to take some time today visualizing the finish line of the projects that you are currently working on. Does the thought of crossing it energize you and lift you up. If it doesn't, it will be difficult to stick with it when the going gets tough. The going is going to get tough. I guarantee it. The goals we pursue that are worth obtaining stretch and try us in ways that we are unable to imagine at the starting line. It is only when we hit the wall of impossibility that we are able to birth a new self. 

Who will you become in 2010?

Can you see the finish line before you line up at the starting line?

Are you willing to do what it takes?

Breaking through to the other side is only possible when we know what is on the other side. We don't know what is there because we have seen it with our physical eyes, we know, because we have seen it in our hearts and minds as we have labored to plan the journey. Today you are standing on the starting line. The past is now behind and insignificant. It is our history, but not our future. You are free from the past. Who do you want to be today!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

The show captured my attention each week. The idea of being anybody I want to be is very appealing to me. In fact, I spent a lot of time in the past trying to figure out who the best me would be. It was a prevailing thought even after I enjoyed serious success in building a business. Fortunately, I eventually discovered my true passion for life.

Who Do You Want To Be Today?

I recognize that is it not uncommon for very successful people to be figuring out who they want to be. Many of the happy people I work with find themselves in this exact position. Success happens to many of us, even when we don't have this figured out.

In my case, I was able to use my selling skills to create an income and an opportunity to provide for my family. That was my main concern, so for a long time it didn't matter that I was working in a profession and a career that I hated. My number one priority was to provide for my family and I accepted the fact that doing so required many sacrifices, even working at something I did not love doing.

I know many others who are working at what they love doing, but they have not reached their potential yet. Their inability to see themselves moving to the next level is what holds them back. They have the talent and the skills, they just need to discover the guts to go for it.

Still others, don't have the faintest idea. They are in the process of discovering who they want to be. They find themselves in the midst of success, knowing that there is something more for them, but not knowing what it is.

Getting Better and Better!

I believe that all of us eventually figure this out. Some just find out later in life and believe that it is too late do anything about it. They live with and accept the saddest of all words, "what might have been" in a numb and painless way.

I never believe it is too late. All we need is a willingness to stick our necks out and take a risk. Everything we do in this life is invented. We are just like Jarod the Pretender. We are brilliant beyond our own understanding. We truly have the power to be whoever we want to be.

Our imagination must never be quelled. We must always be willing to engage in becoming our best. This doesn't mean we need to change jobs or careers. It just means that we are willing to stretch ourselves in ways that will magnify our purpose. I am constantly involved in activities that will more fully reveal the real and authentic me to myself and others.

I understand that in order to become my best, I must be pretending that I can be better. That is where it starts. It starts with a belief that I am capable of growth. I don't know anybody who believes otherwise, but there truly are very few who act the part.

Stepping Up To Greatness

I dare you to be your best. I want you to wake up and see that no matter how wonderful you are, you can be better. Please don't let your current successes smother your desire to be a better you. Just open your eyes and imagine what the best you looks like then start pretending that you are that person. This is how the great ones become extraordinary. They allow themselves to see and believe their dreams. 

When was the last time you engaged yourself in a game of make-believe?

Do you think you can become your best without pretending you are better than you really are?

Are you willing to shake yourself so that you can grow into a more beautiful you?

Now is the time to consider who you will be in 2010. I invite you to begin it with a running start. Think about what it will take for you to rise up and be your best. I know you can do it. The people closest to you are hoping you will do it. We can't wait to see the new you!

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

In doing so, I will keep a promise to my sons. We enjoy this marathon of togetherness and fantasy each year. This wonderful story of the eventual triumph of good over evil invigorates our minds. It is something to behold in its entirety. I can't imagine ever waiting after seeing the first one for the next two episodes to be released.

Tradition

The traditions that we honor in our homes create our legacy. These actions represent our beliefs and values. They create an imprint in our very beings. Our individual beliefs are fashioned after the manner of our time honored traditions. Their impact shapes the way we see life. 

What traditions shaped your individual development?

Are you carrying them on in your own family?

What traditions are you creating that are your own?

There is a wonderful teaching out of Judaism that I truly enjoy. One of their respected Rabbis, posed this question; "Are we to be the grandparents of great men and women, or merely the grandchildren of great men and women?" This invitation to consider how we are treating our posterity and how we are using our time is a beautiful reminder that no success can compensate for failure in the home. "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us…"

Can't wait to spend the day with my Hobbits.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548

I'm just a common man with common thoughts, and I feel I've lived a pretty common life; there will never be any monuments dedicated to me, and undoubtedly my name will soon be forgotten; but I've loved another, with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

What Makes Love Real?

When we are young and in love, we find it hard to get the object of our love out of our mind. I used the word object on purpose, because young love is often an obsessive form of love. We want the person so badly that we are willing to do anything. That attraction can only be sustained for so long. Sooner or later, we discover that we are in love with a real person, not a perfect person.

It can be challenging to sustain the feeling of being "in-love", when the blinders that cover us during the "falling-in-love" experience come off, . So what makes it real?

I think the answer is found in Mr. Akes' quote. It is our commitment to another that makes our love real.  Yes, the fires of love are stoked by frequent acts of selfless service. The power to love can only be maintained by honoring and keeping the commitments we make with each other. True love, the kind that lasts forever, is only sustained by our willingness to love that person with all of our heart and soul. 

Who Do You Love? How Do They Know?

I invite you to think about the people you love today. How to do they know you love them? I hope your answer is not, "because I told them." It is not enough to tell them. You must show them by your actions. Love is a verb and it requires you to act.

What are you doing to demonstrate your love?

Is there a need or a request, that was recently made by a loved one, that remains undone? When do you plan to do it?

At this time of year, many of us are thinking about the great gifts that we want to give our loved ones. Please consider giving something of greater value than what you can buy at the store. Think about giving the gift of yourself. I dare you to give your time and your energy in ways in which you have never given it before. I promise you, that you will feel better about that gift than any of the others found under your tree this year.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn

760-559-3548